Until Forever (Women of Prayer) (13 page)

Bill had seen many different scenarios in his days of working within the jail system. “I’m not sure how the system will react, Mark. I’ve seen some guys with totally crazy ideas who have actually been given the go-ahead, and some others with relatively tame ideas who have been turned down. It depends on who you talk with and whether or not they decide to take up your cause. Have you prayed about this? Is this God’s will for your life?”

Mark thought about all the hours he’d spent in prayer. He mostly thought about the instant bonding he had felt with the little girl he met at Meredith’s house, his little girl, and the desire to be with her, teach her, and learn from her. There was so much they could give each other.

“Yes, I have, Bill. I have prayed and read my Bible for hours. I can’t sleep at night. I can’t concentrate during the day. I just can’t imagine doing anything else. Oklahoma doesn’t even appeal to me anymore. All I can think about is Wisconsin. I went to the library and looked up all I could about the state. I want to be near her, Bill. I just can’t imagine the alternative.”

By the time they reached the church, Mark had Bill’s word that he would find out all he could for him, as well as put in a good word for him if possible. Bill pulled into the parking lot, and both men entered the church. Bible study was exactly what Mark needed. He met some men who agreed to pray for him. He even found a job with a business owner who needed a janitor. The Oklahoma job market was down, and he’d had a hard time securing a position in the construction field. Mark gave a shortened version of his testimony and walked away with a whole support group. Things were looking up.

The next morning, Mark entered the county complex where his parole officer was located. At ten he was ushered into an office and was sitting and explaining his situation. “I’m not asking for the probation period to end. I’m just asking for a transfer into the Wisconsin system. My ex-wife had a child while I was in prison and didn’t tell me, after which she moved to Wisconsin. Now I have a five-year-old little girl who lives eight hundred miles away from me, and I would like to live near her. Is there something I can do?”

Terrance Clark—friends called him Terry—had been a parole officer for twenty-two years when Mark Jensen entered his life from within the system. He liked the guy. He wanted to help him. Mark had been through some rough times, had done some pretty heinous stuff, but underneath he was a pretty decent guy. Terry dealt with all types, and Mark was pretty much the exception when it came to rehabilitation. Most of the guys he supervised went through all the hoopla, said all the right things, and then ended up back in prison for doing the same thing, if not something worse. He would bet the farm that Mark would never see the inside of a prison cell again.

“Mark, I’m not making you any promises here, but I’m going to see what I can do. I’ll make some calls and talk to some people who can make things happen. I’ll do my best.”

Mark left Terry’s office feeling pretty hopeful. He had to call him back in a week to see where things were at. If all went well, he would be moving to Wisconsin within a couple of months.

Mark decided to head to his sister’s house, as he would be starting work and wouldn’t have much time for a while. The company he was going to work for had been without a reliable janitor for so long that Mark was going to have to work some extra hours to help get them in order. Between that, spending time with Olivia, and going to church, he’d be pretty busy. He’d not seen his sister since he’d been released from prison, and he wanted her support. Her support had made all the difference while he was in prison.

Mark called from a payphone before he took a bus to her neighborhood. She was excited to hear from him, and yes, by all means, he could come over. She had a direct selling business that she operated from her home and was usually pretty flexible with her schedule. Today she had been making phone calls and doing paperwork. She was glad for the break.

As soon as Julia hung up with her brother, she closed up the office and headed to the kitchen.
I bet he hasn’t had a good meal since before he went to prison
, she thought. Right away she set to work making lunch. Chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes would hit the spot. She was just finishing up when the doorbell rang. She had worried that Mark would fall back to his old ways once he was out of prison. She would know as soon as she saw him if her worries were in vain or with good cause. She made her way to the door and broke out in a huge grin when she looked at him. He looked better than she’d seen him look since the accident. He looked healthy and vibrant. He actually looked happy. She knew that he had made a complete turnaround while in prison. He’d come out a completely different person. She threw her arms around his neck in a big hug. She stood back and looked at him. “It’s so good to have my little brother back. I’ve missed you. I have lunch ready.”

Mark inhaled a deep breath and said, “Something smells delicious,” and followed his sister into the kitchen. She had the table set for two with a salad already on the table. She dished up the rest of the food and set it on the table.

“Sis, I believe I need to say grace. I have a bunch to be thankful for.” They bowed their heads. “Lord, I want to thank you for all you have been doing in my life. Thank you for my wonderful sister and all she has put up with from me. I pray that somehow I can be a blessing to her, Father, as she has blessed me so much. I thank you for the food that you have so graciously provided. In Jesus’s name, amen.” Mark dug in with gusto.

After lunch, Mark and Julia discussed all his options. Julia felt as though she was losing her brother again. Wisconsin was a long ways away. “When do you think you will be moving?”

Mark sensed his sister’s mood. “Well, I can’t leave until I get the go-ahead from my parole officer, and even then I won’t be leaving until Jessi and Olivia return to Wisconsin. You know, sis, you could come with me.”

Julia hadn’t given the possibility a thought, but now that Mark had brought it up, it was worth looking into. She didn’t have much to remain for in Oklahoma. They had family that lived in the area, but she’d never felt particularly close to them like she had felt to Mark. For some reason, probably their nearness in age, they had always been close. Even during the hard years, they could help each other out. Her husband had died several years before in a work-related accident. They had always planned on having children someday. He died before they got around to it, and she’d always regretted waiting. The idea of living near her niece was very appealing. “Mark, what do you say we drive over and see Olivia? I’m dying to meet her.”

“I already planned on going over today, so you are welcome to come with me. There’s just one thing; she doesn’t know I’m her dad yet. So we can’t say anything. I want to make this as easy for her as possible. She thinks her dad is dead.”

“That’s gonna be hard to explain. What does Jessi say about it?”

“Jules,” Mark said, reverting to his childhood pet name for her, “I understand completely why Jessi did what she did. It’s easier to tell a kid that her father is dead than that he’s a loser who is in prison for killing her older brother. In some ways, I want her to think I’m dead. I’m going to have a real hard time answering her questions honestly as she gets older and still retain her love and respect. I would have probably done the same thing. I better call and make sure they’re home before we head over.”

Mark picked up and dialed while Julia thought about the possibilities. She could sell her place and buy something up north. She’d have Mark around to help with the stuff she didn’t know how to do or didn’t have time for, and he’d have a place to live and decent food to eat. Her business could be operated from anywhere in the world, so that wasn’t an issue. She did have her church and friends, but she would find a new church, and she didn’t seem to have a problem making friends. This was worth praying about. Her thoughts were interrupted when Mark addressed her.

“Julia, did you hear me?” Mark grinned at her. “I didn’t think so. I said we can go over, but Jessi wants to talk with me first. It seems she has found her tongue since we last spoke. I’m sure she is going to give me a hundred reasons why I can’t move to Wisconsin, now that she’s had time to think about it. I think I caught her by surprise when I told her my plans.”

They headed over to Aunt Merry’s house in Julia’s car, a two-door Corsica that badly needed replacing. She had planned on going and looking at new cars—she had the money set aside—but if she was seriously considering this move, it would make more sense to wait until she got to Wisconsin. It wasn’t long before they were pulling up in front of the house. Julia turned to look at her brother. “I’m nervous, Mark. What if she doesn’t like me?”

Mark started laughing. “Julia, she is a five-year-old little girl. You don’t have to impress her. Just be yourself. Besides, what’s not to like.” He leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

They approached the house and were let in by Aunt Merry. She led them into the living room and offered them some cold iced tea. It was an unusually hot day, even by Oklahoma’s standards. A hundred and five in the shade made cold sweet tea go down pretty well. Aunt Merry was about to go get Jessi when Olivia screamed what sounded like “Daddy” and took off for Mark at a full run.

She reached her dad and threw her arms around his neck. “Oh, Daddy, how I’ve missed you. Why didn’t you tell me you were my daddy?” Leave it to Olivia to get right to the heart of the matter.

Mark’s eyes were overflowing. He didn’t think he’d hear her calling him daddy for a long time. The sound of his name coming from her lips brought a surge of emotion that emerged and erupted from the center of his being. Before he could speak, Jessi interrupted.

“Olivia, I would like to talk with your daddy for a little while, and then you can ask him all the questions you want, okay?” Jessi gave her a look that said “it better be okay,” so Olivia shook her head in agreement.

Jessi led Mark out to the garden. “As you’ve noticed, I told her about you.”

“Yeah, wow, what a surprise. I wasn’t expecting that. Thanks.”

Jessi raised an eyebrow. “It wasn’t for you, Mark. It was for her. She’s a pretty perceptible little girl. She’s realized something’s going on, and she’s been asking about you, I mean, her daddy, so I had to tell her about you. I had no choice. I had to apologize for lying to her. She hasn’t yet begun the great inquisition, but when she does, she’s going to have a million questions. We have to tell her the truth. If we don’t, she’ll just be hurt later. I need your word that you will be honest with her, no matter what the consequences. No lies, Mark. We both have to learn to be truthful.”

Mark remained hopeful. This wasn’t going nearly as bad as he thought it might go. “I can live with that, Jessi. I don’t want to lose her right after I’ve found her, but I can’t lie to her either. I just can’t lie anymore to anyone, including myself. I’ve changed, Jessi. I will spend my entire life proving that to you if I have to.”

Mark went back into the house and spent the rest of the afternoon playing dolls with his daughter, while Merry and Julia looked on. It was the most fun he’d had in a long time. Jessi, not willing to take part in the happy reunion and yet not wanting her sour mood to ruin everyone else’s afternoon, left.

Chapter 16

Jessi drove with no destination in mind. She drove on automatic and was surprised at the places that her subconscious led her to. She first drove to her old neighborhood and parked outside the house she’d lived in with Mark. The sight of the small home brought back many memories, both good and bad. Her counselor had been suggesting she make this journey for years now. She didn’t intentionally set out to do his bidding but unwittingly found herself doing just that. She watched four boys tossing a football around. Surprisingly, she did not feel the pain she once would have. All around her were familiar sights. Her old house still looked the same, but she knew if she entered it there would be little left that would remind her of home. Even its smell would have changed, reflective of the current inhabitants. Nothing changed, and yet nothing remained the same. Strange.

Continuing on her drive, she once again passed the old houses that she used to covet. Now, instead of desiring the brick and columns, fireplaces and wide porches, she yearned for what was inside of them—the family that actually made the house a home. They were what really counted. She knew that now. Her desire was loved ones that would love her unconditionally, whom she could love with all her being in return. She pulled into the parking lot of her old school and walked around. She visited the playground and looked into the windows of her old classroom. Her replacement had made the place her own, just like Jessi had when she first started teaching there. The basic setup was the same, yet everything was different. Again, memories—both good and bad—flooded her being. She had friends here. She wondered what ever happened to them. Did they still teach? Did they move away like she had, or did life simply go on without her, with them barely even noticing she was gone? She didn’t know. Except for her visits to Aunt Merry’s house and Ethan’s grave, she never once reconnected with any of her friends from before the accident. They tried, she knew. She’d received plenty of cards and meals. Many tried to stop by and comfort her, but she wanted nothing from anyone. It was as if she had died right along with Ethan. Eventually everyone gave up and went their own directions, not knowing what else to do or try. She didn’t even write out thank-you notes; her guess was Aunt Merry had taken care of them. Again, she just didn’t know.