When Faults Collide (Faultlines #1) (10 page)

I checked my pulse and then decided to slow myself down and walk to Buzzy’s.

I saw Blake parking as I got towards the front of the coffee shop. I smiled and waited on him to join me.

He smiled shyly when he saw me, then walked over and leaned in to give me a soft kiss.

“Good morning, beautiful,” he said softly.

“Good morning,” I breathed.

We smiled at each other and walked in, hand in hand.

After we ordered and got our coffee, I added my cream and sugar and we took a seat by the window.

“So, what’s on your agenda today, Mr. Venue Owner?” I asked coyly.

He snickered. “Well, when I’m done having coffee with this beautiful lady I’m seeing, I’m heading to Shine to get some work done and meet with a new band. And when I’m done I’m hoping I can take said beautiful lady out to dinner.”

I smiled as I sipped my coffee. “She sounds like a lucky girl. She’d be pretty dumb to turn down a dinner invitation.”

He ran his thumb along my knuckles and smiled. “So what’s on your agenda today?”

“Well, when I’m done having coffee with this handsome fellow I’m seeing, I’m going to go work on some designs for his business. Then I’m going to blog for a while, and have an interesting afternoon planned that includes a riveting biography on Louis Pasteur. Apparently my guy wants to take me to dinner so I suppose I can squeeze him in there somewhere.” I winked at him playfully.

His eyes sparkled. “Sounds like a lucky guy.”

“Mmm, I definitely think that I’m the lucky one in this situation,” I responded coyly.

We talked and sipped coffee for about an hour before walking outside so Blake could head to Shine and I could go home to get my work done.

He ran his thumb along my bottom lip before swooping in for a quick kiss.

“Bye, beautiful girl. I’ll text you when I wrap up at work.”

I nodded, eyes still closed, “Mmhm. I’ll email you my designs as soon as I finish up.”

We said our final goodbyes before he got in his car to leave. I stuck my headphones back in my ears, letting Sia get me through the rest of my run home.

I opened the door and dropped my shoes in the basket and glanced around, realizing that Lily wasn’t home. I checked the mail on the side table, plucked out a few bills, and then made my way upstairs.

I walked in the bathroom to turn on the water for my shower, opened up my wardrobe to pull out a maxi dress, then proceeded to take off my running clothes and step into the shower.

I put my hands on the wall of the shower and let the hot water run down my back. I started contemplating my flashback episode last night and remembered the first time that happened after coming home to my dad.

It had been my dad’s gardner. He didn’t even really look that much like my attacker. The only thing they had in common was that his hair was stuck to the side of his face.

I had a total blackout breakdown. When my dad found me I was hiding in the corner of the storage shed outside, rocking back and
forth and chanting in Hindi. When he had reached his hand out for me, I slapped his hand away and screamed.

He finally picked me up and carried me in the house and I went into shock. He had the maid give me a bath because I wouldn’t let him help me with my clothes, so he thought if he had tried to bathe me I would lose it. He was probably right.

For two days after that I just sat perched in my rocking chair by my window and stared outside.

The third day I finally came out of it and was able to go on as if nothing had happened.

I shook my head thinking about it, and remembering Blake’s words.

“Your dad sounds like a good guy. ”

Oh, Blake had no idea.

I finished scrubbing off all the sweat and grime from my run, washed and conditioned my hair, and then turned off the water and climbed out.

I sighed, knowing what I needed to do next. I brushed my hair and slipped on my dress before walking over to my desk. I picked up my phone and sat on my chair, swiveling back and forth while I dialed her number.

“Asha, dear! What can I do for you?” Katherine asked.

“Katherine...” I said simply.

“Uh oh. What’s going on?” She could tell by my tone that something had happened.

“I had a flashback last night,” I said quietly.

I heard her blow out a breath. “Uh oh. Ok, tell me what happened.”

I went over the story of the homeless man with her, including Blake’s response to the whole situation.

“Ok. So how do you feel today?” she asked.

“Well, that’s the weird part, Katherine. I feel fine. I mean, I remember what happened, but today I’m okay.”

“Mmm,” she said, rather cryptically.

“Why the ‘mmm’? What are you thinking?”

“Well, it sounds like Blake interceded before you got to the point of no return, and it sounds like he brought you out of the episode fairly quickly. It also sounds like you’ve come a long way, because a few years ago, with or without help, you would be a mess right now. This is tremendous growth, Asha,” she said proudly.

I bit the tip of my thumb, still swiveling from side to side in my chair.

She took my silence as permission to continue. “Are you worried that this opens the door to more brutal honesty?”

Not that she could see me, but I nodded and my lip quivered. I sniffed as a single tear fell down my cheek.

“It’s too much,” I responded.

“What is too much, dear? The truth?”

“Yeah. It’s too much for anybody to deal with.”

“Asha, you deal with your history every day. Was it too much for me? Did it change the way I behaved towards you?” her voice was firmer now, as if she were chastising me.

“That’s your job, Katherine. And I would hardly say that I’m dealing. I would say I’m surviving, at best.” I said, wiping my nose.

“Dear girl, I think we surpassed our relationship as a job status a long time ago, wouldn’t you say?”

“Yes.”

“And you are doing far more than surviving.”

Chapter Ten

      
Jane Austen says in Persuasion that “She had been forced into prudence in her youth, she learned romance as she grew older: the natural sequence of an unnatural beginning.”

      
Why is this relevant to me? Well, romance was not only something I avoided to the point of complete social rejection, but it was and is something I don’t have a clue about. I have repelled any form of it for so long that other than parental love and the love I have for my friends, I didn’t and still don’t understand it
.

      
Then, out of freaking nowhere, in walks “Mr. Green Eyes.”

      
Complicating things
.

      
Forcing me to
feel
things
.

      
Forcing me to
face
things, in some ways
.

      
Is it fate? Is it just good, or bad, timing? Or is it simply the natural order of things?

      
Are we predesigned for love, even when we spend our lives running from it? Is it something in all of us, on the basest of levels that we can’t escape even if we want to?

      
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying “I
love
Mr. Green Eyes.”

      
I would call it a strong
like.

      
Or something
.

      
I don’t really know, because these are all new feelings
.

      
I don’t respond well to new
.

      
I know that I’m at the point of no return, I just hope that navigating all of these
feelings
doesn’t ruin me even more than I’m already ruined
.

      
So back to Jane Austen. Is it possible that having to learn all of these things
now
is the natural order to my own unnatural beginning?

      
If I had a “normal” childhood, would I have had enough healthy attachments and relationships in my life that meeting Mr. Green Eyes wouldn’t have thrown me for such an emotional loop?

      
*Sigh* Maybe it’s pointless to even talk about, because I will *never* know what it’s like to have had a normal childhood
.

      
My childhood, with every fucked up layer, is what led me here. It’s who I am — despite what Mr. Green Eyes says
.

      
And despite what my therapist says, I think that living in survival mode has suited me fine. But I don’t think it’s more than that. And, if I’m being honest with myself, I’m not certain I can do much more than simply survive
.

      
I guess only time will tell
.

      
Leave me comment love
.

xoxo, Asha


I minimized Blogger and checked to see if Blake emailed me feedback on the mock ups I sent over to him that morning.

Seeing that I had no response, I went downstairs to make a latte. There was always time for a latte.

I turned the corner at the bottom of the stairs to head into the kitchen when I heard sniffling. I rushed into the kitchen to find
Lily sitting on the floor crying.

I rushed to her side immediately. “Oh my God, Lily! What’s wrong?”

Her head was sitting on her knees. She lifted her head slowly, her big brown eyes looking so sad and scared, and brushed her bouncy blonde curls out of the way before she sniffed.

“I got Eliza. In
My Fair Lady
. I got Eliza Doolittle,” she said, sniffing again.

“Oh my God, Lils! That’s wonderful! Then why are you crying?” I questioned, searching her eyes hoping to find the answer.

Her lip trembled. “So I went to Tom’s to tell him first, obviously. And you won’t believe what he did.”

I couldn’t imagine Tom ever being cruel to Lily, so I really had no idea what she was talking about. “What did he do?”

Tears flowed freely down her face, and she lowered her legs so she was sitting cross-legged and turned to look at me.

“The bastard proposed!” she exclaimed before melting into another sob.

“And this is cry-worthy, why?” I asked, amused.

“Because...because...well, shit, I don’t know. We have so much fun. I am so madly in love with him.” She said looking at me, as if this was an answer.

“Right... Don’t people madly in love get married?” I asked putting my hand over hers.

“No,” she shook her head, “well, yes, but married people don’t stay in love. They end up miserable and hating each other. Why does he want to ruin what we have?!”

I laughed, causing her to narrow her eyes at me.

“Lils, shut up. Seriously. You two are madly in love because you’re perfect for each other. About damn time you got married and
domesticated already. Seriously, this is not a bad thing. Don’t you think it will be nice to wake up to Tom’s face every day?”

She sniffed again, “Well yeah, but then what? I think he’ll get sick of me pretty quickly. And then we’ll stop having sex.”

She leaned in to whisper.

“Everyone says when they get married they stop having sex.”

I laughed again. “Lily, I really cannot believe you right now. People stop having sex in normal relationships after five years too. Has that happened for the two of you?”

She shook her head, “No.”

“So, do you think that
maybe
you guys are just two of the lucky ones? The lucky couples who have this intense spiritual and physical connection that marriage would only improve and not hurt?” I asked, brushing a stray curl behind her ear and smiling.

Her head lifted as if she was considering that for the first time. She wiped her cheeks and looked at me closely.

“Do you really think so, Ash? Like...you really think that?”

I nodded, “Yeah. I do. I think you two are made for each other. Soul mates and all that.”

Slowly her frown turned to a giant grin and she threw her arms around me, knocking me back some as she did.

“Thank you, Ash! Thank you! Wait...holy hell, I’m getting married!”

I laughed and patted her on the back.

“Well you have to say yes first, silly!”

She jumped up, knocking me back again with her abruptness.

“Oh God, you’re right. Oh my...I’m going back to Tom’s! See ya!” she said, dashing towards the door.

I laughed. “Haha. No problem, Lils.”

She turned before she walked out. “Thanks, Asha. I don’t know
what I’d do without you.”

Then she blew me a kiss and flounced away, curls bouncing as she went.

I sat on the floor and shook my head before standing and making my latte.

As I made my way upstairs I heard my phone ding.

I walked into my office and checked my phone.

I grinned and texted back quickly.