Without Doubt (5 page)

“
I bet it’s not, but why
don’t you tell me anyway? We can go from there.”

“
Because it’s not
something I discuss with people.” Her voice is low and she rests
her head on my chest, her arms wrapped low around my
waist.

I don’t know exactly where to go from here,
but I figure I may as well be just as honest. Maybe it’ll help
change her mind. “I missed you too, Ava. I hated not coming in and
seeing you on Thursday. I hated even more that I didn’t have your
number to call you. Want to talk about obsessive stalker
tendencies? I had to leave my phone in my fucking suitcase so I
wouldn’t be tempted to call the bar to talk to you.” I feel her
laughing softly and can’t help but love the feel of her body
rubbing against my chest and stomach.

“
That’s not true,” she
whispers softly.

“
Hell yeah, it is. Ava, I
got off a five-hour flight and drove straight here to see you. So
if you should be committed, then I should probably be
imprisoned.”

“
Shut up.” She laughs
loudly, looking up at me.

I’m about to renegotiate some dating terms
with her but just then Dustin, the owner’s son, comes barging in,
looking a little pissed.

“
Ava, Dad needs you back
out there.” He looks from Ava to me before offering, “Hey, Declan,”
and shaking my hand.

Ava squeezes me gently with her arms before
pulling back away. “Thanks, Dustin. I’ll be right out.”

Dustin nods once and then leaves us standing
in silence.

“
I need to go, Declan,”
she says, her voice shaking the tiniest bit.

“
Right. Ava, I’m not
asking you out and I’m not asking for your secrets, but let’s at
least swap numbers, okay? That way we don’t have to miss each
other, even on a friend level. I feel the need to make sure you’re
okay, so if I get called to go across the country again I can make
sure everything’s all right with you.”

“
Ok.” She looks and sounds
hesitant, but she gives me the answer I wanted.

I’ll take it.

Ava

Nearly three months
later…

Declan-
Morning Sunshine!

It’s been almost three months since Declan
and I exchanged phone numbers. I thought hiding behind the phone
would keep me safe from any growing feelings I might experience. I
was wrong. He texts me every day, several times a day. I haven’t
taken him up on any of his offers to go out with him and the guys,
which I’m sure didn’t surprise him any, since he’s quickly becoming
aware that I wasn’t lying when I said I had zero free time on my
hands. He still doesn’t know about Harper, which has been a
challenge on several accounts, but I keep telling myself its better
this way.

Ava-
Good Morning Dec! Sleep well?

Declan
- Yup. Could have been better if a certain someone would stop
being so damn stubborn

Ava-
Don’t start.

Declan-
Haha. Ok. I have a fight in NY this Friday. Wanna
go?

I still see him a couple times a week down
at Max’s and he’s been trying to get me to go to a fight. I refuse.
I have no desire to see him intentionally hurt himself. Now New
York? I would absolutely love to go, but of course I can’t. No way,
no how.

Ava-
Yeah, I have absolutely nothing going on.

Declan-
All right smartass. I fly out tomorrow so I’ll
come to Max’s tonight.

Ava-
See you then, have a good day.

Declan-
You too Sunshine.

Declan is quickly becoming a very important
person in my life. It’s hard to deny it when I wake up looking
forward to his morning texts and can’t wait to crawl into bed at
night for our evening chats. There’s still so much that I keep from
him and it’s not fair to him; this I know. But when I talk to him
and when he and his friends come into the bar, I feel like a 22
year old should feel. I feel young and carefree and I actually feel
like a fun person. When Declan isn’t around, I feel like a 40 year
old who can barely keep her head above water trying to keep food on
the table and money in the bank. I’m afraid if I tell him
everything that my life actually entails, he’ll run very far away
and I won’t have my friend anymore.

I’ve never had an issue
juggling friends and a social life. Before my future and fate were
decided for me, I just had Jax. Now, aside from Max’s family, I
have Jax
and
Declan’s daily phone calls and texts to keep up with on top
of my busy schedule. For the most part, it’s not a big deal. My
nighttime phone calls from Jax have drastically diminished since
Declan has unofficially claimed that time as his own. Surprisingly
enough, Jax hasn’t complained; it hasn’t even been a
discussion.

I wasn’t planning on Declan coming into the
bar tonight and normally that wouldn’t be a problem, but tonight it
really is. Another thing that I’ve kept from him is that today is
my birthday. I don’t like to celebrate my birthday. It’s just
another reminder that one more year has passed and I’m still
struggling to live my day to day. Max’s family has learned to tone
down the celebration per my wishes, but they still do the gift
thing and dinner if we can make it work. I don’t want Declan to
find out about it and go crazy with some grand Declan gesture.

Jackson, my ex-boyfriend turned best friend,
is the only person that completely refuses to follow my
anti-birthday rule. He goes all out every year. Luckily, this year
he’s unable to come back home for any type of celebrating he would
normally do, so I shouldn’t have any problem keeping my birthday a
secret from Declan.

* * * * * *

After a full day of classes, I am back at
the bar and two hours into my shift. Max, Marsha, Dustin, and Marla
(my roommate and Max’s daughter) left a small pile of presents for
me on the break room table. Nobody said anything to me all day but
I’m not at all surprised by their thoughtful gifts. Marla got me a
pair of True Religion jeans and a new top. Dustin got me a bottle
of Juicy Couture perfume and Max and Marsha bought me a beautiful
Michael Kors rose gold watch with Swarovski crystals. The gifts are
too much, but I’ve learned over the last couple years that their
gifts are non-negotiable—they love me and want to spoil me and no
amount of complaining changes their ways. I slip on my new watch
and spritz myself with the perfume Dustin gave me then start my
shift.

Luca, Greyden, Keegan and Declan stroll into
the bar and my night starts to feel even lighter. That is until I
see the girls walk in behind them—the same girls from the first
night I met them, including the girl that was (and is) all over
Declan. I believe her name is Rachel.

Instead of grabbing a table, they all come
up to the bar and sit down on the stools. The small girl that was
with Greyden last time wraps her arms around him from behind and he
pretty much ignores her. Declan shakes off Barbie and chooses the
stool at the end of the bar—directly across from me. He reaches
over and taps my nose with his index finger.

“
Hey, Sunshine,” he says
as he adjusts his stool closer to the bar. He’s wearing a grey hat,
lip and eyebrow rings in place. He has a black t-shirt with some
brand name and tribal art across the chest. His dark jeans are
topped with a belt that has his signature chunky silver buckle
resting below the hem of his shirt. He’s just freakin’
hot.

“
Hey, how was your day?” I
ask with a big smile as I look to Rachel, who is standing behind
Declan just to the right. If she leans in about three inches, she
could easily rub the tip of her too pointy nose just beneath his
right earlobe. I’m irritated and she looks like she wants to kill
me.

“
Not too bad. I took Macie
to lunch and she said to tell you ‘hi.’”

Rachel reaches up with her left hand to
caress the hair on the back of his neck. I have no claim to him but
I still want to break her fingers. Declan startles a bit and turns
quickly to see who’s touching him. I’m finding it difficult to hide
my malicious laugh, but somehow I manage. It’s obvious that he
doesn’t want her doing that any more than I do.

“
What do you want to drink
tonight, Dec?” I ask as he deftly removes her hand from his
neck.

“
Declan
and I will have two Sierra Nevada’s,” Rachel
states boldly, still standing behind Dec.

“
I believe I asked
Declan,
and he’s
perfectly capable of answering for himself, don’t you think?” Oh,
I’m so pissed.

Declan starts to say something, but Rachel
isn’t smart enough to shut up.

“
Well, I’m the one that
answered you,” she says in the snottiest tone I think I’ve ever
heard, “so, if you don’t mind, we’ll take our beers now.” Her face
is turning red and I’m pretty sure she just stomped her hooker heel
on the ground.

I notice the other guys
laughing under their breath and Rachel’s friend is looking a little
worried. So I open my mouth. “Maybe it’d be a good idea for you to
shut your slut hole and do what you do best…stand there and try to
look pretty while you hope Declan notices you.” I never ever should
have said that, but as soon as my lips parted, I just couldn’t hold
it in. My hands tightly grip the edge of the bar while I stare her
down. I have no idea what Declan is doing or thinking and I don’t
even care. I can’t bear to look at him. I can’t look away
from
her.
I hate
the idea of this girl even being in the same room as him and
there’s nothing I can do about it. I guess starting a stupid fight
over a technicality is the only option I have and apparently I’m
taking it.

“
You know what?” Rachel
yells as she takes one step closer to the end of the bar to get
closer to me.

I’m ready for her. I’ve
never been in a physical altercation and right now, my
23
^rd
birthday, seems like as good a time as any. I quickly run
through fights I’ve seen in the movies but it all seems too
dramatic. I brace myself, preparing for a fist to come at me and
pray that when my arm swings back it actually makes contact. But
before she gets any other words out or steps any closer, Declan
pushes away from under the bar and turns toward Rachel.

“
Oooookay, c’mon, Rachel,”
he says calmly as he ushers her out of the bar. I notice that his
hands are gripping her waist in his effort to get her outside and
away from me; that probably would have bothered me five minutes
ago. Right now my blood is pumping furiously and I’m too busy
trying to relax my nerves to give much thought to it or to the fact
that he took her out instead of staying in with me.

She’s still cussing me out when they reach
the door, but I’m too wound up to know what she’s saying. Her
friend kisses Greyden on the cheek and chases after her.

“
Ugh! What is with you
guys dating these little hookers? They’re stupid! Completely
unintelligent and rude!” I go off on a little rant of my own,
furiously wiping down the bar. All three of the guys left laugh
hard at me and I can’t seem to care.

Declan comes back in with a little smirk on
his face and without the two girls, walking right around the back
of the bar and hugging me. “Are you all right, Sunshine?” The
amused tone he says it in clearly means he enjoyed the little
show.

“
Yes,” I mumble, giving
him a quick squeeze.

He pulls back a bit and lifts my chin up
with two of his fingers so he can see my eyes. He cocks his head to
the side and smiles broadly. “Want to tell me what that was
about?”

No, I don’t want to tell him what that was
about! I don’t want to tell him that he has done exactly what he
said he would do—he got to me. Now I can’t handle the sight of
anyone other than me touching him or staking some kind of claim in
any way. Clearly, I can’t totally lie about my feelings, since I
made no effort of hiding them when I was ready to go to blows with
Rachel over ordering his beer for him!

But I can try.

“
No” I say, quietly
meeting his gaze with contempt of my own.

“
A-va,” he croons
endearingly, a knowing smile gracing his too perfect
lips.

I know I have to tell
him
something
; I
feel my shoulders drop and sigh loudly. “I didn’t like it, Dec,” I
whispered in hopes that his friends, who are watching us closely,
won’t hear me.

Declan smirks his stupid sexy smirk and nods
once. “All right.” He kisses me on the top of my head before
sitting back down. “Can I get that Sierra Nevada now?” He’s all
smiles and irritates me all over again.

“
No. Pick something
else.”

They all laugh loudly and start to revisit
the verbal argument while Dec keeps his gaze on me. He chuckles
along with them and I just roll my eyes while secretly being
thankful that he came back to me instead of leaving with
Rachel.

“
Just do four Coronas
then,” Declan says as Greyden and Luca act out the stupid fight. I
can’t help but laugh.

After about another hour, Dustin and Max
come in unexpectedly. They talk to the guys and a few other people
sitting around at the tables, neither one of them are doing
anything productive, which confuses me because that’s not normal.
As I’m pondering their reason for being here, Declan’s phone rings
and he smiles as he shoves it at me and tells me it’s his cousin
and needs me to answer it. Completely confused, I answer it.