Valentine Wishes (Baxter Academy Book 1) (26 page)

M
y aunts
and uncles are waiting to see Grandma when I arrive. “Does she know?” That is my biggest fear. Having to be the one who tells her.

Aunt Cheryl nods. “The doctor told her this morning when she finally came out of the sedation and demanded to know about her grandson.”

Is it bad that I’m glad someone else broke the news to her?

“Since, she’s demanded that Theo’s neurologist come her and talk to her. She’s so agitated that none of us have been allowed to see her and they’ve called Theo’s doctor, hoping he can calm her.”

“Why would she want to see Dr. Bud?”

They just shrug.

“Officer O’Brien has been waiting too. He needs her statement but Grandma won’t say anything until Dr. Bud is here.”

At that moment, Dr. Bud steps off the elevator and comes over to us. He looks like he’s more dressed for golf than rounds at the hospital. He comes right over to me. “Jackie, I am so sorry about Theo.”

“Thank you,” I mumble and wonder how many times I’m going to hear that over the next few days.

“Your grandmother wants to see me?”

“We don’t know why, but she won’t give a statement to the police until she talks to you.”

Dr. Bud frowns. “Then, let’s go see her.”

A nurse stops us as we head to grandmother’s room. “I’m sorry, only Officer O’Brien, Dr. Bud and one family member.”

“Me.” This is my brother and my grandmother. The rest of my family can wait.

Brett squeezes my hand. “I’ll be right here if you need me.”

I just nod and follow Dr. Bud to my grandmother’s room.

“What happened?” my grandmother demands of Dr. Bud as soon as we walk in. Her eyes are red and there are balled up tissues on her bed. She should have had someone in here with her when she got the news. Grams should not have been left alone. What harm could there have been to let at least one family member in here?

“Why don’t you tell me what happened?” Dr. Bud says as he approaches her bed.

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen Theo like that and I want to know why.”

“Like what? Describe what happened and maybe I can tell you.”

She takes a deep breath, her eyes filling with tears. I hurry to the other side of the bed and grab her hand in mine.

“We were driving, like we always do and then a weird look came over his face, like he was confused and told me it tasted like he’d just eaten metal or pennies. A minute later he was talking gibberish. Nothing he said made any sense and I was asking him to pull over when his body just start convulsing. I yelled at him and tried to get to the steering wheel, but his hands were locked on it, but he wasn’t steering and drove right off the road at the curve, and that’s all I really remember.”

Behind Dr. Bud, Officer O’Brien is writing in a little notebook.

“It sounds like he had a seizure.”

“Seizure? He’s never done that before,” my grandmother points out.

“People have been known to develop seizures after head injuries like Theo’s. Sometimes they are right away and sometimes years down the road, and some never do. Nobody knows why.” He smiles sympathetically at here. “We don’t know and there is no way to predict a seizure until a person starts having them.”

I sink into the chair beside Grandmother’s bed. A seizure is better than suicide, though it’s little comfort since Theo planned to end it all anyway. Even if not today, once he started having seizures, he would have gone ahead with it. It was bad enough living with the headaches, I can just imagine his reaction to having unpredictable seizures.

“Is there any way to prove it was a seizure?” Officer O’Brien asks.

“We can do an autopsy.”

“You are not gutting my grandson’s head open,” Grandma barks.

“But there is no guarantee it will tell us anything,” Dr. Bud continues. “But, the symptoms Mrs. Baxter described, metallic taste, confused speech and convulsions are all evidence of a seizure.”

Officer O’Brien just nods.

“I’ll talk to the medical examiner so they know to list that as the secondary cause of death.”

“What’s the first?” I blurt out.

“Blunt force trauma to the chest,” Office O’Brien supplies.

“If he was having a seizure when the accident happened then he wouldn’t have known he was going to have an accident?” I ask.

“If he wasn’t still in his seizure, he would have been passed out.”

I’m not sure that is a comfort or not. At least when you know it’s about to happen you can make peace.

Then again, hadn’t he already started making peace with death?

F
or two days
I haven’t left Jackie’s side. I haven’t said much of anything either. Just watched her and listened, looking for clues of what she might need, but she doesn’t seem to need much. Half the time I’m not even sure she’s aware I’m even there, though a few times she grabbed my hand. I’ll be whatever she needs me to be right now. She does have a huge family to support her, but they’re mourning too. Not like she is, but they’re worried about their grandmother and feeling the loss of Theo.

Jackie kept her Saturday appointment and turned down offers from her aunts and uncles to go with her, taking only me to the funeral home, along with the clothing Theo wanted and the DVD or CD, he put together. Notes were taken for the obituary and she picked out a casket and then asked about someone to dig the private grave. And in all this she is practically lifeless. Her answers to questions are in monotone and her body language was almost robotic.

I’m worried about her. A lot. Shutting down everything cannot be good. But, maybe it’s necessary. My dad did the same thing, now that I remember it. It’s shock. One foot in front of the other, get through and get things done. The fallout will come later. And, that’s what worries me. What if I’m not around when that happens? She’s going to need me more then than she does now.

Mrs. Baxter had surgery yesterday, on Sunday, because they didn’t want to let the fracture go for too long and risk it start healing one its own and without the bones aligned. But, before she went in, she informed Jackie that she would not be at the funeral and to not hold it off because she was in the hospital.

“I’ve already buried one son and I will not stand there and bury his son, my grandson. It’s not right.”

I’m not sure if Jackie was relieved or not. She wants the funeral over and I think it’s for the best. Dragging this out would only be harder on her and everyone else.

She’s spoken to the Red Cross twice. First to let them know what happened and that she needed to reach Tyler. When they called back, they informed her that he’d been told and would be on a plane, arriving on Wednesday. She thanked them and called the funeral home to set the visitation for Thursday and the funeral on Friday.

Jackie has barely said anything to me. Or anyone for that matter. Ashley had been calling her for two days, leaving messages, before she finally called me. Like me, she’s worried about Jackie. I cannot even guess why Jackie didn’t talk to her best friend. This was not the time to be shutting everyone out. So, I called Ashley as we were leaving the hospital on Sunday and she was waiting at Jackie’s home when we arrived. Ashley also arranged to have the week off and since she works for Jackie’s uncle, it was easily approved. That solved one of my concerns. I hated that Jackie would be alone but I can’t miss work and keep my job, so here I am, up at five in the morning and after kissing Jackie goodbye, driving to Albany and hoping I don’t hit any traffic that will make me late.

Still, I can’t help but feel she is shutting me out. I love her, she loves me, now should be the time where she leans on me, not pushes me away.

I
know
that none of this is Brett’s fault, but if I hadn’t been so involved with him, I would have seen what was happening with Theo. I would have picked up on something, but because I was so caught up with being in love, I didn’t see what was happening. It doesn’t matter that Theo hid his intentions well, or that he didn’t get a chance to go through with his plans, I should have still known.

Brett warned me, but if I hadn’t been focused on him, I would have figured it out on my own. Maybe have done or said something so he wasn’t feeling so desperate in the end. Nothing could have stopped the seizure, but shouldn’t I have at least been made aware that it could be a possibility? Were there signs that indicated that a seizure was about to happen, like little seismic blurbs before an earthquake? There had to have been signs. These things just don’t happen out of the blue. Or, at least they shouldn’t but because I was involved in my own life and accepting everything that Theo was telling me, I missed it. I missed something and I’m not sure I can forgive myself.

I should have been a better sister. I should have been more aware. I’d gotten complacent with his condition instead of fighting for him to get better. I should have forced him to take his meds. Stayed with him and not let up no matter how much he hated me for it. Then, I might have prevented the seizure and kept him from attempting to kill himself.

I haven’t shown anyone the letter. Nobody needs to know what he planned on doing. It isn’t anyone’s business and it had been written to me.

Brett has been a rock and been by my side until he had to go back to work, but I can’t lean on him like I’d like to. I don’t deserve it and the guilt eats at me.

Now that Brett’s gone, Ashley is here. She showed up with a bag on Sunday night and refused to leave. Her presence is more comforting than anyone else. She knows me and is here, even though I ignored her calls.

I couldn’t talk to her at first because I knew I wouldn’t be able to make it through the conversation and I had to keep it together. I still need to keep it together.

Gram’s surgery went well and she’s recovering better than expected but I hate, hate, hate the idea of her going to a nursing home, or assisted living facility, until she can walk on her own, or at least with a cane or a walker. I’m afraid she won’t come home again.

That’s what scares me. I don’t want to be alone, with no family around me. It was one thing to want to live on my own, but my family was always here for me to visit, and where they belonged. Theo is never coming home again and Grandma might not either.

Brett is here for me, but it isn’t the same. And, even after Tyler gets here, he only has a week before he has to go back to Iraq. I wish he didn’t have to go at all.

“Hey, sis.” I look up to find Tyler standing in the door, dressed in fatigues, a duffle in his hand and suddenly everything lets loose. I hadn’t realized I’d been holding so much in until I saw my brother and then the dam burst. I don’t know if I went to him or he came to me, but in the blink of an eye, he’s got his arms wrapped around me as I cry, no sob, into his chest. He’s all the family I have left. In two days, Theo will be buried next to my parents. The thought makes me cry all the harder.

I
’m
bone tired and will probably be like this for weeks. At least until things start returning to normal for Jackie, whatever her new normal is going to be, but I can’t not drive there each night and leave early in the morning. I have to be there when I can, even if Ashley is staying with her.

My phone dings as I get in my car and I glance down. It’s a text from Jackie. That is one of the biggest changes. Jackie hasn’t called since the accident. Just sends texts and I hate it. When I’ve called to check on her during the day, half the time Ashley answers with an excuse that Jackie is busy or visiting with family or resting. I don’t buy any of it. She’s trying to push me away for unknown reasons, but I’m not going to let her. Now is not the time to be making any kind of decision of who you want in your life and who you don’t, even if that’s what she’s thinking. I will stick by her side no matter what until everything calms down and she can think a little more clearly.

My brother just got in. You don’t need to come tonight.

I stare at her message, not sure how I feel. Shutting me out more? Doesn’t want me to make the long drive?

It’s no problem to drive there. Just leaving work.

I want to be alone with my brother.

I get that, but it still hurts.
Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.

The visitation starts at four with family viewing at three.

I
’m
in the office before everyone else and get a lot of paperwork done. I also skip lunch, hoping I can duck out early. I already have tomorrow off for the funeral, but I need to make up the hours to get to the visitation on time. Jackie already knows that if they make me stay until five I’ll be late. I’ll still make it. She said she understood. And, I did warn her ahead of time this could happen so she can’t hold it against me if I show up after it has started.

The clock hits four and I click off my computer and grab my jacket just as my boss comes out of his office.

“Grab your gear.”

I duck my head and hope he doesn’t notice me. Technically, I’m off now, I’ve worked my hours for the day.

“Robak, get your gear.”

“Sir, the visitation I mentioned.”

“Dammit Robak, we’ve got a hostage situation. Bank robbery gone bad.”

My gut flips.

“Yes, sir. But, we discussed.”

“We discussed if I could spare you. Listen do you want to be an FBI Agent or not?”

I straighten. “I do, Sir.”

“Then get your gear and get your ass on that elevator or I’ll see you shipped to Alaska and your probation extended for a year.”