Unconventional Scars (17 page)

Phil wasn’t gone as much because he was working on
several
local project
s
. He still spent Saturday nights with Lisa
, however. A
nna, at
Charlotte
’s suggestion, would now have dinner at the
Somerville
home on those nights, staying afterward
s
to watch
Netflix
or challenge Alex and sometimes Creed
and Jennifer
to a
game of Scrabble
. Once
,
Josh
came over
,
bringing along
Erica, Karen
and
Dalton
, a
nd they all grilled hamburgers and played
football
in the back yard. The summer days melted away like drips of
P
opsicle, each more delicious than the last.

On the fourth of July, everyone went to the lake to see the fireworks. Anna and Alex rode there with Phil and Lisa, and once there separated from the adults and met up with their friends. Erica had spread a huge blanket on the ground and she sat with a reclining Josh’s head in her lap while Karen and
Dalton
playfully chased each other with sparklers. The magic stars were still over the lake, but Anna had no wishes to make. There was nothing more she could possibly want.

The fireworks reflected not just off the lake but in Alex’s eyes that night as she held him close. Life was perfect. Too perfect. Something was bound to fracture it.

****

On a bright, sunny day in mid-July, while Anna was away swimming at Erica’s house, Philip received the phone call he’d been dreading. Only, it wasn’t quite the one he’d expected. Bianca had been located, yes. But she hadn’t been arrested. She wasn’t in police custody. She wasn’t in rehab either. She was dead.

And now
,
Phil sat hunched over the kitchen table, head in his hands, staring at a cup of coffee
that had
long since grown cold. His mind was crowded with garbled memories of his sister - as a know-it-all older sibling always bossing him around, as a fiercely independent teenager with a quick temper, as a grown woman whose wild nature refused to be tamed. As an eventual drug addict and single mother to a child she didn’t want. With all his heart, he wished he could have helped her.

H
ow do you help someone who won’t be helped? When they suddenly vanish from your life with no warning, no explanation? I tried, Bianca. I tried, but you wouldn’t let me. You wouldn’t let anyone. So now here I am, saddled with the burden of breaking the news to your daughter, the one you ran out on. How could you do this to her? To me? To yourself?

He dreaded the moment when Anna would arrive home, and when he heard the front door open, his stomach tightened. He waited there, fingers clenched
tightly
around the coffee cup, until she bounced into the kitchen, smelling of chlorine and suntan lotion. She wore a yellow cover-up over her swimsuit, her
sun-kissed
hair pulled into a damp ponytail, cheeks radiant from the sunshine. And he had the sickening task of removing the glow from her face. Just great.

“Annie. Honey, would you sit down for a minute?” His voice sounded thick.

“Do you mind if I get changed first?” she asked, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. “I’m all wet. I didn’t really get a chance to dry off before . . .”
Noticing,
suddenly
,
his bloodshot eyes and grim expression
, her
smile faltered. “Is something wrong?”

“Sit down, pumpkin.”

She sat, watching him tentatively. He continued to stare into his coffee cup, reluctant to meet her eyes.

“Annie
, y
our mother has passed away.”

For a moment she just looked blank. As if she didn’t understand the words.

Then, quietly, she simply said, “Oh.”

There’s more. There’s more and I hate like hell that I have to be the one to tell you. It’s not pretty.
He took a deep breath. “She was sharing an apartment with five other people in some seedy neighborhood in
L.A.
According to their testimonies, she claimed to have just arrived from
Mexico
. Nobody seems to know what happened to
the lawyer
or how she wound up in
California
by herself
.

“
Anyway, the police sa
id
one of the roommates found her on the floor in the bathroom. She’d already been dead for a couple of hours. Obviously they don’t know anything definite yet, but it appears to have been an overdose.
She had cocaine residue on her skin.
There
were
also
numerous
bottles of
prescription medication
in her room
.”

An
na’s
expression
remained unchanged.
It reminded
Phil
of
the first time he saw her in that foster home,
detached and
remote,
devoid of emotion. It worried him
.

U
ntil she finally blinked
,
and asked, “Will there be a funeral?”

“As soon as the autopsy is complete, they’ll send her back here and we can bury her in the family plot, next to our parents. I’ll make all the arrangements. I think . . . ah . . . I think considering the circumstances, a simple graveside service will be sufficient. If that’s all right with you.”

“She wasn’t always like that, you know,” Anna suddenly said.

“Yes. I know.”
His voice cracked.

“When I was younger, before she started using . . . sometimes she was like a regular mom, sort of. I mean, she tried. She just didn’t know how.”

He nodded
, not trusting himself to speak without breaking down, trying to hold it together for the sake of the girl he loved as his own
. They sat together in mutual silence for a while, until she stood to leave. Pausing at the archway, she turned back to Phil and he saw tears in her eyes as she said, “Don’t put orchids on her casket, okay? She never liked orchids.”

Then she ran upstairs, leaving Phil to his own grief.

****

The service was held on a Wednesday at the
Ridge
crest
Cemetery
. There was no viewing, no funeral, no hymn played for Bianca Lisette Moore. She was laid to rest with only Philip, Anna, Lisa, the
Somerville
family, and a few of Phil’s
closest
friends in attendance, her casket blanketed with white daisies at
her daughter’s
request.

13

Alex was changing in his room after the service when Creed tapped on his door and asked to come in. Yanking an NCSU t-shirt over his head, Alex called, “Yo!” His brother came in, closing the door behind him, and sat on the edge of the bed.

“What’s up?” Alex wanted to know.

“I want to talk to you.”

“Okay. So talk.”

Creed scratched his head. “Promise you won’t get defensive on me, okay? I just want to ask you something. Have you told Anna?”

“Told her what?”

“You know damn well what! I’m not here to play games. Does she know or not?”

“No. She doesn’t.”

“That’s what I figured. Okay. So are you ever planning on telling her? Or was it your intention to dump her before this all blows up in your face? Because I really need to know what you’re thinking. I mean, do you honestly see this ending well?”

“You’re asking me this
now
? Jesus, man, her mother just died! I’m not springing this on her right now!”

“For Christ’s sake, I didn’t mean rush over there this very minute! I just want to know what’s going on in your head, that’s all. As in, what were you even
thinking
when you started seeing this girl?”

With a defeated sigh, Alex sat on the other side of the bed, pulling one leg up so he could turn to face his brother. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I’m just postponing the inevitable. But how can I tell her now? It’s a little late, don’t you think?”

“You could end it. Before somebody gets hurt.”

“You think if I ended it, no one would get hurt? Are you that blind?”

Creed frowned. “All right. So . . . suppose you decided to tell her the truth. How do you think she’d react?”

“How would
you
react?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“Just give me the rest of the summer,” Alex proposed. “I’ll think of something by then. One way or another, I promise you I’ll take care of it.”

****

Anna and Alex were stretched out in the front porch swing the following Saturday afternoon, his legs on either side of her while she rested her back against his chest, his arms wrapped snugly around her middle. He was using his right leg to push the swing gently back and forth while they talked.

“Is it bad that I feel more guilty than upset?” she was saying. “I mean, I didn’t give my mother a second thought after I came here. I just pushed her out of my mind and it was like she never
even
existed. That’s so wrong.”

“It’s not wrong. It’s called survival. Moving on with your life. You did what you had to do because she gave you no other choice. Could you have lived a normal life here if you were constantly being reminded of someone who hurt you?”

“I guess not, no. But it’s just so sad. She had no real friends and the only family she had was Uncle Phil and me.”

“It was
her
decision to live the way she did. Not yours. Not your uncle’s. Hers.” He kissed the top of her head. “After my dad left, I wasted too much time feeling guilty and blaming myself. Eventually I realized that leaving was
his
choice. There was no point in letting all this negative energy consume me. He left because he wanted to.”

“Don’t you ever see your dad?” Anna asked, surprised.

“No. I haven’t laid eyes on him since my parents got divorced. And that’s fine with me.”

“How can parents just walk out on their kids without
looking back
? I don’t understand it. I know my mom was under the influence of drugs a lot of the time, but still . . .” Her voice trailed off. She ran her fingers lightly back and forth across his arm. “You have such beautiful skin.”

“Irish blood. From my mom’s side.”

“Guess that explains her red hair. I wish I had hair that color.”

“Your hair is perfect the way it is.”

“Maybe I’ll dye it red,” Anna
joked
.

“Do it and I’ll dye mine purple and pierce my nose.”

“Oh, I’m
definitely
doing
it then!” They both laughed.

“Is your uncle still going over to his girlfriend’s tonight?” Alex asked.

“Yes. He offered to stay home with me tonight, but I told him I was fine and I’d rather things just get back to normal. Anyway, I’d rather do something with you.” She drew little designs on his arm with her finger. “What’s on the agenda? Want to rent a movie?”

“Hm. Why don’t I take you out to dinner someplace nice? You’ve had a rough week.”

“You should be saving your money. I thought you wanted to buy a car.”

“Actually, Creed’s talking about trading in the
Tacoma
for something newer. I told him if he did decide to, I’d give him whatever the trade-in value is for it. I probably already have enough for that, from last summer’s job. Mom said she’d pay the insurance for me.”

“Really?” She was delighted. “That’s awesome! That is a seriously nice truck.”

“Yeah, it’s a pretty sweet deal.” His attention was inadvertently drawn to something in the distance. “Hey . . . Anna. Have you noticed that car has been parked there an awfully long time?”

“What car? That one across the street?”

“Yeah. I wouldn’t have thought it weird except there’s somebody in it.”

“So?”

“So, they’re just sitting there. Watching us. And they’ve been there for a while.”

She studied the black four-door sedan more closely. “I can see somebody in it, but how can you tell if they’re looking at us or not? The windows are tinted.”

“I just can.”

The unknown voyeur chose that particular moment to pull away from the curb and drive off, almost as if their conversation had been overheard, which of course was impossible. They were much too far away. Of course, maybe the person had noticed
them
watching
him
. Or her.