What Matters Most (12 page)

A knock on the door startled him so badly he tumbled back on his bare ass. Josh didn’t so much as twitch. Nick brushed a strand of hair from his brow then stood and hitched up his pants, buttoning them quickly as he walked over to the door. He stopped and picked up Josh’s phone from where it’d fallen out of his back pocket just as the doorknob turned and the door was shoved open. Anger, fear, possessiveness, the need to protect—so many things exploded in Nick as he lunged at the door. By the time he realised it was Evan, it was too late. Nick was already mid-tackle. All he could do was wrap his arms around the other man as they went flying out the door on their way to the cement walkway.
Shit
, Nick thought,
this
is going to hurt like a bitch.

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His elbow smacked the cement, jarring him clean up to his shoulder. Nick cursed as Evan wheezed, Nick’s greater weight shoving the breath right out of the man. Nick had just managed to roll slightly so that Evan didn’t bust his head open on the ground, but the guy still had to feel like he’d been ploughed over by a steamroller. God knows Nick certainly did, and he wasn’t the one being crushed between two hundred and sixty-five pounds of hard man and even harder concrete.

Nick rolled to the side of the narrow walkway, wedging himself between the railing and Evan. He tried not to lean against the rusted metal, more than a little concerned it’d give if he did. The idea of tumbling to the sidewalk below was enough incentive to scoot away from the edge, shoving a gasping Evan over a few inches.

Nick was panting hard himself, and he was pretty sure he’d scraped every bit of hide off his elbow. He twisted and pushed himself up to his knees, grunting when he looked at the abraded skin. Nick swung his arm out carefully, relieved not to experience any major pain. The raw skin pulled and burned a bit, but it was just a scrape, and he could move his arm with only a twinge or two. Deciding he wasn’t broken, Nick glanced down at Evan, his mouth opened to ask about the man’s state, only to snap his mouth shut. Evan looked pissed.

Nick frowned, a scowl building. What the fuck was Evan pissed about? It wasn’t like Nick had known who was coming in, just that someone
was
, without invitation. And he’d tried to keep from hurting the other man, hadn’t he?

Maybe he shouldn’t have tried so hard. Evan was drilling him with an increasingly angry glare. Nick fought his impulse to snap. Josh had had more than enough drama and bullshit the past few days, and he’d been really mad about Justin and Nick fighting. As confused as Nick was about what was going on between him and Josh, he wasn’t going to risk losing it, not until he knew for sure he didn’t want it.

Instead, Nick kept his expression neutral and his body relaxed as he stood and offered a hand to the downed man. Evan slapped his hand away and scuttled up, using the outer wall of the apartment to hoist himself to his feet.

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“You have Montana plates. I didn’t notice before, and it could be a coincidence, except…” Evan growled, and Nick’s spine flashed hot and cold, spiking the hairs at the base of his neck. Nick ducked his head, guilt making it impossible for him to meet the other man’s gaze. This was going to cause more trouble for Josh; apparently he hadn’t mentioned who Nick was. Nick risked a peek at Evan and quickly looked away. “I can see it, now that I know to look for it. Your lips, even your cheekbones and eyes are shaped liked Annabelle’s, like Rory’s. You son of a bitch!”

Nick barely had time to step aside when Evan lunged at him. Evan’s fist caught his shoulder as Nick twisted away, but he managed to get a hold of Evan, wrapping his arms around the man and pulling his back to Nick’s chest. “Enough!” Nick tightened his hold on Evan, pinning his arms to his side. Evan huffed and cursed. The heel of his boot slammed into Nick’s shin and Nick considered throwing the idiot back to the ground and beating some sense into him. Instead he spun and dragged the other man back into the apartment and kicked the door shut. Evan continued to kick and curse. Nick risked his slight edge to slap a hand over Evan’s mouth before hauling him into Josh’s bedroom.

Once inside the tiny orange—orange!—room, Nick nearly lost his grip on the

squirming, thrashing man. He looked around the room, sure his eyes were going to suffer permanent scarring. Hot pink sheets, blanket, pillows, orange splotchy walls, rust brown vinyl flooring, posters of gorgeous men in various stages of undress—and penguins. All.

Over. There had to be at least a dozen of the things on the battered old dresser alone. Nick felt like he’d stepped into some bizarre level of fashion design hell. Evan stilled as well, his body tensing then shuddering once as he exhaled through his nose. The warm rush of breath over Nick’s hand kind of grossed him out.

“I’m gonna take my hand off, and you’re gonna have enough consideration for Josh and all the shit he’s been through,” Nick said, keeping his own voice soft. “You raise your voice once or take a swing at me, and I swear I will lay your ass out flat, you understand?”

He’d do it, too, if it meant keeping Josh from having to deal with any more drama. Josh obviously loved Evan, considered him family, and Nick didn’t want to cause any problems there when he would soon be leaving. He didn’t belong here, didn’t belong with Josh.

Couldn’t process what had happened moments ago and doubted he ever would be able to.

Evan’s words were muffled against Nick’s hand, but he tapped softly at Nick’s hip.

Hoping it was a signal of agreement, Nick slowly released Evan. Evan didn’t jerk away or WHAT MATTERS MOST

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spin around and try to clock him. Instead he dropped his chin to his chest and took several deep breaths. Nick cautiously edged around him, forcing himself to keep an eye on Evan instead of inspecting the room for details about Josh’s life. Well, he already knew Josh liked—no,
loved
—bright pink and penguins. But what else would he discover about the man if he had a few minutes to snoop?

Evan sighed and ran his fingers through his hair as he shot Nick an abashed look.

“Believe it or not, I’m usually the reasonable one.”

Lovely.
Nick grunted and risked looking away long enough to make sure his butt was going to land on the edge of the bed when he sat, then he turned his attention back to Evan.

Evan’s cheeks darkened and he wiped his palms on his jeans, grimacing slightly.

“What…” He lifted his hand and frowned as he studied it, then turned a greenish grey colour. “Tell me that’s not cum on my jeans. Tell me…” Evan gulped and paled even more,

“that’s not what’s on my hand.”

As much as Nick would have liked to, he remembered all too clearly wiping his own cummy hand on his jeans right before he took Evan down. He glanced around and saw what he hoped was a bathroom door. “You might want to go wash that off.”

Evan sprinted to the door, muttering under his breath with each step. Nick’s own hand was flaked with bits of white. Seeing it just made his dick start to harden, and before he could think about what he was doing, Nick raised his hand up and took a deep sniff. The tangy scent shot through him and warmed his balls. His prick hardened with the next heartbeat.
That’s part of Josh, proof of what we did, what
I
did…

It hit him then, like the huge swell of a tsunami finally reaching shore. He’d messed around with another man! And not just any man, but Josh! Nick closed his eyes as he moaned softly, remembering Josh’s tight suction and swirling tongue. It had been exquisite in so many ways; the way it had felt, of course, but also the sounds of pleasure Josh had made, both while blowing him and receiving the hand job, the way those sparkling green eyes narrowed and heated, the way they sprang wide open as if surprised by the intensity of Josh’s climax. They way Josh had so easily and trustingly given himself. He’d fallen asleep with a satiated look on his face, no hint of distrust that Nick might harm him in any way.

What did it mean?

Another thought occurred to Nick, distracting him from the puzzle that was Josh.

He’d done something that many people would say made him gay. Certainly his own mother WHAT MATTERS MOST

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would, and there would be weeping and moaning and threats, and yet, the world hadn’t ended. He hadn’t been pulled down into the fiery depths of hell. He didn’t even feel guilty.

Well, not about
that
. He did feel awful about causing problems between Josh and his family. Justin especially seemed to be hot headed, and Annabelle wasn’t exactly a sweetheart, and if Evan were the calm one then that meant everything was going to be fucked up. And while it had been stupid as hell for him to come down to Texas, Nick couldn’t regret having done so, not now. He was afraid he might even miss Josh a little when he went back to Montana.

“FYI, that was disturbing,” Evan drawled as he stepped out of the bathroom. Nick’s head snapped up and his eyes flew open; he hadn’t even heard the door open! Evan approached slowly, a tentative look on his attractive—Nick guessed he had pretty eyes—

face. Those eyes now were lit with a hint of anger, maybe, but they were also slightly creased at the outer edges, as if Evan was trying really hard to battle back a grin.

“I may even be traumatised for life,” Evan continued as he drew closer. “On the other hand—no pun intended,” he chuckled, deepening those creases, “you can rest assured I won’t be tackling you and risking another coating of that stuff.” Evan stopped in front of him and grinned, offering his now washed hand. Nick hesitated only a moment before shaking Evan’s hand. Once the proper introductions had been made, Evan cocked a hip and gestured at the bed. “Can I have a seat on the hot pink love quilt? I’d like to talk, and listen, if you’re all right with that.”

Nick tipped his chin at Evan and studied the quilt.
Love quilt?
Nick scrunched his brow as he stared at one particular patch.
Oh. Josh
… Nick felt the smile stretching his lips wide. Only his Josh would have a quilt covered in penguins in various states of affection.

Nick thought it was probably all PG depictions, but then again, what did he know? Maybe Josh was wilder even than Nick suspected. For some reason Nick’s warm fuzzy feelings ebbed away as he wondered faintly how well he really knew Josh.

“So,” Evan began, bouncing butt first on the bed, his hip and shoulder slapping

against Nick’s and nearly bumping him off the bed. Nick yipped and glowered at Evan, who only cackled softly. “What? You were looking all too serious, and while we have some serious things to discuss, the man who is, for all intents and purposes, my little brother, seems to trust you. I hope you’re not an asshole, because Josh deserves a relationship with someone who fucking worships him, you know?”

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“We’re not in a…a relationship,” Nick spluttered once his brain unfroze from commit induced terror. “I…we…” He glanced up at Evan, saw the patient expression, and fool that he was, loosened his tongue enough to fit his foot, boot and all, in his mouth. “I was using him to—”

Okay, probably he shouldn’t have started off his explanation quite like that, Nick thought when he found himself knocked onto his back.
Damn
, Evan was fast. He had Nick down, his arms pinned under Evan’s knees in a flash as Evan straddled his torso. Evan’s hands were braced on either side of Nick’s neck, and while Nick knew he could easily throw the other man off—he thought—he didn’t because of one simple fact.

“I swear to God, Evan, if you don’t get off Nick I’m gonna snatch you bald headed,”

Josh sniped from the doorway where he leaned heavily on the frame. Evan looked so startled Nick wanted to laugh, but more than that, he wanted to touch Josh, maybe hold him just for a few minutes like he hadn’t got to do after their earlier interlude. Nick craned his head around as much as he could while Evan seemed to freeze where he was. Nick didn’t care, he could see part of Josh’s face, the line of his hot little body. What bits of the man Nick could see had his dick trying to harden again, or maybe it was that sleepy slurry voice. Either way, Nick would rather not get a hard on with Evan straddling him.

“Evan!” Josh half yelled half growled. Evan jerked like someone had tagged him with a cattle prod then he rolled aside, flopping to his back beside Nick.

“I wasn’t gonna hurt him, Josh,” Evan grumped, “just ask him some questions, like why he didn’t speak up about who he is.” Evan sat up and Nick did the same, trying to keep an eye on Josh and Evan both. “I guess I should ask you instead. Why haven’t you said anything? Don’t you think Annabelle would like to know? Rory, too?”

Josh immediately looked so guilty, his head dropping low and his shoulders slumping as he seemed to sag into the doorframe. Nick couldn’t stand it. He got up, reaching Josh in two long strides. His hand was shaking when he brushed at Josh’s shoulder once before timidly resting his hand on the tense flesh. “Hey, Josh, I—”

“You really should just go,” Josh muttered, his lithe body tensing even more. “This is a family discussion.” He didn’t look up, and Nick was actually glad for it since he knew he had to look stunned. It wasn’t just the words that gave him that good old ‘just been kicked in the balls by a mule’ feeling. The intensity of the pain he felt at the rejection, that was really what shook Nick. He wasn’t supposed to fall for Josh at all, hadn’t thought he had even after WHAT MATTERS MOST

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the best sex of his life. But he wouldn’t be so hurt if Josh didn’t mean something…big, and Nick didn’t want it, didn’t want to hurt or give the man—or anyone else—the power to do even worse damage should Nick be dumb enough to fall in love.

“You got it,” Nick said coldly, not surprised Josh still wouldn’t look at him. He leant down and whispered against the perfect shell of Josh’s ear. “Thanks for the blow job. It was…nice.” Then he left the apartment, ignoring the other men’s voices, and vowed to never be so careless with his emotions again. If just liking someone set you up to ache like this, Nick couldn’t imagine how painful it would be to actually love someone.