Wild Instinct (18 page)

She snatched the neck closed, staring at him with big green eyes the way she always did when he referred to her scars.

“You could.”

He growled again, putting his hand over hers, drawing her fingers away, feeling her tremble. “No. I could not.”

“That’s a lie.”

The hairs on the back of his neck raised as an emotion he couldn’t name shot through his abdomen, settling in a hard knot in his stomach.

“I cannot lie to you.”

She glared at him. “But you can bully me, make me do what you want.”

“You wanted a bath; you were just being stubborn.”

“You assumed.”

“I scented your longing.” Thecorrection was necessary. Too often she judged him by human standards. He was not human. He was Protector. Her Protector. And dammit, she would be happy. Even if she hated him for it.

“You scare me.”

He opened his fingers over the ridges of scar tissue. “Maybe, but you need to trust me.”

Her hand covered his, drawing it away. A hint of his talons showed. She eyed them nervously. “No.”

She would someday. “My talons show because I’m angry.”

Her tongue flicked over her lips in a pink flash of temptation. Everything about her tempted him, her scent, the softness of her hair, the paleness of her skin, the vulnerability in her eyes . . . Damn, that vulnerability.

“I know.”

His fingers pressed ever so gently into the slash of scars over her breast, feeling how deeply the violence was scored, feeling her distrust just as keenly. “But not with you.”

She needed to understand that.

She took a step back. Another and she’d be flat on her ass in the tub.

“I’m not so sure it matters what one of you is angry at.”

He slid his hand over her shoulder, stopping her retreat. Against his fingertips, her ribs expanded on a startled breath. “By ‘one of you,’ I assume you mean werewolves?”

“Yes.”

Every muscle tensed. He pointed out as casually as he could, “You’re about to take a tumble.”

Her eyes didn’t leave his, as if through watching them she could see his intent. She wouldn’t see anything he didn’t allow, but she didn’t know that. She kicked back with her heel. It thudded into the tub.

“Oh.”

He smiled. She was both intelligent and resourceful. Good qualities to have in a mate, wolf or human.

The scent of lavender drifted up from the pass of the vibration through the water, masking most of her distress. He turned the hot water on, freshening the water.

She licked her lips. “The tub is full enough.”

He could still smell the scent of her distress. He dumped another handful of bath salts in the water, reconsidered, and grabbed up the bottle.

Teri’s hand fluttered in an aborted movement before he could dump the contents in. “That’s too much.”

“More can’t hurt.”

“My eyes are watering as it is.”

A quick glance confirmed they were. “Oh.”

So were his, come to think of it. He motioned to the tub with the jar. “Lavender is supposed to be soothing to humans.”

“In small amounts it is.”

He looked at the small apothecary jar. It was half empty. “No problem. We’ll just start over.”

“It’s not necessary.”

“Yes, it is.” He didn’t usually make mistakes. He didn’t like that he was making them with his mate. If this had been the first, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, but starting with bonding her against her will, pretty much his hand had been forced in all their interactions. And today was going to be no different. She was going to eat. Whether she wanted to or not. He handed her the jar. He circled the prominent bones of her wrist with his fingers as she took the jar. There was plenty of grip left to go around. She froze, her gaze locked on his fingers.

Light played off her hair in a feeble attempt to shine. Her immune system was depleted, her body malnourished. That needed to be rectified. “Lunch will be waiting when you finish your bath.”

Teri put the jar very precisely on the sink. Did she hope he wouldn’t see the tremor in her fingers if she did it carefully enough? “I’m not hungry.”

She needs someone sensitive.
Sarah Anne’s words came back to haunt him. With his free hand he touched the dull strands of her hair and ground his teeth down on the retort that it didn’t matter what she wanted. He strove to keep his voice even. “Wait and see how you feel after your bath.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

He wasn’t that successful this time in keeping his voice even. “Do not argue with me.”

“Why? Because you’ve got an overinflated sense of your own importance?”

“Because I’m your mate and my word is law.”

Her eyes flew wide. The jar rattled when her hand bumped it. So much for sensitive. “Not for me.”

Teri was an obstinate woman, even when terrified. He slipped the sleeve of her gown back up over her shoulder. The smoothness of her skin teased his fingertips. She was also a very feminine woman. He imagined he would be attracted to her whether she was his mate or not. It was hard to tell. She stood frozen under his touch. He forced himself to pull his hand away. He would have much rather pulled her to him. And if she had been wolf, he would’ve done just that, letting the bonding pull comfort her. But she was human, and all she felt at the draw of her soul to his was terror.

“What are you doing?”

He drew his hand away, and shook his head. “Being sensitive.”

She blinked, a slow lowering of her eyelids that could have meant anything but, he’d come to realize over the time he’d cared for her, actually meant she was gathering her composure. It was a learned technique. He wondered what it was in her life before he met her that had taught it to her. He waited, wondering what she would say. All he got was a “Thank you.”

He supposed he could work with that. “At least you’re not running screaming for the hills.”

Another blink and then, “Not yet.”

The tiny flash of humor gave him pause. And hope. He reached down and turned off the water. For a brief second the smell of lavender covered the scent of her. He was grateful for the reprieve. He needed it to get his arousal under control. “Just let me know when you feel the urge.”

As he hoped, her curiosity drove her to ask, “Why, so you can chase me down?”

From the acrid scent of fear that flooded over him when he straightened, he didn’t think the same sexy urges were going through her mind as were going through his. He touched her cheek. The thought of her running from him in fear made him sick. “No. So I can open the door for you to run free.”

Teri sank deeper into the fragrant bathwater. The implication of Daire’s parting words rippled around her with the same frequency of the water. He wanted to set her free. From her fears? From the black hollow that was threatening to swallow her whole? From the all-encompassing hold he had on her? She flicked her fingers in the water, settling back against the tub. Her hand instinctively went to the scars running from her neck vertically down over her breast, remembering the heat with which he watched her. She’d seen enough of Sarah Anne’s and Heather’s men to understand that the latter was not an option. Werewolves were very possessive of their mates.

Her hand slipped below the water to cup her empty stomach. She’d often wondered if her child hadn’t been killed, would his father have come for it? The need to procreate was very strong in a werewolf, but half-werewolf children were seen as a source of weakness, not pride. So why had those werewolves raped her? They’d been very clear that their intent was to impregnate her, but why, when their offspring would have been reviled by the pack whose opinion they valued so highly?

She closed her eyes against the memories clawing at the barriers she’d set up against them. That night didn’t deserve to be relived, and she’d vowed it wouldn’t own her, but the baby—dear God she’d wanted her baby. All her life she thought she’d been barren. All her life she’d thought for her there’d be no blood bond connecting her to anyone else in the world, and then out of the ugliest thing that had ever happened to her, there had come that miracle. And she’d wanted it. Her nails dug into her abdomen, everything in her reviling the flatness, the absence of life, the lack of hope. She wanted to cry, scream, rant, but she couldn’t. All she could do was lie there in the soothing bath and feel the darkness grow deeper. Soon it would swallow her and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

“You will not do this.”

There was a time when a man suddenly appearing beside her bath would’ve sent her into a splashing panic. But now, she couldn’t even work up the emotion to cover her breasts. “You’re the one who insisted I wanted a bath.”

The smell of chicken soup teased her nostrils. There was an abstract sensation of hunger, but not enough to get her motivated. Eating required effort and she didn’t have the energy to spare. “I’m not hungry.”

“As I said, you will not do this.”

She kept her eyes closed, not wanting to see Daire’s scarred face that carried so much of his personality. Because if she did, she’d feel that strange need to hug him that threatened to pull her back into the pain of living. She couldn’t go back there. “Just what is it you think I’m doing?”

“Crawling into the grave with your baby.”

The bald truth cut deep.

“It’s not your call.”

Fingers closed under her chin. Pressure tilted her face up. There was nothing brutal in the move, but it was loaded with conviction. She let it slide off into the blackness that rose to meet the emotion. The darkness was not only strong enough to swallow her; it could also protect her. And if she just hid behind it long enough, she’d be safe forever.

“Open your eyes, Teri.”

No, she wasn’t doing that. There were things she didn’t want to see, remember.

“Open your eyes.”

This time the order echoed in her mind, stronger and more compelling, overwhelming the blackness, forcing her to comply. Oh, dear God, he was stronger than the darkness!

Teri shoved against Daire’s hold. Nothing could be stronger than the darkness.

“I am.”

Had he said that or thought it?

She clung to the obvious while she battled the subtle. “You’re telepathic?”

“I’m an ancient. I’m many things.”

Not an answer. Her stomach turned, her brow felt cold and clammy and she couldn’t get her breath. A panic attack. She was having a panic attack.

And he was. Suddenly, there was the kiss of cool air as she was lifted out of the tub and then the warmth of his body and the strength of his arms holding her as the fear grew. Daire settled back into the water with her, unmindful of his clothes and the overflowing tub.

“I need to go to bed,” she whispered. Back to the only place in the world where she felt safe.

“No.”

She dug her nails into his skin, almost laughing hysterically as she realized what she was doing. What threat were her puny human nails against a man who could grow claws big enough to disembowel another with a single swipe?

“I need to go to bed now.” Before she lost her hold on the darkness. Before it could get angry and let her go. Before it left her to deal with everything she couldn’t.

“You need to sit here with me and face your life.”

She didn’t have a life to face. She didn’t have anything.

“You have me and the future I have given you.”

Flashes of the night in the cave razed her mind, and through the kaleidoscope of fear and pain came a promise.

Her scalp tickled from the kiss Daire pressed on her hair. He’d made her that promise. And he was the one breaking it.

“Except you,” she whispered. She had no doubt Daire intended to touch her. He considered her his mate. It would be inconceivable to him to do anything else.

“Is that your fear? Is that why you hide within yourself gathering all the sadness around you like a shield? You fear you have to make love to me?”

How did he know her so well? She shook her head no, not wanting to admit the truth to a man who could read her mind. His hand slipped to her abdomen, covering hers. She hadn’t even realized she’d still been holding herself there, sheltering a baby that no longer existed.

“I will never touch you without your consent.”

“You are now.” His strength was beneath her, around her. In her.

His hair tickled the back of her shoulders as he shook his head. The pressure in the top of her head from his kiss gently slid down her skull until it brushed her ear.

“No. Now I am just responding to that part of you screaming for help. Open your eyes and see the truth.”

Her lids lifted whether she wanted them to or not. Was he forcing her or was she just that desperate? As her gaze met his, he said, “I mourn with you, seelie.”