Vulnerable (18 page)

“I have been trying to reach you for hours. You know the penalty for worrying me!”

Something flickered on her face, but Elise said nothing. Ross struggled with his anger, anger that had risen in response to the debilitating worry, and his dominant side surged. He would show her how she affected him, express to her what her apparent disappearance had done and how important she was to him. He would tell her in words about Maura’s perfidy later and have the damn woman confirm it, right before he fired her, but right now he needed Elise in the worst way to ease him.

“Strip.”

Elise raised her hands to the tiny buttons on her blouse and then stopped. “No.”

Ross was so surprised at the refusal he did nothing to stop Elise when she brushed past him and went back into the house. He recovered and stormed after her, catching up to her just inside the kitchen. He whirled her around to face him by dint of grasping her upper arm and she smacked him across the face with the open palm of her opposite hand. Ross’s head rocked back from the blow, and the cracking sound reverberated against the granite and stainless steel. Elise broke in the same instant. She went to her knees at his feet and sobbed. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I had no right. It’s my fault and I accept it. Tell me what you want me to do.”

Ross dropped to the floor beside her and wrapped his arms around her, bracing his back against the cabinet. He held her close as she wept against his shoulder, the storm of her pain deluging both his suit coat and his soul. He made small comforting sounds as he rubbed her back and kissed her hair. When her sobs finally diminished to a faint hiccupping, Ross reached up toward the sink, leaning Elise back as he did so to reveal her swollen, tearstained face and reddened nose. He managed to pull the dishtowel down from atop the counter and mopped her beloved features with it until she took it from him and blew her nose. He nearly laughed incongruously when Elise realized she had used a towel, and her eyes widened, and she made a moue of distaste.

“C’mon, love, let’s go sit somewhere more comfortable.”

She nodded but made no effort to move, and she kept her eyes on the floor. Ross pushed to his feet and offered her his hand. She took it and stood. Her body seemed devoid of its usual grace, and her shoulders were slumped. Ross led her to the living room and pulled her to sit with him on the sectional that faced the stone fireplace.

“I’m sorry I lost my temper, Elise,” he began, only to have her shake her head.

“It’s fine, Ross. I heard the phone. I did. I just couldn’t answer it. I’m sorry.” Her dispirited, humble voice bothered him. If she believed he had been fucking around on her with Maura, and the smack in the kisser supported his assumption, then why was she being so meek now? He decided to take the bull by the horns.

“We need to talk about Maura, Elise.”

She lunged away from him as if struck by an electrical charge, her light floral skirt twisting up her thighs, her breath audibly catching in her throat, and her eyes flew to his. “No! It’s fine. I understand and again, I apologize. Tell me what you want to do. Tell me what you’ve decided.”

“What do you mean you understand?”

Elise smoothed her skirt down and pleated the hem between her fingers. She was back to looking at the floor, and Ross hated the mockery it made of her true submission. “Do you want me to leave? I will, but if you want me to stay until you decide, that’s okay, too. It’s a bit complicated now, and I expect you’ll need some time to think about things.”

Ross felt his temper rise again. He had been worried to the point of illness by Elise’s apparent disappearance, his secretary had fucked his business partner and made the inference to his wife that
he
had been the recipient of her favors, and Elise had felt betrayed, yet she was making like a supplicant. Now that he had found Elise and she was all right, he felt incredibly hurt that she would believe he was capable of cheating on her despite the fact that she had pegged Maura from the get-go, and there was something else operating that he had missed.

“Elise, goddamn it. Quit talking in riddles and explain yourself, or I’ll make it so you
can
focus.”

Elise made a tiny squeaking sound and Ross knew it for what it was. There had been no dominant/submissive play for months and months. He had missed it but had easily set it aside for Elise’s greater need to conceive. Perhaps that had been a mistake on his part. Perhaps he should have balanced things, because his Amazon had just responded to his verbal Dom, and Ross decided to go with it.

“Go to our room and prepare yourself. Wait for me by the door.”

Elise stood on obviously shaky legs but obediently walked toward their bedroom. Her shoulders were still slumped, and she walked like a wind-up doll, but she went. Ross scrubbed his hands over his face and screwed his eyes shut. He had to get a grip and make this right. It was his job. He dropped his head back against the couch and decided to give Elise several minutes to prepare and ramp up the anticipation of the familiar. His phone vibrated, and he reached to turn it off, then recognized Jason’s number. He answered.

* * * *

Elise pulled her clothing off and dropped it into the hamper before going to the sink to wash herself. She avoided looking in the mirror. She knew the sight she would see. She had never cried prettily, and that jag in the kitchen had been the cry of all time. It had been the release of rage, pain, fear, and sadness. No, not fear, terror. Terror that Ross had had enough of her obsession with making a baby and had found distraction with the woman who had been panting right under his nose since he and Jason started their company. All those intense days and working late at night had served up some forbidden fruit. She was angry at him and hurt, because she had hoped he was above cheating and still had a hard time believing it. Yet she hadn’t fulfilled her role in their relationship, so perhaps that explained it.

She had sat outside by the pool after forcing some sustenance down for the child’s sake, thinking about Ross and Maura, trying to find an excuse, an explanation. But the malice and victory displayed on the other woman’s face kept intruding, making it impossible to think clearly. The sadness had set in, all pervasive, because once Ross found out she had conceived, he would feel honor bound to her and if his thing with Maura wasn’t fleeting, then he might feel forced to break it off. Ross hated being put in a corner, and while his care of her during her emotional storm had felt like a balm, Elise wished she hadn’t broken down. She wouldn’t even allow herself to remember how striking him had given her such satisfaction, for that feeling had immediately been followed by horror. Elise had never been pushed to physical violence against another person in her life, despite the men in her history who more than deserved it. It was likely just another indication of her intense emotional tie to Ross that she had felt driven to acting in that manner.

Elise felt so badly for placing the man she loved to distraction in this position. It wasn’t that she wouldn’t take him back. She would, in a heartbeat, and try not to compound her stupidity. She had known who she was marrying when she said her vows, and had not honored them in the way she needed to. He had broken one of his, but Elise pushed that kernel of fury down, believing she had pushed him to it, and then felt furious again that he could have been so weak, if he truly loved her. Through sickness and health, through good times and bad, against all adversity. Damn him. But the long and short of it was that she didn’t want to leave him, and if she had to share him with Maura, then she would, even if it crushed her soul and broke her heart. Elise shook her head. It hadn’t come to that yet, and she would accept whatever punishment Ross chose to dole out for her recent behavior and refusal to communicate. Perhaps he would indeed help her focus and sort out her cacophony of emotions until she made sense to both herself and him. And then he would decide what was best.

She quickly washed with warm, soapy water in the basin that had been assigned to her in their master bathroom. Maybe this was where it had all started to go wrong, a sink for him and one for her. Separate. She was being fanciful now and stupid. She found the anal douche under the sink and hastened to use it. Ross would be taking her ass for certain and Elise admitted how she had missed their kinkier sexual times, despite herself, despite what had happened today. It must have been very difficult for Ross. She hurried back into their bedroom and knelt by the bedroom door to await him, her nipples hardening and her pussy moistening in preparation. She could hear him talking on the phone and his words drifted down the hallway.

“What the fuck, man! She’s
my
secretary! You have no right to decide whether she stays or goes! It’s my decision, Jason, and you can butt out.”

Elise’s breath caught in her chest, and her arousal winked out. All thoughts of any form of reparation faded with Ross’s voice as he moved out of her range of hearing.
His
secretary.
His
decision. And Jason, was he getting involved because of how an office affair would impact the business? What had Ross told him? God, she didn’t know what to do. She felt so humiliated. Maybe she should just leave. The level of feeling in Ross’s voice when he talked to Jason about Maura was intense. Elise fought the panic that rose up in waves from her belly, and she curled protectively over it. It was enough already.

As the sweat that had broken out over her body began to cool, Elise stood and crossed to her closet. Two sinks, two closets, one for each of them, separate. She knew her thinking was skewed, but her brain didn’t process anything other than the sublime. She had nearly gone crazy with fear once, long ago. She had been immobilized by it. But she was a different person now and had Ross to thank for most of that. The best way to thank him was to act like a civilized human being and have a polite chat with her adulterous husband. She drew on reserves she didn’t know she still had, the ones that helped her move away from her first husband and his family, and her own, and make a new life for herself.

She chose a tailored pair of dark pants and paired them with a short-sleeved, loose-fitting top in subtle shades of charcoal and gray, donning them over a bra-and-panty set she had chosen that day she’d been shopping with Emily. It felt like forever ago. She decided against hose, and stepped into a pair of black flats, then crossed to the dresser to brush out her hair and put on some lip gloss, squinting into the mirror. She looked like the same person who had left the house that morning, hoping against hope that the doctor would have good news for them, except for the fact that her eyes looked vacant. Like no one lived inside. If only Ross could have made the time to come with her. If only she hadn’t lost sight of their life and her place in it. And if wishes were horses…she reached out and laid a shaking hand flat against her reflection, but the two Elise’s didn’t seem to be connected.

“I gave you specific instructions.” Ross’s cold voice had her whirling around to face him and against her best efforts, Elise wasn’t able to prevent her hands from lifting up to shield her face. Ross was in front of her instantly, his voice now incredulous, his big hands reaching out for her, albeit hesitantly.

“Elise? You can’t think I would strike you!”

She marshaled her thoughts and shook her head. “No, you just startled me. I was thinking.”

He ran his hands up and down her upper arms, and she felt warmed and soothed for a moment before she turned to the task at hand. “We need to talk, Ross.”

She watched as he stepped back and his face darkened. “You missed that window of opportunity, Elise. I gave you instructions.”

“So you did, Ross. And I’ve decided not to follow them. You would have paddled me and taken my ass, and I would have surrendered, and life would have gone back to the way it was. I’m not having it. We are going to have an adult discussion, as equals.” She turned on her heel and walked out to the living room. Ross would follow, or he wouldn’t.

* * * *

Ross shut his mouth with an effort and stared after his wife’s retreating form. No, that wasn’t correct. She wasn’t retreating. She had just thrown down the gauntlet and damned if he wasn’t proud of her, not to mention how hot it made him. He had been geared up for a scene, although the conversation with Jason had cooled some of his ardor. His partner clearly felt like a schmuck, and had apologized at least ten times or more for thinking with his little head, especially on company time. It had taken a raised voice to establish the fact that Ross would deal with Maura. Ross moved after his woman, and found her sitting primly on one of the wing chairs in the front room. His heart actually felt like it lurched in his chest at the sight of her. Their relationship had just changed and grown, and he loved her beyond measure, not that there weren’t going to be reparations at some point. He took a seat in the chair opposite, although he hitched it closer, crowding her.

Elise swallowed nervously and then quite obviously drew on her courage. Ross watched, fascinated, as his vulnerable bride, his submissive, his more than equal could she just accept it, chose her words.

“I regret my outburst this afternoon, Ross. I should have stayed and confronted you, and it wouldn’t have come to that. And you would not have been worried.”

“And why didn’t you?” he asked silkily.

She flushed, and Ross watched the pink rise up from the vee of her top to delicately color her cheeks. He knew the tops of her breasts would be the same color, setting off her nipples, and he wanted to have her remove her shirt and show him. His cock nodded its agreement.