Winning Him Without Words: 10 Keys to Thriving in Your Spiritually Mismatched Marriage (21 page)

Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for and hope for and expect the Lord! (Ps. 31:24, AMP)
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Those who reverently and worship fully fear You will see me and be glad, because I have hoped in Your word and tarried for it (Ps. 119:74, AMP)
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But those who wait on the L
ORD
will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint (Isa. 40:31, NLT)
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Hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently (Rom. 8:24-25)
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Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer (Rom. 12:12)
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May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit (Rom. 15:13)
.

1
. Special thanks to Dr. Kevin Meador and his team at Prayer Closet Ministries, Inc. for allowing us to share this list of Scriptures to pray and the “Six Questions” method of prayer evangelism; see
http://www.prayerclosetministries.org/assets/PDF/Praying%20For%20the%20Lost.pdf
.

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them
.

DEUTERONOMY 4:9

One morning as I was driving to the airport to pick up my husband, I reflected on the previous day’s excitement. My youngest daughter, just six at the time, had prayed with me to accept Jesus into her heart. As the importance of this life-altering moment in her young life struck me again, tears sprung to my eyes. I realized I couldn’t share one of the most significant events in our daughter’s life with my spouse. My heart broke.

I’m sure you’ve experienced your own heartbreak because of your faith differences. It’s part of the ache of being spiritually mismatched. But one day I had an idea to help assuage that pain and prepare a gift for my husband down the road. I’d like to think that he would want to know about landmark faith events in our lives after he comes to faith.

A Family Faith Record is like a photo album with a focus. If you’re a scrapbooker, I’m betting all kinds of ideas are floating
around in that creative head of yours. Imagine pages filled with dates, journal entries, and even pictures of baptisms, lists of answered prayers and audio recordings of how God worked in amazing ways in the lives of your family. These are the events with eternal results your spouse can’t see right now but one day will have the heart and mindset to understand.

If scrapbooking seems too overwhelming, simply keep a journal and write down the dates and events, as I do. Lynn uses a daily Bible in which she carefully records the date of each special event.

Imagine the gift you would be giving your spouse to show how you prayed for him and stood in the gap with Jesus during the time he didn’t know Christ. The beauty of such a record is not just the gift of enlightenment but a permanent family faith history that will bless your children and grandchildren.

Be as casual or fancy as you’d like and start your Family Faith Record today. Keep a simple notebook where you note events and prayers along with significant papers and pictures tucked into the pages. Or go all out and create a full album with colored pages and photo images. Gather journal entries and include them, and embellish the album with stickers and pieces of memorabilia like the church program listing your child’s name for a baptism or in a Christmas play.

A legacy of faith is the most important gift we will give to our family. Be creative and tuck away those priceless moments, not only for your spouse but also for generations to come.

The greatest among you will be your servant. For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted
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MATTHEW 23:11-12

Leading a small group is one of the most rewarding investments you will make for the kingdom of God. Thank you for giving your time, love and prayers to help others discover hope and healing for their marriages. Both of us thank you, and we have prayed, asking the Lord to bless you as you facilitate this study. Please tell us when your group will be meeting so that we can pray for you during your study (contact us through our website,
http://www.spirituallyunequalmarriage.com
).

• Each week, greet the women as they arrive. Love on them. Make them feel welcome and comfortable.

• Listen more and talk less. Keep confidences. Encourage the women to share, and assure them that your meeting will be a safe place where they are free to be authentic.

• Encourage uplifting talk of husbands and let the women know that your group is not a place for husband bashing.

• Encourage each member of your group to speak. Although there are some individuals who can share easily, do not allow them to dominate a conversation. Steer the conversation to allow everyone a chance to contribute. Thank those who share frequently, and then ask someone who is quiet to share their thoughts.

• Always use the Bible as the basis for truth in your group. Allow for differences of opinion, and for the women to search out and provide Scriptures to support their opinions.

• Use your discernment, share your heart with authenticity, and allow yourself to be vulnerable without making the group uncomfortable.

• Be sensitive to your members’ time. Begin the meeting on time and end it on time.

• Remind the women to silence their cellular phones.

• Invite the Holy Spirit into your group and expect the love of Christ to transform lives and marriages.

• If at any time you feel any of the members may be in a marriage where abuse or addiction is present, privately encourage her to seek professional Christian counseling.

• Have a box of tissues nearby.

This is an 11-week study. After an introductory session, each week’s study will consist of highlights from the chapter content and a review of the discovery questions.

The week leading up to your introductory session, cover your study and the women who will be attending with prayers of protection and a fresh anointing of the Holy Spirit. Call each participant, introduce yourself as the group leader, and remind each person of the meeting date and time and any other pertinent details. Let the participants know that you are praying for them. Share your excitement over what God has prepared for your group.

Any study that deals with intimate marriage issues will require discernment and sensitivity. Be aware that some women in your group struggle with the concept (or label) of being unequally yoked. Also, be aware that some women who join your group are married to a professed believer, but they are uncertain of his faith condition. Make each group member welcome regardless of their spouse’s faith. Your group was hand selected by God, and you can expect Him to change lives.

Consider having beverages available as well as nametags. Also have copies of the Member Class Form prepared to hand out and a supply of pens and pencils.

Welcome the women and get to know them as they arrive.

Begin with prayer.

Introduce yourself and share your story. Provide the group members with your name, phone number and email address.

Break the ice. Do something fun and easy. For example, have each woman choose an object from her purse and share how it signifies her life.

Review the schedule of the study: time, dates and other information such as a snack schedule if applicable.

Review the study format. Explain that as the group leader, you will highlight specifics from each chapter that are key concepts and the group will discuss them. Then you will review the study questions together and conclude with prayer.

Ask for prayer requests. An easy way to do this is to pass out index cards and have the women write out their requests. Have each person pass her card to her neighbor on the right, and direct that person to pray over that request for the week.

Remind the group why they are there: to study the Bible and grow in their relationship with Christ, to understand marriage according to God’s design, and to learn how to be a vital participant in His plan.

Review the Small-Group Agreement, and then have each participant sign it and let them keep it as a reminder.

Have each participant complete the Member Class Form and turn it in to you.

Pass out the book and assign the reading of the first chapter and the discovery questions at the end of the chapter.

Time permitting, ask the participants what they are expecting to learn from this study.

Close with prayer.

Welcome the women back with affection. Begin the session with prayer, inviting the Holy Spirit into your study group. Ask your members what impact praying for Jesus to be on the throne of their life is having in their life. Encourage them to continue praying for this for at least the next three weeks, if not longer. Offer an overview of the content. Review the questions and ask for volunteers to share their answers.

As this is the first session, be patient with the silence and be sensitive to the fact that the first week we tackle a difficult issue: loneliness in marriage. Encourage the women to share personal
stories and guide the conversation to discuss how the women can find a community of support.

Assign reading and questions for next week, and close with prayer.

Welcome returning members and any new members to your group. Begin the session with prayer. Ask the group members to share how they are keeping their appointment with the King and how that time with God impacts their life.

If you have ever spiritually ambushed your husband, share your story with the group and tell what the results were. Review the questions and ask volunteers to share their answers.

Ask a member to read aloud 1 Peter 3:1 before volunteers share their answer to question 4.

Assign reading and questions for next week, and close with prayer.

(
Suggestion
: If possible and financially feasible, schedule a date and time this week to meet as a group at a Christian bookstore. Look over the daily Bible selections for those who need a Bible and can afford to purchase one. You can also purchase daily Bibles through our website, spirituallyunequalmarriage.com.)

Begin the session with prayer.

Have a group member read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 to the group and then begin the discussion and review of the questions. Ask members to share how they are intentional about staying connected to their spouse.

If possible, use a whiteboard or a large sheet of paper to list the qualities the group members appreciate about their husband. Leave the list up during the session. This is a great visual to further the impact of this chapter.

Be sensitive to the final sections of this chapter and allow the women to discuss challenges. Also encourage them to be intentional with regard to bedroom intimacy.

Assign reading and questions for next week, and close with prayer.

Begin the session with prayer. Ask the group members how they’re doing with the homework and encourage them to keep going.

During this session, ask the group members if they discovered areas where they need to respect their husbands more. If possible, and as they are comfortable in doing so, also encourage volunteers to share examples of unmet expectations in their marriage. Then explore how God can meet those needs in a much better and complete way. Ask if any of the women in the group are willing to share their list of unanswered prayers and if they found they had placed their hope in the wrong place. Celebrate each revelation as a new beginning to place their hope in God and bring more peace to their lives and marriages. Remind them that they will fill in the third column after they read
chapter 10
.

Assign reading and questions for next week and close with prayer. Ask one of the members to share the prayer she created from Ecclesiastes 3:11 and to pray for the husbands of the group members. Suggest the women either watch their wedding video or look through their wedding album in preparation for next week’s lesson.

Begin the session with prayer. Ask the group members if they were able to watch their wedding video or look at their wedding
photos. Ask what memories or emotions this brought to mind.

Be especially sensitive during this session to any of the members who are still feeling shame because of their situation. This is a chance to help them walk out of this painful place and into God’s freedom. Ask the members how they have been or want to be the aroma of Christ to their spouse.

Ask the members if they are starting to see how God is blessing their marriage and how their husband is a blessing as well. As the women are comfortable, have them share any trials they have gone through or are going through. Encourage them to share the good God brought or is bringing out of those circumstances.

Assign reading and questions for next week, and close with prayer. Point out study question 5 in
chapter 6
, and ask the members to plan something special—a date night, a love letter, a special meal—for their spouse before next week’s meeting.

Begin the session with prayer. Ask the group members what the outcome of their special plan with their spouse was. Ask if their husband reacted in unexpected ways.