Twin Ties 1: My Brother's Lover (10 page)

The next morning, Evan got dressed and grabbed a quick breakfast consisting of a few handfuls of dry cereal and a can of soda, hoping the little bit of caffeine would wake him enough to get his ass to work. On his way out, he passed by Brennan’s room. The first instinct was to block out any sounds coming from within, picturing acrobatic, naked bending and twisting, probably accompanied by grunting and other things he didn’t want to encounter. But his feet stopped outside the bedroom door anyway. The regret for his harshness the night before when Brennan had been so kind to him plagued Evan still. When he heard nothing but silence from beyond the closed door, Evan took another step closer.

There was a sound after all—the soft hitching of the last remnants of gut-deep sobs. Not thinking, just acting, Evan raised his fist and knocked twice.

“Hey. Bren? You okay?”

Muffled, he heard a groan and a choked, “Perfect.” Then louder, “I’m fine, Evan. Go to work.” And softer again, “Leave me alone.”

Evan tried the knob. It turned and he tentatively pushed the door open a few inches.

Brennan was curled up in bed with the curtains drawn, the room in shadows. He was under a bed sheet that was pulled up to his waist. Clutched in one hand was a small framed picture depicting a smiling, blonde-haired woman. It lay there limply, facing up toward the ceiling. Brennan wasn’t looking at it. He wasn’t looking at anything.

Brennan’s expression shifted from impassivity to anxiousness and he whined, his voice thin and raspy, “Just leave me alone. I don’t want you seeing me like this. So pathetic.”

“It might help to talk about it,” Evan offered, stepping into the room, hands in his pockets.

“Not with you. You don’t care. Nobody cares.
Nobody remembers her
but me.” He took a stuttering breath and held it.

The words hit Evan like a punch to the gut. Stricken, he said quietly, “I wish I did, you know. Don’t you think I wish I remembered her? She was my mom, and I never got to hug her, or see the look on her face as she recognized me...”
or see if she would have been proud of me
. “She’s just a picture in a frame to me. She’s a name. You are
so lucky
, Brennan, to have gotten to be with her for
so long
. Don’t you know that? That’s a blessing. You have all of these memories I wish I had and she didn’t... she didn’t even
know me
. I’m her son too, and she didn’t know anything about me.”

Then Evan was crying, too, and he felt like his heart was ripping into shreds. He turned away and covered his mouth with a hand, wondering why he said all of that, and why it bothered him so much to hear those things said aloud.

Suddenly, he was being pulled around again and Brennan was hugging him. The side of his face pressed against Brennan’s soft, tear-damp cheek. Arms wrapped around him, a perfect fit, and Brennan rubbed his brother’s back.

“She knew you. She loved you,” Brennan whispered. “She told me that, before she died. How sorry she was for doing this to us, and you. You should’ve had a mom. It was cruel to take that away from you.”

Evan moaned softly, grabbing on to Brennan tightly. The only thing separating them was the ache in Evan’s heart. But it was a good ache. It was real and powerful and when Evan nuzzled against Brennan’s neck and let out a small sob, Brennan didn’t let go. In fact, he held on tighter.

“I’m sorry,” Evan gasped. “I’m sorry for being such a dick to you. I just thought you were this guy I had to put up with.”

“I know. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. What you must be going through right now, and the way I’ve been acting... It’s selfish and shitty.” He breathed hot against Brennan’s neck, then tilted his face up and pressed his lips to Brennan’s cheek with eyes squeezed shut. His breathing settled down and the well of tears dried up. His hand was wrapped around the back of Brennan’s head, tangled through the strands of his blond, slightly longer hair.

Let go. Let go of him now, Evan.

He couldn’t though. He needed the contact too much and he knew once they broke apart it might be too difficult to find this again. It would hurt to give it up and relinquish the comfort.

The darkness in Evan recognized this and decided for him, choosing pain.

He let go. He stepped back and cleared his throat. The hole in Evan’s heart ripped back open. It made him stronger, feeling it there, festering.

“It’s the worst in the morning,” Brennan admitted, oblivious to Evan’s inner battle. “I wake up here in this place, this room, and for a second I forget. For a second I don’t remember where I am or that she’s really gone and then it all hits me all over again like the first time.”

“Will you tell me about her? Later tonight after I get back?”

Brennan smiled and it was such a beautiful sight that Evan felt dizzy from how much he loved Brennan already. “I’d like that. Yeah. It’s a plan.”

Making a difficult decision, suddenly, Evan grabbed a pad of paper on the desk and scribbled down a rough map. Then he handed it to Brennan.

“Here. This is the way to Jimmy’s place. It’s a short walk. He’s an old friend of the family and, well, I guess he’s my best friend, and he knows all about you. He’d love to meet you. Just, you know, if you’re bored.”

Brennan nodded, biting his lip. “Thanks. Yeah, maybe I’ll go say hi.”

Evan turned and headed to the door, stopping on the threshold. Without looking back he added, “And if you see him, tell Jimmy I said it was okay to tell you. He’ll know what it means.”

Brennan frowned, opening his mouth to ask something, but Evan left before he could. The house’s front screen door slapped shut and quiet settled once more.

The alarm’s buzzer was shrill and, when it went off, Luka jumped like he was zapped with electricity.

“What the fuckin’...” He grunted, pushing up off the bed without letting go of Alek. He cracked open an eye and complained, “Eight forty-five! It’s still the middle of the night! Why is your alarm going off in the middle of the night?!”

Alek sighed, slapping the button to quiet the buzzing. Groggy, he reached for his wallet and phone and glanced first at the sunshine streaming in through his windows, then over his shoulder at the man-child attached to his back like a parasite.

“Here’s a better question. Why are you in my bed?” It was purely rhetorical, as Alek knew exactly why Luka was in his bed. It was the same reason Luka slept beside him their entire childhood and adolescence, even though they had separate beds. Luka hardly ever used his. He simply craved comfort and the touch of someone who loved him unconditionally, and he was only ever going to find that with Alek. So Luka held on to Alek, literally and figuratively. When your own mother couldn’t stand the sight of you, it affected you on a deep level. Alek knew it was no excuse for the things he’d done, and especially the things he’d done to Luka, but it was the start of it all.

“I was lonely,” Luka pouted, covering his head with a pillow and burrowing in under Alek’s shoulder.

“Oh Christ.”

“And you’re all warm and snuggly.”

“How old are you again?”

“Five minutes younger than you,” Luka retorted, but it was heavily muffled.

Alek forced himself the rest of the way awake, woke up his phone, too, and dialed the number from memory, even though it was the first time he’d ever called it. Before he hit send, he warned, “Swear to me that you will not say a
word
while I make this call. You owe me. I’ll install more locks on my doors if you screw this up for me.”

Luka gasped, offended. “You wouldn’t!”

“Shh!”

“Fine. I’m goin’ back to sleep.” He turned over onto his stomach and yanked the covers up over his head.

A few seconds later, the phone started to ring. It was picked up on the third one.

A low, hushed voice said with audible confusion, “Alek?”

“Yeah. Good morning.” Alek grinned, just from the sound of Evan’s voice.

“I thought you were gonna call later. I just got to work.”

“I know. This is just good morning. What’s your favorite thing to eat for breakfast?”

There was a pause. “Why?”

“Don’t over-think it, just answer.”

“Coffee and donuts I guess, but I already had some cereal and—”

“Cereal?” Alek
tsk
ed. “Oh, a friend’s band is playing at my bar tomorrow night. I wanted to ask if you’d go with me. It’ll be a blast. They’re really good. Food and drinks are on me.”

“I don’t know,” Evan said, hesitating, but Alek heard the smile in his voice.

“Please,” Alek beseeched. “It’ll be fun. I miss you like crazy. No pressure. We can just hang out in a dark corner and enjoy the music by ourselves. Please?”

“Okay,” Evan relented. “But I’ve really gotta go.”

Now Alek could really hear Evan’s smile, put there by him, and it made his heart swell with pure joy and pride.

“Of course. Have a good day. I’ll call you after work.”

“Okay. Bye.”

Alek ended the call and fished his credit card out of the wallet, ignoring Luka, who was propped on his elbows and gaping at him.

“Who—?”

“Shh!” He nudged Luka and dialed again. “Hi, yeah, this is an order for delivery. I need three dozen donuts. An assortment of everything you’ve got. And two boxes of coffee. This’ll be on my credit card.” He recited the card number and the address of Mike’s Garage.

Once the phone and wallet were back on the nightstand, Alek flopped back down onto his side and shut his eyes.

“Oh, no you don’t!” Luka exclaimed, rolling Alek onto his back and sitting on top of his thighs. “What was that?! You just ordered breakfast for somebody! That you called! And flirted with! And ‘miss like crazy!’ What the hell? I thought you don’t do relationships!”

Each exclamation point was accompanied by a swat of Luka’s hand to Alek’s arms, as Alek attempted to deflect the blows from his grinning, giddy sibling.

“Stop! All right!” Alek complained. “What happened to sleeping?”

“You’re not even denying it! You’re dating somebody! This hasn’t happened in, like,
ever
!” Luka bounced a little on Alek’s legs.

“Stop,” Alek groaned. “I really have to take a leak and that’s not helping. I have so dated people before.”

“Fuck and run is not
dating
.”

“Well, there was, um... Drew,” Alek floundered.

“Drew was a series of fuck and runs. Not a relationship. Doesn’t count. Since, you know, he was fucking both of us, sometimes at the same time, and you never even asked what his last name was.”

Alek frowned pensively, squinting. “I thought his last name was something like... Johnson.”

“Or maybe you’re just projecting because the most memorable thing about him was the size of his johnson,” Luka offered. “Stop changing the subject. Who is he? Tell me!”

“No! Not yet. You’ll scare him off.”

Luka softened, lying down on Alek, cradling his chin on a hand, the elbow braced on Alek’s chest. “Aw, so he’s delicate? How delicate? Super twink? The really nervous, swishy, wallflower type? That’s unlike you, I must say.”

“No!” Alek hooked an arm around Luka’s neck, flipping him over and swatting him with a pillow. “Go back to sleep.”

Luka was quiet for a while, spooning up against Alek again, which was unsurprising. He couldn’t really help himself. Sleep always came easier for Luka when he could feel he wasn’t alone. It was part of how Alek took care of his beloved brother and the job he had assigned himself—providing what Luka needed to be happy, whatever it was, even if making Luka happy meant sacrificing things Alek craved. Luka’s well-being was more important to Alek than his own. Things would have been much different for them if they had a real family, and parents that loved them. But you couldn’t choose the fate you were given, you just had to make do with what you had. And Luka had Alek. It hadn’t always been perfect. They’d each made mistakes and hurt each other in terrible ways, but they belonged to each other, and that tether linking them would always keep them joined in inexplicable ways. Maybe Alek cared about Luka too much, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. He’d never cared as much about anyone as much as he cared for Luka, but maybe that could change. With someone like Evan, it seemed possible, as scary as that was for Alek to admit, even just to himself. Caring about Evan as much as he cared about Luka was a daunting prospect; it was scary, thrilling and irresistible all at the same time.