Trial and Glory (29 page)

She sat frozen, unable to speak. She finally had his attention and wasn’t sure where to begin.

“You’re . . .”

“Pregnant,” she finished. “Yes. Our night on the roof had a longer-lasting affect than we realized.”

Tobin shook his head. “How long have you known?”

“Long enough. I’ve been trying to meet with you. It’s becoming more difficult to hide, and I wanted you to know before others learned the truth.” She paused. “Why have you been avoiding me?”

Tobin tore his gaze away from Lucia’s stomach. “You avoided me for well over a month after our failed dinner. I had finally begun to accept that you and I would never be together. Then you began trying to contact me.” Tobin looked down. “I’ve been doing my best to come to terms with who I am. It was easier to pretend you didn’t exist while I sorted out my life.”

In the past she may have argued that he could have come to her, and she would have listened. However, she knew those words would ring hollow. She had been the one to push him away. “Have you sorted out your life now?”

He shrugged. “It’s complicated.” His gaze settled on her stomach again. “How are you feeling? Is it healthy?”

Lucia smiled. “I’m fine for the most part. Everything seems to be going well.”

“That’s good.”

Lucia noticed how awkward Tobin seemed.

It’s like he wants to ask more about his child, but doesn’t quite know how. Not that I can blame him. It is quite a shock.

She started to reach over to touch his arm, but pulled away, remembering the accusations Jober had raised against him.

“What happened with Jober?” she asked.

Tobin’s face darkened. “He tried to kill me.”

She eyed the bandage on his arm. “Did he give you a reason why?”

Tobin got up, and began pacing the room. “Yes, though I suspect there was more to it than what he admitted. You know him better than I do. Why do you think he would try to kill me?”

She debated whether to go forward, knowing what she was about to say would appear hurtful. Lucia cleared her throat. “I think in part it had to do with our baby. He and Hielle knew I was pregnant. Jober did not want us together.”

Tobin halted. “That would make sense. He failed to mention the pregnancy to me. Do you know why he hates me so much?”

“The stories about what happened in last year’s campaign had something to do with it. He believed them to be true.”

“What do you believe?”

“Perhaps there is some truth to them, but I can’t imagine you doing some of the things that are being whispered. It isn’t like you.”

Tobin bunched his shoulders and started pacing again.

“Is it like you?”

Tobin let out a sigh. “The rumors you heard are probably all true. I wiped out an entire village of innocent people in order to incite Charu. I killed Odala and later Charu’s lover with my own hands. I did cruel things that at one point in my life I swore I would never do.” He paused, rubbing his jaw with an open hand.
Just like Jober said.
“Did you know that Soyjid was a minor shaman?”

Lucia blinked at the sudden change in subject.

“It’s true. Nachun said that he pushed my mind in ways that caused me to act out of character.”

She let out a slow breath, thankful Tobin’s behavior could be easily explained. “Well, that proves you aren’t responsible for those horrible things then.”

“I wouldn’t go that far. I gave the commands. I held the blade.” He opened and closed his hands. “I might have continued down that dark path except I started having visions from my childhood I had long forgotten. Those memories have caused me to reexamine my life.”

“What memories?” Lucia asked.

“They are mostly of my mother,” he said solemnly.

“Oh.” She thought of Jober’s story.

Tobin walked over. “What do you know?”

“What?”

“There was something in your voice. Like you know something about her. Did Kaz tell you anything?”

“No. He never spoke of her.”

“Are you sure?” His voice grew accusatory.

“Yes. He became upset whenever I brought her up. After a while, I quit asking.”

“Then what is it?”

“Nothing,” she said, not wanting to get Jober into more trouble.

Tobin grabbed her by the arm. “Don’t lie to me!”

Lucia winced, looking down at her arm. “You’re hurting me.”

He didn’t let go.

“Please. My arm.”

Tobin’s eyes had glazed over. “You have to tell me,” he begged.

“Jober said that you killed your mother,” Lucia blurted.

His grip relaxed. “Did he tell you how he knows?”

“Yes. Kaz told him that he watched you kill her when you were boys.”

Tobin walked away. “Jober told me the same thing. Did he tell you anything else about Kaz?”

“Nothing that involved you.”

Silence stretched between them.

“Do you believe that I killed my mother?”

“I don’t want to. Is it true?”

“I-I honestly don’t know.” He frowned. “Does that affect your feelings for me?”

Lucia looked down at her still throbbing arm.

Tobin grunted. “I thought so. Kaz could do no wrong in your eyes, but not me. I’d like to think I didn’t kill my mother. But I was a young boy and those memories are too muddled for me to sort out. You may not believe me, but I’m desperately trying to atone for the mistakes I’ve made.” He paused. “Your husband was not perfect. He made more than his own share of mistakes. Did he ever tell you the story about how he became warleader?”

Lucia shook her head. “He didn’t like to talk about his life as a Kifzo. He said it wasn’t who he really was.”

Tobin chuckled. “I’ll disagree. It was at least a part of who he was. When we were much younger, our father sent several of the best Kifzo in training on a mission. The first to complete it would become warleader. Kaz and I reached a set location at approximately the same time. We found out that someone else had accomplished the task first, thereby becoming warleader.

“Kaz would not have that. After the boy refused to give up his right, Kaz had another Kifzo kill him.” Tobin chuckled. Lucia heard the bitterness in it. “Kaz couldn’t even do the deed himself.” He shook his head. “Kaz gained support from the others by allowing them to rape and kill an entire family. I tried to stop it. He and I fought. One of the other Kifzo shot me with an arrow, which gave Kaz the advantage.

“Kaz shattered my ankle in the fight and left me for dead. It took me a week to crawl back to Juanoq. I was fevered and on the brink of death. Would you care to hear more? It’s only the beginning of who Kaz was. What he allowed to happen under his command as warleader. Things he
ordered
us to do, would give you nightmares. I know because they haunt me to this day.”

“I can’t believe it,” she whispered.

“You just won’t.”

Tears rolled down Lucia’s face. The conviction when he spoke about Kaz rocked her. Jober had spoken just as strongly about Tobin.

Who do I believe? I thought I knew Tobin, but do I really? Does the same go for Kaz?

“What are you thinking about?” asked Tobin.

“That I want to see Jober,” said Lucia.

“Why?”

To ask him about Kaz.

She lied. “To tell him that his family misses him.”

Tobin raised an eyebrow. He walked to his desk, scribbled on a piece of paper, and handed it to Lucia. “This will give you, and you alone, access to Jober at any time.”

“What about his wife and children?”

“No.”

“But they miss him greatly.”

“Then he shouldn’t have tried to kill me.”

* * *

Tobin stared at the door as it closed. She hadn’t even told him goodbye. Of course, he hadn’t made the effort either. Their conversation had been completely unexpected, and he didn’t even know where to begin in making sense of it. So many questions he wanted to ask her. So many things left unsettled that would need decisions later.

I’m going to be a father.

The notion rocked him. Long ago, he had given up on the idea of having a family. Now that the opportunity presented itself, he found no joy in it.

She would rather the child was Kaz’s.

He rubbed his eyes. “We all carry our own regrets, Lucia.”

Are Kaz’s really so different from mine?

He snatched up a cup and threw it across the room. It smashed against the wall, leaving a wet spot as the pieces tumbled to the floor.

He swore, regretting his outburst.

Calm yourself.
He clenched his jaw.
You almost lost control with her.
He recalled the frightened look in Lucia’s eyes when he had allowed his emotions to get the better of him. He cringed and began picking up the broken shards of his cup.

A frantic knock struck the door. “Warleader!”

“Later,” Tobin shouted. “I wish to be alone.”

“Warleader, I have urgent news.”

He went to the door. An out of breath guard bounced up and down in place.

“What is it?”

“Warleader, we just received word from the wall. There’s an army just outside of our towers’ range.”

“Has Walor returned?”

“No, Warleader. The army bears the colors of the Orange, Gray, and Yellow clans.”

* * *

Lucia grabbed one of the palace guards shortly after leaving Tobin’s room. She flashed Tobin’s letter. The man begrudgingly led her through the palace to the dungeons. Still reeling from her conversation, she could not put off seeing Jober. She owed it to Hielle to check in on his condition, and in the end, she had to learn from him why he had attacked Tobin.

The dungeons themselves were better lit and cleaner than she imagined.

The shuffling armor of the guard echoed off the granite walls as they walked. Subconsciously, Lucia’s hands rested on her stomach while she followed.

They stopped at the end of the hall and the guard rapped the hilt of his sword against thick metal bars. Chains clanged in a dark corner. Jober eased into the light, squinting. He looked as though he had aged years, face puffy and swollen. The chains grew taught several steps before Jober could reach the bars. He coughed.

“How are Hielle and the children?” he asked.

“They’re fine.”

Jober relaxed.

Lucia turned to the guard. “Why does he look so weak? What is he being fed?”

The guard glared. “What Tobin tells us to give him. Better than he deserves.” He nodded to the letter Lucia still held in one hand. “It says I’m supposed to give you privacy. I’ll be waiting down the hall. Call when you’re ready to leave.”

“Can’t I enter the cell to speak with him?”

“No.” The guard moved away, leaving them alone.

They stared at each other for some time until Jober broke the silence. “Why are you here?”

“Why am
I
here?” snapped Lucia. “I’m here because of you. Why are
you
here? What were you thinking trying to kill Tobin?”

Jober hung his head. “You don’t understand. I had to try. I couldn’t imagine you living your life with that animal.”

“That’s not a decision for you to make. This is my life, not yours.”

“Kaz would have wanted me to do it.”

“Kaz would not have wanted you to risk the lives of your family.” She thought about what Tobin had told her earlier.

At least I think.

She pushed aside those thoughts. “How would you know anyway what he would or wouldn’t want?”

“I told you we were friends.”

“As boys, yes. But until he disappeared, you worked in the stables.”

“How do you think I got that job? He secured it for me when no one would hire me after the lies Bazraki started. He also made sure I had enough money to buy a piece of land after Hielle and I married. We rarely had a chance to talk, but our friendship never died.” He paused. “You were everything to him. All that mattered in his life. I know he would not have wanted you to be with Tobin. That’s why I was so angry when I discovered what you had done.”

“You’ve been my bodyguard, my friend, for over two years. Why are you just now telling me this?”

Jober tried to peer down the hall, but his chains would not allow him to.

“Is it because of Tobin?” she asked.

He nodded. “And Nachun. I didn’t know what they would do to my family if they thought I was causing trouble.”

“So you tried to kill Tobin? Your logic astounds me.”

Jober shrugged.

“I told him what you said about his mother. That Kaz said Tobin had killed her.”

“What? How could you do that? He wasn’t supposed to know that you knew . . .”

“He didn’t deny it,” said Lucia. “He didn’t confirm it either. He can’t fully recall what happened to her.”

Jober spat. “I don’t believe it.”

She recalled the look in Tobin’s eye and the force he used when he grabbed her arm.

But then he gave me access to Jober. Why would he do that if he was trying to hide something?

She shook her head. “He admitted that he’s done evil things in the past, but he is also trying to be something better now.”

Jober snorted. “He’s manipulating you.”

“Maybe.” She paused. “You said that your friendship with Kaz never ended.”

“Yes.”

“Do you know how he became warleader?”

A moment of silence stretched. “Yes.”

“How?”

“He won the position after completing a test devised by his uncle and father.”

“Tobin told me some of the details around that test.” She relayed the facts. “Are those true?”

Jober looked away. “It isn’t that simple . . .”

“Do not treat me like a child! I can see that you know the truth. It happened as Tobin said it did, didn’t it?”

Jober swallowed. “Yes,” he whispered.

A sob caught in Lucia’s throat.

Jober looked up. “You have to understand the situation he was in. He didn’t enjoy what he did. It was something he had to do. Believe me.”

Lucia slowly shook her head and turned away from Jober. She ran down the corridor, ignoring Jober’s pleas to come back so that he might explain. She sprinted past the guard, ignoring his questions as well. She had to get away.

Kaz, how could you? You killed one of your own. You let a family be abused and murdered. And then Tobin? Your own brother!