Two Pints (7 page)

— McKillop.

— Wasn’t he brilliant?

— Fuckin’ amazin’.

— But I’ll tell yeh – the bit tha’ got me. When his ma – like, when his ma presented him with the medal. I was nearly cryin’.

— It was a fuckin’ disgrace.

— Wha’?!

— Did yeh not hear?

— Hear wha’?

— The story.

— Wha’ fuckin’ story? If you’re—

— Just listen, will yeh.

— Go on.

— Righ’. They had Kylie Minogue lined up to give the poor lad his medal.

— Fuck off.

— Serious.

— Jesus. Why Kylie, but?

— Ah, for fuck –. Listen. Say you’ve just won a medal. There’s an Oul’ Lads Olympics an’ you’ve won gold for – say – the synchronised arse scratchin’. Okay?

— Okay.

— Can yeh think of annyone you’d prefer to see comin’ at yeh with your medal than Kylie?

— No.

— Well, that’s wha’ they had set up for poor McKillop.

— You’re fuckin’ messin’.

— It’s on YouTube. His ma pushed Kylie out o’ the
way
– split her head open against one o’ the pillars. And she walked ou’ with the fuckin’ medal.

— Fuck off.

— Poor Kylie needed stitches.

— I’m not listenin’.

— Made me ashamed to be Irish.

— Fuck off.

About the Author

Roddy Doyle was born in Dublin in 1958. He is the author of nine acclaimed novels, two collections of short stories, and
Rory & Ita
, a memoir about his parents. He won the Booker Prize in 1993 for
Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha
.