Winter Hopes (Seasons of Love) (30 page)

Sam gently pushed the envelope towards Lydia. “Go on. You do the honors.”

With a curious grin, Lydia opened the envelope and peeked
inside. There were four professional quality photographs. “Oh wow,” she breathed as she looked through them. Sam moved to peer over her shoulder, and they looked at the photos together.

They both instantly recognized that the pictures had been taken at Melanie and Ryan's wedding. Sam was in his black suit, Lydia in her beautiful burgundy dress, and they were holding each other. The photographer had caught them on the dance floor, when they were
slow dancing for the first time. In one picture, Sam's face was more visible, and in the second, Lydia's was. In the third and fourth pictures, the photographer had captured them outside, sitting on a
stone bench, facing each other. They looked more animated in these shots; in one, Sam's hands were in the air, as if he were describing something, and Lydia was smiling at him, while in the other, Lydia was the one in motion, and Sam was laughing.

“That was the cocktail hour,” he said. “When we were talking about that book, the one about Queen Elizabeth.”

“Right,” Lydia recalled.

“You were talking about a book about Queen Elizabeth?” Ryan asked. “Whaaat? Are you two for real?”

“He's telling the truth,” Lydia laughed. “We really were. The first day, when we met and were in the garden, I was reading a fictional autobiography about Queen Elizabeth the first, and Sam
had read it last year so he knew it, and we got into a discussion about it.”

“Only you, my little bookworm,” Melanie said with a warm giggle.

“These are fantastic shots,” Sam enthused, looking up at Melanie
and Ryan. “Hey. These are the very first pictures of us together.
Thank you so much for giving these to us.”

“Aww, I'm glad you like them,” Melanie cooed. “I thought you would.”

“I want this one for sure,” Lydia said, claiming the one where Sam was sitting and grinning at her. “I want that smile. I love that smile.”

He automatically smiled in response and kissed her cheek.
“Then I get the other one. And the ones of us dancing? I want this one, where I can see your whole face.”

“Sure,” Lydia said, taking the last picture. “Actually, now that we've divvied them up, why don't I just hold them in the envelope, put it in my bag, and give you yours later?”

“Good idea,” Sam said, pushing the photos he'd chosen back
towards her. “Just do
not
forget to give me mine.”

“Yes sir,” she chuckled, and put them away in her handbag.

“So tell us about married life!” Sam proclaimed, reaching for his scotch. “How was the honeymoon?”

“Fantastic, and fantastic,” Ryan answered his friend.

The appetizers came and were quickly devoured. Conversation flowed as easily as the wine, and laughter was abundant. Eventually, Lydia leaned over to Melanie and said, “I have to use the ladies' room. Wanna join me?”

“Of course.” Melanie grinned, reaching for her bag. “It's the only chance we'll have to gossip about them privately.”

“Be kind,” Ryan kidded as the women rose from the table.

Melanie leaned down to kiss her husband. “I will be. You too. Don't say anything too raunchy about me while we're gone.”

“But what else is there?" Ryan teased. Melanie kissed him again before the two women walked away from them in search of the restroom.

“Well!” Ryan said, turning to Sam. “So. Things are going well?”

“Going great,” Sam said, with the air of a deeply content man.

“I can see that,” Ryan nodded, smiling. “You know, I don't know
Lydia very well. But when I met her, I liked her instantly. She's very… genuine. There's no pretense, nothing phony, she's just very down to earth. Smart as hell. And nice to look at too, which is always
a bonus.”

“She is all those things,” Sam agreed. He took a swallow of his drink and added, “Which is why I'm crazy about her.”

“Anyone can see that. You’re like lovesick kids.”

“Yeah, yeah. So!” Sam arched his brows, thinking he knew what was coming. “Is this where you grill me on my brother's behalf?”

Ryan laughed out loud. “What? No! God no. I don't do Alec's
dirty work for him. And he doesn't need me to. He's got a big mouth and a brass set all his own.”

Sam laughed along with his friend. “That's for damn sure.”

“I emailed him last week that I'd be seeing you tonight, that we were doing this,” Ryan said. “He seemed a little… surprised. He
didn't
realize you and Lydia had gotten serious enough for you to make elaborate plans for her birthday. You don't talk about her with him, I take it?”

“Nope,” Sam said firmly. “We've had a discussion or two about it since the wedding, and uh… I think we've basically agreed to
disagree, if you get my drift.”

“Okay.” Ryan shrugged. “I'm not getting in the middle of that.”

“No need to. There's nothing to get in the middle of, so don't even sweat it.” Something changed in Sam's face as a thought occurred to him. “Hey. How long ago did you first meet Lydia? Do
you remember it?”

“Um… yeah, sure.” Ryan said. He ran a hand through his thin, light brown hair as he continued, “It was for Melanie's birthday.
Melanie had called a bunch of friends, said meet me at this bar on this night for my birthday, and Lydia was one of the friends who
showed
up. We didn't get to talk a lot, there were like twenty people there, but she made an impression on me. I just got a good vibe off her
right away. For all the reasons I said. And I could tell how much she loved Melanie, which endeared her to me that much more.”

“When was that?” Sam asked.

Ryan thought it over briefly. “About three years ago. Why?”

“She was married to Matt then,” Sam said. Something churned in his mind.

“Sure. She'd just had her baby, like a few months before.” Ryan sipped his own drink and added, “In fact, if I recall correctly, it was her first night out since she'd had the baby. And she came by herself. She left her son at home with Matt and came into the city by herself. I remember Melanie going on and on about how happy she was that
Lydia had gotten out of her house, much less come into the city…
and razzing her because she couldn't drink. I guess Lydia was still
breast feeding or something, who the hell knows.”

Sam nodded slowly, taking in the information. “Did she seem happy?”

Ryan considered the question, and his light blue eyes flickered. “Actually… no. I do remember thinking she seemed kind of down,
even though we were at a party. I just chalked it up to her having a new baby, not getting sleep, the whole adjustment of becoming
parents, all of that. I didn't really ask Melanie about it that night, because frankly I didn’t really know her, so it just wasn't my business. But later, when they broke up, I realized that even back then, yeah, their marriage
was on the rocks. I mean, Mel told me things over time, like women do, so I came to know Lydia wasn't very happy with Matt.” Ryan peered
pointedly. “What are you looking for? What are you trying to figure
out?”

“Lots of things,” Sam said. “I mean, I just realized, you've
known her a while, and God knows I trust you, so you're a good resource.” He rubbed his jaw, lost in thought. Ryan watched him patiently, waiting for him to speak.

Sam took a long, slow swallow of his drink. He glanced towards the direction where Lydia and Melanie had gone, checking to make sure they weren't approaching the table, and said, “Lydia's very… cautious. Shields up, most of the time. At your wedding, Donna told me she's always been that way. So if she was like that long before she ever got married, it's not just about a bad divorce. But I still want to know why, so I can understand her better. You know me, I like to get to the bottom of things, figure people out.”

Ryan just nodded, apparently sensing Sam needed to talk.

“She's been very hesitant, taking it slowly with me. I understand she has a son, and she’s trying to consider how her dating someone new might affect him, and I totally respect that. But sometimes I feel like… there are parts of her that are labeled 'Restricted Access', you
know? And I know it’s early on, but I don't know if she'll ever let me into those parts.” Sam knew vaguely that he was rambling somewhat, but couldn't stop himself. “I'm not like that, so I’m not
used to someone being so obviously determined to be closed off. And there are times
when I feel like she's wavering, like she wants to let things go, but she just can't let herself. It's… interesting. A little frustrating sometimes.

“
But
.” Sam's eyebrows shot up, and hope reentered his eyes. “She let me stay at her apartment last night, for the first time. I stayed at hotels the other times. I stayed in the city and she came in
to be with me; this is the first time I've stayed on Long Island, on her turf, much less in her home. And she had a surprise for me this morning: she took me to meet her family, her sister and brother-in-law and their kids. She let me meet her son. That's…a really big deal. She told me flat out, when we got together the morning after your wedding and I was talking about trying to date long distance, that she wouldn't let
me meet her son unless she knew we were getting serious. So today
was a huge step forward for us, as far as I'm concerned.”

“Wow.” Ryan gave him a grin of recognition. “Then that
is
a big deal. And that's great. Right?”

“Hell yes, of course it is,” Sam said staunchly. “It shows we're moving ahead, that she's finally really trusting me, trusting what's developing here. Just tonight, we agreed that we're seeing each other exclusively. I have a new girlfriend.”

“Then… what’s the matter?” Ryan asked. “There's something more. Go ahead.”

Sam sighed. He knew well that whatever he said to Ryan would
stay with Ryan, that he was like family, and beyond trustworthy. “Well… we took Andy—that's Lydia's son—from her sister's house
over to Matt's
apartment together. Maybe a twenty minute drive. We were
dropping
him off to sleep over there tonight. He's three and a half. I tried to talk to Andy a little as we went, Lydia was talking to both of us… I don't know if you know, but Andy can't really talk. He has a severe
speech delay. He just started going to a special school to get more help.”

Ryan nodded. “Mel told me.”

“Okay. So, you know, talking with him is hard. But he's such a sweet kid. He just babbles away, these singsongy nonsense sounds, and he smiles at you… really adorable.” Sam paused to take another sip of his scotch. “When we got to Matt's apartment building, we
parked, and I stayed in the car while Lydia brought Andy up to his father. She hasn't told him about us yet, so I waited downstairs in the car. I had my phone; I shot off some texts, checked email, blah blah blah… and all of a sudden, it hit me.”

Sam shook his head, a gesture of regret. “It hit me that if Lydia and I get any more serious, and things really evolve… am I, like, stealing this guy's family from him? They’re so recently divorced. I mean, Lydia and Andy are a package deal. And I have
no
problem
with that. Andy's
a great kid, sweet as can be. But all of a sudden I was thinking about what Matt's reaction might be when she tells him she's got a new boyfriend, and I know if it was me, hearing that some guy was moving in on my ex-wife and my kid… I don't know. I don't know
what the hell I'm trying to say.” Sam grabbed his glass and threw back three harsh swallows of the golden liquid, finishing it off. He felt his head swim for a second and welcomed it. “You know what, forget it. I’m a rambling jackass. Forget everything I said.”

“No way.” Ryan leaned in and said quietly, “Listen to me. You're not taking away this guy's family. They aren't a family anymore. Lydia and Matt are now two separate entities, with one thing in common: their child. There's no guilt to be had here, Sam.
You're no home
wrecker. Lydia was legally divorced when you met her, and she was on her own for a long time before they signed the papers.” He cleared his throat, took a quick sip of his drink. “And according to Mel, Lydia was the one who wanted the divorce, she told Matt she
wanted out. It's not like she's sitting there pining for him, nursing a broken heart. Some
broken self-esteem, maybe, but not a broken heart. So don't go looking for guilt when there's none to be had, you know? Seriously.”

Sam nodded, his eyes on the table for a minute before he looked up.
“Okay. Thanks.”

“Hey. I'm not just saying that to make you feel better,” Ryan
said. “You know I wouldn't do that. And this is the perfect opportunity for me to tell you if I thought otherwise. I don't. But I've gotta admit, I'm a little surprised to hear you say any of that at all. To hear Alec tell it, you knew from the get go that she was newly divorced, with a kid, and you just didn't give a crap.”

Sam chuckled wryly. “He's right about that much, at least. I
didn't. I just saw
her
.”

“Well, that's fine. Because that's all there is. Well, her, and her son.”

Sam nodded again as he rubbed his jaw, deep in thought. He fidgeted with his empty glass, felt the soft beginnings of an alcohol
buzz shooting through him. His voice dropped as he admitted in a low tone, “You know something? The fact that she has a child already actually makes things
easier
for me, because she's not
worried her clock is ticking and is getting desperate to have a kid. That pressure is off. So a relationship between us can just be about what we have to offer
each other. And I really…” He shook his head and laughed
derisively at himself. “
Wow.
I gotta lay off the scotch.”