Without Doubt (11 page)

Declan lets out a booming laugh, leaning
down to kiss me thoroughly. So thoroughly, I’m out of breath when
he jumps off me and pats my hip before stalking off to the bathroom
humming a tune I don’t recognize.

At this moment, when I hear the shower turn
on and the sprays of water hit against the tiles, I want nothing
more than to get in that shower with him. But I can’t decide if I
should or not. Is that weird, just taking a shower with my
boyfriend whom I have only ever kissed? Not a sexy shower, just a
shower shower? Yeah, it probably is.

I let another minute pass by watching the
ceiling fan spin in nonstop, dizzying circles before I decide it’s
most likely okay for me to go in there with him. The door is open,
so he can’t be opposed to the idea, right? Opposed to the idea of
me getting naked and jumping in the shower with him? Declan? I
think not!

Feeling a bit brave, I lift myself from the
bed and begin to strip out of Dec’s clothes. I walk over to the
cracked open bathroom door and peek through it. The sight before me
makes my breath catch in my throat. Declan is turned away from me,
standing under the shower head in the glass encased shower stall,
his head bent down and both hands planted on the tiles, the steamy
water beating down on his neck and back. He’s absolutely
perfect.

Wanting to run my hands over his muscled
back, I take a deep breath and silently open the door the rest of
the way. The shower is big, deep enough that there is no door on
it, just an opening for one, so I’m able to sneak up on him and get
in before he can take a good look at my naked body.

My hands go directly to his lower back. At
the contact of my hands on his wet skin, Declan startles a bit but
instantly relaxes again when he realizes it’s me. I glide my hands
up the contours of his spine until they reach his shoulders and my
body is pressed up against him. His left hand reaches around and
holds me at my lower back, but he still says nothing.

At least a minute must have passed since
we’ve been standing like this in silence before I hear Declan
whisper in a deep husky tone, “Can I turn around?”

I’m naked, joining
him
in
his
shower and he asks
if he can turn around before he sees me naked. I shouldn’t find
this funny, because he sounds serious and like he’s barely able to
keep himself from turning to see me, like this is a very intimate
moment between us, but I can’t hold back my laughter—it just spills
out of me. I pull my hands from his back to cover my mouth, trying
to block the small hysterics bubbling from my lips.

Declan whips around looking all kinds of
sexy but also really confused. “What the hell is so funny, my
beautiful, gorgeous, absolutely stunning ray of sunshine?”

I’m all wrapped up in his arms, pulled
tightly to the front of his hard, slick body and I can feel myself
just melt into him. This fits… We fit.

Declan’s hand gently grips my chin and tilts
my head up towards his so our mouths meet in complete,
unadulterated bliss. I reach around his neck and deepen the kiss
while his hands move into my hair, his fingers massaging my scalp,
getting the strands thoroughly soaked.

“
Ava, you are so hot. I
mean, I knew you were, everything about you is perfect, but this;
baby, you’re incredible. I can’t get enough of you,” Declan says as
he kisses down my neck and learns all of the curves of my body with
just the tips of his roughly calloused fingers.

I’m not a virgin, I slept with Jax for
years, but it was never like this. Declan and I are just kissing,
albeit naked and in a shower, but still just kissing and I am
feeling flutters and tightness and warmness that I’ve never
experienced before.

After a few more minutes, Dec pulls back and
pushes the wet hair from my face. He smiles down at me and it’s
contagious, or maybe it’s just the feeling we both have from being
in such close proximity to each other, but I smile my widest smile,
unable to help it.

“
Turn around so I can wash
your hair,” he says quietly before kissing me on my nose. “So
what’s your day like? Busy?”

“
Actually, no. I got
caught up on all of my pending assignments before I came here
yesterday. Dustin offered to work tonight so I can spend the day
with you.” I don’t want him to stop massaging the shampoo into my
scalp; it feels so good.

“
How would you feel about
picking up Harper and spending the day together?” Declan is
confidence and swagger, all the time, but right now he sounds a
little unsure of himself. “I hear that single moms shouldn’t
introduce their child to a new love prospect, but like I said last
night, I don’t count us as new.” Declan reaches for the detachable
showerhead and begins rinsing out my hair.

I find it completely sexy that he’s “heard”
this fact. “And where, may I ask, did you hear this?” I ask quietly
as my whole body begins to come down from his early explorations
and submerges into complete relaxation.

“
Wash the soap off your
face,” he directs. “I googled it.”

“
You googled it, and
Google spoke?” I ask seriously as I wash the leftover shampoo from
my face.

“
Yes, I googled it, and
yeah, it pretty much spoke to me. I think I found out everything I
need to know,” he answers, lathering conditioner into my
hair.

“
Like? And when did you
Google this?” I drag out the word, completely unprepared for where
this conversation is about to take us.

“
I looked into it when you
weren’t speaking to me and I had a hunch. I had some time on my
hands. I found things out like I shouldn’t ask about the father.
Check. I should expect you to be upfront with me on what you’re
comfortable with since you don’t have the time to play games.
Double check. I shouldn’t assume I’m going to get laid. That’s now
a semi check.” He grabs my butt cheek and squeezes, making me
laugh. Again.

I can’t help it, the guy makes me happy.

“
And here’s the big
one—definitely don’t assume you need a hero. Triple check, I know
this. Wash.”

I need just a second to process all this
information he’s researched on my behalf. On his behalf. He’s
thought about this. He’s looked into this and he’s right, I know
it’s not in the child’s best interest to meet random guys I date.
This is different. Declan’s right, we’re not totally new. Even if
this relationship doesn’t work out (which, as of this minute, I
can’t imagine it not working out), I already know that Declan is
now a permanent fixture in my life. If nothing else, we will
forever have a friendship. I can just feel it.

“
So, what do you want to
do with us girls? Want to go get our nails done and shop for
shoes?” I tease, testing the boundaries. “I’m up for
that.”

Declan laughs as he starts running a soapy
loofa over my body. “Actually, I was thinking more along the lines
of lunch and the park, maybe go buy Harper a new car so she’ll like
me.” He winks and makes his way up my body with the loofa, kissing
me soundly when he reaches my neck.

“
Yes to lunch and the
park, no to the new car. She won’t appreciate it if she doesn’t
work for it, ya know?”

Declan chuckles and turns off the water
before grabbing my hand and walking out of the shower to wrap me up
in a large bath sheet.

Declan

Today was unlike any other. It seemed
natural to suggest hanging out with Ava and Harper and it sort of
shocked me when she so readily agreed to it. When we walked into
her tiny, run-down apartment to pick up Harper it was like my
future, for the first time ever, jumped right in front of my face.
Harper, with her black ringlets and bright green eyes, was nothing
like what I had expected. I was expecting a little Ava to be
bouncing around, but that wasn’t the case. Harper looked like she
could be more mine than hers.

I glanced around her apartment while she and
Harper went to get ready, to see if I could find a picture of her
sister, but found nothing. I planned on asking her about her sister
but then remembered that a guy’s not supposed to ask the single mom
he’s dating about her kid’s dad, so I assumed I shouldn’t ask about
the kid’s biological mother either.

I stressed momentarily
when Harper came straight to me wanting me to pick her
up—
that
, I was
not expecting. She wanted me to do everything for her; help her
down the stairs to the car, buckle her into her seat, unbuckle her
from her seat and then it just continued on from there. It had to
be me who cooled off her food at lunch and me who took her potty
(although Ava did jump in on that one and insist she took her,
thank God), it was me she wanted to sing the ABC song with on our
way to the park, me who she begged to take her to the beach and not
to the swings. Of course, our plans changed and I took the little
doll to the beach. I mean, seriously, how the hell did Ava expect
me to tell her no when she batted those ridiculously long eyelashes
at me and pouted her little lips after saying, “Pwease, Decky,
pwease take me to da beach”? Pfft, wasn’t gonna happen. Ava laughed
and said I was in for it if that’s all it was going to take for her
to get her way with me.

After a long afternoon at the beach, we went
to a little Mexican restaurant for dinner before taking the girls
home. Ava and I are both listening to the music playing softly in
the background and I can hear faint little snores coming from the
backseat where Harper fell asleep in her carseat the second I
turned the car on. My mind is reeling. I know most people date for
a while before they consider the things I’m having a hard time
ignoring right now. I also know that most guys wouldn’t even
consider what I’m contemplating after today with a toddler in the
mix, but what I’m experiencing and have been experiencing with Ava
these last few months isn’t something a lot people are lucky enough
to find.

“
Are you having second
thoughts? It’s okay if you are, I know it’s a lot,” Ava asks as she
brings me out of my own musings.

Second thoughts? She must be crazy after
all. I give her a sideways glance and tighten my grip on her hand
with a smirk on my face. “Actually, my thoughts were going in the
opposite direction of that completely.”

She exhales a relieved breath and smiles
brightly. I love it when she smiles at me like that; she’s so
beautiful and the fact that a future with me put that smile there
makes me feel pretty damn good.

“
She’s pretty perfect,
Ava. I don’t have a lot of experience with kids of any age, but I
know you’ve been doing a damn good job raising her.”

Ava shakes her head and looks out her
window, resisting eye contact.

“
Sunshine, she’s not even
three years old yet and not once did she miss a please or a thank
you. The kid knows her ABCs better than I do and she had to tell me
what came after cinco. She’s brilliant.”

That made her laugh softly
but happily. “She loves Dora; I can’t take the credit for her
Spanish skills.” She takes in a big breath before facing her whole
body in my direction. “We didn’t scare you off then? It’s a lot,
Dec.
She
is a
lot. You witnessed that today. She’s crazy about you, by the way.
Do you think that’s because she looks more like you than
me?”

“
You noticed that too
huh?” I’m relieved she brought this up because once the three of us
get around the guys and my family I know they won’t be quiet about
it.

A small burst of laughter pops out of her
enticing pink lips before she quickly covers her mouth and looks
back to make sure she didn’t wake her daughter. “Notice it?” Ava
laughs again. “I think she may actually look more like you than my
sister. Our dad is Italian and my sister takes after his side of
the family; my mom is from Oklahoma which is why I look the way I
do. I’ll probably never know who Harper’s father is, but I’m
guessing he’s not a blond-haired, blue-eyed Dutch boy. Were you
shocked when you saw her? You looked a little surprised.”

“
Shocked? Uh, yeah, you
could say that. I was expecting a little you running around and
instead I got a little Macie,” I tell her as it dawns on me that
Harper is a dead ringer for my sister.

“
Oh my gosh, that’s it!
She totally looks like Macie!” Ava laughs quietly and I can’t help
but chuckle, too.

She looks so content, so blissed out. I love
seeing her like this. We’re quiet the rest of the way to her
apartment, thoughts of a future with the two of them by my side, of
them moving into my house with me, circling my brain endlessly.
These thoughts aren’t terrifying like I may have once thought them
to be, instead, they’re nothing short of exhilarating. I know Ava
is nowhere near ready for this discussion and I’m fine with that.
She knows better than I do what’s best for Harper, but this is a
conversation we will be having in the near future.

Once we pull up to Ava’s place, I walk
around and get a sleeping Harper out of the back seat. She wraps
her tiny arms around my neck and squeezes as she buries her little
nose in my chest. My heart melts. I carry her up the stairs and
follow Ava inside and down the hall to their room. Ava’s bed is in
the far corner under a window and Harper’s little toddler bed is up
against the back wall next to a chest of dressers. I know not many
people are as blessed as I am and have always been, but I want so
much more for these girls than them sharing a bedroom in a shitty
apartment.

I keep my thoughts to myself as I rock
Harper in my arms while Ava pulls out her pajamas. She takes her
from me and dresses her quickly before tucking her in tightly. Ava
gently kisses her head and then says a short, quiet prayer about
thanking God for their blessings and asking him to protect her
daughter and wake them both to another blessed day. This beautiful,
incredible woman, who has next to nothing as far as material things
go, is thanking God for her blessings. I can’t help feeling
completely humbled by the entire situation.