William Shakespeare: The Complete Works 2nd Edition (527 page)

Enter Edgar

⌈
He reads a book
⌉

⌈
Horns within
⌉

Horns within. Enter King Lear and attendants from hunting

Enter Oswald the steward

You, you, sirrah, where’s my daughter?

OSWALD So please you—

Exit

LEAR What says the fellow there? Call the clotpoll back.

Exit a knight

Where’s my fool? Ho, I think the world’s asleep.

Enter a Knight

 

How now? Where’s that mongrel?

KNIGHT He says, my lord, your daughter is not well.

LEAR Why came not the slave back to me when I called him?

KNIGHT Sir, he answered me in the roundest manner he would not.

LEAR A would not?

KNIGHT My lord, I know not what the matter is, but to my judgement your highness is not entertained with that ceremonious affection as you were wont. There’s a great abatement of kindness appears as well in the general dependants as in the Duke himself also, and your daughter.

LEAR Ha, sayst thou so?

KNIGHT I beseech you pardon me, my lord, if I be mistaken, for my duty cannot be silent when I think your highness wronged.

LEAR Thou but rememberest me of mine own conception. I have perceived a most faint neglect of late, which I have rather blamed as mine own jealous curiosity than as a very pretence and purpose of unkindness. I will look further into’t. But where’s my fool? I have not seen him these two days.

KNIGHT Since my young lady’s going into France, sir, the fool hath much pined away.

LEAR No more of that, I have noted it well. Go you and tell my daughter I would speak with her. ⌈
Exit one
⌉ Go you, call hither my fool. ⌈
Exit one
⌉

Enter Oswald the steward
⌈
crossing
the
stage
⌉

 

O you, sir, you, come you hither, sir, who am I, sir? OSWALD My lady’s father.

LEAR My lady’s father? My lord’s knave, you whoreson dog, you slave, you cur!

OSWALD I am none of these, my lord, I beseech your pardon.

LEAR Do you bandy looks with me, you rascal?

⌈
Lear strikes him
⌉

 

OSWALD I’ll not be strucken, my lord.

KENT ⌈
tripping him
⌉ Nor tripped neither, you base football player.

LEAR (to Kent) I thank thee, fellow. Thou serv’st me, and

I’ll love thee.

KENT (
to Oswald
) Come, sir, arise, away. I’ll teach you differences. Away, away. If you will measure your lubber’s length again, tarry; but away, go to. Have you wisdom? So.
Exit Oswald

LEAR Now, my friendly knave, I thank thee.

Enter Lear’s Fool

 

There’s earnest of thy service.

He gives Kent money

 

FOOL Let me hire him, too. (
To Kent
) Here’s my coxcomb.

LEAR How now, my pretty knave, how dost thou?

FOOL (to Kent) Sirrah, you were best take my coxcomb.

LEAR Why, my boy?

FOOL Why? For taking one’s part that’s out of favour. (
To Kent
) Nay, an thou canst not smile as the wind sits, thou’lt catch cold shortly. There, take my coxcomb. Why, this fellow has banished two on’s daughters and did the third a blessing against his will. If thou follow him, thou must needs wear my coxcomb. (
To Lear
) How now, nuncle? Would I had two coxcombs and two daughters.

LEAR Why, my boy?

FOOL If I gave them all my living I’d keep my coxcombs myself. There’s mine; beg another off thy daughters.

LEAR Take heed, sirrah—the whip.

FOOL Truth’s a dog must to kennel. He must be whipped out when the Lady Brach may stand by th’ fire and stink.

LEAR A pestilent gall to me!

FOOL ⌈
to Kent
⌉ Sirrah, I’ll teach thee a speech.

LEAR Do.

FOOL Mark it, nuncle:

Have more than thou showest,
Speak less than thou knowest,
Lend less than thou owest,
Ride more than thou goest,
Learn more than thou trowest,
Set less than thou throwest,
Leave thy drink and thy whore,
And keep in-a-door,
And thou shalt have more
Than two tens to a score.

 

KENT This is nothing, fool.

FOOL Then ’tis like the breath of an unfee’d lawyer: you gave me nothing for’t. (
To Lear)
Can you make no use of nothing, nuncle?

LEAR Why no, boy. Nothing can be made out of nothing.

FOOL (
to Kent
) Prithee, tell him so much the rent of his land comes to. He will not believe a fool.

LEAR A bitter fool.

FOOL Dost know the difference, my boy, between a bitter fool and a sweet one?

LEAR No, lad. Teach me.

FOOL Nuncle, give me an egg, and I’ll give thee two crowns.

LEAR What two crowns shall they be?

FOOL Why, after I have cut the egg i‘th’ middle and eat up the meat, the two crowns of the egg. When thou clovest thy crown i’th’ middle and gavest away both parts, thou borest thine ass o‘th’ back o’er the dirt. Thou hadst little wit in thy bald crown when thou gavest thy golden one away. If I speak like myself in this, let him be whipped that first finds it so. ⌈
Sings
⌉ Fools had ne’er less grace in a year,

For wise men are grown foppish,

And know not how their wits to wear,

Their manners are so apish.

 

LEAR When were you wont to be so full of songs, sirrah?

FOOL I have used it, nuncle, e’er since thou madest thy daughters thy mothers; for when thou gavest them the rod and puttest down thine own breeches, ⌈
Sings
⌉ Then they for sudden joy did weep,

And I for sorrow sung,

That such a king should play bo-peep

And go the fools among.

 

Prithee, nuncle, keep a schoolmaster that can teach thy fool to lie. I would fain learn to lie.

LEAR An you lie, sirrah, we’ll have you whipped.

FOOL I marvel what kin thou and thy daughters are. They’ll have me whipped for speaking true, thou‘lt have me whipped for lying, and sometimes I am whipped for holding my peace. I had rather be any kind o’ thing than a fool; and yet I would not be thee, nuncle. Thou hast pared thy wit o’ both sides and left nothing i’th’ middle.

Enter Goneril

 

Here comes one o’ the parings.

LEAR

How now, daughter? What makes that frontlet on?
You are too much of late i’th’ frown.

FOOL Thou wast a pretty fellow when thou hadst no need to care for her frowning. Now thou art an O without a figure. I am better than thou art, now. I am a fool; thou art nothing. ⌈
To Goneril
⌉ Yes, forsooth, I will hold my tongue; so your face bids me, though you say nothing.

⌈
Sings
⌉ Mum, mum.

He that keeps nor crust nor crumb,
Weary of all, shall want some.

 

That’s a shelled peascod.

GONERIL (
to Lear
)

Not only, sir, this your all-licensed fool,
But other of your insolent retinue
Do hourly carp and quarrel, breaking forth
In rank and not-to-be-endured riots. Sir,
I had thought by making this well known unto you
To have found a safe redress, but now grow fearful,
By what yourself too late have spoke and done,
That you protect this course, and put it on
By your allowance; which if you should, the fault
Would not scape censure, nor the redresses sleep
Which in the tender of a wholesome weal
Might in their working do you that offence,
Which else were shame, that then necessity
Will call discreet proceeding.

FOOL (
to Lear
) For, you know, nuncle,

⌈
Sings
⌉ The hedge-sparrow fed the cuckoo so long
That it’s had it head bit off by it young;
so out went the candle, and we were left darkling.

LEAR (
to Goneril
) Are you our daughter?

GONERIL

I would you would make use of your good wisdom,
Whereof I know you are fraught, and put away
These dispositions which of late transport you
From what you rightly are.

FOOL May not an ass know when the cart draws the horse? ⌈
Sings
⌉ ‘Whoop, jug, I love thee!’

LEAR

Does any here know me? This is not Lear.
Does Lear walk thus, speak thus? Where are his eyes?
Either his notion weakens, his discernings
Are lethargied—ha, waking? ’Tis not so.
Who is it that can tell me who I am?

FOOL Lear’s shadow.

LEAR (
to Goneril
) Your name, fair gentlewoman?

GONERIL

This admiration, sir, is much o’th’ savour
Of other your new pranks. I do beseech you
To understand my purposes aright,
As you are old and reverend, should be wise.
Here do you keep a hundred knights and squires,
Men so disordered, so debauched and bold
That this our court, infected with their manners,
Shows like a riotous inn. Epicurism and lust
Makes it more like a tavern or a brothel
Than a graced palace. The shame itself doth speak
For instant remedy. Be then desired,
By her that else will take the thing she begs,
A little to disquantity your train,
And the remainders that shall still depend
To be such men as may besort your age,
Which know themselves and you.

LEAR Darkness and devils!

Saddle my horses, call my train together!—

⌈
Exit one or more
⌉

Degenerate bastard, I’ll not trouble thee.
Yet have I left a daughter.

GONERIL

You strike my people, and your disordered rabble
Make servants of their betters.

Enter the Duke of Albany

 

LEAR

Woe that too late repents!

Is it your will? Speak, sir.—Prepare my horses.

⌈
Exit one or more
⌉

Ingratitude, thou marble-hearted fiend,
More hideous when thou show’st thee in a child
Than the sea-monster—

ALBANY Pray sir, be patient.

LEAR (
to Goneril
) Detested kite, thou liest.

My train are men of choice and rarest parts,
That all particulars of duty know,
And in the most exact regard support
The worships of their name. O most small fault,
How ugly didst thou in Cordelia show,
Which, like an engine, wrenched my frame of nature
From the fixed place, drew from my heart all love,
And added to the gall! O Lear, Lear, Lear!
Beat at this gate that let thy folly in
And thy dear judgement out.—Go, go, my people!

ALBANY

My lord, I am guiltless, as I am ignorant
Of what hath moved you.

LEAR It may be so, my lord.

Hear, nature; hear, dear goddess, hear:
Suspend thy purpose if thou didst intend
To make this creature fruitful.
Into her womb convey sterility.
Dry up in her the organs of increase,
And from her derogate body never spring
A babe to honour her. If she must teem,
Create her child of spleen, that it may live
And be a thwart disnatured torment to her.
Let it stamp wrinkles in her brow of youth,
With cadent tears fret channels in her cheeks,
Turn all her mother’s pains and benefits
To laughter and contempt, that she may feel—
That she may feel
How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is
To have a thankless child. Away, away!

Exeunt Lear,
⌈
Kent, and attendants
⌉

ALBANY

Now, gods that we adore, whereof comes this?

GONERIL

Never afflict yourself to know more of it,
But let his disposition have that scope
As dotage gives it.

Enter King Lear

 

LEAR

What, fifty of my followers at a clap?
Within a fortnight?