Authors: Maggie Casper
“I don’t want your pity,
Doug
.” She
made his name sound like the worst possible insult.
He didn’t appear disturbed in the least.
“Good thing too, darlin’. ’Cause pity isn’t something I hold much stock in.”
His words gave her a start. He was serious
as the day was long. “Then why are you looking at me like that?” Her voice was
a mere whisper. She silently cursed herself for asking such an idiotic question
when she was scared to death to hear his answer. If there was only one thing
she felt fairly certain about where Doug was concerned, it was that he didn’t
speak lightly. If he chose to say something, it was because the words held
meaning.
He leaned over her then, bringing the
warmth of his body so close she could feel it through her clothes. The
difference between his heat and the bone-chilling cold she felt for far too
long was staggering. When he brought his hand up to cup her cheek in a way no
one ever had, Ausha found herself tensing. For some reason she couldn’t
understand the niceness of his touch. It made her paranoid. She couldn’t help
but wonder what it was he wanted from her.
His lips were a breath away from hers when
he finally spoke. “It’s because I sympathize with your loss. I want to help
you.”
He wanted to help her? The mere thought was
so off-the-wall funny she actually laughed as she pulled away from the warmth
of his hand. The sound was far from joyous, and from the look on his face, Doug
was very aware of how much his words angered her.
“I don’t need your help any more than I
want your pity. Things are fine. I’m doing great.”
This time when he crowded her, invading her
personal space and damn near stealing the air she breathed, there was nothing
nice about it. The look on his face was born of sheer stubbornness and
determination.
The palm of his hand didn’t stop to caress
her check. Instead he buried it in the hair at her temple, the opposite hand
doing the same. He held her head still when she would have looked away. Their
position forced her to look at him and really, really see him. The only other
alternative was to close her eyes. It was a way out, but Ausha couldn’t bring
herself to do it.
“You are so far from doing great it isn’t
even funny, little lady.”
His words hurt. A lot. It had taken a hell
of a lot of strength and time but she had managed to move on, to make it
through every single mother-fucking day she was unlucky enough to wake up.
Fierce anger ripped through every inch of her flesh. She wanted to tear the
vile man in front of her to shreds.
“And just who the fuck are you to judge
me?”
Ausha attempted to extricate herself from
the hold Doug had on her hair, from the heavy press of his hard body against
hers. Somewhere in the back of her mind she half expected Jeff to come to her
rescue. Almost hoped he would. Something deep in the pit of her stomach was
starting to feel warm and alive, and she didn’t like it. Anger was what would
keep her safe. She needed to hold on to it, to wrap it around herself like a
shroud in order to keep the rest of the world out.
“I’m your tough love, that’s who I am.”
A shift in his position caused the warmth
to spread, releasing along with it a sense of panic. The feel of his leg
nudging hers wider made it nearly bubble over. When he moved so one of his
thighs rested between hers, his hips against her lower belly, Ausha put more
effort into getting away. He was too close, too warm and smelled way too damn
macho and manly for her to process.
“Stay still and listen.”
The growled words were low and deep.
Combined with the instant sting against her scalp as he tightened his hold, and
Ausha knew she was going nowhere.
“I’ve been there. Not with the loss of a
child,” he added as the hold on her hair loosened and became more comfortable.
“I’ll tell you about her sometime, but right now all you need to know is I
spent a few years staring at the bottom of a bottle. I wasn’t living any more
than you’re living now.”
Ausha could hear the anguish of memories in
his voice. She didn’t want to know about it. She had no desire at all to know
what type of loss he’d been through, and yet, for the first time in a long
time, she felt the need to comfort someone else. It scared her.
As if sensing her growing unease, Doug
leaned in, and running his lips across hers, kissed her gently. “It took
someone to put a boot in my ass to force me back into the real world. I’ll
forever be grateful, but I won’t lie, I was a mean son of a bitch at first. I
plan on being the boot in your ass, Ausha. I’m going to bring you back to this
world if I have to do it with you kicking and screaming the whole way. You
deserve to live happy again.”
The man was for real. Ausha didn’t even
need to speculate if he meant what he said, she knew he did. Not once did he
crack anything even resembling a smile. The crinkles at the corners of his eyes
were smoothed out. There was no laughter there. He was absolutely dead serious.
Holy mother of God! Where had he come from and how had she managed to get
herself into such a predicament? How could the man not know when to leave good
enough alone?
Forget that, how she was doing and where
she was mentally and emotionally were none of his damn business. Taking as deep
of a breath as she could, Ausha planted her palms flat on his chest. Then,
looking him right in the eye, she pushed. “Back up.” She added “please” for
good measure when it didn’t appear he was going to listen.
Maybe she was going at this all wrong. Her
grandmother used to say something about catching more flies with honey. Since
all else failed, it wouldn’t hurt to give it a try.
“I thank you for wanting to help me. I
really do.” If that didn’t sound sincere, nothing would. “But I don’t want your
boot or anything else.” Ausha cut herself off there because the more she said
the more agitated she felt.
His gaze didn’t move from her face once and
for the first time he smiled. “I know you don’t, darlin’. Doesn’t change the
way of it though. I’ll help and you’ll call me every name in the book, but
sooner or later, you’ll remember what it’s like to feel alive again.”
Ausha lifted her arms then dropped them to
her sides. She felt utterly exhausted. Doug was like a slow-moving train taking
down anything in its path.
“God damn it! I don’t want to remember. I
don’t want to live. Don’t you get it?” She blinked rapidly. She absolutely
would not cry in front of him again.
“Oh I get it all right, but you will all
the same. You’ll remember, you’ll hurt, you’ll fight.” He finally let go of her
hair then touched the corner of her eye with a single finger. “You’ll even cry.
And then you will pick your ass up and live, with purpose. I’m going to make
sure of it.”
Ausha could think of nothing to say. She
was out of bitter retorts. Only one word pressed against her lips for freedom.
“Why?”
Doug smiled then, really smiled. “Because I
like you.”
Chapter Three
Their little confrontation had taken nearly
as much out of him as he knew it had Ausha. Doug was aware in every fiber of
his being that the journey he’d set for himself was going to be an exhausting
one. The knowledge didn’t deter him one iota. What bugged him was knowing Ausha
was going to have to hurt more before she could heal.
The breath whooshed from his lungs as his
taped fingers connected with the punching bag one more time. Sweat dripped from
his brow and off the end of his nose, but he didn’t take the time to wipe it
away. Instead, he continued to take on the bag with every emotion in him. By
the time he was done, he felt drained and depleted, but in a good way.
As he removed the tape binding his fingers,
he stared up at the blue sky. It was a cloudless autumn day with just enough
chill in the air to remind a person winter was coming. Hanging the bag off the
eave of his home had been a good idea. He enjoyed being outside. It seemed to
help clear his head.
Doug couldn’t help but wonder if placing
himself in Ausha’s emotional line of fire would be positive for either of them.
He knew damn well he wasn’t a therapist and had no intention of pretending to
be one, but he was also well aware that regardless of his training, or lack of,
she needed a push. He intended to be the one to do the pushing.
Two days had passed since their little
powwow. He figured she needed some time to get used to the idea she was no
longer alone, and so he’d granted her the time. She accepted his telephone
calls, if grudgingly, based on the tone of her voice. Even though he’d spoken
to her at least twice a day, Doug found himself missing her something fierce.
She had an energy about her that was
mesmerizing to him. It was hard for Doug to imagine how strong her pull would
be when she was finally free from the hell she’d resigned herself to live in.
It would be amazing, he was sure.
Excitement coursed through his body as he
showered and donned his uniform for the day. He couldn’t wait to finish his
shift so he could be close to her even if it was only to watch as she worked,
although he planned to do much more than merely watch.
Today was going to be the start of a whole
new way of life for Ausha Malone whether she was ready for it or not.
* * * * *
Doug walked into the precinct and was
nearly mowed down by Ryder’s wife Kelly. She was taller than any other woman he
knew and more loving than most as well.
“Oh shoot! Sorry about that, Doug.”
Doug smiled and ogled her in a teasing
manner, one in which he knew would irritate Ryder. “No problem, sweetheart. In
a hurry?”
Kelly looked behind her to where Ryder was
standing. In a conspiratorial whisper she said, “He’s being grumpy.”
“Stop staring down my wife’s shirt, Doug,”
Ryder growled.
Doug winked at Kelly, causing her to laugh
before she fled through the door. Doug turned back toward Ryder. “Can’t help
but look at the woman, she’s gorgeous.” Before his friend blew a gasket, he
added, “You’re a very lucky man she only has eyes for you.”
At that, Ryder smiled then grumbled, “Tell
it to my credit card. The woman is a menace when it comes to her toys.
Evidently there is a new saw she just
has
to have for her intarsia
work.” An eye roll followed the disgruntled remark. Doug laughed as he followed
Ryder into his office.
As always his friend was quick and to the
point. “So how are things going with Mrs. Malone?”
Thinking about their last interaction made
his cock twitch. They had been so close, his body pressed to hers in a way that
made him feel larger than life. To Ryder all he said was, “Definitely
interesting.”
“I don’t think I’m going to ask why.”
Doug smiled. “Probably for the best. So,
what do we have going on today?”
The next several minutes were spent with
Ryder filling Doug in on the area’s happenings. As always, it was slow and calm
compared to defending the public in a large city.
Later, as Doug sat at his desk, finishing
some paperwork, he was very glad nothing exciting ever seemed to happen in
Memory and he would be getting off work on time.
Instead of going home, Doug changed into
the spare clothes he kept at work. He would have to remember to bring more in,
but it was worth the effort since it meant he’d get to see Ausha sooner. He got
to the bar at the same time several others arrived, allowing him the time
needed to sit and watch for a few minutes.
Tonight she wore her usual low-rise jeans.
Accompanying them was another black shirt. This time it was a button-up silky
thing that rode low over the top of her pants. Wrapped loosely around her hips
was a silver concho belt. It hung lower on one hip than the other, which did
wonderful things to Doug’s libido for some reason. His cock came to life behind
the zipper of his pants, seeking attention. In his mind’s eye, Doug could see
Ausha wearing only the belt, nothing else. He pictured taking her from behind
while using the belt for leverage.
Damn if she didn’t take that moment to look
at him! Her gaze caught his and held. Doug felt like a teenager caught
red-handed looking at a girly magazine. He hoped to hell she couldn’t see the
flush rising up his neck because he sure could feel it.
Doug acknowledged her gaze with a nod. He
then moved toward the corner of the room where he sat facing the door, his back
to the wall. Old habits were hard to break. It was a quiet, comfortable area,
one he sort of staked out for his own.
Relief washed over him when he finally
noticed Ausha walking his way, although walk was such a mundane word for her
actual movements. She had a sway to her hips she was completely oblivious to.
They rolled and dipped, giving the eye no choice but to follow.
Her hair was a riotous mass of curls. On
most women it would look un-brushed and sloppy, but on her it was sexy as hell.
Her cheeks were pink, and for the first time since he met her, she had on
lipstick. It was blood red and gave her a goth look with her dark hair and pale
complexion. He immediately wanted to kiss it off her lips.
When she made it to his table, Doug stood
and proceeded to do just that. Without a word, he took her face into his hands.
Her gasp warmed his body. It was nothing more than a breathy whisper, but it
spoke volumes. He licked and nibbled her mouth before delving into her warm
interior with his tongue. It seemed as if every touch, scent and sigh only made
him want more. She seemed so soft and feminine when she allowed the rest of the
world to melt away. He really, really liked the woman she was in that split
second where nothing else mattered. Of course, it was all too short lived.