Waiting for Grace (22 page)

I shook my head. “You have no idea what it’s like to have no one do you?” I snapped as we continued to walk. “This isn’t just a wild goose chase, this is my life.”

“I know.” He turned to me and pulled me into a hug. “I’m sorry. I suppose crazy old ladies and musty flats freak me out. I do get it, and by the way, you have someone. You have me.” He kissed my head, and I allowed him to, but I was still annoyed and I had the distinct feeling that we were on entirely different pages.

Twenty

Now

Everything OK this morning?
Robert’s text arrived at 6 am. I heard my phone buzz on the bedside table and groaned.

Yes and it’s six in the morning, too early to text.

I can’t sleep – worried about you.
I sighed, I was awake now and there would be no point going back to sleep.

Very sweet but we’re fine, no need to worry. I’m awake now – thanks.

You’re welcom
e
.
I smiled to myself at his smiley face. I then rolled over and tried to get back to sleep, then five minutes later the phone buzzed again.

What do you want to do for your birthday?
he asked, and I had a sudden warmth of excitement rush through me. Since having Devon I hadn’t really celebrated my birthday, and as a kid my mum wasn’t too bothered. She often forgot or remembered weeks later, but Robert had always made such a fuss of me. My birthday was the 7
th
November and would be here in a few days. Robert had asked me out, just me, and I couldn’t help myself but be a little excited about it. Especially since Robert was now single and the thought of us being alone together gave me butterflies in my stomach.

I don’t know, surprise me.

Hmm, something cheap and nasty right? I’ll have a think.

Very funny.

How about I come round tonight after work, have tea with my favourite girls and we can decide?

Robert, I need to spend some time with Maria. We need to discuss what we need to do.

All the more reason I should be there.

I rolled my eyes.
We didn’t need a knight in shining armour. We needed GPS tracking on her convict brother. How about tomorrow?

Okay, fine, but I will be checking up on you

Fine.

And I might pop into the diner for lunch …

Robert that is stalking.

It isn’t stalking when you tell the person you are coming.

Still stalkerish behaviour.
I smiled to myself.

Not if the girl in question wants to see me as much as I want to see her.

Smooth. I laughed to myself and then decided to give up and get up for a shower. The kids would be up soon, anyway and I could get started on their packed lunches.

***

“So?” I said, sitting around the kitchen breakfast bar whilst the kids ate their cereal. Maria was still in her pyjamas and dressing gown. “I take it you’re off today,” I said quietly, she sniffed and sipped her coffee. “Right kids, come on, quick change, please.” They groaned and moved to their bedrooms.

“Have you called in sick?” I asked Maria in a whisper. “Don’t let this break you.”

“Yes,” she hissed. “I have texted my secretary, anyway, what would you know?”

“Maria.” I rolled my eyes. “Don’t do this, don’t try and solve this on your own. What is wallowing going to achieve? We need to attack the problem.”

“There’s no fighting,” she whispered. “He’ll always win.”

“He won’t.” I sighed. “We are strong, confident, independent women, and the law is on our side. We need to speak to Jackie and find out the specifics.”

“The specifics are,” she growled, “that my brother is out there and the only thing he ever wanted more than drugs was me. He’s sick and twisted and half-crazed, and I’m a sitting duck until he decides to show his face.”

“Oh God, Maria,” I threw my arm around her and she quickly wiped away one stray tear. “It was probably the drugs that made him that way, he might have changed, be trying to start again.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you until you believe me.”

“Ok,” I admitted defeat, “I’ll take the kids to school, call in sick myself and we’ll get Jackie here, the police, and someone who can give us some God damn reassurance.”

“The only reassurance I’ll ever have,” she said solemnly, “is if he’s behind bars or dead.”

***

I called Groucher and explained that we had had some bad news and I would be taking an unprecedented day off. In all the years I had worked for him I rarely took a day off. He was polite enough, but I was sure he thought it was to spend the day with Robert. They would all be musing that I finally had a man and now I was changing. I ignored my irritation and focused on Maria. Jackie arrived at 10 am. I was dressed and trying to coax Maria to eat, but she was staring at the television, still in her pyjamas, not watching it really.

“Maria I understand your concern.” Jackie smiled, looking at me through worried eyes. “But that letter doesn’t mean anything, and he wouldn’t be out unless he was reformed. I can’t find out the specifics of his release, but maybe you could.”

“Well, he’s hardly going to make a fuss is he? When it would affect his release, he’ll lay low, he’ll pass the tests and then he’ll find me. I don’t want contact with anyone at all; you mustn’t try. Promise me!” she said, panicked, “I don’t want anyone to know where I am.”

“You’re being paranoid, Maria. You can’t let this idiot control your life. If you are right then you are just playing into his hands by breaking down like this, you need to stand up, claim your life and be God damn ready when he comes knocking, not cowering in the flaming corner.”

“Do you know, Jackie?” Maria sighed. “You’re right, I know you’re right but … I just can’t fight anymore, I can’t do that again.”

“You might not have to Maria, but you can’t live your life in fear.”

“He scares me so much.” She shook her head and held her eyes down away from us. “I just feel like a scared little girl all over again. I have blocked so much of it out, and I’m worried what is going to come flooding back now I feel like this again.”

“I think you should speak to someone, a professional.”

“I can’t tell a stranger all this shit.”

“Look,” Jackie said soothingly, “do this for Max, exorcise your demons for him. If you hate it, fine, but please try, and you should both enroll in self defence classes, it’ll make you feel safer.”

“Great idea,” I said excitedly, perhaps overly so, as Maria looked at me and rolled her eyes.

“We don’t need self defence, we need a gun.”

“No guns,” Jackie said, “God Maria, come on.”

“I’m just joking, sorry, yes we’ll find some classes,” she said like a robot.

“Great, now come on you need to get out of this funk and I’m going to get a police officer over here to speak to you about security and help secure the property. He’ll tell you, it’s not worth your brother bothering you, he’d be mad as he’ll be straight back inside.”

“Don’t tell them why, I don’t want anyone to know.”

“Just for security.” Jackie sighed. “I won’t mention your brother.”

“Thank God.” Maria shook her head.

“I just can’t believe he’s already out.” I sighed. “Doesn’t seem long enough for murder.”

“You’re right,” Jackie said solemnly. “It’s a joke. Right, girls, I better get going, are we all feeling a bit better?”

“Yes, thanks,” Maria smiled thinly, and I walked Jackie to the door.

“Keep an eye on her,” she whispered as we neared the front door. “I’m worried.”

“You and me both,” I said. “She’s a broken woman today. I’ve never seen her like this, she’s always so strong.”

“She really does need to talk to someone. I think more went down at home than she’s ever admitted to herself, let alone anyone else.”

“Okay, I’ll encourage it, get us some numbers.”

“I will.” She hugged me and kissed my cheek. “And who was the gentleman at the charity afternoon tea?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh,” I looked away shyly, “an old friend.”

“Seems like a nice, normal guy, but looks can be deceptive.”

“No, he’s nice and normal, just a shame I’m not.”

“Oh hush, define normal?” she laughed to herself. “Everyone’s got skeletons in their closet.”

“Yeah, and I’m his.”

“Oh? Sounds like a long story, fill me in next time. Gotta fly. Keep me informed on the Maria front, and I’ll get those numbers and get my police buddy to pop ‘round. Okay?”

“Great, thanks.”

As I closed the door and turned to go back to Maria, my phone rang in my pocket. Robert. Oh shit, I’d forgotten that he was coming to the diner for lunch.

“Hello,” I said.

“Grace, where the hell are you? What’s happened?”

“Oh God, sorry Robert, I should have texted. Maria looked like hell first thing and couldn’t go to work. Her nerves are shot and she’s in a state, so I stayed off to be with her and Jackie has been ‘round.”

“Oh,” he sighed. “Jesus, I thought something had happened. Thank God. So she’s in a mess, eh?”

“Yeah, I think she’s gonna try and pull it together to get to work tomorrow, so hopefully we’ll be back to normal.”

“I think you should still let me sort out that restraining order, help you get the ball rolling.”

“Okay, thanks. That would be good. Look, I better get back to her, Jackie is going to get a police officer to come ‘round and give us some tips on securing the flat and stuff so we’ll be fine.”

“You will be, I’m sure, I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Okay, great.” I smiled despite myself. All these years of independence, but it still felt good for him to care. “Bye.”

“Bye,” he said.

***

The rest of the day was spent on the sofa. I tried to get Maria to eat, and we talked about her early years, and where things had gone wrong for her brother. She didn’t like to say his name out loud; we had learnt that a long time ago. It was as if she thought he was Beetlejuice and just by saying his name he would appear. We talked about work and her commitments to her job, and also Max. She had to be strong for him. By the end of the day we walked to school together, getting out the front door was hard but once we were outside she realised how much she was letting him affect her.

“I can’t hide,” she said as we approached the other mums at the school gate. “I have to just get on with things and learn to accept that he is no longer behind bars and when he comes …”

“If he comes,” I said, linking her arm and giving her a squeeze.

“If he comes, I’ll be ready.”

“That’s the spirit.”

I had told their teacher this morning that there would be no need for “after school club,” and the kids came bounding out with smiles on their faces. They ran to us and giggled. Max held his bags out for Maria to carry, running ahead with another boy towards the school gates. Devon held my hand and walked by my side.

“We got a party invite today, me and Max. It’s a disco.”

“Oooo a disco.” I smiled. “That’ll be good.”

“Will my daddy come to my birthday party when I’m seven?” she asked innocently.

“I’m sure he will,” I said, “I bet he’d love that.”

“Maybe my Nana and Grandad, too, and my Uncle Owen.”

“Maybe, but it’s a long way for a party for Nana and Grandad.”

She didn’t speak after that as we walked. Maria and I fell into easy conversation and Max ran back to us after his friend got into a nearby car. “Where’s Max’s Dad, then?” Devon asked, quite out of the blue. Maria and I looked at each other, and this awkward question was the last thing she needed today. She had told him of course, that his Dad was a childhood boyfriend who she no longer saw, but this question was more than that, where is he?

Max looked up to Maria expectantly. “Will my Dad ever be coming back?” he said.

“Sorry, son.” She held his hand now and pulled him into a hug. “I don’t think so.”

“That’s okay, Max,” Devon said, taking his hand. “You can share mine.” Maria and I smiled at each other. Perhaps we were both thinking at that moment that everything would be fine. So long as we all had each other, we could handle anything, and our kids were the supportive siblings to each other that neither one of us had had. In that moment, perhaps, we were thinking alike, but at night when Maria’s head hit the pillow I knew her thoughts would go back to her brother and her fear would never set her free.

***

Thursday was my birthday. Maria had made an effort all week to go to work. She wasn’t her usually flawless self, but only I noticed. Robert had been ‘round and actually been wonderful with Maria, helping her organise a restraining order, and discussing what he knew of violent criminals, which surprisingly was a lot. We also had a visit from a police officer and we enrolled in self-defence classes. The general consensus was that Joe Reyes, Maria’s infamous brother, valued his freedom above bothering her again. The police officer gave us some statistics on revenge crime and they were low compared to what was dramatised for television. However, after he left Maria was still unsure.

“It wouldn’t be a revenge crime,” she sighed. “He’s obsessed with owning me, not getting revenge of some sort.” I held her close and hoped that all her worrying was for no reason.