WORTHY (14 page)

Chapter Twenty

A week after the incident, Caitlin had managed to shove the memory from her mind. She had instinctively learned to compartmentalize everything and function on auto-pilot. It was the third week of December and the pace at the restaurant had reached fever pitch. She would get off from work at two in the morning. She welcomes the exhaustion, as it helps her sleep better.

Amanda was silently worried for her daughter. Despite the fact that Caitlin had managed to put up a brave front, she could see her daughter was struggling to keep it together. This prompted her to ask Gordon to take time out to talk to their daughter.

Gordon finally found time to invite Caitlin to dinner on the 23
^rd
of December. All throughout the meal, Gordon had noticed Caitlin appeared subdued and somewhat distracted.

“Do you want to tell your old man something? I can tell something’s bothering you, muppet.” Gordon asked, his eyes probing.

Caitlin pulled out from her reverie and blurted, “Mom told you something, didn’t she?”

“No, honey. She didn’t. But you always had the habit of chewing on your lower lip when you had tantrums back when you were little.” Gordon chuckled softly, making light of the situation.

Despite her mood, Caitlin smiled back impishly. She did have that habit. It somehow warmed her heart her father had remembered that tiny detail about her.

Gordon finally managed to pry some information from her about what happened in New York. Through stilted voice, Caitlin recounted the details.

“Oh honey, I am so sorry to hear that. This is my fault. Let me take care of it.” Gordon reached out to squeeze her hand.

“N-no, dad. It’s okay. It’s all good. I’m just worried the same issue will resurface and ruin you.” Caitlin replied earnestly.

“Nah, don’t worry about it. If it does happen, I can handle it. I’ve been in politics long enough to not get scared about things like these. Besides, I’d welcome the chance to finally acknowledge you.” Gordon said reassuringly.

He could see his daughter had dealt with so many hardships in life and he had missed out far too many chances to be there for her. He wanted to make up for everything, even if it meant putting his re-election bid at risk.

Despite herself, tears welled up her eyes. She frantically wiped them away. It felt good to have someone be there for her. For the first time, she was grateful she had reconnected with her father.

“Hey, hey…don’t cry. It’s going to be okay. You’re a Palmer, remember that. You are made of stronger stuff.” Gordon said softly as he stood up, sat beside her and gave her a comforting hug.

They continued with their dinner in a more jovial mood. Gordon asked about their life and managed to extract a promise from Caitlin she would quit working in the restaurant next year and he would pay for her college tuition.

Caitlin made a mental note to send her father something for Christmas. It totally slipped her mind. She had lived far too long without a father and she is still adjusting to the idea of having one in her life.

Right after their dinner, Caitlin headed to work at the restaurant. As expected, it turned out to be a very busy night. She scanned the crowd and tried to search for a familiar face.

Despite the hurt and the lack of effort Sebastian had shown, she was hoping he would one day show up. But so far, she not heard from him. She cringed at the thought of what he must have thought of her but she knew there was no sense dwelling on the past.

By the time she arrived home from work, she was too exhausted to change her clothing. In a matter of seconds, she was sound asleep.

Chapter Twenty-One

Caitlin woke up to a sharp, stabbing pain in her abdomen. Breathing heavily, her sleep fogged mind tried to grasp what was happening.

After several seconds, the throbbing abated. She moved to check her bedside clock. It was 3:47 in the morning. Before she could get up, another wave of pain assaulted her, forcing her body into a ball and moaning out loudly. She felt a thick gush of liquid flow from her, inciting more panic.

“Mom...Mom...!” Caitlin called out in fear as she saw bright red blood soaking her blanket.

“Mom!” Caitlin called out more loudly, her frightened voice piercing the silence. The pain was growing more intense.

After several seconds, she could hear her mother rushing to her bedroom. Turning on the lights, Amanda checked to see what was happening.

“Mom, mom....I’m bleeding.” Caitlin was pointing at the already soaked bed. She could barely move from the pain. It was sapping all the energy from her.

“Oh my God!” Amanda rushed out to frantically call 911. Caitlin was already gasping out in pain. Her head was throbbing, the walls seemed to be closing in on her.

Caitlin could hear her mother rushing back to her room, attending to her. After what seemed to be hours for her, she heard the distant wailing of the siren. When the paramedics came with a stretcher, Caitlin had already passed out.

When Caitlin woke up, she was already in the hospital. She tried to feel her body and instinctively braced for another wave of pain. After a few seconds, she still felt nothing. Caitlin heaved a huge sigh of relief.

At the corner of her eye, she saw her anxious mother talking quietly to the doctor. Hesitantly, Caitlin called out. At the sound of her voice, the two broke off their conversation and her mother rushed to her bedside.

“Honey, I’m here.” Amanda said, brushing back the loose tendrils from her forehead.

‘W-what happened?” Caitlin asked groggily. She saw her mother hesitated and looked to the doctor.

“Caitlin? Hi, I’m Dr. Stewart. How are you feeling?” A middle aged woman came to her line of vision, giving her a small, impersonal smile.

“I...there was so much blood. Am I going to be okay?” Caitlin asked, her mind racing to remember what happened preceding to the event.

“You suffered a miscarriage, Caitlin. I’m sorry but we were unable to save the baby.” Dr. Steward informed her.

The news sent her reeling. Miscarriage? She was pregnant? How come she didn’t have a clue? Had she done anything to kill the baby? There were so many questions racing through her head. At the sight of her shocked reaction, the doctor assured her she would be okay. She just needed to stay in the hospital for a couple more days for observation.

“I’ll leave the two of you to talk.” Dr. Stewart nodded to her mother.

“Mom, I...” Caitlin turned to her mother. Her mind still had not fully grasped what had just happened.

“Hush, it’s okay sweetheart. You need to rest. We’ll just talk later, okay?” Amanda kissed her forehead and insisted that she go back to sleep.

Her father came to visit her on the second day, bringing lots of flowers. Like her mother, he did not pry for information but instead, he tried to make light of the situation. Caitlin was grateful for their understanding.

She could still not believe she had been pregnant with Sebastian’s child. They had taken the necessary precautions, but something must have gone wrong—obviously. Despite the fact Sebastian was no longer a part of her life, she felt a deep regret at losing the baby. Sebastian’s child...the thought flitted in and out of her mind, haunting her.

She acknowledged the grief for the loss of the child she’d never held. The knowledge made her feel emptier than ever.

* * * *

Her father was on her bed talking to her when a knock interrupted them. Shannon’s head popped in with a huge smile on her face.

“Susie, come in.” Caitlin called out.

Her father stood up and greeted Shannon, then introduced himself. Caitlin let out a small laugh when she saw Shannon looking flustered in front of the senator. Gordon turned to Caitlin and told her he would leave the two of them to talk and just step out for coffee.

When they were finally alone, “Oh Katie... I’m sorry to hear about what happened.” Shannon rushed to her bedside and gave her a hug.

“Thank you, Susie. I still could not quite understand what happened. The doctor says the miscarriage could have been brought on by a lot of things like stress and fatigue.” Caitlin offered some information.

“Yeah, I guessed as much. But you couldn’t have known about it.” Shannon said. “But I’m glad you’re okay, Katie. That’s what matters.”

Caitlin simply nodded in silence. Somehow she questioned herself if she would ever be really okay again. She felt…dead.

They talked for a while about mundane stuff at the restaurant. “I guess I won’t see you there any more.” Shannon pointed out sadly.

“Yeah, but you know you are welcome to visit us anytime. Caleb was asking for you the other day.” Caitlin reminded her.

Their talk was interrupted by a knock at the door.

“Come in.” Shannon called out.

After a brief second, Sebastian stepped into the room. He brought some flowers with him. Shannon and Caitlin both looked surprised. After a few seconds, Shannon stood up and said, “I’ll leave you two alone to talk.” Before she left, she leaned down to Caitlin and reassured she had nothing to do with it. When she walked out, she glared pointedly at Sebastian.

“Why are you here?” Caitlin asked, closing her eyes and turning her face away from him. Her voiced sounded tired and frail.

“I…I went to your house to drop off your things. Caleb told me you were here.” Sebastian said. “What happened? Are you okay?” he prodded.

Caleb. Caitlin should have known. Her brother didn’t really know the reason why she was rushed to the hospital and had probably assumed she and Sebastian were still together.

“I’m okay.” Caitlin responded coldly.

“What happened?” Sebastian repeated his question.

“I had a miscarriage.” Caitlin replied in a small voice devoid of any emotion.

“What—How…? You’re pregnant?” Sebastian looked dumfounded.

“Was. Apparently, not anymore. They could not save the baby,” Caitlin said. There was a slight catch in her voice. She turned her back from him to hide her inner turmoil.

There was a moment of silence. After a few minutes, Sebastian walked to the other side of the bed and sat down on the chair.

“Was…was the baby mine, Katie?” Sebastian asked softly, his eyes showing concern and something else—something Caitlin could not put a name to.

“Really?! You need to ask? I have taken enough insults from your mother to last me a lifetime! Are we done here? I really want to rest. ” Caitlin asked, her anger having reached the boiling point. She longed to hurl hurtful words at Sebastian and somehow inflict the same pain she was feeling. But she knew it was pointless.

“Katie, I—” Sebastian was searching her face for any emotion but he could not read her. She had grown so detached and despondent.

At the sound of knob twisting, the two looked towards the door. “Katie, honey, I’m sorry but I have to leave now.” It was Gordon. It took him a second to see the man beside his daughter. For several seconds the two men just looked at each other, sizing each other up.

“I’m—I have to go.” Sebastian turned towards the door to leave. Damn! He berated himself. He should have not come here. He’d opened himself up to becoming vulnerable again. He clenched his fists in an effort to contain his anger.

“No-no, by all means stay. I was just about to leave.” Gordon said, glancing at Caitlin who was looking on, helplessly watching the drama unfold in front of her.

“No, it’s okay senator.” Sebastian emphasized the word ‘senator,’ his disgust apparent. He walked quickly to the door, without meeting his eyes.

“Sebastian. You’re name is Sebastian, right?” Gordon said, still looking at Sebastian with a small indulgent smile on his face, like a man tolerating a tantrum from a sullen child.

Sebastian stopped midstride. He resented Gordon’s tone and longed to wipe the smile off his face.

“I’m Gordon Palmer, Caitlin’s father.” Gordon proffered his hand.

Sebastian’s head whipped around in utter surprise. He had not expected that. Caitlin’s father—a senator? The bizarre turn of events caught him off guard.

Extending his hand for a handshake, Sebastian met Gordon’s eyes squarely. “Sebastian Avery.”

“You’re Roarke’s son? You’re father is a good friend of mine. Please extend my regards to him.” Gordon said, giving him a tight smile.

Turning to Caitlin, “Honey, I really need to go now. We’ll have that dinner again soon, okay? Take care of yourself.” Gordon bent down and kissed her forehead.

“I believe you owe my daughter an apology.” Gordon said quietly to Sebastian on his way out.

For a minute, Sebastian just stood there in the middle of the room trying to recover from his shock. When he finally recovered his scattered thoughts, he slowly went back to Caitlin’s bedside.

“Katie, I…I’m sorry.” Sebastian said, reaching out to take her hand. “Oh God, I’m so sorry.” His voice was thick with emotion. Caitlin did not say anything. She simply refused to meet his eyes.

“Sweetheart…look at me.” Sebastian said, lovingly holding her chin. Tears rolled down Caitlin’s cheeks despite her struggle to contain her emotions.

“What more do you want from me? Haven’t you had enough?” Caitlin asked her coldly. Sebastian found it unnerving to hear her voice devoid of any emotion. It was as if she was numbed and indifferent.

“I don’t know what to say, Katie. I couldn’t have known he’s your father. When I saw the newspaper, I…” Sebastian explained earnestly. He is seeing another side of Caitlin, her coldness is giving him goosebumps. Panic welled up inside him. He felt he was losing her and he could not do anything about it.

“You thought I was a first class slut? Well, you’re right, I am. I managed to earn twenty thousand dollars off that one night with you. So yes, that makes me a slut.” Caitlin’s voice was dripping acid.

She had grown tired of playing nice, of putting other’s feelings and needs above her own. She was also tired of trying to rein in her emotions. All her life, she had tried to be a dutiful daughter and a loving sister. She never really asked anything in return and yet life had been cruel to her.

So fuck that! Fuck everyone who always wanted a piece of me,
Caitlin thought scornfully.

‘Sweetheart, please stop. You don’t mean that.” Sebastian was trying to appease her. He could feel the hurt and pain of everything she’d been through and he longed to erase them. But he was no better than anyone else. He had also hurt her.

Caitlin laughed out loud without any trace of humor. “Stop what? What repeating the word slut? Why?! Do you find it offensive? I am one,” her eyes challenging him to say otherwise.

“Stop it! I mean it Katie!” Sebastian said more forcefully. “Look, I’m sorry if I was too quick to believe what was written in the paper. But if you were in my place, you would have thought the same thing!”

Silence.

After several seconds Caitlin simply shrugged in response. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter now,” turning away.