Wizard's Funeral (12 page)

Chapter Twelve

In Zamerkand, events were moving at a pace. After OmmullummO had made his escape towards the Seven Peaks, Chancellor Humbold used the chaos in the land to his advantage. On the midnight hour two hired assassins entered the chambers of a sleeping Marshal Crushkite and stabbed him a dozen times in the heart. The murderers rising and plunging daggers kept time with the strokes of the the clock. He was dead and gone before the striking of twelve. The murderers reported back to Humbold. He paid them and sent them on their way, over the Cerulean Sea. The captain of the ship which carried them had no knowledge of the murder, but Humbold had given him-orders to throw the two men overboard, halfway to his destination. The captain believed they were street scum, responsible for crimes for which they could not be brought to justice under the law. He was happy to be their executioner, thinking he had right on his side. Humbold then went to see Captain Kaff. Crushkite is dead, he told the captain. Someone murdered him last night. Kaff sat up in bed, his bird claw gripping the sheets. Murdered? By whom? No one knows, but I want you to take over command of the army. Assume a colonels rank, first of all. Later well make you a general, once we have her . . . once we have the queens approval. Kaff was surprised. I dont know. You mean we do not have the queens approval for this appointment. The queen, said Humbold with narrowed eyes, is mad. Didnt you know? Kaff was silent for a while, then he said, Is this all legal? I merely ask out of curiosity. In law, said Humbold, sitting on the end of Kaffs bed, I can appoint whom I choose. I am the chancellor. But its customary to seek the queens agreement at some time. Purely protocol. Nothing to do with rules and regulations. Thats all up to the chancellor. Me. If you say so, Kaff said, beginning to dress. Ill be with you shortly. Ambition was a heady tonic, first thing in the morning. To find himself leaping from captain to a generals post before breakfast went straight to Kaffs head. Chancellor Humbold left him to pull on his socks in a thoughtful and rather jubilant mood. A colonel, shortly to be general, with a marshals crest rising like a sun over the horizon, stood much more chance with an abandoned princess whose husband was out of the royal favour. Humbold went straight to the Palace of Birds. Where is the queen? he asked the boudoir slaves. Is she up yet? Yes, up master, but still in the same mind. Good. Since the release of the wizard she had slid into insanity. And now she was still as mad as yesterday. Just so. He could commit her to a padded cell down below the streets. The Lord of Thieftakers was one of Humbolds men. So were most of the others. Only Frinstin, Keeper of the Towers, and Quidquod, Lord of the Royal Purse, were his opponents. Kaff arrived to join him now. I need some guards with me, said Humbold, please fetch some. Two turnkeys are arriving from the Lord of Thieftakers to escort the queen to a safer place. Safer place? What safer place? Why? Have you no eyes? Have you no ears? There is a rogue wizard abroad. The queen will need protecting. In her madness she is vulnerable and liable to compromise the queendom. For her own safetys sake she needs to be in a secure place, with guards on the doors. Humbolds mouth was a thin line as he watched to see how Colonel Kaff would take this news. Kaff was a little shaken, now that he realised what was happening. A coup was taking place. Humbold was removing the monarch to make way for himself. If the queen was mad then she needed to be protected from herself. Everyone knew of her malady, from the peasants up to the courtiers, but all Humbold had to do was say she had been jolted into a worse state of mind by the escape of the wizard who had cursed her with that madness. Humbold could keep her locked up, with his own guards on the door, all for her own good. There would be few who would brook him in this attempt. Frinstin and Quidquod only, perhaps. But the queen. I mean, surely when she comes to herself . . . ? When she comes to herself, growled Humbold, she will only have the rats and spiders to talk with. Come on, get a hold of yourself, man. This is your chance to become powerful. Now, fetch some guards. Ill get the turnkeys. Well put her away before her wailing wakens half the city. Kaff nodded. Youre right. She does need looking after. He left and returned with some valued men. The queen hardly knew what was happening to her as a flour sack was put over her head and she was dragged forcibly from her boudoir. She scratched and kicked, screamed and cried out, but they took her quickly down the stairs, to a carriage in the courtyard, and thence to her cell. Servants tried to stop the turnkeys taking away their mistress, yelling, and fighting with them, but the guards ran them through and their bodies were bundled away. Those servants and slaves who had witnessed the deaths of their colleagues realised a change in power was taking place. Most of them fell in with that immediately. Others ran away. Soon there was no opposition to the incarceration of the queen. Not from palace staff. Quidquod was arrested in his quarters, not long afterwards. Frinstin, on his way to inspect one of his towers, was cut down by unknown assailants in the street. His body was thrown into the canal. By mid-morning it was all over. Hardly a ripple had reached the public streets. At noon criers went out into the town and yelled the news from street corners. The queen was very ill. Chancellor Humbold had taken over as regent until such time as she was well enough to resume her throne. Marshal Crushkite was dead, killed, it was rumoured, by the escaping rogue wizard. The dangerous post of Warlord of Guthrum had been taken up by Colonel Kaff, shortly to be General Kaff. When Jakanda, Warlord of the Carthagans, heard the news, he immediately broke protocol and entered the city. Presenting himself to Humbold, he asked to see the queen. This is none of your business, Carthagan. This is our affair. Your duty stops at the gates. Jakanda heard what Humbold had to say, then put his own case forward. This is a monarchy. The throne is not passed on to commoners. The queen, if she is as sorely indisposed as you say she is, has a sister who can rule in her stead, until the queen recovers, or not. Princess Layana? said Kaff, standing by Humbold. Why, she is as mad as the queen herself. The whole royal family was cursed by OmmullummO. The Imperial Guard supports Chancellor Humbold in his generous offer to see over the kingdom. Neither the queen nor her sister have any children. There are no nephews or nieces. Cousins are so distant as to be worthless to the throne. Humbold it must be. Jakanda saw that it was useless to argue. He knew, if he wanted, he could storm the city. The Imperial Guard was no match for the Carthagan army. However, he asked again if he could see the queen, and this time he was taken down below the streets, to her cell. She flew at him savagely, trying to rake out his eyes with her nails. Jakanda had never seen the queen in this state: she had never received anyone when the illness was upon her. He had no idea that this was her normal self, for two or three days of any month. She does indeed appear very deranged, he admitted to Kaff, who stood outside the cell. I had no idea she was so bad. I shall return to my army and we will continue as before, to guard the city as we have always done. Or await orders to go on campaign. He looked towards the cell. The queen has my sympathy. I hope she finds her way out of her lunacy and can defeat the demons that plague her. I have heard they crawl into her orifices at certain times, then out again when they please. You seem to believe they are ready to inhabit her on a more permanent basis? We think this is so, said Kaff, trying to look sympathetic too. Who can tell with creatures of the night? They devour her brain and seem to have a taste for the royal mind. I doubt they will come out again until they have eaten it clear away. The warlord Jakanda left the warlord Kaff and returned to the red pavilions outside the city gates. A court was convened to deal with the old man, Quidquod. You are accused, said Humbold, now dressed in the robes of a regent and sitting on the throne, of embezzling the queens fortune for your own use. How do you plead? Not guilty of course,.thundered the old man, still capable of using his voice. You will all be damned! If not in this life, in the hereafter! He was of course found guilty and sentenced to hang at the chancellors pleasure. Humbold did not get rid of him straight away. There was too much feeling amongst the populace at the moment. He had led the people gradually forwards by the nose. To start executing courtiers at this early stage he knew to be a mistake. However, the two ex-princes, Sando and Guido, were not even citizens of Guthrum, let alone nobles of its capital city. Humbold sentenced them to be hanged. Throw the bodies outside the walls of the city, ordered Humbold, we dont want foreign carcasses littering our streets. Are you sure about this? whispered Kaff. What about Bhantan? What about it? asked Humbold, testily. They exiled them. Yes, but that was them, not us. You can curse your own family, call them idiots and swine, but let anyone else do it and thats an entirely different matter. We need all the friends we can get at the moment. Even small city states like Bhantan. You never know, a change of government, anything can happen. They might be outraged, if not now, at some later date. I suggest we simply throw them in with Quidquod. Good idea. Theyll drive the old man crazy with their chattering. Hang them in fetters from the walls. I want them to suffer. Then send an emissary to Bhantan, saying we have put them under house arrest on suspicion of trying to start a revolt against the legitimate ruler of Zamerkand. Send a few gifts. A new treaty respecting Bhantan and renewing peace obligations, that sort of thing. That ought to do it. Very wise, whispered Kaff. A good decision. Thus Humbold came to the throne. Although there was no hanging of nobles, such was not the same for the common populace. Queen Vanda had been a fairly tolerant queen, as absolute rulers went. Humbold, however, was quite the reverse. Thieves were to be hanged without trial on the spot, so long as one member of the Imperial Guard was present to see justice done. Adulterers were to lose their middle two fingers of both hands, to be severed by the butcher whose premises were nearest the cuckolded persons house. Murderers were to be burned alive at the stake, a public execution for the entertainment of the masses. Well, thats a right kick in the teeth, cried an infuriated Spagg, on hearing the latter ruling. Whos goin to buy lucky hands if theyre burned to a crisp? Charred and brittle? Dark as soot? Nobody, thats who. Humbolds robbed me of me livm. He then had to go into hiding immediately, since the fourth command was that any persons found taking the chancellors name in vain, abusing the same, showing disrespect for the new ruler of the land by word of mouth or by sign of fingers, would have his eyes picked out with winkle spikes and his liver drawn through his navel with a crochet hook. If he should then still be alive, he should witness the tying of four cob horses to his hands and feet, and experience being quartered. Princess Layana was called to the court. She arrived, her chin held high and defiant. Her eyes cold with wrath. Am I to join my sister in her prison? she asked. Or am I to be executed out of hand? Neither, replied Humbold in a bored voice. Right at this moment I dont want Soldier marching back here at the head of some foreign army, causing all sorts of mayhem, which Im sure he will do if any harm comes to his wife. Ill deal with him later, but at the moment Id rather he just simmered. Im sending you on a ship over the Cerulean Sea. Hell doubtless follow you. In the meantime I can prepare myself in my own good time to deal with him. Very clever, Humbold. I think so. The new regent noticed an exchange of looks between Kaff and the princess. You can have her, Kaff, once weve dealt with him. Just go along with me for the time being. Be patient. Kaff nodded, his eyes averted from the princess. You scum, she hissed at Kaff. I thought you were my friend. I have never been your friend, replied Kaff. I have always loved you. Well, I could never love a coward and a traitor. Im no coward. As to being a traitor, your grandfather wrested this kingdom from another ruler, and there was not even a remote family relationship between them. Was that treachery? The powerful rule by right of might. Thats how it is, thats how its always been. You vile, worthless man. She gave his face a stinging slap, which brought water to his eyes, and a numbed expression to his features. The shock of the blow from her flat hand went through him to the core. He realised in that moment what he had done. Any sliver of a chance he had ever had with Princess Layana was now gone. She didnt hate him. She loathed him. He could see the revulsion in her eyes as she stared at him. This hurt him worse than a stake being driven into his heart. He let out an involuntary choking sound and removed himself from her sight. She was led from the court and taken to the canal dock. Humbold gave secret orders to his personal sorcerer that Layana should be taken to a prison called the City of the Sands. This monstrous place was controlled by a faerie race called the Piri. Those who were trapped there, either by accident or design, forgot-who they were. Sometimes the city and its inhabitants lay petrified under the sands of the desert. Sometimes it emerged into the sunlight. When it was below the surface its captives turned to marble statues. When it rose into the sunlight and air again, they became people once more, to continue their eternal search for themselves. None could discover the name they sought amongst the other occupants of this pernicious city. Yet none could leave until they found it. The Piri sometimes sold the prisoners of the City of the Sands to slave traders, when the price was right. It was a suitable place for a fallen princess. By the time the news of Humbolds usurpation reached the ears of Soldier and his friends, Humbold had installed himself even further. He had begun the building of a new palace, to be called the Palace of Lions, a magnificent dwelling built in the park which Quidquod had given to the commonweal some twenty years previously. The park became his private garden and any citizens found wandering these previously public grounds were immediately beheaded. Statues of the queen and her supporters began to disappear from their plinths in and around Zamerkand and grand bronze figures of a stern but thoughtful Regent Humbold, sitting on a giant steed with powerful nostrils, took their places.