Vulnerable: (McIntyre Security Bodyguard Series - Book 1) (20 page)

Her brow furrowed, and she shook her head. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Yes, I did. I lost my damned head, and I scared you. Please, don’t leave now. Let me make it up to you.”

She looked at him warily. “I should go.”

“It’s late, and you’re exhausted. You need sleep. That’s all, just sleep. Come lie down with me and rest.”

She stared at him, far from convinced that sleeping together was a good idea.

“Please,” he said. “It’s late and you’re tired. Come lie down.”

He pulled her gently by the hand to the bed. He was relieved when she lay down beside him, although she was careful to keep far enough away from him that there wasn’t any risk of them touching. He straightened the bedding and covered them both.

She watched him, her gaze skeptical.

He grabbed a tissue from off his nightstand and wiped her cheeks. Then he brushed her hair back from her face. “Try to sleep.”

With plenty of open space between them, she turned onto her side, facing away from him.

He sighed. “Lights thirty percent.”  He lay on his side facing her, and he watched her for a long time as she lay perfectly still. He could tell from the stiffness of her posture that she wasn’t asleep.

She was shutting him out.

And he fucking well deserved it.

Chapter 18

Beth lay still, wide awake and unable to block out the shame and embarrassment she felt. It wasn’t surprising, what had happened. It had happened to her every other time before. Why had she expected it to be any different this time?

The bedroom was eerily quiet, although she knew without looking that Shane wasn’t sleep either. Even with her eyes closed, she could feel the weight of his gaze on her. She tried not to think about what he must be thinking. She’d flipped out on him like a total nut job, and he was probably wondering how he’d gotten himself involved with someone like her. Her first boyfriend’s parting words came back to her:
You’re such a fucking nut job!

The panic had receded only to be replaced with sorrow. Secretly, she was glad that he’d asked her to stay the rest of the night. She hadn’t really wanted to go, but she’d been afraid to stay, too. She hadn’t wanted this night to be another one of her failures. She’d wanted him! She really had. She still did. The idea of running away from this was abhorrent.

The bedding rustled softly as he shifted behind her in the bed, and she thought he’d probably rolled to his back. She had no idea how long they’d been lying there, both pretending to be asleep, but she figured he was tired of watching her.

She turned to look back at him and saw that he was indeed lying on his back. His hands were clasped on his abdomen, and he was staring at the ceiling.

Even after all the drama, looking at him still gave her butterflies. She’d never wanted someone so much in her life. If she couldn’t do this with him, then she’d never be able to do it with anyone. And she’d be damned if she’d let some monster like Howard Kline steal this part of her life from her.

She rolled to face him and laid her hand on top of his.

When he looked at her, the mixture of sadness and resignation in his expression made her throat tighten painfully.

“I’m sorry, Shane,” she said in a quiet voice.

“God, please don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who fucked up. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

She rose up on her elbow and faced him. “I don’t want to be like this,” she said, her eyes tearing up. She swallowed hard. “Can we try again?”

Shane closed his eyes, his expression pained, and Beth thought maybe it was too late.

“You mentioned me being on top,” she said. “Maybe that would help. If you don’t want to....”

He squeezed her hand. “It’s not that I don’t want to try again, Beth,” he said. “I do. Believe me, I do.”

“But?” she said, because there was definitely a
but
in his voice.

“I – I just don’t want to put you through that again.”

“Can we try?”

He looked at her, indecision warring on his face.

Her hand slipped out from under his and traveled down top of the sheet until she found his penis lying soft between his legs. Of course he’d lost his erection. What did she expect, after all the ugly drama?

Shane gently removed her hand from between his legs and returned it to his chest.  “It’s not permanent,” he said, smiling at her.

She could tell from his expression that he wasn’t willing to risk another catastrophe that night, so she shoved her fears away and took another leap of faith. She leaned forward and kissed him.

It was the first time she’d initiated a kiss with him, and she felt awkward doing it. Her lips moved gently over his, and she hoped he would take over. At first he lay unresponsive, but when she licked the seam of his lips, his mouth opened beneath hers and his lips clung to hers. Their kiss became hungry, and when his hand cupped the back of her head, his fingers threading through her hair, she sighed with relief.

He grabbed her hand and brought it back down to his penis, which was clearly back in the game, stirring and swelling rapidly. “Feel what you do to me,” he said, as he pressed her hand to his erection. His penis continued to stiffen, bucking beneath her fingers. She gripped him through the sheet, and he growled, a rough sound deep in his throat.

Shane reached between her legs and touched her sex, testing her readiness, relieved to find her still wet. “Straddle me,” he said, shoving the sheet away.

Beth rose up on her knees and let him guide her onto his hips.

“How about we lose the shirt?” he said, unbuttoning the shirt he’d put on her earlier.

She blushed hotly as he undid the last button, baring her chest to his hungry gaze. When the shirt slipped off her shoulders, exposing her breasts, he tossed it to the floor. His erection had recovered fully and was once more defying gravity as it stood firm and demanding. He grasped her bottom and pulled her closer, so that her sex was nestled right up against the thick root of his cock.

She looked down, captivated by the sight of her pale blond curls intermingling with his dark, wiry hair.

“You’re in control,” Shane said, his eyes riveted to their sexes. “Take it at your own pace.”

His heart pounded in his chest as he felt her trembling thighs gripping his hips. He hoped like hell this would work, because he couldn’t bear to see her fall apart again. Having her on top and in control was the only strategy he could come up with, other than simply getting her drunk, which he couldn’t bring himself to do.

He reached between her open thighs and cupped her sex with his fingers, letting her get used to the feel of him touching her there. When she didn’t stop him, he slipped a finger between her folds and began a slow exploration of her sex, reveling in her wetness.

He pressed the pad of his thumb against her clitoris, and Beth made an inarticulate sound, part groan and part cry. She jerked and rose up on her knees when his thumb began to work on her.

“Try to relax, sweetheart. Let me make this good for you.”

Never in his life had Shane felt such anxiety in bed. He wanted this to be a good experience for her, the beginning of a relationship for the two of them. It wasn’t just sex for him, and he knew it would never be just sex for her. Slowly and steadily, he massaged her clitoris, pressing and stroking, and he smiled when he felt her begin to relax and sink back down onto his thighs.

He kept up the stroking, ratcheting up the pressure, until he felt the muscles in her thighs tensing, could see the muscles in her lower belly tightening up. But he didn’t want her to come just yet. There was a hell of a lot more pleasure he could give her in the build-up to it. So he just kept stroking, alternately increasing and decreasing the pressure to keep her orgasm in limbo.

Beth’s eyes drifted shut, and she started squirming against his touch, making soft whimpering sounds that made his cock even harder, if that was possible. Her thighs moved restlessly, and her hips began to rise and press against his hand as she sought to increase the pressure there. He slipped a finger inside her hot, flushed core.

“My God, you’re so tight,” he grated, loving the feel of her body clinging to his finger. Her tightness was both a blessing and a curse. Being inside her was going to blow his mind – he knew that already. But his length and girth would make it harder for her.

She was slick with arousal, which gave him some reassurance. When her breathing became quick and shallow and her eyes widened, he knew she was close, and he backed off.

Giving a cry of frustration, Beth glared at him. That made him smile.

“Soon, sweetheart,” he promised, knowing it would have to be soon. He was already so hard he hurt, and his balls were aching with the need to come. He knew he wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer. “I want to make sure you’re ready.”

“I am ready,” she groaned, pushing her sex against his fingers, trying to find that wonderful pressure again.

Shane’s finger coaxed the wetness of her arousal out of her core, and he bathed her sex with it, priming her, making sure she was ready to take him. He knew he was a lot to take, and for someone with her limited experience, he knew she was in for some discomfort. There was no help for it. But he would gladly do whatever he could to minimize any pain she might feel.

He brought his thumb to his mouth and sucked off her juices. Then he grabbed a condom packet and ripped it open with his teeth, then quickly sheathing himself.

“Rise up on your knees,” he said, grasping her hips. She obeyed. He sat up and kissed her mouth, then dipped his head down and kissed the tip of each breast. “Now scoot closer.” With his hands on her hips, he coaxed her to forward on her knees. “Up and over me.”

She did as he directed, but hesitated when she felt the broad head of his cock nudging against her opening. “Shane.”

“It’s okay,” he said. “You’re doing great. Lift up a little, sweetheart,” he instructed, trying to position her over him. “Good. Now put me inside you. You do it.” He grabbed the base of his cock and angled it at her opening. Then he wrapped one of her hands around his cock. “Use your hand to guide me in.”

Beth edged closer up on her knees, awkward and unsure. He brought his hands to her waist to steady her.

“That’s right,” he said when she was in position. “Now sink down on me. Let gravity do the work.”

She positioned the fat crown of his cock at the opening of her sex and pressed down a bit.

“That’s it,” he said. “Keep going.”

“I’m trying,” she said, her voice edged with frustration as she tried to work herself down onto him.

“It’ll be easier once you get the head in,” Shane said, and he grabbed hold of his cock and bucked his hips upward, spearing the head into her.

Beth winced as the head of his cock breeched her opening, and her eyes watered.

“Are you okay?” he said, his brow furrowing.

“I’m fine,” she gasped.

Shane reached between her legs and started stroking her clitoris again. “Work yourself down slowly. Give your body time to adjust.”

She pushed down, her body tensing.

“Relax your muscles,” he said, stroking her thighs.

Shane didn’t want to rush her. He was grateful she’d made it this far, and he didn’t want to risk a setback. But at this rate, he was certain he would die of blue balls before she was fully seated.

She kept advancing and retreating, a little bit at a time, until she started to sink down on him. “Oh!” she gasped, when she slipped down a couple inches suddenly, pulling back up a bit in surprise.

 “It’s okay, sweetheart,” he said, his hands squeezing her hips. “You’re doing great.”

She looked down at him, her eyes bright and unsure, her pupils dilated. Then she moved on him again and sank down a little farther. When he gave a tiny upward thrust with his hips, helping the process along just a little bit, her eyes widened.

“Okay?” he asked, his hands squeezing her hips.

“Yes,” she said. “It’s just... a lot... to take.”

He had to bite his tongue to keep from chuckling. He was barely half-way inside her, and she thought this was a lot?

She shimmied herself down farther onto his length, and Shane thought he was about to lose either his mind or his load with all her wriggling. The feel of her surrounding him – so hot and silky wet – was trying his endurance. He had to grit his teeth against giving in to the desire to thrust into her. This would have been so much easier if she were beneath him. He cheated a little and rocked himself upward with tiny thrusts. Finally, when he was just about there, he gave one last desperate upward push which buried him to the hilt.

Beth winced again and grabbed hold of his wrists.

“Are you okay?” he said. God, finally! He was inside her. He gritted his teeth as he tried not to come.

She nodded. “Yes. It’s just... a lot.”

Shane noticed the tension in her expression and her death grip on his wrists. She looked rather uncomfortable. “Beth, are you hurting?” he said.

She closed her eyes. “A little.”

“Try to relax. Your body will adjust. Just give it a few moments.”

Beth moved hesitantly on him, lifting up, then inching back down again. She did that a few more times, finding it easier each time as her silky arousal coated him.

He bit back a groan. It had been a hell of a long time since he’d felt such a precarious hold on his climax. Her tight heat alone was enough to make him come. If she squeezed her sex, he’d probably lose it.

Beth was moving more freely on him now, and he saw her expression soften as she bit her bottom lip. She even smiled when she pulled up and then sank back down on him, her wet flesh gliding easily along his rigid cock.

“Experiment with different angles, sweetheart,” he said. “You’ll find the right one. I want you to make yourself come on me. Just do what feels good and relax. It’ll happen.”

With her eyes closed, she began to move on him. She varied her angle, leaning forward, leaning back, changing her pace. She eventually let go of her death grip on his wrists and planted her palms on his shoulders instead, to steady herself. Before long, she’d found her rhythm as she worked herself leisurely on his cock.