Walking in the Shadows (7 page)

“
Vera
?” h
e
questioned
looking
at the desk for the letter
,
and I pulled
it half way
out of my pocket.
He nodded
.
“
If
you have any more questions on the assignment you c
an
come see me at the end of the da
y.
I’ll try to make myself clear so it won’t take long and you won’t be late for another class?”

“
Thank
s
,
” I
replied
as I
t
ook
a breath as I turned out the door.

~~~

“So
…
wh
at was your suggestion?” I asked
as I leaned
against the door frame.

Tad looked u
p from the paper he was grading
.
“Ah,
Vera
!
P
lease come in.”

“
So?”
I pushed
as I shut the door behind me.

“
A church.”

“A church
–
?”

“Yes. 
Why don’t you go to a church and light a candle? You know the ones they have a
t the front of the church
?
That’s
one way to honor your parents’ memory.
”

“I
like the suggestion
,
but I don’t
know any churches around
here and
it’s a private moment
.
I’
m not sure I would want to do it during a Mass or when someone would see me
.
”

He handed me a piece of p
aper
on which
an address and a time
were scribbled
.
“
If you go here it will be
private at that time. It’s the time I usually go and do the same thing.”

“Every
day?”
I wondered out loud as I moved
closer to him.

“I use
d
to
,
but I’
ve stopped being so freque
nt. Now I go about once a month,
”
Tad answered as he loosened
his tie.

“For who?”

“I may not understand your exact pain
Vera
, but I do understand pain. My mother died of cancer three years ago. It was awful to watch the strongest woman I had ever known be reduced like that.”

“I wonder what’s worse
,
knowing you are going to die or taking your last breath without being able to say good
bye,”
I commented staring down at the paper.

“I think they’
re equally trying. It was hard to watc
h her die, but it must be
horrible to
not
wake up one morning and jus
t no longer
–
be
,
without warning…
and in such a gruesome way.”

“Thanks Tad,” I said
,
letting my hand rest on his for a moment. I missed him
,
and right now I needed him more than ever.

“I’
ll always try to be there for you
Vera
—no matter what divides us.”

I swallowed and took one last look at the row of candles before I stood and placed the
match back
into the holder. When
I turned Tad came into view
,
and I jumped in surprise. He was at the entrance
,
his arms cross
ed and his lips in a solid line
.

“You know you’re supposed to light the candles with that
,
right?”

“Does each one
represent a lost soul?” I asked as
I looked over my shoulder at the candles that flickered against the dreary church walls.

“
Not necessarily
,
but
each
represents a prayer,
” Tad replied
,
walking forward with his hands in his pockets.

“This was supposed to make me feel better,” I
said as I
sat at the pew and stared at the candles, “but it doesn’t.”

“How do you feel?” Tad asked
as he sat beside me.

“Empty…like I always do when I think of them.”

“You should be reminded of the good times and pleasant memories.”

“The horror of seeing
their blank
, lifeless,
faces staring at me
has ruined it,” I whispered
,
putting my head in my hands
and
wishing to push those images away.

“You must
have some good memo
ries?” Tad asked
,
rubbing my back.

“Tad
,
they w
ere too young to die…
My
m
om was a spitfire—a total accident waiting to happen. I’m l
ike her—I can trip over nothing
.
” Tad chu
ckled
,
acknowledging the thought
, and I continued.
“My father…he was more serious. He used to give me l
ectures like no tomorrow,
he
had a
strong sense of who I should be—
who I w
anted to be and how to guide me,
and he
was my best friend. It seems like everything I love is just out of my reach now
.”

Tad pulled me into his arms tight
,
and I breathed in his cologne to try to calm down the rapi
d thump of my heart. For once it wasn’t
because of him, but because of the guilt that filled every part of me.

“I can’t do it. When
the
flame
goes
out—t
hey will still be dead,
” I explained.

“A can
dle can’t bring back a
life;
I
never suggested that.
But to light one will
honor their memory,
”
h
e said
,
his voice muffled by my hair.

“How? It will only flicker out and die like they
did—like the good memories did,
”
I said
,
looking up into his face.

Tad
slipped his hand into mine and led me back up to the flickering candles.
He lit the match stick with another candle and handed it to me
,
but my hand was shaking too much to control the flame. Tad placed his hand over mine and guided my hand to the candles.
He let go of my hand and took the match s
tick, shaking it until it turned
black.

I sat down in the pew and took a deep
breath
.
“I
have nightmares that they come for me.”

“Who
?”

“The vampires
.
”

I was not prepared for the laughter and I looked up at him in shock.  H
e tried to cover his smi
le
.
“I’
m sorry, it just sounds so—“

I cut him off as I
stood
,
my blood icy in my veins,
“Vampires exist in my world. Some psychopath
decided that
sucking the life out of a person is a fun hobby.
Guess what?
I had to stare at my murdered parents, had
to run away from my past. You’
re the only person who knows and you can stand here and laugh?”
I yelled
,
and
I ran out the door with him trailing behind
knowing that h
e would have to stop at the threshold
.
I looked over my shoulder to see
him with his head in his hands and
his shoulders tensed with
an emotion I was unsure of
. I knew he hadn’
t meant to laugh
,
and it was not so much the laugh
,
but the fact he had to stop at the door that upset me.
No matter how close Tad and I were
,
we could not, would not be together. The hole where my heart had finally grown back after the loss of my parents was returning because of the very person who had filled the void.

I felt Tad’s eyes staring at my back as I shoved my books into my locker, but w
hen I glanced over my shoulder I discovered someone else
was
staring at me as well. I could not for the life of me remember his name though. He lifted his hand
and twisted
it in a slight, relaxed wave. I knew I shouldn’t do it with Tad looking and that I would never do it if he wasn’t, but for some reason I wanted to make him jealous. I tossed my hair over my shoulder and offered that waving buffoon the sexiest smile I could muster. Out of the corner of my vision I saw Tad’s distinctive Adam’s apple rise and fall before he turned on his heel into his classroom. I looked back into my locker in complete shame and had to fight the urge to slam my h
ead between the door and its edge
.

“I know
it’s not polite to stare but…” s
omeon
e said.
I jumped and
I got my wish as my head slammed into the locker door.
“Crap, you okay?”

My vision blurred
,
and I looked up into his face
.
“Oh…hi?”

“Carl, from
Je
nnings
’
World Civ class?” h
e
suggested,
his brow furrowin
g as he star
ed down at me
.

I felt my e
yes crossing as my head pounded
.
“That hurt.”

“I believe it
!
Y
ou okay? You look like you’re going to pass out.”

I could feel my body rocking
.
“Slammed my head pretty hard
,
I guess.”

“I
’m bringing you to the nurse,” h
e
said
,
and
wrapped his arm aro
und my waist just as I was about
to face plant.

“I wish the
floor would
stay still,
” I commented as I staggered against him.

The nurse stood as Carl
brought me into
her office.
“What happened to her?”

“Slammed her head into her locker
door
;
I scared her I guess,
”
Carl
replied, and his voice reflected his worry. It served him right; he had caused it.

“Let’s see,” t
he nurse
said as I sat down on the bench
;
“
N
ice egg
!
”

“Thanks,
” I mumbled
.

Carl was
leaned against the wall in a way that would make most girls swoon, but I wasn’t most girls. I was annoyed
when he demanded
,
“How bad is it?”

“Ice should do the
trick and
a couple Excedrin,” t
he nurse explained
.
“I’
ll write you both notes to go back to class.”

“Should I walk her back?” Carl
suggested.

“Sure
;
seems l
ike a good idea,” t
he nurse answered with a wink at me
.
It made me want to slap her.

“All I wanted to do was ask you if you were free Friday and you
end up injuring yourself,
” Carl
joked
as we neared Tad’s door.