Wizard's Funeral (21 page)

Youll have to come then. They stood there until the sands in the glass ran out. At which point the sultan gave a strangled cry and fell across the bed stone dead. Death looked surprised. He stared at Soldier as if he expected him to do the same. When he didnt, Death reached down and gathered up the corpse in his arms, and shook it violently, until the soul fell out of its mouth. It struggled and squirmed, trying to crawl under the bed. He quickly gathered it up and stuffed it into the folds of his garment. Ive never been wrong before. Soldier said, How do you know? You might have taken others, who didnt put up such a fight as me. I dont think so. At that moment the door burst open and the senior citizens of Oliphat tumbled inside. They stared aghast at the dead man draped across his own bed. Our sultan is dead! one wailed. Moona failed. I didnt exactly fail, replied Moona, trying to dress behind the wardrobe door. You should have seen him reach for me. It was a magnificent attempt. Unfortunately, the strength drained from his body. I think I ought to still get the pearls, sapphires and rubies. Ivory, said the head citizen. It was pearls, sapphires and ivory. Thank you, replied Moona. Yes. All the other citizens were staring at Death with horrified expressions on their faces. Death, in turn, had singled one of them out for his special attention. You, the wheel-maker. Ive got to come for you in three days time. To save me a journey, why dont you come now? Itd be better for both of us. Dont do it, muttered Soldier in the mans ear. He does make mistakes. Me? cried the wheel-maker. But Im fit and healthy. Im only forty-eight years of age. I have a wife and family. And a nephew, who kills you with a meat axe, said Death. Hes there, right behind you. Yes, the youth with the spots. The wheel-maker rounded on his nephew. You? Kill me! You ungrateful whelp! I took you in. I fed you when my brother died. Ive been more than an uncle, Ive been like a father to you. The youth looked sullen. You wont let me marry Drucilla. You dont think Im worthy of your daughter. Its not a matter of letting you. You make it sound as if Im the cruel parent keeping lovers apart. The truth is, Drucilla cant stand the sight of you. Im not going to force my daughter to marry someone she doesnt love. Im a good and thoughtful father. Go and find someone who likes you, then come to me for permission to marry. I want Drucilla. But she doesnt want you. Death said, All this is by-the-by. You cant interfere with Fate, even if you know about it beforehand. The fact is, youre going to die, and youre the one who kills him. Come to think of it, you might as well both come, because the nephew gets executed as a murderer . . . It was at this point that Soldier, Golgath and Moona Swan-neck crept from the room. On the way out Moona picked up the small casket which stood on a plinth by the door. She checked its contents and gave a satisfied nod, Within the half-hour they were on the road again, heading back towards the Cerulean Sea. Once out in the desert lands, the two men began to slip into their own routines. They rested in the afternoon, travelled on much of the evening, and settled down for the night around the striking of twelve. On the first night they were so tired they just about had enough energy to hobble the horses, then the three of them sank to the sands and slept where they fell. The second night was different though. A fire was built to keep wild animals away and to counter the cold. Soldier laid his blanket on one side of the fire, Golgath on the other. They both watched each other, consumed by jealousy, to see where Moona put her bedding down. When she went at the top, to form a sort of open square, the two men could not go to sleep in case one or the other of them edged closer to her. Moona herself slept like a lamb. The next morning the two men were tired and irritable with each other. One of them groomed Moonas horse, while the other watched suspiciously. The other made her breakfast, equally under observation from his fellow. When they rode together, each had his side: Soldier on the right, Golgath on the left. At one point they had both moved so close to Moona, in the middle, that she complained she felt like the meat in a sandwich. Get away from her, you fool, said Soldier. Cant you give her some room? Me? yelled Golgath. What about you? Youre almost in her pockets. Step back, I say. Youre making an idiot of yourself. I? Im no idiot. If theres stupidity around it sits on the left. On the right, you mean. You never could tell your army left from your navy right. I know perfectly well which side is which. You could have fooled me. Youre easy to fool. Are you looking for a fight? Because, if you are, Im the man to give it to you. Are you though? Well, just step down off that horse. Gentlemen! Gentlemen! cried Moona Swan-neck. Youre driving me to distraction. Just move away from my horse, both of you. Thats right. Keep to your own sides. Upon my word! Youre acting like boys of twelve. Men always seem to in the end. The pair moved away, still casting dark looks at each other across the rump of her palfrey. If one of them had a bow then, the other would be dead. Right at that moment they wished each other a million miles away, on some distant star. Moona rode on, seemingly ignorant of the growing hatred between the two men. I shall sleep in the rocks tonight, announced Soldier that evening, while glaring hatred at his male travelling companion. Will you join me, Moona? Youll be much safer with me. There are men about who have no regard for the sanctity of womanhood. Moona is staying here, with me, snarled Golgath. If you want to go in the rocks, go there, and stay for all I care. In fact, why dont you leave altogether and search for that wife of yours. Im sure shes missing you. Having said he was going to sleep elsewhere, Soldier did not feel he could change his mind. Inside he was boiling with anger and loathing for his former friend. He wondered now how he ever could have considered Golgath anything more than an enemy. After all Golgath was the brother of his most hated foe and adversary, Marshal Kaff. Soldier took his blanket and settled down between two boulders. In the middle of the night though, while the stars were spiking the heavens, his bitter feelings had fermented to such a point he felt he had to do something about them. He had decided to kill Golgath while he slept. Soldier argued he would be doing the world a favour by ridding it of vermin such as that Guthrumite. With dagger in hand, he sneaked round the boulders, only to come face-to-face with the man he was about to murder. Golgath was there, also with a knife, creeping towards the rocks. They stared at each other in the starlight, snarled, shouted oaths, then fell on one another. Their struggling in the dust woke Moona Swan-neck. She had enough sense to know that if these two men killed each other, she would be in grave danger of being lost in the desert, where dangerous beasts and nomadic robbers roamed at will. Stop! she shrieked. Stop this at once, or Ill never speak to either of you again! It was the one threat which caused them to come to their senses and pull apart from one another. Bastard, snarled one. Swine, growled the other. Stop this fighting, this instant, ordered Moona. What are you thinking of? Youre supposed to be friends. Friends? With that oaf? cried Soldier. Id rather be friendly with a crocodile. Ill be a crocodile for you - Ill bite your stupid head off! Why you - for a groat . . . Heres a groat. Pick it up. Then do your worst, said Golgath tossing a coin in the dust at Soldiers feet. Children, children, pleaded Moona, who was used to men fighting to the death over her charms. Soldier looked at her with narrowed eyes. Youre frightened Ill hurt your lover, is that it? Golgath snarled, Its you shes been mooning over, with those big brown eyes of hers. Ive seen the two of you, looking at each other. Its sickening. He gripped his dagger. Ive a good mind to . . . Stop it, now! yelled Moona. You go and sleep in the rocks. You go and sleep over there. Im going to stay by the fire where the snakes and spiders wont get me. You two will have to fare as best as you can out in the darkness. I dont want either of you, do you understand? Im not interested in you, or you. Id rather have a camel as a lover than one of you simpletons. Now, lets get some sleep. They stared at her, their mouths tight lines on their faces. Soldier looked around him, into the darkness. Youve got someone else, havent you? Theres a goat boy out there somewhere, isnt there? Thats it. You want to get rid of us, so that you can meet your lover and engage with him. Well, Im not moving from here all night. And Im not moving from here, said Golgath, taking up a similar stance. Well, Im going to bed, Moona said, wearily. I really dont care if the pair of you die on your feet. The journey promised to be hell. That is, until the youth with golden hair came by.

Chapter Twenty

The next few days and nights were the same. The two men were at each others throats the whole while. It was a miracle that one of them was not wounded or killed by the other. It was only that in their blind fury they were not so accurate with their attempts. Had they remained cool and calm one of them would certainly have died. Perhaps both of them. They were so consumed by jealousy they were like two active volcanoes. Once or twice the scabbards song saved Soldier from a pierced body. Moona acted as Golgaths warning device, preventing him from receiving a mortal wound. Moona Swan-neck was at her wits end with both of them. Fortunately this jealous feud was interrupted. Halfway across the desert, they came across a golden-haired young man with a woman in tow. It was when they rode over a dune that they saw the youth kneeling, aiming a crossbow up into the sky. He loosed the bolt as they watched and a few moments later a winged lion plummeted to earth. It struck the sand with a heavy whump and lay there, limp, broken and very dead. The youth let out an exulted cheer, went and kicked the dead beast, before folding his bow and fitting it into a sheath which hung from his saddle. The young man was not more than twenty. His muscles stood proud of his bronzed body, which owned the physique of a boxer. He was trim-hipped, strong-legged, and broad-shouldered, wearing only a pair of skin-tight pantaloons against the fierce desert sun. That he was some kind of athlete was only too obvious from the way he moved and held himself. His golden locks hung down to his shoulders in curls, framing very handsome features. Soldier had never seen a youth with such a pretty face, bearing such hard muscles. But it was not the youth which held his attention. It was the woman with him. She was Princess Layana, his own dear wife. Layana? called Soldier, excitedly, all thoughts of Moona instantly driven from his mind. Ive found you! Well, at last, murmured Golgath, he too coming to his senses at the sight of someone from the outside world. Now perhaps well have some sanity around here. Soldier rode down the dune. When he reached Layana, he leapt from his saddle and took her in his arms. But on looking into her vacant face, he knew that something was terribly wrong. It was obvious to him that she did not recognise him. She simply stared in bewilderment. She was dirty and dishevelled, her face smutted and her hair awry. The dress she was wearing was torn and her sandals scuffed. She looked like a woman fallen on bad times. Layana? Dont you know me? he cried in anguish, holding her at arms length. My own dear, sweet darling. You must know me. The youth was by his side now. The young man reached out and prised him from Layana with strong fingers. Standing in front of her, as if to protect her, the golden-haired young man said, Ill thank you to keep your paws off my handmaiden, Blue-eyes. Handmaiden? She is the Princess Layana, of Guthrum, and my own wife. Soldiers mood changed. He drew his sword. Stand aside boy, he growled, or Ill slice you into rashers. That would be very wrong of you, said the youth. You would regret such an action when I have done you no harm. I own this woman. I paid for her with good coin. Whatever she was before, she belongs to me, now. I purchased her from a slave caravan two days ago. I was told they had bought many people from a magical city, a people who could not remember their own names, and had a huge string of such vacant-eyed slaves. You should take better care of your wives, this one is now mine and I can do with her as I wish. You must have others? Incensed by this speech, Soldier raised his weapon. You will be sorry, said golden-hair, standing there stiff and proud. You are in the wrong. I think you know it. Suddenly, Golgath was there, with them, and he restrained Soldier. Let me handle this, he said. Golgath turned to the young man. We are Soldier and Golgath, two officers from foreign armies. This woman here is Moona Swan-neck, wife of the Soldan of Ophiria. Who are you, sir? I am Prince Paladan, of distant Xxiphar, in the south-east corner of Uan Muhuggiag. My father is the King of Xxiphar. I am travelling home. I will tell you, sir, what I -told him. I purchased this drab with gold moidores from a slave caravan heading south. She is mine to use or abuse as I please. I have already had to beat her once, when she burnt my breakfast eggs, and I will do so again, whether or not she was the wife of that ruffian, or the daughter of the King of Kalamash himself. What she was before is of no consequence. What she is now is a slave. Drab? Soldier yelled. Ill give you drab. Beat her, would you? Beat my wife? Ill feed your head to the vultures, you snotty little hamster, with your golden pelt and buttery looks. Again, Golgath restrained the infuriated Soldier. The youth is within his rights, you know, he told Soldier. She is a woman full-grown and has been rescued from the city in the sands and as such can be lawfully sold on the slave market. If she could tell us she had been taken against her will, it would be a different matter, but look at her. She doesnt know what time of day it is, let alone who you are. Layana? pleaded Soldier. You seem a nice man, said Layana, speaking for the first time, but I know you not. Nor indeed, do I know myself. All I know is that Im grateful for being taken from that terrible city, where no one knows their own name, and brought into the fresh air again. I was choked with sand when they dug me up. Its a wonder indeed to find myself alive and well. If it means serving for the rest of my days, its better than being buried alive. Anything is better than being immured. I was there myself, groaned Soldier. Why didnt I see you? There are many people there. Only very few of us were rescued. We are all very grateful and happy to be free. Enough talking, said the prince. Back to work, slattern. Fetch some water from the well. You must bathe my feet. Then you can skin the winged lion, and pluck its wings, after which we shall bed down for the night. Golgath had to drag Soldier away from the boys camp and whisper in his ear, Not yet! Hold hard, Soldier. Lets delve a little deeper into the youths ways and means. Better to take our time. Soldier stared back at the arrogant young man, who had now dismissed him without a second glance. It almost choked him to see Layana return with water and bathe Paladans dirty feet, as if she doted on this young monster. To make matters worse, she was ordered to dry his feet on her hair, which she did without a murmur. Ill kill him! Not yet, Soldier searched for other things he did not like about the youth and was happy to find several. Among them the princes apparent disregard for the rules of hunting. He killed a winged lion, said Soldier, simply to see it come crashing down out of the sky. He has killed a winged lion for its coat, said Golgath, which is perfectly legitimate. He killed a winged lion, breathed Moona, in quite different tones to those used by her male companions, and will give the coat to his lady. Soldier looked at Moona. So did Golgath. She was not looking at them though. She was staring at the golden-haired Prince Paladan with a faraway look in her eyes. She was rapt. Her big brown eyes followed his every movement and she sighed, deeply. Her little white teeth were biting her soft upper lip, gently, making her look very vulnerable, very desirable. Her thighs were pressed tightly together. Her right hand was clenched and her open left palm rested on her sternum. She seemed close to a state of grace within herself, coupled with something more carnal. How elegant he is, she whispered, to herself. How lissome. How strong and manly. Oh, you gods, groaned Soldier, putting his face in his hands, shes infatuated now. Which way are you going? called the prince, to the trio. East or west? North-west, replied Golgath. Indeed? I am going that way myself. Perhaps you should join me, in case of brigands. I can protect you. I have food and water. You may share these er that lady, why does she stare so? Isnt she aware that its bad manners to stare like that? Tell her to stop. Moona, stop, said Golgath. She simpered and continued to stare. Its very disconcerting, said Paladan. Is she weak in the head? Not usually, replied Soldier, but you may have noticed how beautiful she-is? Perhaps you would care to trade her for your - your handmaiden? Its a fair exchange. This one has a very trim figure and nice soft hands, as well as a complexion a child would envy. No no thank you. I prefer my own slave. Yours looks simple. I dont want an idiot. But her beauty? Not so much, answered the youth, with a yawn. I think Ive seen better. Shes got a certain charm, I grant you, but I think Ill keep my own to myself. If you think shes so beautiful, you keep her. Soldier was entirely frustrated. He had found his wife, and now he wanted to take her to safety so that he and Golgath could pursue their objective. They needed to assist Ixonnoxl in claiming his rightful position from his father OmmullummO. Instead, here they were, caught in a wrangle that seemed absurd and unnecessary. By the time evening came around, Layana had skinned the lion and plucked its wings. She now spent the twilight hours working hard, scraping the great skin for her master. The feathers, precious enough in themselves, had been tied in bunches and hung from his embossed leather saddle. Paladan in turn was singing about being a famous hunter whom everyone admired and adored, for his looks and sweet nature as well as his prowess. Soldier was honing the edge of his sword on a rock and sending hateful glances through the sparks. Golgath stirred the fire and stared into the flames. Moona Swan-neck hummed a madrigal to herself. It was more than Soldiers flesh-and-blood could stand, to see his own wife being worse used than a scullery girl. He ground his teeth and promised himself he would slit the youths throat in the night. However, Golgath anticipated Soldiers plans and kept a good eye on him. Whenever Soldier rose, Golgath did so too. If you try to kill him in his sleep, warned Golgath, Ill wake him with a shout. Why? Why are you protecting him? Because Im not sure what hes doing here and why he wants to keep company with us. Just be patient. I know it hurts you to see him with your wife . . . With my wife? groaned Soldier, in agony, turning to see that the pair of them were under the same blanket. I must kill him now. No. No, you must not. Wait. It is best for all of us. You must think of me and Moona, as well as yourself. I dont think theyre doing anything under that blanket - I believe its just for warmth. You dont think? Oh, my, what am I come to? Any other man would be dead by now. I would have torn their throats open with my teeth rather than see them treat my wife in such a fashion. And under the same blanket, he moaned. I am a jealous man, Golgath. I cannot bear it. Yet, for some reason - a nagging suspicion in the back of his brain - Soldier did as Golgath said. He crawled back under his own blanket and tried to concentrate his mind on other matters. There was something amiss here, which he could not put his finger on. Why was such a youth travelling alone, across a dangerous desert, with gold moidores in his purse? It did not make sense. A prince. A popinjay. A young bird with bright feathers. There had to be some explanation which had not yet come to light. Golgath had smelt something too: an odour difficult to define. Perhaps the morning would throw a different light on the situation? Soldier woke once, in the grey early hours, to see that Golgath was under the same blanket as Moona. Only he, Soldier, was alone with himself. This mad world had locked him out again. He felt an alien, a stranger, a thing out of place. Was this a nightmare of his own making? Or had he been sucked into a world which subjected him to excruciating torture for being an outsider? He woke Golgath. I told you, Im jealous. You are jealous man? We are both jealous men. I think the last few days has proved that. Its a wonder neither of us has the others dagger in the heart, given the attempts each of us has made. I, for my part, am thoroughly ashamed of myself And I too, said Soldier. Im truly sorry, I dont know what came over me. After all, Moona is not that beautiful. If only that were true. You know she is. Soldier sighed. Yes - yes, she is. Youre right. Im just trying to turn myself aside now. But, in the end, what is beauty? A surface thing. Shining lakes, virgin snows. But what lies underneath? A cunning, scheming heart? Or perhaps one as barren and as arid as a desert? Who knows? Moona is well enough, I suppose, but she does not have the spirit of my Layana. No, but still - she is beautiful. A diamond has no real worth either - it is nothing but a piece of mineral rock after all but men will kill and die for diamonds. You cant just dismiss something or someone because they are only beautiful. Do they need to be anything else? Beauty is itself I suppose. Soldier actually managed to get some sleep that night. The following morning they all rose and prepared for the trail. Prince Paladan rode first, with Layana trotting on foot behind, holding his mounts tail. Soldier came next, gritting his teeth in anguish at seeing his wife so treated. Then Moona, and finally Golgath. When they crested the rise in front of them a whole army lay in wait on the far side. They too were packed and ready for the journey. Warriors swathed in black rose to their feet and gave a loud concerted greeting to their prince, for it was his army who had been camped not more than a few hundred yards away. Prince Paladan waved his hand in reply. Well, there you are, muttered Golgath. The sinister feeling now has flesh on its bones. Its a good job you didnt kill him. Wed be finishing the journey tied by our ankles to the backs of fast horses, our heads bouncing off rocks and stones. Soldier said nothing. He was seething inside. Hes going to die, he murmured. Hes going to die. Not yet though! warned his friend. Later, Soldier managed to swallow his bile and ride up alongside the prince. So, he said, you had a whole army at your disposal, Prince. Ah, Prince now, is it? No more insults now, eh? Yes, I did. But I did not care to share it with you. You arrogant ape, thought Soldier, but he said, Well, youve certainly put me in my place. I have, havent I? This woman, I may let you have her when we reach the port of Sisadas, if youre more polite to me in future. You seem very desperate to get her back - why, I dont know. That is indeed a mystery. Being a mercenary officer you surely can get others as good. I have hundreds, thousands, like her, at home. Better in fact. She doesnt seem very well trained to me. I have a good seven hundred floor scrubbers who could see to my needs better. I also have six wives and three hundred concubines, so what need have I