Wishing on a Rodeo Moon (Women of Character) (11 page)

She
walked into her bedroom, leaving the small light in the kitchen on. Her leg
ached as if it were still there below her knee. The pain ― phantom pain,
they called it ― wasn't as bad as in the first weeks in the hospital.
Then it had been unrelenting, making her think she would go out of her mind.

Tye
undressed, unstrapped the leg and placed it on the bedside chair. Removing the
special socks, she gently massaged the stump to ease the soreness. She had
probably overdone it today, but it had felt so good to be back with the living.
She had felt almost normal. There had even been moments when she had forgotten
about her leg, and that hadn't happened since waking up in the recovery room.
She felt kind of tingly, almost like a limb regaining circulation after being
in a cramped position. Part of her that had felt dead since the accident felt
vibrantly alive. All because of a kiss. One little kiss.
Not so little
! whispered a small voice. It had
rocked her to her boots. She wondered how Jake had felt about it. Surely he had
felt something.

Reaching
into the old-fashioned washbowl beside the bed, Tye picked up the hand soap and
washcloth. Carefully, she wiped out the socket of the prosthesis and dried it
then proceeded to do the same for her stump.

The
cheval glass at the base of the bed showed her reflection, but Tye ignored it
as she brushed her hair, then did fifty chin-ups using the metal trapeze bar at
the head of her bed. She thought about the swimming pool going to waste most
nights, and decided she would strike a deal with Jake about using it in
privacy.

She had
done her best to keep in shape in the last months, but sometimes, when doubt
crept in, she wondered if she wasn't fooling herself. No one had come out and
said she couldn't rodeo again, not even Mama, though Tye was sure she wanted to.
Mama raised bulls for the rodeo circuit, but she had always been fearful of Tye
riding them. A slight smile twisted her lips. Mama had been furious when she
discovered one of the ranch hands had been letting Tye ride the bulls her
entire thirteenth summer. She had been grounded from riding her horse for a
month. That had been the worst punishment of her young life.

Tye had
apologized to Mama for the terrible things she had said in the recovery room,
but she still agonized over it. She knew it was her fault there was a strain
between them. That's why she hadn’t returned home. She needed to be on
her own so she could recover her equilibrium. She needed to remain independent,
and yet she had landed here, an imposition to Jake, an impediment to his plans.
The knowledge bit at her. Dammit, she’d always prided herself on her
independence. She couldn’t depend on Jake’s generosity forever.

Pulling
on a light robe, Tye picked up her crutches and moved over to the glass doors
that led to a small deck outside her bedroom. After opening them, she tipped
her head back, enjoying the cool breeze on her face.

She
could hear the horses out in the paddock, whinnying softly to each other.
Somewhere crickets were singing their night songs. Tye saw a shadow in the yard
beyond her small deck, and she stared curiously out into the darkness. Then she
opened the screen door and stepped out onto the deck.

#

When
Jake saw Tye, his body was still humming from the kiss they had shared, his
head reeling with thoughts he couldn’t quiet. Why had he given in to the
impulse to kiss her, taste her lips again? Dammit, what was this woman’s
hold over him?

"Still
awake?" he asked her, stepping into the band of light spilling from her
room.

Tye
turned sideways and leaned against the deck, the upright post shielding her leg
from his view. Crutches rested under her arms, and her thin robe was almost
transparent with the light behind her. Jake drew a deep breath and called
himself a fool. He saw the outline of where her leg ended just below the knee,
and he felt a deep, wrenching pain.

"I
guess I’m keyed up."

Her
voice sounded strangely breathless on the night air. Jake wondered if she
wanted to repeat that kiss he couldn’t get out of his mind. He stepped
closer, pausing on the top stair of her deck. Watching Tye, he leaned back
against the railing and crossed his feet.

"Being
out here must be quite a change from what you’re used to."

"Actually,
Jake, I like it here. I needed a break from the commotion." She gave a
little laugh. "This is the perfect place to hide until I get better."

Jake
stiffened and straightened up. "And then you go back," he said
flatly. "After you’re finished hiding."

"Of
course. What else would I do?" A soft breeze played with Tye’s blond
hair. Jake itched to run his fingers through the softness, as light and fine as
a baby’s. He struggled with the temptation. Tye was no baby. He should
turn around and haul his butt away from her. The night air, combined with her
sweet scent, was too enticing for a man whose thoughts were stuck on decade-old
memories. How much heartache could he tolerate? How many times did he have to
have his pride stomped into the dust by size seven boots?

"Rodeo
is all I know. You know me, Jake ― I have a knack for landing myself in
trouble. For once I’m trying to think ahead, look to the future.
Sometimes it’s pretty scary, looking ahead," she added, her voice
almost a whisper.

Jake
sensed her vulnerability. Maybe Tye had changed. He’d never heard her
asking for help as she seemed to be doing now.

 "We
all have to grow up," he drawled, refusing to be drawn in by her magic.

Tye
tossed back her hair. "I’ve always lived for the moment," she
said, a challenge in her voice. "Up until now it’s worked out
fine."

Jake
watched her fingers play with the folds of her robe. He heaved a deep breath.
"Listen, Tye, you don’t have to hide from me. We’ve known each
other too long."

"There
are some things you never get over. I feel as if I’ll never get over this
self-consciousness about my leg. There’s always someone staring at it to
remind me. It’s horrible. Ugly."

Jake
reached out and encircled her slim wrist with his fingers. The bones felt so
fragile, yet he had seen her competently handle animals many times her own
weight. "It will heal in time, inside and out."

Tye
rolled her eyes at him. "Maybe in ten years. Right now it represents
everything I don’t have any longer. Who would want to look at this
leg?"

"You’re
a desirable, smart woman. Any man with an ounce of sense will see that."

"I
don’t want any man, dammit!" The words seemed to burst from Tye. She
threw him a wide-eyed glance, confusion written on her face as she stared at
his fingers encircling her wrist. Jake stared at her bent head. He wanted to
pull her close, take her inside and show her how desirable she was.

Instead,
he made himself say lightly, "Come on, Tye, cut yourself some slack."

"You’re
right, I should." She lifted her head and suddenly leaned toward him with
a reckless grin. "I find myself wanting to try that kiss again, Jake. What
do you think?"

Jake
felt his throat go dry. He wanted to kiss her, but it was probably the dumbest
thing he could do ― rekindle fires best left dead. Tye’s gaze
remained unwavering. Desire tightened Jake’s body. He moved closer, so
close he could feel the heat of her own body, almost taste her scent.

Tye’s
sigh feathered across his mouth. He knew he was playing with fire when her head
tipped back and she opened up to him.

How had
he let this woman go? Tye looped her arms around his neck, the crutches
clattering to the deck. It was a distant sound, and Jake didn’t care. He
felt enveloped by a haze, aware of the points of her breasts through her thin
covering. He ran his hands over Tye’s hips, cupped her buttocks. He felt
the tensing of muscle, then she leaned fully into him as they devoured each
other, heat surely an aura of red-hot light encircling them.

Thoughts
of the past exploded, leaving only dust. Jake explored the taste and texture of
Tye’s mouth, the slim, supple length of her body. When he surfaced for
air, he swept his tongue along her lips. Her responding shudder echoed his own.

She
gripped his arms and pulled her upper body back, meeting his gaze, out of
breath, hanging on to his arms and balancing on one leg.

"I
guess that’s about all the slack I can stand for now," she muttered.

Jake
started laughing. Tye lifted her brows and he shook his head. "Only you,
Tye, would say something like that."

She
smiled slightly. "You used to love my unpredictability."

Jake put
up a hand and gently threaded his fingers through her hair. "You’re
right. But back then we were kids. What did we know?"

"What
are we doing, Jake?"

The
words seemed to spill from her lips. He felt her tense against him, as if
prepared for a blow.

Jake
stared at her wordlessly.
What were they doing?
What were they thinking? "Maybe we’re just finishing up old
business, Tye, so we can both get on with our lives."

He knew
it was the right answer for both of them, but he felt weighed down by a heavy
ache. How could he want things to be different?

"I
guess you’re right." Her voice was tinged with sadness.
"We’re not the same people." Tye stepped away from him so they
no longer touched. She pulled the fluttering material of the robe against the
residual limb; then indicated her leg with a sweep of her hand. "Too much
has changed to go back."

Jake
stifled the protest inside him. Part of him wanted to go back, wanted to try
and fix what had gone wrong. But the rational part of his brain told him it was
impossible. "One day you’ll realize your leg won’t matter to
anyone who cares about you."

Tye gave
him a bright smile. "I know you’re right. Good night, Jake."

#

Tye
wanted to damn the consequences and invite Jake into her bed. She entered the
apartment alone, feeling drained. In Jake’s company, she felt almost
light, freely giving of herself, until the reality of her situation smacked her
in the face.

She sat
on her bed. She deliberately stared into the mirror at the stump, which she
hated to look at.

Tye
recalled its swollen and discolored appearance right after surgery. She had never
considered herself squeamish, but that first time she had seen her amputated
leg had made her sick. Blood had roared in her ears, and a cold wave came over
her. It had been frightening.

Such a
loss of control terrified her. How many times had Daddy imprinted in her mind
you had to stay in control of a situation? If you lost control you had to know
when to bail out, whether it was a bull you were riding, or life.

Day by
day Tye felt she gained a better grip on her life. Setbacks occurred, but she had
to move steadily forward. She felt confused as to why she was hankering after
the past, with Jake. It was over and done with.

Returning
her attention to her stump, Tye noticed that the line of stitches had faded. It
didn't look nearly so grotesque. Everything had smoothed out rather well.

She lay
down on her back. Ever since the amputation she felt off balance when she
rolled over in bed at night. She had to be careful when she slept that she kept
the stump straight, so it didn’t seize up on her. She had learned how to
sleep on her stomach.

Continuing
her nightly ritual, Tye reached for the elastic bandage and wrapped the stump,
wondering if she could ever ride again. Maybe she'd never regain her center of
balance. She took a deep breath and told herself it was a miracle she hadn't
lost both legs.

She had
cracked her ribs, knocked some teeth loose and suffered a mild concussion. She
was lucky to be alive.

For the
umpteenth time Tye pondered the question Amy had raised. Why had Jake been at
the rodeo that night? Could he have come looking for her? No. They hadn’t
had contact in years. Why would he seek her out after all this time? Deep
inside, Tye knew she wanted that to have been the reason, but it was a foolish
wish at best.

Jake had
made a success of his life, but he had not married. Tye wondered why.

She knew
why she wouldn’t marry. She was like her father. Daddy had tried
ranching, tried settling in one place, but he had left again, declaring rodeo
was in his blood.

Mama had
bred the best of the bulls used in rodeo. Times had been hard, but Mama was
strong. Tye recalled many an evening when Mama sat on the front porch swing,
humming a song only the night would hear, or a child up later than she ought to
be. Daddy hadn’t been around to keep a woman’s heart from aching.
Rodeo was rough on family life when you pursued it six days a week.

Tye had
been consumed by rodeo until she met Jake. Mama had convinced her to get a
degree, see what else the world offered before she decided to pursue rodeo
full-time. It had been during one of her spring breaks that she had met Jake.
She’d had all summer to fall in love with him.

Tye
hugged her arms around herself, her mind filled with lost dreams.

She
hadn’t felt anything but a passing interest in other men since Jake. How
could she, when a part of her always loved him?

Trying
to ease the worry and old pain, Tye relaxed each muscle and concentrated on her
breathing. She couldn’t get Jake’s kisses out of her mind. What did
he think about them? It was no big deal: they were old friends, at least
that’s what she told herself. But she was burning up inside, remembering
the feel of Jake’s mouth on hers. She wanted more than kisses.

With a
groan, Tye told herself such dangerous thoughts didn't bear thinking about.
She'd get sidetracked. It was best to remember she had no home, that she was a
roamer. She didn't belong here; she’d just taken a slight detour.
Strangely, that empty stretch of rodeo road didn’t have quite the appeal
it used to. The glory of rodeo palled when all you came home to were your horse
and buckles.