William Shakespeare: The Complete Works 2nd Edition (240 page)

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Authors: William Shakespeare

Tags: #Drama, #Literary Criticism, #Shakespeare

BOOK: William Shakespeare: The Complete Works 2nd Edition
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With liver burning hot. Prevent,
Or go thou like Sir Actaeon, he,
With Ringwood at thy heels.
O, odious is the name!
FORD What name, sir?
PISTOL The horn, I say. Farewell.
Take heed; have open eye; for thieves do foot by night.
Take heed ere summer comes, or cuckoo-birds do
sing.—
Away, Sir Corporal Nim!—Believe it, Page; he speaks
sense.
Exit
FORD (
aside
) I will be patient. I will find out this.
NIM (
to Page
) And this is true. I like not the humour of lying. He hath wronged me in some humours. I should have borne the humoured letter to her; but I have a sword, and it shall bite upon my necessity. He loves your wife. There’s the short and the long. My name is Corporal Nim. I speak and I avouch ’tis true.
My name is Nim, and Falstaff loves your wife. Adieu.
I love not the humour of bread and cheese. Adieu.
Exit
PAGE (
aside
) The humour of it, quoth a? Here’s a fellow frights English out of his wits.
FORD (
aside
) I will seek out Falstaff.
PAGE (
aside
) I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue.
FORD (
aside
) If I do find it—well.
PAGE (
aside
) I will not believe such a Cathayan though the priest o’th’ town commended him for a true man.
FORD (
aside
) ’Twas a good, sensible fellow. Well.
Mistress Page and Mistress Ford come forward
 
PAGE How now, Meg?
MISTRESS PAGE Whither go you, George? Hark you.
They talk apart
 
MISTRESS FORD How now, sweet Frank? Why art thou melancholy?
FORD I melancholy? I am not melancholy. Get you home, go.
MISTRESS FORD Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head now. Will you go, Mistress Page?
MISTRESS PAGE Have with you.—You’ll come to dinner, George?
Enter Mistress Quickly
 
(
Aside to Mistress Ford
) Look who comes yonder. She shall be our messenger to this paltry knight.
MISTRESS FORD (
aside to Mistress Page
) Trust me, I thought on her. She’ll fit it.
MISTRESS PAGE (
to Mistress Quickly)
You are come to see my daughter Anne?
MISTRESS QUICKLY Ay, forsooth; and I pray how does good Mistress Anne?
MISTRESS PAGE Go in with us and see. We have an hour’s talk with you.
Exeunt Mistress Page, Mistress Ford, and Mistress Quickly
PAGE How now, Master Ford?
FORD You heard what this knave told me, did you not?
PAGE Yes, and you heard what the other told me?
FORD Do you think there is truth in them?
PAGE Hang ’em, slaves! I do not think the knight would offer it. But these that accuse him in his intent towards our wives are a yoke of his discarded men—very rogues, now they be out of service.
FORD Were they his men?
PAGE Marry, were they.
FORD I like it never the better for that. Does he lie at the Garter?
PAGE Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage toward my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my head.
FORD I do not misdoubt my wife, but I would be loath to turn them together. A man may be too confident. I would have nothing lie on my head. I cannot be thus satisfied.
Enter the Host of the Garter
 
PAGE Look where my ranting Host of the Garter comes. There is either liquor in his pate or money in his purse when he looks so merrily.—How now, mine Host?
HOST God bless you, bully rook, God bless you! Thou’rt a gentleman.
Enter Shallow
 
Cavaliero Justice, I say!
SHALLOW I follow, mine Host, I follow.—Good even and twenty, good Master Page. Master Page, will you go with us? We have sport in hand.
HOST Tell him, Cavaliero Justice, tell him, bully rook.
SHALLOW Sir, there is a fray to be fought between Sir Hugh, the Welsh priest, and Caius, the French doctor.
FORD Good mine Host o’th’ Garter, a word with you.
HOST What sayst thou, my bully rook?
They talk apart
 
SHALLOW (
to Page
) Will you go with us to behold it? My merry Host hath had the measuring of their weapons, and, I think, hath appointed them contrary places. For, believe me, I hear the parson is no jester. Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be.
They talk apart
 
HOST (
to Ford
) Hast thou no suit against my knight, my guest cavaliero?
⌈FORD⌉ None, I protest. But I’ll give you a pottle of burnt sack to give me recourse to him and tell him my name is Brooke—only for a jest.
HOST My hand, bully. Thou shalt have egress and regress—said I well?—and thy name shall be Brooke. It is a merry knight. (
To Shallow and Page
) Will you go, mijn’heers?
SHALLOW Have with you, mine Host.
PAGE I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in his rapier.
SHALLOW Tut, sir, I could have told you more. In these times you stand on distance—your passes, stoccados, and I know not what. ‘Tis the heart, Master Page; ⌈
showing his rapier-passes
⌉ ’tis here, ’tis here. I have seen the time with my long sword I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats.
HOST Here, boys; here, here! Shall we wag?
PAGE Have with you. I had rather hear them scold than fight.
Exeunt Host, Shallow, and Page
FORD Though Page be a secure fool and stands so firmly on his wife’s frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily. She was in his company at Page’s house, and what they made there I know not. Well, I will look further into’t; and I have a disguise to sound Falstaff. If I find her honest, I lose not my labour. If she be otherwise, ’tis labour well bestowed.
Exit
2.2
Enter Sir John Falstaff and Pistol
 
SIR JOHN I will not lend thee a penny.
PISTOL
I will retort the sum in equipage.
SIR JOHN Not a penny.
PISTOL ⌈
drawing his sword
⌉ Why then, the world’s mine oyster, which I with sword will open.
SIR JOHN Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you should lay my countenance to pawn. I have grated upon my good friends for three reprieves for you and your coach-fellow Nim, or else you had looked through the grate like a gemini of baboons. I am damned in hell for swearing to gentlemen my friends you were good soldiers and tall fellows. And when Mistress Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took’t upon mine honour thou hadst it not.
PISTOL
Didst not thou share? Hadst thou not fifteen pence?
SIR JOHN Reason, you rogue, reason. Thinkest thou I’ll endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more about me. I am no gibbet for you. Go, a short knife and a throng, to your manor of Pickt-hatch, go. You’ll not bear a letter for me, you rogue? You stand upon your honour? Why, thou unconfinable baseness, it is as much as I can do to keep the terms of my honour precise. Ay, ay, I myself sometimes, leaving the fear of God on the left hand, and hiding mine honour in my necessity, am fain to shuffle, to hedge, and to lurch; and yet you, you rogue, will ensconce your rags, your cat-a-mountain looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your bold beating oaths, under the shelter of your honour! You will not do it, you?
PISTOL ⌈
sheathing his sword
⌉
I do relent. What wouldst thou more of man?
Enter Robin
 
ROBIN Sir, here’s a woman would speak with you.
SIR JOHN Let her approach.
Enter Mistress Quickly
 
MISTRESS QUICKLY Give your worship good morrow.
SIR JOHN Good morrow, goodwife.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Not so, an’t please your worship.
SIR JOHN Good maid, then.
MISTRESS QUICKLY I’ll be sworn: as my mother was the first hour I was born.
SIR JOHN I do believe the swearer. What with me?
MISTRESS QUICKLY Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two?
SIR JOHN Two thousand, fair woman, and I’ll vouchsafe thee the hearing.
MISTRESS QUICKLY There is one Mistress Ford, sir—I pray come a little nearer this ways.
She draws Sir John aside
 
I myself dwell with Master Doctor Caius—
SIR JOHN Well, on. Mistress Ford, ybu say.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Your worship says very true. I pray your worship come a little nearer this ways.
SIR JOHN I warrant thee nobody hears. Mine own people, mine own people.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Are they so? God bless them and make them His servants!
SIR JOHN Well, Mistress Ford: what of her?
MISTRESS QUICKLY Why, sir, she’s a good creature. Lord, Lord, your worship’s a wanton! Well, heaven forgive you, and all of us, I pray—
SIR JOHN Mistress Ford; come, Mistress Ford.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Marry, this is the short and the long of it. You have brought her into such a canaries as ’tis wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her to such a canary. Yet there has been knights, and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches; I warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter, gift after gift, smelling so sweetly, all musk; and so rustling, I warrant you, in silk and gold, and in such aligant terms, and in such wine and sugar of the best and the fairest, that would have won any woman’s heart; and, I warrant you, they could never get an eye-wink of her. I had myself twenty angels given me this morning—but I defy all angels, in any such sort, as they say, but in the way of honesty. And, I warrant you, they could never get her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of them all. And yet there has been earls, nay, which is more, pensioners. But, I warrant you, all is one with her.
SIR JOHN But what says she to me? Be brief, my good she-Mercury.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Marry, she hath received your letter, for the which she thanks you a thousand times, and she gives you to notify that her husband will be absence from his house between ten and eleven.
SIR JOHN Ten and eleven.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Ay, forsooth, and then you may come and see the picture, she says, that you wot of. Master Ford, her husband, will be from home. Alas, the sweet woman leads an ill life with him. He’s a very jealousy man. She leads a very frampold life with him, good heart.
SIR JOHN Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to her. I will not fail her.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Why, you say well. But I have another messenger to your worship. Mistress Page hath her hearty commendations to you too; and, let me tell you in your ear, she’s as fartuous a civil modest wife, and one, I tell you, that will not miss you morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoe’er be the other; and she bade me tell your worship that her husband is seldom from home, but she hopes there will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon a man. Surely I think you have charms, la; yes, in truth.
SIR JOHN Not I, I assure thee. Setting the attraction of my good parts aside, I have no other charms.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Blessing on your heart for’t!
SIR JOHN But I pray thee tell me this: has Ford’s wife and Page’s wife acquainted each other how they love me?
MISTRESS QUICKLY O God no, sir; that were a jest indeed! They have not so little grace, I hope. That were a trick indeed! But Mistress Page would desire you to send her your little page of all loves. Her husband has a marvellous infection to the little page; and, truly, Master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in Windsor leads a better life than she does. Do what she will; say what she will; take all, pay all; go to bed when she list; rise when she list; all is as she will. And, truly, she deserves it, for if there be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send her your page, no remedy.

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