Woman of the Hour (28 page)

‘I had no idea she was there.’

‘You were angry with me on Friday,’ Harriet said.

‘Yes I was, and I’m sorry.’

‘Did Julius say something?’

I did not want us to have this conversation. My feelings for Harriet were warm and grateful. My fury at her lying had dissipated and the last thing I wanted was to start accusing her of anything.

‘It doesn’t matter now,’ I said.

‘It does matter. Did he say something to you?’

‘You sure you’re up for this?’

‘Yes.’

‘I know about the screen test.’

Her expression was scared and ashamed at the same time.

‘Have you seen it?’

‘No, he said he’s junked it.’

‘He won’t have. He’ll keep it for sure.’

She was emphatic on that point.

‘What makes you say that?’

‘It gives him power, doesn’t it?’ she said.

I knew she had sent Flo to get the magazines so we could have this talk and I inched towards the question I
had
to ask her.

‘Did he show it to you that night, the night I found you crying?’

‘It was horrible. He said I would never make it on TV and he was so cruel. I don’t care about that any more, but I can’t bear him to have it. Can you get hold of it and delete it?’

‘Why does the screen test worry you so much?’

She shook her head. ‘Please don’t ask. It’s too awful.’

I had to be explicit. ‘But he didn’t sexually assault you?’

‘
It was as if he had
. It was totally humiliating and shaming.’

As she said this she looked guilty. She had lied and had caused me a world of trouble.

‘I know I shouldn’t have lied but he was vile about it, truly vile.’

I didn’t feel any anger at that moment but I did wish that I had questioned her more rigorously that night and got to the truth that it was his rejection of the screen test that had caused her meltdown.

‘He can be very cruel,’ I said.

‘Please can you get hold of it?’

‘I don’t think—’

‘It was on a purple memory stick. I remember that. He’ll use it to shame me and Ziggy.’

‘Ziggy?’

‘Yes.’

‘Ziggy’s in the screen test too?’

‘Yes. She says she’s not bothered about it but I know she is. I know she’s terribly stressed out. We both are. He could show it to anyone.’

We heard Florence opening the door.

‘Please get the test,
please
,’ Harriet said.

Chalk Farm flat, Sunday night

I had forgotten how resilient a fourteen-year-old can be. By the evening Flo was already pulling away from our lovely mother and daughter closeness and had retreated to her room to Snapchat with friends.

I was still deeply shaken as I sat on the sofa with Mr Crooks on my lap. So much had happened because I had believed Harriet’s lie. If she hadn’t lied I would never have revealed my shaming secret to Saul Relph or fallen out so badly with Julius. I recalled his words to me:
She didn’t get what she wanted so she’s making up stories, evil little stories.

Ziggy was in the screen test too. What about Ziggy? She was no spoiled rich kid. She was an orphan, a vulnerable intern and the youngest member of my team. It was especially my duty to protect her. Julius did not want me to see that screen test. There had to be a reason for that. As I went to bed I made a resolve: I was going to get hold of that memory stick.

StoryWorld TV station, London Bridge

Monday morning dawned and I had waited for Rosie to arrive at our flat to walk to school with Flo so I was late into the station. I was still feeling reluctant to let Flo out of my sight. She, however, had bounced back and was irritated with me for fussing. On the way to Chalk Farm Tube I called Simon and asked him to watch the top of the show from the gallery. I had a plan. I was going to plant myself near Martine’s desk and take note of her morning routine.

I hovered, flicking through the morning papers which are spread on a table outside the meeting room close to Martine’s desk. She arrived ten minutes later looking grim.

‘Good weekend?’ I called over.

‘Awful. Milo was sick on Saturday. And got the trots on Sunday.’

Milo was her beloved Jack Russell. I walked over as she hung up her coat and saw her take a bunch of keys out of her bag.

‘Is he OK now?’

‘A bit better. I’ve asked the vet’s nurse to look in on him at lunchtime. That dog costs me a fortune.’

Her voice was fond. Julius had not arrived yet which was unusual. She found the key and unlocked the door to his office. I was making sympathetic noises as I watched her slip his key into her top desk drawer. Knowing Martine she would lock that drawer when she went out at lunchtime, but I would try later nonetheless. In order to search his office I’d have to choose a time when he was out and she was away from her desk. It wasn’t going to be easy.

At the morning meeting Julius said he had been watching Fizzy’s interview with the head of the Football Association from his dentist’s reception and it was a cracker. The FA was embroiled in a major row about racism in the sport. A manager had been caught after an interview making racist comments to a pundit who joined in the banter, adding his own noxious views. The microphone had been on and though their comments hadn’t gone to air a member of staff had leaked the recording to the press. Now both manager and pundit were suspended and the FA was investigating the incident. My team usually book the interview of the day but Bob’s team had set this one up on Sunday. It was the talking point of the day and radio shows were running their phone-ins on kicking racism out of football.

‘We were lucky to get him this morning, all the news outlets wanted him,’ Bob said.

‘It’s good having a hard news interview from time to time, don’t you think, Liz?’ Julius said.

I had got down to the gallery in time to watch it and Fizzy had done a hard-hitting interview. Inwardly, I was seething at Bob’s coup.

‘I agree. Fizzy did a terrific job,’ I said.

‘I couldn’t have done it without the extra briefing,’ she said.

It emerged that she and Bob had come into the station on Sunday evening and he had coached her on the subject. I tried to catch her eye but she was resolutely ignoring me, addressing all her remarks to Bob or Julius.

Simon, Molly and Ziggy were seated at their desks and I told them that Harriet had taken two days’ leave and would be back on Wednesday. This meant extra work for Molly and Simon and I saw them exchange looks. I rarely allowed them to take leave at such short notice.

‘Last minute trip, was it?’ Molly asked.

There are times when I don’t feel like justifying every last thing to my team and this was one of those moments. I nearly snapped at Molly but said yes and closed my door. I was consumed with how I could get into Julius’s office and search for that memory stick. The screen test was the key to everything that had been happening. It had caused Harriet to accuse him of assault; it had sent Fizzy into a meltdown and Ziggy was also implicated. I had to get hold of it.

All morning I kept getting up and looking out of my window towards his office. Martine didn’t budge from her position on guard outside his room. Around one I saw Julius leave for lunch. Ten minutes later Martine left her post. I had often seen her in the Hub and she would buy a sandwich and take it back to her desk. I came out of my room and Molly and Simon had gone for lunch but Ziggy was sitting there. She looked up at me, her face pinched.

‘Is Harry OK?’

‘She’s fine,’ I said and hurried on.

I had cut her short but I did not have long. I tried his door but it was locked. I stood by her desk and pulled at the desk drawer where she kept the keys. As I’d expected it was locked. I walked back and Ziggy was hunched over a Coke and a bag of crisps which appeared to be her lunch. I sat down opposite her.

‘Harriet is fine. Her parents wanted to take her to the country for a couple of days,’ I said.

Ziggy gave me such an anxious look then. I wondered if I should ask her about the screen test but there was something in that look of hers that made me keep quiet.

The afternoon dragged on. I walked down to Fizzy’s dressing room but she had left for the day. She was avoiding me and there was nothing I could do about it. Simon caught me on my way back and gave me the brief he had prepared for the return of John of Sheffield tomorrow. Fizzy will be interviewing him about how he’s getting on being a sole parent to a teenage girl and two boys. He has started dating again, after years of celibacy. His appearance on our show in September had been the catalyst for this. The angle tomorrow will be how hard it is for lone parents to have a sex life. I could relate to that. It’s Betty’s territory and usually I would have told her that it was happening, but I was worn out with taking everyone’s feelings into account and I didn’t ring her. If she sees the interview and complains I’ll deal with it then. I hope he’ll be as good as he was the first time. I need a good ‘real life’ interview after Bob’s success this morning.

Gerry called me at four and he was enthusing about his Sunday roast with Amber.

‘We drove out to this pub on the river, near Henley. Divinely picturesque, Liz. She knows all the best places to go.’

I was only half listening. My hunch was that Martine would leave promptly as her sick dog Milo would be on her mind. Julius would have his own key but I hoped he was not as assiduous as she was about locking up. I would wait and try his office this evening.

‘And she thinks she may be getting back with Julius,’ Gerry said.

That made me pay attention.

‘Really?’

‘He has to go to a big do on Friday, some award ceremony, and he’s asked her to be his date for the night.’

Martine left at five-thirty sharp. I waited as each of my team members packed their things and left for the night. They waved at me but did not come into my room. This was the first work day after Flo’s horrible experience and here I was loitering at the station when I should have been at home with her; putting her first. I tried to clear my admin but I couldn’t settle to anything. I kept getting up and looking down in the direction of his office. Julius often worked late. There is a long hours’ culture at TV stations and when I first started I had noticed how the ambitious staff members would not leave their desks until the boss had gone. I’d stopped doing that years ago but tonight I had my reasons for staying. I decided I would give it ten more minutes and that was it. Flo needed me. I was locking my room when I saw Julius heading towards the stairs. I watched as he walked down and across to the exit. I waited until he was out of the building and then I hurried over to his office and tried his door. It was locked. I had not heard Bob coming up behind me.

‘Trying to get into his office?’

I swung round. He was standing a few feet away but must have been deliberately stealthy to catch me like that and he had seen me trying the door. We had barely exchanged a word since our confrontation outside the station.

‘I left something in there.’

‘Oh yes?’

His expression and tone of voice were hostile. I made a move to push past him.

‘It’s none of your business,’ I said.

‘But you poke your nose into other people’s business, don’t you?’

I’d been feeling tense all day and I’d had enough of his aggression.

‘You leave me alone or you’ll regret it.’

‘I know what you’re looking for,’ he said.

*

On the Tube going home I put it together. Fizzy must have told him about the screen test. She had been with him last night at the TV station, getting her briefing on the racism row. I wondered if they had had sex in her dressing room. Today, at the morning meeting, they had appeared close and united again.

Chalk Farm flat, 8 p.m.

Janis and I were standing on the pavement and I told her I didn’t want Flo going over to Paige’s house any more.

‘The parents are never there. If they want to meet then Paige has to come here.’

‘Nasty little bitch, isn’t she?’ Janis said.

‘I’d like to throttle her with my bare hands.’

I’ve been worrying about how much longer I can go on paying Janis to come to the flat. Money is going to get tighter without any contribution from Ben. I know I am being overprotective but I hate the idea of Flo being on her own every evening till I get back.

I decided to make my carrot, onion and pearl barley soup. It’s calming to make and comforting to eat. Flo joined me in the kitchen and sat down at the table.

‘I told Janis what happened,’ she said.

‘I’m glad you did that, sweetheart.’

I thought her face looked peaky as it does when she is sad.

‘Paige has unfriended me.’

I cheered inside but this had hurt her a lot.

‘Well, that’s her loss.’

The soup was simmering on a low flame and I sat down at the table opposite her.

‘Peanut person,’ I said.

She smiled wanly. It was not the first time I had made reference to this. It is one of my fond memories of her. We were at a party when she was four years old and there were these bowls of peanuts lying around. I’d told Flo many times that she should not eat peanuts. We’d done a story at work about the things children choke on and it had made me anxious, as so many things did in the early years of being a mum. She had pointed to the bowl of nuts.

‘Can I try a peanut today, Mum?’

I said she could but she must chew it. She took one large peanut from the bowl, bit into it and swallowed it. Then she looked up at me and said with great pride: ‘I’m a peanut person now.’

Later, I put on my laptop. My heart lurched when I saw that there was a new email from Saul Relph in my inbox. He was short and to the point.

Dear Liz,

It has been a week since you sent me your confidential email about the event at the Christmas party seven years ago.

Have you come to a decision about whether or not you wish to take this matter further?

Please advise.