Wanting More (15 page)

In the next month Rick became overwhelmed with his new job. His daughter was pretty much living with her boyfriend, behind her father’s back. I kept busy with work and saved up two thousand dollars without anyone noticing. It wasn’t enough to move out, but it gave me hope that it would come soon. When I did leave, I would be without a job and a place to live.

Since Rick was always on the road, we got along better when he was home. His new schedule kept him away for four days out of the week and normally he would sleep for two whole days when he was home. He claimed the money was better, but I never saw a cent. I had no idea what our bills were, not that I even cared anymore.

I stayed focused, becoming even better friends with Conner, while keeping my distance from him. It was easy with Rick being seemingly happy at home. His drinking was lighter and we hadn’t had any kind of confrontations. I knew that he knew I was unhappy though, because there was no chemistry between us. Several times he had initiated sex with me and I ended up just lying there the whole time. I couldn’t get into it. He repulsed me so much that I loathed him.

I will never forget the day when I decided to write my father a letter. I told him how I needed him in my life. It was hard for me to mail it out but I did it anyway. I also reached out to my brother and sister, who I found on the internet, living in other states. It was difficult for me to admit, even on paper, how my life had turned out. It was also hard knowing that the only person I could talk to about it was Connor.

He said he wanted more from me, but I couldn't see past my current situation to take that kind of leap. It was like he kept hanging on even when I gave him a million reasons to stop being my friend. I felt like in some ways I was using him for his kindness. I didn't want to be that person, so I ended up pushing him further away. Still, my feelings never changed for Connor, and at the end of every day he was all that I wanted and what I would never have.

After two weeks of waiting I finally heard from my sister. She was in the middle of a divorce and raising her three children by herself. I was happy to be back in contact with her, but as far as getting help, I knew I just couldn't ask.

She told me that my brother had gone to jail for armed robbery. His wife cleaned out the house and took the kids and nobody ever heard from her again.

I had hopes of reconnecting with my father, but as the weeks turned into months, all my hope went out the door.

For many nights I cried myself to sleep. I was utterly miserable and couldn't find that one olive branch to help find my way out of it all. I was pretty sure Rick was seeing someone while he was on the road. Since his daughter basically didn't live at home anymore, he spent more time out driving and less time being off. It was fine with me, since I wished he would get hit by a car and die. I hated to be so cold, but he'd hurt me physically and mentally and I knew I could never get past that.

I knew he'd stopped caring about what I was doing. Conner called me every day and we talked sometimes into the night. He continued to ask me every day to see him, but after two months, he was still pretending to have feelings for Heather. I refused to ask him details of their relationship, but he said he was close to knowing the truth and ending the charade.

I think the hardest part was when she came in for a haircut. I had prepared myself for how she was going to brag, but several times she gave details that only someone who had been intimate with him would know. I about choked on my gum and had to hold back the tears.

I was putting foil highlights in her hair and trying to sing along to the radio to keep her from talking about him, but it was inevitable. "I just want to thank you again for setting me up with Conner. He is amazeballs."

I rolled my eyes and kept working. "We'll, that's good. He seems real nice."

"He is such a gentleman and let me tell you, he is not lacking in the package department. That man is hung like you wouldn't believe. The things he can do with his mouth, oh my God, it's insane."

My hands began to shake and I wished that I was holding a pair of scissors. "It's great that you're hitting it off, I could tell that you would."

I seriously wanted to hurt the girl. She had no idea how upset I was over the situation and no idea what she had with Conner wasn't even real.

"So where has Tyler's wife been these days? Did she finally deliver those kids that probably aren't even his? He made a big mistake choosing her over me. I could have given him his own kids. Instead of some other losers." She played with her phone while I considered ripping out her hair and shoving it down her throat.

"She hasn't delivered yet and just so you know, the twins were planned. Does Conner know you're still hung up on Ty?" I knew Heather was a bitch before I had even met Miranda, and she clarified that she hadn’t changed during the double date with Conner, but for her to be so nasty about one of my best friends sent me over the edge. Finally, after being so angry with Conner, I understood what he was doing and why he was doing it.

“Hung up on Ty. That’s a good one. If I never saw him again it would be too soon.”

I continue to put the treatment into her hair. “Seriously, Heather, you can be honest about it. When you say Ty’s name your eyes light up. If he wasn’t with Miranda, would you consider being with him again?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “That would never happen.”

“It was just a question. I mean, you seem happy with Conner, but I get how some guys are easy to get hung up on.”

“Ty’s my past. He was fun and so good at sex. I wanted to be with him, but there was always some other girl standing in my way. If he’d just given me a chance, we’d be married, instead of who he’s married to now.”

I swung her chair around so she was facing me. “Miranda is one of my best friends. She loves her family and would do anything for her husband because they adore each other and were truly meant to be together. Ty was right to kick your pathetic ass to the curb because you’re nothing but a common whore. Take your ass up out of my salon and don't come back here again.”

She reached up at her head full of bleach and foil. “I’m not leaving until you rinse this out.”

I pointed across the room. “The sink is over there. Help yourself and then leave my place of business. Oh, and as far as Conner goes, well, I hope he figures out the kind of person you really are, because you sure as hell don’t deserve someone like him in your life.”

She leaned down in the sink and tried to rinse out her hair. “I will have this place shut down by tomorrow. You’ll be sorry you stupid bitch!”

I walked right up to her in front of another client and slapped her right in the face. “Get out!”

“Fuck you, Amy. Screw you and your damn friends.”

The little old lady that I’d forgotten was under the dryer, smiled at me. “She’s a bit of a firecracker ain’t she?”

I smiled back. “Yeah, she’s a real pain in my ass.”

I didn’t waste any time in calling Conner. I was so roused up over it that I needed to vent.

Amy? You alright, darlin’?

Not really, I just had a run in with your fake girlfriend.

He started laughing on the other end of the phone.
What exactly does that mean? Were you rollin’ around on the floor?

No, but I kicked her ass out of my salon with chemicals still in her hair and I slapped her stupid ass right in the face.

Hell, I would have liked to see that. You need me to stop by?

Are you looking for an excuse?

I always look for an excuse to see you.

I just wanted you to know that I hope you rip her apart. She deserves it now more than ever.

I’m heading into town in a bit. I’ll be stopping by for a kiss.

I may actually give you one.

Oh, you will. Later, Blaze!

When I closed for my lunch hour, Conner knocked on the back door of the salon. I knew it was him, because he was the only person to use it.

He brushed his hand over mine as he walked by. Once I locked the door, he spun me around and traced my face with one of his thumbs. “You goin’ to smile for me, or do I have to force that out of you too?”

I sighed and leaned my head on his chest. “I’m sorry. I’m just tired of the bullshit.”

He pushed me back so he could look at me. “Tell me somethin’. If I wasn’t doin’ this shit with Heather, would you want to be with me? Like really be with me?”  He held up his hand and put it over my lips so I couldn’t answer yet. “I know you have a bunch of legal shit to deal with, but I just need to know if I’m wasting my time here.”

I shrugged. “Conner, please don’t make me answer that right now.”

He grabbed my hand and kissed it as he spoke. “I’m crazy about you, darlin’. It’s just, sometimes, I need to know that I’m not alone in this. You never talk about it.”

“Because being with you means I have a chance of losing you and I don’t think I could handle it if that happened. Right now I need you so much and I just can’t take that chance.” I reached my arms around his strong body and he reciprocated right away. “I couldn’t have gotten through the past seven months without you, Conner. Please don’t give up on me.”

He kissed the top of my head and kept his head overtop of mine. “I’m not goin’ anywhere, I promise.”

I needed to hear that so much. It was because of Conner that I had hope. I just wasn’t ready to make a promise to him, knowing I could end up going back on my word.

Chapter 19

Conner

I’d been seeing Heather on and off for about two months. Since I had a hard time being physical with someone, for the first time in my life, I found myself getting to know her on a personal level. Don’t get me wrong, I hated her more every day, but it was working to my advantage.

She was opening up and telling me everything I wanted to know. I knew I only needed one more date to seal the deal. The problem was, she was getting tired of giving me head with nothing but finger action and a little making out from me.

I knew I was going to have to sleep with her.

Amy and I were on the same page as far as Heather went, but I wasn’t sure if I was willing to blow my chances with her, to seal the deal with Heather. Losing her wasn’t an option for me. It was obvious that I’d never had feelings for anyone in my life like I did for Amy. Since I’d already waited this long to be with her, it just didn’t makes sense to let it all go.

Ty approached me about not being able to live the lie. He was unhappy at work and seemed to be on edge all of the time. I could see that it was tearing my sister apart. I think she believed it was just her pregnancy and that everything was going to go back to normal.

I will not forget the day she told me she was going out to run errands. She seemed weird, but I believed that she had things to do. She was so big and pregnant and just wanted everything in order.

Hours later Ty came home freaking out. “Where are they? Is something wrong?”

I stopped what I was doing. “Miranda said she ran out to run an errand. What’s wrong with you?”

Ty started frantically looking around. I had no idea what had gotten into him and my first thought was that he had told her the truth.

I followed him into the house and watched him walking in and out of every room. While he was freaking out, I saw something on the coffee table and walked closer for a better look. I couldn’t believe my eyes. “What the fuck! Ty, you need to get in here.”

His eyes were wet with tears as he came into the room. When he looked down and saw those photos of him and Heather, I was pretty sure it was the lowest point of his life. 

I sat down and said nothing at first. I was just as shocked as Ty. I mean, to see those pictures certainly made him look guilty.

“She’s gone. She’s fucking gone.” He crushed one of the pictures up and threw it before turning to look at me.

I had a note in my hand and leaned over to hand it to him. “This was sitting on top of the pictures.”

This was so bad. My sister was out there somewhere freaking out. She was too pregnant to be traveling alone with Bella.

I already had an idea of what the letter said. If I knew my sister the way I thought I did, she freaked out and wrote the first thing that came to her mind, which to Ty’s dismay, was about them being over.

Sure enough, as his sniffles increased, he leaned over and handed me the paper. I had been right about her feelings and what the letter contained. I felt bad for both of them, because as much as I wanted to beat the shit out of Ty for being with my sister behind my back, I knew he loved her more than anything in the world now.

Ty got down on the floor and took another look at the incriminating pictures. I leaned down and put my hand on his shoulder. “It’s goin’ to be alright. I’m goin’ to help you get her back Ty.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? Have you seen these pictures? She’s gone, man. She’s never going to forgive me. I don’t even forgive myself.” 

I flipped through them and just shook my head. They were pretty damn incriminating to look at.

Ty covered his face up to conceal some of his anguish.  “Look at these, Ty. There isn’t one picture where you’re touching her with your own hands. She is doing everything, in fact look at this one.” I held one up. “I bet you a million dollars you never even had sex with this bitch.”

He just shook his head and started trying my sister again on the phone. I knew she wasn’t going to pick up. “Even if we could prove that, Miranda will never believe me. I lied to her. I kept it from her. How the hell did she even get these things?”

Ty needed to breathe. “You need to calm down. I know my sister. She may be mad, hell, she may even hate you right now, but she also loves you more than life itself. What you two have is somethin’ special. She can’t really think you’re this guy.” I pointed to the pictures again.  “You don’t even have time to be this guy.”

“I fucked it all up, all over papers to be Izzy’s real father.  God, Conner, what am I going to do without them? What am I going to do?”