William Shakespeare's Star Wars (7 page)

BEING 1
Negola d’waghi wooldugger!

BEING 2
—I say!

He liketh not thy look.

LUKE
—Forgive me, Sir.

[
Aside:
] Nor do I like his face, yet do I groan?

BEING 2
I do not like thy look. Indeed, young lad,

I bite my thumb at thee. Proceed with care,

For we two men are wanted by the law.

Aye, I have earn’d the penalty of death

In many systems, and would gladly earn

It here as well, if thou provoke me to’t.

LUKE
[
aside:
] I would, mayhap, be fearful if this man

Hath even shoulder height on me attain’d.

[
To Being 2:
] Tut, careful shall I be.

BEING 2
—Thou shalt be dead!

[Obi-Wan approaches
.

OBI-WAN
Pray, peace, this little lad’s not worth thy time.

Now come, let us be friends, my goodly Sir,

Then shall we to thy health and welfare drink.

[Being 2 strikes Luke; Obi-Wan brandishes his lightsaber, injuring Being 2 and severing Being 1’s arm. Exeunt Beings 1 and 2.

OBI-WAN
[
aside:
] I have no wish or purpose here to fight,

Yet have these drunkards left me little choice.

But there is yet a lesson to be learn’d:

This Obi-Wan, though old, hath still the gift.

[
To Luke:
] Chewbacca here doth service as first mate

Upon a ship that may our purpose meet.

HAN
Han Solo at thy service, gentlemen,

The great
Millenn’um Falcon
is my ship.

My first mate Chewie telleth me ye seek

Safe passage to the system Alderaan.

OBI-WAN
Aye, true, if ’tis a vessel swift of flight.

HAN
“A vessel swift of flight,” thou say’st? Hast thou

Not heard of the
Millenn’um Falcon
, Sir?

OBI-WAN
[
aside:
] Now shall he boast. But if his ship we’d have,

Some boasting we’ll endure. [
To Han:
] Nay, should I have?

HAN
’Tis but the ship that hath the Kessel run

Accomplish’d in twelve parsecs, nothing more.

Imperi’l starships have I slyly ’scap’d,

But nothing more of that. And neither do

I speak about bulk-cruisers small, but vast

Corelli’n ships, yet nothing more, no more.

I shall not brag about her speed, good Sir.

Suffice to say the ship shall fill thy needs,

As she’s the fastest e’er. But nothing more.

LUKE
[
aside:
] Aye, nothing more, I wish he’d hold his peace.

This man, it seems, doth love his ship far more

Than ere I saw a man his woman love.

HAN
Pray tell, what shall the cargo be?

OBI-WAN
—Myself,

The boy, two droids, and ne’er a question ask’d.

HAN
’Tis what, a touch of local trouble here?

OBI-WAN
Nay, let us simply say it thus: we would

Imperial entanglements avoid.

HAN
Aye, there’s the rub, so shalt thou further pay.

Ten thousand is the cost, and ev’ry bit

Shalt thou deliver ere we leave the dock.

LUKE
Ten thousand? Fie! We could our own ship buy

For such a sum as this.

HAN
—A goodly jest!

For who should pilot such a ship—shouldst thou?

LUKE
Thou knave, I could indeed! A pilot skill’d

Am I in my own right. [
To Obi-Wan:
] Now should we stay,

And be abusèd more by this man’s words?

OBI-WAN
Two thousand can we render to thee now,

And fifteen more deliver when we come

With safety unto Alderaan’s bright port.

HAN
Say, seventeen? Congratulations, men,

Thou hast a ship secur’d, and we’ll depart

Whene’er thou art prepar’d. Thou shalt find me

At docking harbor number ninety-four.

OBI-WAN
Aye, ninety-four.

HAN
—It seemeth that thou may

Already have provok’d some interest.

[Exeunt Obi-Wan and Luke as stormtroopers pass by
.

CHEWBAC.
Egh.

HAN
—Seventeen! So must they desp’rate be!

This truly may my swift deliv’rance prove.

Go thou unto the ship and be prepar’d.

[Chewbacca exits
.

In times now past have I poor judgments made,

And now these errors plague my very soul.

For freedom I was made—for taking wing!—

Yet as a markèd man I cannot fly.

For bound by debts, by duty and by fear,

I live my life along the razor’s edge:

One part of me that hunts for better life,

And one part hunted for the life I’ve led.

My own existence is a paradox—

A smuggler with a lover’s kindly heart,

A gambler with a noble spirit brave.

I would be better than it seems I am

If ever I transcend the man I was.

Perhaps this new employment shall reveal

The way I shall make straight my crooked path—

Thus heal my past and write a future new.

GREEDO
Na koona t’chuta, Solo?

HAN
—Yes, indeed,

Good Greedo, I have plann’d to make my way

Unto thy Master. Tell thou Jabba plain:

I have obtain’d his money.

GREEDO
—Soong peetch’lay.

Na mala tram pee chock makacheesa.

Na Jabba w’nin chee kosthpa murishan’

Tutyng ye wanya yoskah. Heh heh heh!

Na chas kee nyowyee koo chooskoo.

HAN
—’Tis true,

Yet this time is the money truly mine.

GREEDO
Keh lee chalya chulkah in ting coo’ng koos’.

HAN
[
aside:
] This bounty hunter doth my patience try.

[
To Greedo:
] Nay, nay, I have not money with me now.

Tell Jabba—

GREEDO
—Ny’chi withi! Ayl garu

Puyay enya aru gagu shuku

Shunu pu’aa ipi.

HAN
—But even I

From time to time have boarded been. Dost thou

Believe that e’er I had the choice?

GREEDO
—Dro Jabb’.

Na paknee abnya apna.

HAN
—Nay, not that:

The day when Jabba taketh my dear ship

Shall be the day you find me a grave man.

GREEDO
Nay oo’chlay nooma. Chespeka noofa

Na cringko kaynko, a nachoskanya!

HAN
Aye, true, I’ll warrant thou hast wish’d this day.

[They shoot, Greedo dies
.

[
To innkeeper:
] Pray, goodly Sir, forgive me for the mess.

[
Aside:
] And whether I shot first, I’ll ne’er confess!

[Exeunt
.

VADER
The princess hath shown great resistance to

The mind probe—’twere as if she knew the Force

And hath a Jedi’s blood to overcome

The piercing of her mind by a machine.

Belike it shall some length of time yet be

Until we can extract the thoughts therein.

Enter
A
DMIRAL
M
OTTI
.

MOTTI
The final tests are now complete at last.

And thus my news: the Death Star stands prepar’d.

Aye, fully operational it is.

So, Governor, what course shall we now set?

TARKIN
Perhaps the stubborn princess shall respond

To an alternative persuasiveness.

VADER
I prithee, Tarkin, say: what dost thou mean?

TARKIN
Pray patience, Darth—thou shalt my meaning learn.

Now time it is the power of this Death

Star shown to all shall be. Now, Admiral,

Go forth and set thy course for Alderaan.

MOTTI
I understand thee, and with pride obey.

[Exeunt Grand Moff Tarkin, Commander Tagge, and Admiral Motti
.

VADER
The death of innocents doth bring me joy.

Because the dark side is my chosen path,

The senseless end of others pains me not.

For I have play’d the part of judge severe

And then have been the executioner.

Why would I care for those on Alderaan,

When I have murder’d innocents as they?

’Tis my dark calling, which I do embrace.

To Alderaan we fly on course direct,

And to this feast of death I’ll not object.

[Exit Darth Vader
.

C-3PO
I prithee, lockest thou the door anon!

[They hide behind door
.

Enter
STORMTROOPERS
.

TROOPER 5
This door is lock’d. And as my father oft

Hath said, a lockèd door no mischief makes.

So sure am I that, thus, behind this door

Cannot be found the droids for which we search.

And thus may we move on with conscience clear.

[Exeunt stormtroopers. C-3PO and R2-D2 emerge
.

C-3PO
I’ll tell thee true, I would with Master Luke

Prefer to go than now remain with thee.

I do not know what trouble here may be,

Yet certain am I thou deserv’st the blame.

R2-D2
[
aside:
] I’ll warrant, thou shalt have thy recompense!

[To C-3PO:]
Squeak, whistle, beep, meep, nee, meep, whistle, squeak!

C-3PO
Hold thou thy cursing and most cursèd tongue!

Enter
O
BI
-W
AN
K
ENOBI
and
L
UKE
S
KYWALKER
.

OBI-WAN
Thou must thy speeder sell.

LUKE
—That matters not.

For ne’er shall I return unto this place.

CHORUS
Young Luke doth with a buyer swiftly meet,

And in a trice a hasty deal is wrought.

A speeder sold along a dusty street—

But with the sale new chance for hope is bought.

LUKE
A paltry sum, in truth! Aye, ever since

The XP-38 hath been releas’d,

This model hath but little value. Fie!

OBI-WAN
Fear not—it shall suffice. ’Twill serve our need.

[All stand aside
.

CHORUS
Now while young Luke and Obi-Wan prepare,

Their deeds are watch’d by eyes as yet unseen.

With black beak menacing he spies the pair,

Then comes another fiend with portly mien.

Enter
H
AN
S
OLO
with
C
HEWBACCA
and
J
ABBA THE
H
UTT
with henchmen
.

JABBA
Ba’Solo! Hay lapa no ya, Solo!

HAN
[
aside:
] Now, marry, ’tis an unexpected scene.

[To
Jabba:
] Aye, here, thou Jabba slimy and rotund.

I have awaited long thy coming here.

JABBA
Boonowa tweepi. Heh, ho, ha!

HAN
—Nay, nay!

Thou didst not think that I should run, didst thou?

JABBA
Na-Han mah bukee. Keel-ee c’leya kuk’h.

Wanta dah moolee-rah? Muh wonkee chee

Sa crispo Greedo?

HAN
—Next time thou dost wish

To counsel hold with me, pray come thyself!

Send not thy churlish dismal-dreaming knaves.

JABBA
Han, Han. Make-cheesay. Pa’sa tah nay

Ono caulky malia. Ee youngee

D’emperiolo teesaw. Twa spastik’

Wahl no. Yanee dah poo noo.

HAN
—Nay, see here!

As I have said before—O verily,

’Tis though I just have said thus—even I

From time to time have boarded been. Dost thou

Believe that e’er I had the choice? [
Aside:
] Aye, true,

It sometimes seemeth I repeat myself.