Unfaithful Ties (17 page)

“Yes I’ve decided that’s what I want to do”

“Why can’t your twin be more like you?” She chuckled. “So have you decided what college you want to go to”

“Of course. I want to go to Stanford”

“All the way in California?”

“It never rains in southern California” He started singing, jokingly.

“What do you know about that song? That was before your time.” She giggled.  “My baby is going to be all the way in California. I’m going to hate to see you leave. But I’ll be the proudest mother alive.”

“I know that you’ll miss me mom but Stanford is one of the top schools in the country.”

“Your right which means that you’re going to have to keep up that 4.0 average that you have”

I know and it’s very important that I stay out of trouble to”

“You’re right. Stay away from the wrong crowd. Even when you’re a young adult in college and living on your own, you should always---”

Trevon
finished her sentence “Be a leader and not a follower. I know these things mom. You’ve instilled them in me long enough.”

“You make me so proud son”

“Mom, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure”

“Do you think that dad is proud of me?”

“Your dad is very proud of you”

“At least one of us thinks so”

“What makes you think that he’s not proud of you” She knew exactly why her son felt that way.
Trae barely said two words to the boy and when he did it was always something negative.

“I’ve always felt like he hates me. He hates my personality.
The way that I dress.  The way that I talk. He hates everything about me”

“Your father doesn’t hate you sweetie”

“Maybe he just hates what I represent. What I am.”

“What do you mean he hates what you represent
”

“Mom, it’s time that we stop acting like I’m not different from other young men. I don’t have any interest in girls. I think I’m gay”

“Baby, you’re young and you’re still trying to figure things out. You’ll get into girls eventually”

“But what if I don’t? Are you going to stop loving me to?”

“Of course not. I’m your mother and I will always love you. ” She said and got up to make herself useful because she heard the front door open and she knew that it was Trae.”

“Hey” he said, walking into the kitchen.

“Hey” Brandi spoke.

“
What’s up dad?”

“Hey
Trevon” Trae said dryly.

“
Trevon go upstairs I need to talk to your dad in private”

Quickly
Trevon jutted up the staircase.

"Does it hurt you to speak to the boy?” Brandi barked at
Trae.

“I did speak to him”

“Anyway” She said rolling her eyes. “I found out that Tremaine is having sex.”

“Well at least he knows that he’s supposed to have sex with girls”

“If I knew that was going to be your response I would have kept it to myself”

“Maybe you should have”

“Trae the boys are getting to the age where they need a man in their lives to talk to them about sex, and babies, and diseases. Now we had kids at a very young age and I don’t want that for my children. Will you please talk to him”

“What’s talking to them going to do? Our parents talked to us but did it stop us? No”

“I’m just saying it would be nice if you would spend a little bit more time with them. They are becoming young men and I’m sure that they have questions that I can’t answer because I’m not a man. Is it going to kill you to talk to them? Do you know what Trevon asked me right before you came in?”

“How would I know that if I wasn’t here?”

“You and your smart ass mouth. He asked me did I think that you were proud of him”

“And?”

“Trae your son, one that happens to be the spitting image of you thinks that you hate him”

“Why does he think that
”

“Because he’s different. And because of the way you treat him”

“First of all I don’t hate my own flesh and blood. But I won’t pretend that I’m okay with the way he carries himself.” He said loudly. “The boy walks around here acting like a damn faggot.”

“Do you have to scream it so that the world can hear you?” Brandi asked. She was walking towards the kitchen table carrying two steaming hot plates of taco soup. “Now I don’t like the fact that he’s probably going to be gay but that shouldn’t affect the way we treat him. Maybe if you would’ve taken up more time with him and he hadn’t had to spend so much time with me he’d be more manly.”

“Maybe if you wouldn’t have begged for little girls the entire time that you were pregnant with the twins. He wouldn’t be so damn feminine. You prayed for a girl and you got one alright”

She was on her second trip to the table with two more plates of food. “That’s not fair”

“What’s not fair is the fact that you’re in my ear with this bullshit as soon as I walk in the damn house”

“Well our children are important to me.  I thought they were important to you to.”

“My children are important to me.” Trae hollered. “Look whatever you think is fine with me. I’m not going to keep arguing with you about this”

“That’s the attitude that you always have when it comes to your family.” Brandi mumbled. “Boys…
.it’s time to eat”

“Don’t call them just yet I have something that I need to talk to you about”

“What is it?” She asked while filling another bowl with soup. “Do you want bread with your soup? All we have is wheat and I know that you don’t eat wheat bread so I’ll have to run to the store”

“That won’t be necessary because I won’t be eating here tonight I’m leaving.”

She turned from the stove and headed towards the kitchen table.

“Another business trip huh.”

“No. I’m not leaving because of a business trip” He responded. “Look Brandi, there really is no easy way to say this so I’ll just come right out with it” He paused for a long second with his head lowered and his eyes away from her. “I’ve fallen in love with someone else and I’m leaving you because I’m going to marry her.”

The bowl of scorching hot soup trembled in Brandi’s hand before barreling to the floor. A few specs grazed her ankle but she didn’t feel it. Numbness covered her. It started at her soles and traveled to her heart. She looked away from him, and then grabbed her chest. Her heart was beating so rapidly she thought it was going to hurdle out of her skin.

She gazed at him, her eyes drowning in pain, her insides shaking and the brutality of his sudden reality rushing through her.  The statement “I’m leaving you because I’m going to marry her” Seared in heart pulling her heartstrings and imprinting a permanent scar. The pain in her chest and armpit shared no comparison to this new pain.

He’s leaving me
? She thought. “Who is she?”  She asked her voice suddenly sounding hoarse, like she’d just been rescued from a burning building.

“I’m leaving you to be with
Cassy”

Immediately Brandi’s pain grew.  It was as if her heart had been snatched out of her chest and burned with a torch. “Our neighbor?” She asked with a trembling voice as she wiped away the steady tears.

“Yes. Our neighbor.” He said proudly. “You know what cut the crocodile tears. This relationship has been over for years. You and I both know it.”

Stunned, Brandi couldn’t respond.

“I mean look at you. You’ve gained over sixty pounds. You don’t bother to comb your hair or do anything to make me want to even think about marrying you.” He chuckled. “I’ve called you a whale for years hoping that it would motivate you to lose weight but instead all you’ve done is put on more pounds. Do you think that a man that looks like me want’s to come home to a woman like you?”

A woman like me?
I’m the woman that stuck beside your side when you didn’t have a dime. I’m the woman that gave birth to your children. That cooked for you. Cleaned up behind you. I was your study buddy when you decided to go back to school. I was your sympathetic ear when shit got tough. And you’re going to do this to me?
Brandi wanted to scream at him but she couldn’t because she couldn’t get her mouth to move.

“You can’t even answer the question.” He said. “I hate for things to end like this between us but I’m tired of hiding what
Cassy and I share. I’m tired of hurting her. I’ve been putting her on the back burner for the last three years”

You’re tired of hurting her? What about me? I’m the one you should be tired of hurting?
Raced through Brandi’s mind.

“Look I know that you don’t have a college education, or any type of job experience so I’ll pay the rent for the next three months. Give you time to get on your feet. But after that you’re on your own.”

Oh God…What am I going to do? What about the kids?
she thought, and then a few words slid through her lips. “Think about what this is going to do to our kids.”

“I’ve done all the thinking that I’m going to do and my mind is made up. I’m leaving you today.” He said with no hesitation. “
Cassy and I are going to be in traveling for a while but when I get back in town I’ll come by for my things.” He crossed over to the refrigerator, pulled it open and grabbed himself a soda. “This is for the best.”

Brandi strutted behind him, pulling at his shirt. “
Trae don’t do this to me. Please. I’m begging you. Don’t do this to me. I love you. I’ll lose weight. I’ll do whatever you want me to do just don’t leave us. Don’t leave your family.”

“Brandi it’s over.” He said firmly, as he jerked away. “Take care of yourself” And he headed for the front door.

“Please Trae…I’m begging you” Brandi pleaded, but it was no use Trae was leaving her and he wasn’t coming back.

****

When the front door closed Brandi fell to her knees and hollered a bloodcurdling cry. Tears rolling: the muscle in her chest broken, the strings of it tiring the recesses of her soul. In that moment she couldn’t control the vibration circulating through her limbs. Shivers crawled through her as if she was trapped in a snowstorm. She’d given her all to Trae. Now without warning he’d removed himself from her life. What kind of man would leave a woman that’d made him the center of her life since they were children? What kind of man would rip out what was left of his woman’s spirit by telling her that he was leaving her to be with another woman, one that happens to live next door?  What kind of man would leave a woman alone pouring out her heart and soul to him on a cold kitchen floor in a home filled with pictures, and cards, and memories that chronicled their lives together? What kind of man could easily just walk away with no remorse? Could Trae really be that cruel? And more importantly, why did he choose to marry another woman?

Now, her body was stiff. Her swollen eyes flowing with warm tears. Tears that just wouldn’t stop falling.  Her knees were starting to ache but she didn’t have the strength to pull her big butt up from the floor. So she didn’t try and when
Trevon walked into the kitchen, there she was noticeably helpless on the cold tiled floor.

“Ma”
Trevon said, kneeling down and hugging her tight firmer than she’d been held in years. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m fine baby you’re too young to understand
” She said wiping her tears away.

“Mom I’m a lot more mature than you give me credit for, now what’s wrong? And don’t tell me you’re fine because I know that you’re not”

“Your father” Her voice was raspy. “He’s gone and he’s not coming back”

“What do you mean?”

“He left us. He’s engaged to another woman. I don’t know what I’m going to do without him. I don’t have any money. My transportation is barely hanging in there. I can’t afford to pay the rent here. I have two hundred dollars to my name.” She said in between sniffs. “I don’t even know where to begin. I have no work experience. Who’s going to hire me?” she shouted. Suddenly she realized that she wasn’t confiding her concerns to a friend but to her teenage son, so she stopped her words from spilling out and then she just sat there, quiet, while staring into space. With questions overwhelming her mind she couldn’t help but ask. “Lord why me?”

“Mom I’m sorry. Don’t cry. We’ll be okay.”

Brandi wiggled away from Trevon’s tight grip “I’ll be okay son. Now go wash up for dinner.” She positioned herself from her knees to her bottom, then pulled her knees to her chest and hugged herself tightly for several long minutes.

Finally she got up

When she heard the boys jogging down the stairs she blinked away the rest of the tears, pulled herself together and went into her bedroom. She collapsed onto the foot of the bed. Flashes of the accursed treatment that she’d endured from Trae over the years swam through her mind in dividends sort of like an amnesiac patient remembering brief time periods of their past.

Surprisingly she felt a new feeling developing inside of her. It was different. She could feel a hateful bitter grudge growing deep in her heart.