White Water (42 page)

‘No!’

‘I haven’t finished, Felicity. You said you would hear me.’

‘Go on.’

‘I shall remarry shortly and my own sons would have to take preference with regard to the inheritance. But in all other respects they would be treated exactly as the other children — part of our family. They would receive a good education and marry well. They
are
Kendals, Felicity. You know it in your heart. You cannot deny them their birthright.’

There was a moment’s silence. Her shoulders seemed to sag a little and her lips trembled.

‘I knew you would try to twist me with your words,’ she said, ‘but the boys stay with me. Your offer is kindly meant, I don’t doubt it, and I thank you for it. ’Tis more than Martin would — ’ He detected a trace of bitterness in her voice. ‘I think their future happiness lies here. I love them dearly, Allan. You have no children yet and I cannot expect you to understand. But I could not part with them. It would break my heart. I have lost Martin and they are all I have left in the world.’

‘You will wed Lucas, then?’

‘Aye.’

‘Do you love him?’

‘No. I love Martin. I always will.’

He looked at her despairingly.

‘And will you tell the boys, later, that they were born Kendals?’

It was a telling question and he saw the doubt flicker in her eyes.

‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘I can’t answer you because in truth I had not decided. Lucas will help me know what is best. It may set them apart from their brothers and sisters. It may not be wise.’

‘Is it honest not to tell them?’

She hesitated.

‘Will they resent what you have done, if they do learn of it later?’

‘I cannot answer that, either!’

‘Do you know what is best for them, Felicity? Are you
so
sure? Think hard before you commit them to this life. You can give them much more. I know Heron is not thriving but Hugo was so stubborn. He would not reopen the mine and I shall do so at whatever the cost. I shall
make
it thrive, if it takes the rest of my life to do it. No, I
will
have my say. I shall bring out tin again from that mine if I have to break it out with my bare hands. I have had enough of tragedy and disaster. I am turning my back on all my mistakes and the rest of my life will be very different. I confess to my past errors. I have as many faults as the next man but I will not let them ruin my life. The time has come to tilt the scales and today is the first step in the new direction. Felicity, you must accept — ’

‘I won’t! I don’t!’ She bowed her head. ‘Leave us out of your plans, do you hear me? Take your bright future and I wish you all good fortune. I even admire you for your determination to rise above your unhappy past. We all try and we all fail at times. All we can do is what we feel to be right and honourable. You ask me to give up my sons but I do not feel it to be either right or honourable. I must follow my conscience in the matter, Allan. If time proves me mistaken, I must learn to live with my remorse.’

The child in her arms, distressed by her behaviour, began to cry noisily and she stood up, greatly agitated, and began to rock him.

‘Please go,’ she said, without looking at Allan again. ‘I thank you for coming but you have my answer. You are a good man, Allan, and I wish you only happiness. But please go.’

Allan hesitated and then stood up. He said, ‘If you change your mind, I am staying overnight at the sign of the Red Lion. I shall leave to go home at first light.’

‘I won’t change it, Allan.’

He went out and closed the door quietly behind him, muffling the child’s cries. As he rode away he passed Lucas hurrying home. They eyed each other warily, each raised a hand, then went their respective ways without exchanging a single word.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Allan was awakened next morning by a knock at his door.

‘Come in,’ he called, struggling into wakefulness. The room was still half dark and the disgruntled innkeeper’s wife was glaring at him from the doorway.

‘There’s a young woman to see you,’ she said. ‘At this hour of the morning! ’Tis a downright liberty to wake honest folks from their rest and I told her so in no uncertain terms but she would insist — ’

‘Did she give her name?’ Allan was struggling into his clothes as fast as he could. ‘Is it a Felicity Carr?’

‘Could be. I don’t recall the name although she gave it. Said it was most urgent. It had better be, I told her.’ She watched Allan with undisguised interest as he fastened his doublet and bent to pull on his shoes. ‘Friend of yours, is she then? Looked most upset — eyes all red with weeping, by the look of it. About so high, with light brown hair tied back with a ribbon. Dark shawl. In the family way, is she? That’s the usual way when a maid must see a young man urgently.’

Allan, ignoring this last remark, pushed past her and went down the stairs two at a time.

‘I’ve put her in the front room — and I shall be about so there’s to be no nonsense of any kind. This is a respectable inn — ’

Felicity was waiting for him. Her face, as the woman had told him, was blotched and ugly and she held herself taut with suppressed emotion.

‘Felicity! I hardly expected to see you. You have changed your mind?’

‘No, Allan,’ she said. ‘I have not changed my mind. But I have thought long over what you said to me and now ’tis
I
have a proposition to put to
you
.’

He waited, puzzled, for her to continue, but her self-control was fragile and she took a moment to master het emotions.

‘I have thought it out this way, Allan. I will not part with my little boys and you want them at Heron. Then why not wed me?’

He was completely taken aback by her suggestion and his dismay showed fleetingly before he could hide it.

‘I see,’ said Felicity. ‘Your expression has answered me.’

She turned towards the door, intending to pass him, but he put out a restraining arm to block the way.

‘Wait. I have said nothing yet,’ he protested. ‘You are too hasty. I gave you more time to consider my proposition.’

That was true and she hesitated. ‘Then take a little longer,’ she said coldly. ‘Let me put the facts before you as I see them. You wish to bring up Martin’s sons and I will not part with them. If you wed me I will bring the boys to Heron. I do not love you but I scarcely know you. I hope I may love you in time. You, for your part, do not love me, and you have caused my lover’s death. That might stand between us, although for my part I have already said that I accept it was an accident. You may love me in time. On the financial side — ’ She shrugged helplessly. ‘You will not be gaining a rich wife who will help re-establish the Heron mine. I have almost twenty gold pieces left and you are welcome to that. Also the share of Romney House which Maria intends to settle on the boys. That would be our contribution, small though it may be. I would care for Piers and Lorna when Maria returns to Arnsville — she has told me she is determined to do so. I would be to you all that a wife should be. In fact I should try to make up to you for all the unhappiness of the past few years. Together I believe we could prove, once and for all, that the Gillis curse is meaningless. I would give you sons and daughters and Martin’s memory will not stop me from loving you — if you will help me.’

The last five words of the breathless little speech touched Allan’s heart more than all the rest. He was astonished and full of admiration for the girl.

‘And will you give me time to consider?’ he asked.

‘Aye. Five minutes. I will sit here and wait your answer.’

He burst out laughing as, stony-faced, she sat down on the bench beside the beer-stained table, still littered with the remains of last night’s carousing.

‘Felicity! Forgive me but — oh, this is so unexpected. You have astonished me.’

‘You find it humorous,’ she said.

‘No — that is, in some ways. Did ever a man receive such a proposal! I am not laughing at you but at the two of us. No, maybe at myself. I have been very blind yet thought myself so clever.’

Slowly she allowed herself a glance at his face and at once her own face relaxed a little as she saw the genuine humour in Allan’s eyes.

‘You have made me laugh!’ he told her. ‘I think the first time for years. My sweet Felicity, I ought to be angry with you — ’

‘Angry?’

‘Your plan is so much better than my own. And I spent days perfecting mine and you have bettered it in an evening!’

‘What do you mean, Allan. I have had no straight answer as yet.’

‘And my five minutes? Is it up?’ he mocked gently. ‘I see it this way. We have both been abandoned in our own ways. Martin and Eloise.’ He sighed. ‘Yet we both have a lot of love to give. You are a clever girl, Felicity, to put together such a plan. I’m truly dazzled by its brilliant simplicity.’

‘But what is your answer, Allan?’

‘I accept your offer unconditionally.’

She said ‘Oh’ and looked down at her fingers, which twisted in her lap. Then she said ‘Oh’ again in quite a different tone. He moved towards her a step and she stood up.

‘Are you going to say “Oh” again?’ he asked.

‘No,’ said Felicity. ‘I’m trying to think of something more original. You must give me time.’

‘Five minutes?’

She laughed tremulously and put up her hands suddenly to hide her ravaged face. ‘My face,’ she whispered.

‘If I must wed an ugly maid — ’

He shrugged and she lowered her hands. ‘I have not slept all night,’ she said.

‘Poor Felicity. I’ve caused you so much grief. Will you forgive me?’

‘I think it has ended well.’

‘You think so? Are you still unsure?’

‘Is it settled?’ she asked him. ‘I mean, are we — are you — ’

‘Am I going to wed you and are you going to bring those two handsome sons to Heron? The answer is “aye” to both questions. I am such a fool, Felicity. I should have offered you that solution.’

‘’Tis of no matter now.’

They looked at each other in disbelief.

‘Felicity!’ he said. ‘We have two yards of filthy floor between us! Why is that do you suppose?’

She looked down, seeing for the first time the dirty straw, scraps of food and splashes of ale.

‘Is this really happening?’ she whispered, her eyes downcast. ‘I can scarce believe it. I was so sure you would say “No”. Then I felt that I could tell the twins the truth at some stage and — they would not think so badly of me. And you did not say “no”!’

‘Come to me, Felicity.’

He held out his arms and after a moment’s hesitation she moved to him and his arms closed round her. He felt her shudder with fresh tears. ‘No more tears,’ he told her. ‘You are ugly enough already — Ah! that’s better. Now you are smiling.’ He kissed her gently. ‘Felicity, let us make a pact. To be happy together. You and me and the boys.’

‘And the other children.’

‘And the others. What d’you say?’

‘Aye, let’s be happy, Allan. I believe we deserve it.’

They regarded each other solemnly and kissed again. A sound from the door startled them and they found the innkeeper’s wife watching suspiciously from the doorway.

‘I said no nonsense,’ she reminded Allan sourly.

Allan looked at Felicity. ‘No nonsense!’ he mimicked. ‘D’you hear that?’

She smiled shakily and then they both began to laugh and then hugged each other again.

‘We are going to be wed,’ Allan told her.

‘I thought as much,’ she said triumphantly. ‘Knocking a body up before sun up! ’Tis always the way.’

He didn’t bother to disillusion her but asked instead for breakfast. ‘And for pity’s sake sweep us a clean corner to sit in while we eat it.’

Over breakfast it was decided that Felicity would go back to the cottage to tell Dorothy and Lucas what had happened. She insisted on doing that in her own way, refusing Allan’s offer to accompany her. Allan would wait at the inn until she was ready to leave for Heron, refusing to go without her in case she changed her mind while he was gone. He would send a letter home to prepare Maria for their arrival and then he and Felicity and the children would travel back to Devon together. They would wed without further delay.

‘And our new life will begin,’ said Felicity, her eyes shining with hope.

And Allan, looking into her eyes, felt that it had already done so.

*

The events of the next few days were confusing. By the time Allan’s letter reached Heron, Maria, with Matt and a pack pony, was on her way back to Kent for the sale of Romney House which had been delayed by nearly a week because of the auctioneer’s ‘indisposition’. He was an elderly man frequently troubled by gout but he was the best in his profession and Maria was not prepared to accept another member of the firm in his place. It therefore came about that while Maria rested and dined at the Blue Boar just outside Salisbury, Allan, Felicity and the twins passed within yards of her. In fact had she sat on the opposite side of the table she would almost certainly have seen them pass the window. She went on towards Kent unaware of the outcome of Allan’s visit to Felicity.

The auction attracted a large number of prospective buyers, many from London, one or two from the surrounding area and even two from as far away as Oxford and Aylesbury. The house was full of strangers on their various tours of inspection and their many footsteps echoed on the stairway. The few articles of furniture that Maria was keeping had been stored in the barn prior to despatch. While the auction was in progress Matt would take the relevant items over to Felicity and the rest they would take home. The remainder had been sold already and the rooms were bare. She could not bear to see it so and sat on a stool at the back of the Hall while the room gradually filled up. Benches and a few stools had been provided by the auctioneer, and at the far end a tall lectern had been set up beside a small table on which various documents had been neatly arranged beside a jug and beaker and the small hammer. Maria watched and listened as groups of people drifted in and sat down, intent, comparing their impressions of the property and mostly unaware that Maria was the present owner. She recognized a local man who lived on the outskirts of Rye and he, recognizing her, joined her for a brief chat before the actual proceedings began.

Promptly at two o’clock the auctioneer introduced himself and the auction began. To Maria’s surprise and heartfelt relief, it was all over in less than fifteen minutes. The reserve price had been passed with a comfortable margin and she was well pleased with the final price, which was a little more than they had anticipated. The purchaser was from Aylesbury and later he was introduced to Maria and told her how delighted he was to be the new owner.

He was a printer by trade and was planning to move the business further south. The stables would be extended to house the machines, the barn would be demolished and …

Maria did not want to hear the details. She wanted to remember the house as it had always been but already it sounded different — empty and cold — and it grew harder to summon up the images of Ruth and Harold. She made her excuses and spoke quickly to the auctioneer about the few matters which remained, then left the house without a backward glance.

From there she rode to Arnsville. Matt would wait for her and she would be able to see Martin’s sons before they returned to Devon. Arnsville drew her inexorably and she experienced the strangest lightening of spirits with each passing mile. Once, as a young woman, she had approached it with near dread, but now it seemed to beckon like an old friend. She had not seen it for nearly twelve years, but when she first glimpsed it time stood still. It had not changed at all — but no, that was impossible, she told herself. Always, everywhere, there is imperceptible change. If the buildings were the same then the inhabitants would be altered. She had grown older. They would have aged also. Some would have died. She knew they had a new prioress, Dame Margaret, the wealthy daughter of a family of London merchants. An occasional letter from Katharine had kept her in touch for a few years, but then they had ceased. She reined in her horse and sat looking down at the place which had once been her entire world and one day would be so again. The thought comforted her. Seeing it again crystallized in her the longing for the tranquil lifestyle which she had once found so hard to bear. Now she craved the small quiet cell, the simple life and the companionship of holy women. Astonished and strangely excited, she rode slowly on, savouring the moment, anticipating her arrival with childish eagerness.

A young novice opened the door to her but then Katharine was hurrying towards her, hands outstretched in a welcome so genuine that tears sprang into Maria’s eyes.

‘Katharine! I cannot tell you — ’

‘Oh how good to see you, Maria! So many years and yet you look no older.’

They clung together for a moment and the novice was sent away — to tell the prioress of Maria’s arrival and to alert the kitchen so that refreshment could be sent to the prioress’s quarters.