Your'e Still the One (18 page)

“No, thanks.” She took a seat, her skittering gaze landing everywhere but on the man sitting across from her.

Matt started to break the ice, then decided to let his father do it. Until the damn silence seemed to last longer than an eight-second ride on a pissed-off bull.

Then Wallace said two words Matt never in his life thought he’d hear him say. “I’m sorry.” Wallace noisily cleared his throat, but his voice still wobbled when he continued. “For abandoning you and your mother. It’s important to me that you know I loved Rosa, and I wanted to be with her. But I already had a wife and son, and I had to protect them.”

Matt stared at the years of guilt and shame etched in his father’s ravaged face. In some perverted way, he had sacrificed for Matt and his mother. He’d been wrong to have the affair in the first place. So much of what his father had done in his life had been wrong, as a parent and a husband, but seeing him in this new light did something funny inside of Matt.

He glanced at Nikki, her expression blank. She always fought hard to control her emotions, but he knew it hurt her to hear this. She’d deserved her father’s loyalty and support as much as Matt. She took a deep breath and her features relaxed, a little sad but not angry. Hell, the man was dying and she probably felt like Matt did...what was the point?

“I resented you for a long time,” Nikki said softly. “At first I didn’t understand why you couldn’t love me, then I was angry because I saw how much you’d hurt Mom. But you know what?” She started to reach for Wallace’s shriveled hand but then pulled back and folded hers on the table. “Mom and I are really close. We had each other, and I never doubted for a single day that she loved me with all her heart.”

Wallace smiled a little. “That’s Rosa. She doted on you.”

“Were you jealous?” Nikki asked, her eyes pools of fresh hurt. “Is that why you stopped coming?” She made a small sound of distress. “No, don’t answer. It doesn’t matter.” After a sharp intake of breath, she rushed on. “I’m glad you sent her money. Thank you for that. She worked hard to make ends meet, but what you sent really helped and it gave us more time together.”

Matt grabbed the coffeepot, sweat already popping out on the back of his neck. “Refill?” he asked his father, who shook his head and covered his mug with a trembling hand.

His gaze briefly slid away from Nikki. “What I did was wrong,” he said, his voice choked with shame. “I was furious with Rosa for refusing to see me because I hadn’t legally acknowledged you. But I had no call to stop the checks after two years.”

“What? But you didn’t.” Nikki frowned, glanced over at Matt.

His heart hammering in his chest, he shrugged. “Dad, you should lie down for a while. You don’t look so hot.”

“Mom was the one who stopped you from sending the money orders,” Nikki said. “After I quit community college.” Looking confused, Nikki and Wallace stared at each other. “That was a year ago.”

Wallace squinted as if trying to remember. “It wasn’t me,” he murmured, his expression a swirl of panic and confusion like a man who thought he was losing his mind.

Matt sighed. “It was Mom. She started sending money a year after you stopped. After she died, I took over.” He could barely bring himself to look at Nikki.

Her eyes turned black with emotion, going from stunned to hurt to furious in seconds. “You lied to me?

“Technically, no.”

“Screw you, Matt.” She got to her feet. “Screw both of you.”

“Catherine knew about Rosa?” Wallace clutched the table.

“Nikki, wait.” Matt started to go after her, but she was running for the front door and he knew she’d reach the truck before he could stop her. He wouldn’t chase her and risk her wrapping herself around a telephone pole.

He watched from the window as she sped down the driveway, knowing the look she’d given him would haunt him forever. As if she thought that by hiding the truth, Matt had treated her no better than Wallace had.

18

W
ALLACE
STAYED
IN
the chair, his shoulders drooping, his blank stare aimed at the empty doorway. Damn, he looked shaky and a lot like a man who needed a drink. What did it matter now? Nikki wasn’t likely to return, or have anything to say to either of them...except maybe go to hell.

“I’ll go talk to her.” Matt set his mug in the sink. “Stay here. I won’t be long,” he said, but Wallace just kept staring, showing no sign he’d heard. “Dad?”

He looked up then and nodded.

Matt ran upstairs for his phone and keys. Before leaving he checked in again on Wallace. He hadn’t moved.

Since the truck was borrowed, he assumed Nikki was headed for the Sundance. That would be his first stop. He had to try and explain the promise he’d made his mother. She’d wanted Nikki and Rosa to believe the money had come from Wallace. No use the girl growing up completely bitter, she’d said.

Rachel was waiting on the porch for him when he arrived. Nikki had beat him by five minutes and was in her room. “I think she was crying,” Rachel said. “What happened?”

“The money. It came up before I could tell her and now she’s pissed at Wallace and me.” He pushed a hand through his hair, avoiding Rachel’s eyes. “I need to talk to her.”

“She’s probably more hurt than angry. Give her some time to calm down.” Rachel turned when the front door opened, and smiled at the three women who came outside.

Matt nodded at them, but made it real clear he wasn’t in the mood to visit by staring off toward the mountains as they passed.

Behind him he heard Trace’s voice coming from the direction of the stables. Then he caught a glimpse of Cole near the barn. Great. The whole family was around today. “Your mom inside?”

“In the kitchen,” Rachel said with a sympathetic look, then took his arm. “Let’s go for a walk.”

He wouldn’t budge. “I know you mean well, but I have to—”

“She doesn’t want to talk to you right now.” Rachel let out a sigh of frustration. “I’m sorry. She asked me to tell you.”

Jesus, first he’d put her in the middle, and now Nikki had. He let Rachel steer him around the south side of the house, neither of them speaking as they avoided patches of snow. The ground was still soggy, and his boots were taking a beating, but he kept walking.

“Did she say anything else?” he asked finally.

“No, just that she thought you might follow her.”

“I’m sorry.” He shoved his cold hands into his pockets. “I know you have work to do.”

“It’s okay.” She hugged his arm. “It’s nice to walk.”

“Right, in thirty-degree weather.”

“You big wuss, we can turn around if you want.”

Matt smiled. “I saw Cole and Trace. Is Jesse around? I want to tell them about finding the trailer.”

She stopped and stared up at him, shading her eyes. They were so green in the sunlight. “Did you talk to Wallace?”

“I did.” He had to look away. “He didn’t know anything about it. I told him it was probably Tony and Eddie.”

“Then you’ll have to call Noah as soon as possible so he can locate them. I believe he’ll be back in the office today.”

“I’m gonna make sure everyone gets their stuff back. I don’t know that it’s worth pursuing.”

“I hope it’s that simple,” Rachel said quietly. “Your father has made a lot of enemies, and since the items were found on his property... Matt, people are going to be angry.”

He saw it in her eyes, the pity and concern, saw the way she studied his face. She knew that he didn’t believe his father was blameless. He’d never been able to hide anything from her. He wasn’t even sure why he was trying.

They walked in silence for another ten mintues, then Matt stopped. “Let’s go back while your brothers are still around. I wanna get this over with.” He lifted a loose curl off her shoulder and twirled it around his finger. “You just found out about it.”

“Yes, if you don’t mind, that would be best.” She slid an arm around his waist, even though he didn’t deserve her, not even a little.

They walked back to the house, motioning for Trace, who was working with a black stallion in the corral. Cole was nowhere in sight, but Rachel somehow communicated they wanted him because Trace stopped in the barn, and then both men walked toward the porch where he and Rachel waited.

“We’ll get my mom and go to Cole’s office,” she said, lowering her arm from around his waist. Then she squinted past his shoulder. “Might be Jesse. But he doesn’t drive that fast.”

Matt turned and saw dust plumes. The vehicle had to be moving at a hell of a clip to kick up that much dry dirt under the gravel. The air fled Matt’s lungs. It was Wallace’s SUV that came barreling and swerving toward the house.

Skipping the steps, Matt jumped off the porch and charged toward the vehicle. He heard Rachel scream his name but he kept moving, his pulse racing out of control. The SUV stopped not three feet in front of him. Through the windshield he saw Wallace’s flushed face, and knew the bastard was drunk even before he staggered out.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Matt grabbed his shirt before he fell backward. “I told you to stay put.”

“You don’t tell me shit, boy.” Spit flew from Wallace’s mouth. Rage filled his eyes as he leaned to his left and glared past Matt. “Yeah, I took your damn horse trailer, and I’m not sorry. You goddamn McAllisters think you’re better than everyone.” He turned his head and spit in the gravel.

Matt knew Cole and Trace were behind him and he was tempted to release Wallace, let his ass land on the cold hard ground. “Not everyone.” Matt fisted the shirt tighter. “Just better than you. And they’re right.”

“What’s he talking about?” Cole’s pinched voice came from just over Matt’s shoulder. “Where’s our trailer?”

Maintaining his hold, Matt turned to face him.

“It’s safe and in good shape, Cole,” Rachel said, rushing toward them, Trace alongside her. “Matt was about to explain.”

Trace and Cole both stared at their sister. “You knew?” Trace said, his puzzled frown slowly sliding to anger.

Cole’s eyes blazed, boring into her, demanding the truth.

“She just found out,” Matt said. “I just told her.”

A guilty blush burned in her cheeks. She opened her mouth but couldn’t seem to speak, only swallowed convulsively.

Matt stared in horror. She was going to confess. “Rachel.”

She wouldn’t look at him. “Yesterday. I knew yesterday.” Her voice caught and she hung her head.

“No.” Matt turned his back on Wallace to face the brothers. They were pissed, and rightfully so. “She’s confused.”

“What’s going on out here?” Barbara stood on the porch, slowly stepping down, her startled gaze riveted on Wallace.

“Mom, go inside, please,” Cole said, but she ignored him.

Matt felt his father lurch against him. His whole body shook, and Matt caught him by the elbow.

“Barbara.” Even his voice quaked. “Why didn’t you come to me after Catherine was gone? We were both free. You knew I still loved you. You knew,” he murmured, sagging heavily on Matt, his voice dropping. “You and Rosa, the only two women I ever loved.”

Matt jerked away. “What did you say?”

Wallace slid to the bumper, his eyes wary, apparently not drunk enough to disregard the anger he’d stoked in Matt.

“Did you ever love my mother?” Matt glared, his hands fisting. Had he been talking about Barbara the other day? What the hell...

In spite of himself, he glanced at Rachel, then her brothers, their anger tempered with bafflement. When he dared to look at Barbara, he saw no confusion whatsoever.

“I saw you,” Wallace said, his eyes getting mean. “Don’t think I don’t know you’ve been sneaking around with Jeb Collins.”

Barbara swept a look of panic at her children. “Stop it, Wallace. You’re making a fool of yourself.”

His weak gravelly laugh dislodged the spittle caking the corners of his mouth. “You should’ve come to me instead of whoring yourself out.”

Cole and Trace lunged at him, but Rachel and Barbara each grabbed an arm. They clung to them, yelling and begging for them to back off.

Matt already had a firm grip on the bastard. It was his temper he was having trouble holding on to. Fury burned so hot in his gut he knew he had to get him to town. Get Wallace locked up before Matt did something he’d regret for the rest of his life.

“I’m taking him to Noah,” he said, barely able to meet anyone’s eyes as he dragged the old man to the truck.

He shoved him into the passenger side, and when he came around the hood he saw Rachel rushing toward him. Her brothers stood near their mother, watching Rachel with resentment. Matt had done that to her, to all of them.

He yanked open the driver’s door, but he couldn’t climb in before she got to him. “I’m sorry, Rachel,” he said quietly. “So damn sorry.” He jerked away when she tried to clutch his arm. “Go back to your family. They love you. It’ll be okay.”

“Don’t do anything hasty. Please. Noah won’t be back until later. Let everyone cool off. Including you.” Her heart was in her eyes, and it was breaking in half in front of him.

He didn’t say anything. He couldn’t speak. So he got in the truck, started the engine and drove off without looking back.

* * *

R
ACHEL
STARED
AFTER
M
ATT
until the truck disappeared, but the devastation on his face stayed imprinted in her memory. Every instinct screamed at her to go after him. Once he left Blackfoot Falls, she’d never see him again. It would be over between them. Just like that. Just as quickly as their relationship had reignited.

Pressing a hand to the churning in her belly, she turned back to the house. Her mother and brothers hadn’t moved. They watched her, the disappointment on Cole’s and Trace’s face clear even from twenty yards away. Her brothers would never forgive her. She wasn’t sure she could forgive herself.

Her mom sighed. “Let’s all go into the house. It seems I have some explaining to do.” She waited for Rachel, then put an arm around her shoulders, hugging her as they walked to the porch.

Cole and Trace followed, saying nothing until they’d settled in the den. Then Cole said, “My office would be more private.”

“Hilda, Jamie and Nikki are upstairs. No one else is here. I wish Jesse was. He needs to hear this, too.” She sounded calm, but Rachel knew her mom was nervous when she huddled deep in the brown leather chair and curled her legs under her. “Clearly Wallace and I have a history. He’s five years older than me and when I was a senior in high school he asked me to marry him.” She sighed when Trace muttered a mild curse.

“The proposal came out of the blue. I knew he had a crush on me but we hadn’t dated. There’d been a dance at the town festival, and he’d bought me a soda. But I was already getting serious about your father. Catherine Gunderson—she was Weaver then—was a friend of mine and I knew she was sweet on Wallace. I made it clear I wasn’t interested but he persisted.

“Then I married your father a year after I graduated, and Wallace and Catherine started going together. My friendship with her was a bit rocky at times, but we stayed in touch and our relationship actually strengthened later in life. She was lonely. God knows she loved Wallace till the end, but it wasn’t easy being married to him.”

“How come we didn’t know?” Rachel asked. “I mean, when did you ever see Mrs. Gunderson?”

“I’d visit her when Wallace was away or we’d talk on the phone. Sometimes she’d come by when you kids were in school. Obviously your father knew the story about Wallace. So when Wallace started drinking and baiting him, your father understood it was never about the land. In his own warped way, Wallace was trying to prove he was a better man than your dad. He wanted to own something that belonged to Gavin McAllister. It’s sad, and I always felt bad for Catherine. And Matt.” She looked at Rachel. “I sent the letter about his father being ill. I’d promised Catherine to keep in touch with Matt and help however I could.”

“I can’t believe you never said a word to us.” Trace sat hunched forward, his elbows resting on his thighs. “All these years the guy has been a—” He tightened his mouth. “You could’ve said something.”

“What good would it have done?” Barbara pulled the afghan from over the chair onto her lap. “Look, the past is irrelevant, and, by the way, my business,” she said sternly, and Trace frowned. “But I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I’ve been seeing someone for about eight months now. For that I owe you an apology. I have no excuse except that I didn’t know how you’d react. But Jeb Collins is a very nice man, and you’ll meet him soon. He owns a ranch in Norton County. Cole, I think you know him.”

Cole nodded, a grudging smile pulling at his mouth. “He’s outbid us at a couple of auctions.”

Rachel noticed how her mom’s eyes had lit up when she’d mentioned Jeb’s name. Even her cheeks had turned a bit pink. It was great to see the life in her face. Rachel would’ve appreciated it more if her shame wasn’t threatening to drown her.

“I have an apology to make, too,” she said, her voice wobbly. “I am so, so sorry I didn’t tell you about the trailer. I only found out yesterday, and Matt asked me if we could keep it between us, just overnight, until he found out who was responsible—”

“You still could’ve told us,” Trace said, his expression more hurt than angry. “Didn’t mean we had to act on it.”

Rachel swallowed. “Of course, you’re right. But I—”

“I completely disagree.”

They all turned to their mother and her no-nonsense tone.

“A day wouldn’t make a difference, but your relationship with Matt was at stake, Rachel. Matt needed to know he could count on you and that you believed in him.” Barbara met each of her children’s eyes. “You had a wonderful father, who lived for this family. We did our best to be accessible and loving parents. To give you the guidance you needed without smothering you.

“Matt didn’t grow up in that kind of environment. As much as I liked Catherine, I hated how her blindness to Wallace’s behavior interfered with her being a mother to Matt. The poor boy had no parental support and the abuse he took....” She shook her head. “Nevertheless, he seems to have made himself into a fine and honorable young man.”