Wanting More (22 page)

She sighed loudly and turned around to face me. She was crying again. “Before you called last night, I was picturing the worst possible scenarios of you being with Heather. I kept telling myself that you loved me enough to not sleep with her; that there was no way you could go through with it knowing how much it would hurt me.” She let her head lean into my chest. “I’m trying so hard to let it go. I just hate her so much. How could you kiss her and touch her? How could you go through with it, Conner? I just want to hate you for having sex with that witch.”

I pulled Amy into my arms and held her close to me. Her hair was wet, but I kissed it anyway as the water splashed against her back. “I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

She sobbed in my arms. “Why did she have to get you too? I don’t care about her being with him. They can have each other. I just didn’t want her to have you too.”

God, I felt horrible. Being with Heather was a mistake before it happened, but even with me finding out the truth for Ty and Miranda, I had damaged something dear to me. Even though I knew I still had Amy’s heart, I had done something that she was never going to forget.

I cupped her face with my hands and looked right into those teary eyes. “She never had the real me, Amy. All I ever felt for her was hatred. You have to know that.  I never touched her the way I touch you. I didn’t kiss her the way I kissed you and I sure didn’t fuck her the way I make love to you.” I wiped the tears from her eyes and kissed her forehead. “Please don’t cry darlin’. I can’t stand to see you so sad and knowin’ I’m the cause.”

“I don’t think you realize what you did for your family, Conner. I can’t think of one person that would do something so completely crazy to help out another person. It was selfless and the most thoughtful thing I will ever see in my entire life. Conner, my feelings may be hurt, but I love you for what you did for your sister. I’m sorry too. I’m just having a girl moment where I want this all to be about me when I know it’s about a family with three children and a brother that would do anything he could for his sister.”

I kissed her softly on the lips. “I don’t want to ever hurt you again, darlin’.”

“I’m afraid of losing you. I’m so afraid that if we stay away from each other, you’re going to find someone else or go back to your life in Kentucky.” More tears fell down her cheeks. I reached down and turned off the water.

After I climbed out, I grabbed her a towel and wrapped it around her shivering body. When we got back into the bedroom area, I sat her down and kneeled in front of her. “First off, you’re not goin’ to lose me and second, my life is wherever you are, so I won’t be goin’ back to Kentucky unless you’re with me.”

“Promise?”

I kissed both of her hands. “I swear it. I hate this idea of yours, but you stuck by me and let me do what I needed to do. I respect your decision and I’ll give you the time to get your life straight. I can’t ask you to leave everything, because I know you wouldn’t be happy in the long run. I want what you want, so I will wait.”

She finally smiled that beautiful smile that I’d been waiting to see. I didn’t want to have to wait any longer, but taking away what she loved just wasn’t fair. I would be okay with her plan, until he tried to lay a hand on her and then I was going to take matters into my own hands, with or without her approval.

Chapter 28

Amy

I’d like to say that the next couple months went by fast but they didn’t. The morning I dropped Conner off at his truck after his devastating night with Heather, I went home to find Rick waiting for me. Of all the freaking times he never came home early, he picked the one damn time I didn’t come home.

Conner and I had come up with a good plan and we promised to stick to it, so calling him on my secret phone wasn’t an option. I didn’t want to be in this marriage with this awful cheating, abuser. I wanted to be with Conner.

I walked into the house ready to face him. I didn’t back down or hesitate as I entered the house. Rick was sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast. A plate was sitting across from him and he even smiled when I approached. “We need to talk.”

Honestly, I really thought he was going to tell me that he was going to let me leave. Perhaps he and his whore Heather wanted to be together and I was the only thing standing in the way. I pulled out the chair across from him and sat down. He offered me orange juice and even got up to make me a plate of food. “I’m listening.”

“Where were you last night?”

With shaking hands I took a drink of juice. I sat it back down and played with the rim of the glass. “I was honestly helping my friend who had too much to drink.”

“Did you fuck this friend?” His question wasn’t shocking.

“No, I didn’t.” It was the truth. I wanted to be with Conner, but it just wasn’t that kind of night.

“Do you love him?” He took another bite of his food and stared at me.

“Rick, why are you asking me these questions?”

“Do you remember when you used to love me?” It was a long time ago. Back when I thought that he was a kind and gentle man who only wanted to be with me and nobody else.

“Yes, I remember.”

He shocked me when he reached across the table and grabbed my hand. I started to pull away, but was petrified how he would react. “I want a fresh start, Amy. I want us to work on our marriage and be happy again.”

Flabbergasted.

That’s all I could come up with.

Then he started to cry. He plopped down on the ground and fell to his knees in front of me. “I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done to you. Please don’t leave me, baby. I will go to counseling, I will quit drinking, just please tell me that you’ll give me another chance. I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”

Still nothing.

This had to be a dream.

Maybe I was still at the hotel and just hadn’t woke up yet. Maybe he shot me when I came in the door and this was just my own purgatory.

Rick laid against my knees balling his eyes out, while I just sat there speechless. I hated this man. He’d taken everything I had and turned it to shit. He’d cheated on me. He’d beaten me. There was never going to be a second chance. Not even if Hell froze over.

Then I started really thinking.

I believe that everyone has one moment in their life where they have the opportunity to change their path. A chance to undo the wrong and take everything into a whole different direction.

For months I’d looked for a way out. So many sleepless nights of both praying and begging God to help me out of my miserable situation.

This cold, awful man was at my feet begging me for forgiveness and I saw my way out. I was going to use his vulnerability to my advantage. I was going to use him far worse than he’d done to me. I was going to make him sorry he ever laid a damn hand on me. I would bury him.

“I don’t love him, Rick. I only love you.”

Rule number one: Lie. Make him believe that everything will be okay.

He looked up at me and grabbed my face. I closed my eyes and pretended it was Conner touching me. Tears ran down my eyes and I smiled to pretend they were happy, but they weren’t. “You really still love me? After everything I’ve done to you?”

I kept crying my agonizing tears and forcing a smile as I nodded my head. “I do, Rick. I just didn’t want to hurt anymore.”

“Oh baby, I didn’t mean any of the awful things I said and did to you. I swear I’m going to change. Everything is going to be better. I promise.”

He kept hugging me. “What happened to make you want us again?”

He sat back in his chair and continued to shed tears. “I’m miserable on the road all the time. I just can’t do it anymore. I hate the new job. Last night was the final straw. I gave them my notice. I’m just going to find something nine to five that’s close to home. I wanted to tell you last night, but you never came home. God, it hurt me so much. I never knew how it felt for you until I felt it for myself. I’m just so sorry, baby. I’m so so sorry.”

I reached my arm across the table and put on a fake smile. “Are you sure I’m what you really want?”

“More than anything. I still love you so much. I’m going to prove it, Amy.”

I squeezed his hand. “I hope so.”

We sat in the kitchen for a while longer before he went into our room and went to sleep, while I got ready for work. I think I was still trembling as I pulled out of my driveway and headed to work.

The real tears didn’t hit until I got about a mile from the house. I actually had to pull over because I couldn’t see to drive. My secret phone started to vibrate in the center console and I just couldn’t answer it. Conner would not be okay with me pretending to work things out with Rick, but after he carried on a relationship with Heather, he really didn’t have a say in my decision. Besides, I needed to keep my relationship with him separate. He already agreed to give me space and I needed to take advantage of that.

I was taught to keep your friends close and your enemies closer. That was exactly my plan.

I was going to throw myself into my pathetic marriage until I could catch Rick in one of his famous lies. When I had enough dirt to bury him, I could walk away and never have to worry about him again. I could keep my business and start a fresh life with Conner.

My plan seemed flawless in my head, at least for the first couple hours, but Conner was going to be hard to lie to, when he worried about me every second. After he tried to call me three times, I finally answered.

Hello

Blaze, I’ve been tryin’ to call you all mornin’. Are you okay?

Yeah, I’ve just been busy. I’m fine I promise.

Somethin’s wrong.

No, it’s not! I promise. Everything is fine. Go back to work and do something for a change.

I work my ass off and you know it. Don’t make me come to that salon and spank you in that back room. I ain’t got a problem with takin’ an extra hour for lunch.

It must be nice being the boss.

I like bein’ in control.

Conner, I love you.

Now I know somethin’s wrong.

No, everything is alright. Rick is home though so it’s not good if you show up here. Can I call you before I go home?

Does he know you spent the night with me?

Stop worrying. If something was wrong I would tell you.

You better, Amy. Don’t you dare go and do somethin’ stupid. You get a hair up your ass and end up with a black eye and I will kill that mother fucker.

There is no hair up my ass. I just wanted to tell you that I loved you. If you don’t want me to say it I won’t.

Nah, keep sayin’ it. I like the way I can picture your lips when it comes out of that pretty little mouth of yours. Then I start thinkin’ about what else you can do with your mouth. Then I end up in the bathroom for the next twenty minutes.

Conner!

Just kiddin, darlin’, it only takes five minutes if I’m thinkin’ of you.

I think that’s a compliment.

You should feel special. I don’t beat off to just any girl.

I’m hanging up now.

I’m hangin’ on. Love ya, Blaze.

Love you too!

I hung up the phone and stared at it for a couple minutes. I should have called him back and told him about my plan, but I needed him to be safe. This was my way of protecting the man that I was in love with from the man I wasn’t.

Chapter 29

Conner

The first morning after Amy came up with her new rules, I wasn’t sure what I wanted more. Her or a pill.

I should have known something was up with her when she wouldn’t answer my calls. Then when she finally did, I could tell by her voice that something was going on.

Even though she called me before she left work, it wasn’t the kind of call that I expected from the woman who was doing everything she could to be with me.

I knew I needed to tell my sister and Ty the good news, but finding the perfect time to tell them wasn’t exactly easy. Every damn time I told them I had something important to talk to them about, they were involved with something else.

I managed to get through a whole week without taking another pill and was glad that my near fuck up hadn’t ended in me picking up a habit again. I’m not going to lie and say it was easy. The worst part was going home at night to sit alone in my room, just hoping for a text message that rarely came.

After seven days, I still got my calls, but there were no scheduled visits in our near future. Her bastard husband had left his job again and since he was home all the time, Amy couldn’t just sneak away. I missed her, but accepted the fact that she was trying to get dirt on him to set him up.

To say that Ty and Miranda were ecstatic when I showed them the proof, would be an understatement. They hauled ass in their damn bedroom and let’s just say they weren’t very discreet about what they were doing.

After hearing it herself, Bella started asking questions. “Uncle Conner, is my mommy okay?”

“Yeah Bells, she’s playing with Daddy.”

“But she keeps crying.”

“They are just wrestlin’. Why don’t you go check on em.” Now I knew what she would walk into, but after listening to them two go at it for more time then they needed, I figured they would at least be under the covers taking a break.

I was wrong.

Not even a minute passed and Bella came running out of the room with her hand over her mouth. She was giggling like she was embarrassed. I kept a straight face as she approached. “What’s wrong Bells?”

“I saw my daddy’s butt.”

I couldn’t contain my laughter any longer. Miranda was going to be pissed, but it was worth it to be able to laugh.

I pulled my little niece into my arms and kissed her nose. I needed to change the subject before I got my ass handed to me. “What’s it like bein’ a big sister?”