Too Soon For Love (19 page)

“You don’t understand. You’ve never been with a woman, have you?”

“No.”

“So you don’t know how they are. Sometimes I think Jane’s relieved that we don’t have sex anymore. That she doesn’t have to, you know, do it anymore with me. But Jesse, she’s young. She loves sex. And she’s hot too, Michael. You should see her.”

Ross paused as if realizing that he was talking way too much, saying things he should not be saying.

Thank God, was all Michael could think. He so did not want to hear this. It was way TMI.

“Anyway,” Ross continued, “I’d appreciate if you wouldn’t say anything to Jane. It would just upset her, maybe even break up our marriage.”

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“And you want to stay married.”

Finally, something safe he could say.

“Of course I want to stay married. I have a life with Janey.

We’ve got kids. A house. You think I want to lose all that?”

Michael said nothing.

Ross seemed to take this for assent because he continued without a break. “Anyway, I’d appreciate if you’d keep this to yourself.”

He wanted to tell the man how stupid he was, risking everything for a tumble with a woman he didn’t really seem to give two shits about. Because if he cared about her, wouldn’t he want to be with her? But he didn’t, he wanted to maintain his marriage. Yet somehow, at the moment, Michael couldn’t give him any credit for that.

“I guess you really wouldn’t understand,” Ross said. “Not having a wife and kids yourself.”

God, he was such an asshole. Jane would definitely be better off without him.

Michael shut his eyes for a moment and prayed for patience.

“I think I can understand pretty well, Ross.”
You prick
, he added silently.

“Okay.” Ross huffed out a breath. “Wheeew, that’s a relief. For a minute there, I was seeing everything I’ve worked for flashing before my eyes. Janey would kick my ass in a divorce, you know.

Not that that’s the issue, not at all.”

“Of course not.”

Someone tapped on the window and Ross lowered the glass.

“Hey, sweetheart.”

“Mom wants to know—”

“Did you say hi to Uncle Michael, Sammi?”

“Um, hi.”

“Hi, doll-baby. How’s it hanging?” Michael smiled at the little too soon FoR Love
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girl. Ross and Jane’s eight-year-old daughter was as cute as kids got. Too bad she had a cheating dick for a father.

Samantha giggled. “Fine. Are you going to eat with us?”

“Looks that way.” Michael reached for the door.

“Sammi, what did you say Mommy wanted?” Ross opened the driver’s door.

“She wanted to know why you were sitting out in the driveway.

And she said to tell you to bring Michael inside.” She was around the car in a flash and catching at Michael’s hand. “Let me help you, Michael, so you don’t fall down.”

“You’ll catch me if I do, right?”

She giggled again and the sound warmed Michael’s heart.

Fucking Ross.

He took Samantha’s hand and let her lead him into the house.

✧ ✦ ✧

“Michael, would you like anything else?” Jane asked. “Justin, eat your string beans, sweetie.”

“Thanks, I’m good.” Michael wiped his mouth with his napkin and leaned back in his chair.

“Justin’s feeding Fluffy his string beans,” Samantha informed her mother.

“I am not. I only gave her the one I dropped.”

“Are too. I saw you.”

“Liar.”

“Stop it, you two.” Jane’s chair scraped back and silverware clattered against plates as she began clearing the table. “Are you sure, Michael? How about more chicken?”

“No, really, I couldn’t. Everything was great though.”

“I’ll make you up a doggie bag and you can take it with you.”

“That would be great,” Michael said, caving to the pressure.

What was the point of arguing anyway? Jane would keep at him
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and even if he managed to persist in refusing, he would end up with a container of leftovers shoved into his hands as he said his good-byes. May as well just suck it up now.

“Okay, I’ll get it together for you.” Jane picked up plates. “Let me get Sammi started on the dishes then I’ll take you up to the in-laws’ suite so you can get a feel for the place.”

And here was another argument he wouldn’t win. He still hadn’t figured out a nice way of telling her he had no intention of moving in with them, not in a hundred million years. He didn’t care if the apartment came with his own set of naked cabaña boys.

✧ ✦ ✧

“We refurbished the place just before Ross’s mother moved in. That was two years ago so it’s still pretty fresh. Now that she’s gone …” Keys jingled as Jane unlocked the door to the in-law suite which was what they called the apartment over their garage.

“Did you just paint?” The chemical smell of fresh paint stung Michael’s nostrils.

“About a week ago I freshened up the place.” Jane’s heels clicked on the hard-wood. She turned on a light. Michael heard the tiny tink of the bulb coming on. “There were some scratches and dings from when we moved Bernadette’s things out. I don’t know that you’ve ever been up here, have you?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Well, it’s pretty spacious as you can probably tell. Of course it’ll take some getting used to after having that big house all to yourself. But I imagine you must be rattling around there like a single pea in a pod, aren’t you?”

“It is pretty quiet,” Michael admitted. He could tell from the acoustics that although the rooms weren’t small, the ceiling was low, giving the place a kind of flat, boxed-in feel. He sniffed.

Underneath the paint smell he thought he detected a hint of eaude-garage.

“Everything is white. I mean really white, not that stupid ecru too soon FoR Love
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shade.” Jane took Michael’s hand. “Let me show you the bedroom and the bathroom. There’s a nice big closet in the hallway just outside that will work great for storage. That’s what Bernie used it for. And the bedroom is big enough for a queen, maybe even a king if you want.”

“Janey, have you ever thought of going into real-estate? I think you’d be a natural.” He let her lead him into the bedroom.

She laughed. “Me? No, I’m a homebody. I always have been. I think it’s important for someone to be here for the kids, and with Ross working so many hours … well, it’s just natural for me to be a stay-at-home mom.”

As they entered the bedroom she turned on another light.

She went on chatting happily about how great the apartment was and how convenient it was to their little downtown which Michael knew was little more than a drugstore, a nail salon and a Starbucks. As he listened to her, he couldn’t help wondering just how many of those long hours that Ross spent supposedly working had actually been spent bouncing on Jessica.

“I’m going to open a window,” Jane said. “Let out some of this paint smell.” The blinds rattled as she yanked on the cord.

She grunted a little. “Damn it, this window is stuck hard.”

“Let me try.” Michael stepped over to the window, nudged her out of the way and took hold of the frame.

“Oh, Michael, don’t bother. I’ll just—”

Michael shoved and the window slid up.

He stepped back and dusted his hands on the legs of his jeans. In his best John Wayne imitation, which admittedly was not very good, he said, “There you go, little lady.”

“Well, thank you, sir. That feels better, doesn’t it?”

“It does, yeah.”

There was a moment of silence. Michael breathed in the fresh spring air. He smelled rain. The evening was still, only the sound of the wind in the trees and the whoosh of a distant car on the road disturbed the quiet.

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“Michael, I know you aren’t all that enthused about moving. I just want you to know that Ross and I have discussed it, and he’s fine with you living here.”

It was an uncommonly direct statement for Jane, even if it wasn’t totally on target.

“That’s not really it, sweetheart.”

“I know. I just wanted to get it out of the way, just in case you had some concerns. I mean, you’re family. Of course I want to help you any way I can. I know it’s what Phillip would want me to do. You and he were married after all, in every way that matters.

You were married just as much as Ross and I are married, except for the legal stuff.”

He was touched by the declaration, even if she didn’t have a clue how much that ‘legal stuff ’ really mattered, especially when one partner died.

“I just don’t think—”

Jane ploughed on as if he hadn’t even spoken. “I think it would be good for the kids, having you here. I mean, with all the hours Ross works he isn’t really around much, and even when he is, he spends a lot of time on the phone. And the kids are crazy about you. It’s always Michael this and Michael that after they see you. I really think they’d love having you around more.”

So now Jane wanted him as a stand-in dad? That was just weird.

“I’m not sure I’m ready to give up the house, Janey.”

“There’s something else.” She paused. “Sometimes I feel like I’m short changing them, you know? I mean, I can’t give them all the attention they need and deserve and sometimes I think it isn’t fair. If Ross was here more…”

“You’re a great mom.” And she was. He couldn’t believe she was having all these doubts. Stupid fucking Ross. He should be here, helping to raise his kids, not out fucking some bimbo while his wife was home thinking she was a bad mother because she had only twenty-four hours in her day.

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“I don’t know. Something happened recently and … well, I just don’t know anymore.”

“What?” Michael asked. But she still hesitated. “Tell me.”

“Well, I was on the phone the other day with the cable company. Sammi and Justin were up in Sammi’s room playing, so I thought it was a good time to call. Anyway, when I got off the phone I went up to check on them. When I got up there they were playing house and Sammi had Justin dressed in one of her party dresses and she was trying to braid his hair. So, as calm as I could, I said, ‘Sammi, Justin, what are you guys doing?’ and Justin said, ‘From now on you have to call me Justine because I want to be a girl.’ And I said, ‘Oh, well, I sort of like having a little boy.’ I didn’t know what to do, Michael. I mean, I just didn’t know what to do.”

Shit, this was a mine field. Very carefully Michael asked, “So what did you do? I mean, besides saying what you said.”

“Nothing, I went back downstairs and drank a shot of cooking sherry.” She laughed, but the sound came perilously close to a sob. “I know it’s probably nothing, but what if …?”

“He’s five, Jane.”

“I know, but don’t some kids show signs in very early childhood? I saw that on Oprah.”

Jesus Christ. Frigging talk shows.

“All kids play dress up. And not all gay men dress in women’s clothing.”

“I know that. God, Michael. You and Phillip never dressed up like that. I mean …”

This made him laugh. “No, we never did. And a lot of gay men never do. But just because your son was playing dress up with his sister, doesn’t mean he’s going to be gay when he grows up.”

“I know. I know you’re right. Still.”

“Even if he did, would you love him any less?”

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“Of course not.” She sounded truly offended.

“So it really doesn’t matter, does it?”

“Not to me. But Ross…He’s funny about the kids, especially Justin. Ross has these ideas about what’s appropriate for boys and what’s not.”

“What did he say when you told him? Or didn’t you tell him?”

“I couldn’t,” Jane whispered. “He would have freaked out. I know he would. And I didn’t want him over-reacting. God, he had a cow when Justin didn’t want to sign up for tee-ball. All I’d need is for him to think his son might be … you know.”

He did know. Michael could well imagine Ross, ten years in the future, being a real asshole to his gay teenage son, much as Michael’s own father had been a real asshole to his gay teenage son.

“Don’t go borrowing trouble, Janey. Like you said, it may turn out to be nothing more than kids playing dress up.”

“But what if it’s not?” Her voice broke. Michael heard her sudden intake of breath, a sure sign that she had begun to cry.

He slipped his arms around her and pulled her close. Her arms came around his neck. She was trembling. A sob broke loose and she leaned into him. He rubbed circles on her back and tried to think of something to say that didn’t sound like bullshit.

He couldn’t so he kept quiet and just held her.

She was still sobbing on his shoulder when Michael heard the apartment door open and the footsteps. He knew before he heard the voice that it was Ross. Still, he held onto Jane, both because she seemed to need it and because of what Ross had told him in the car.

“What’s going on up here?” Ross paused in the doorway.

Jane stopped crying, just like that, as if someone had thrown a switch. She tried to pull away but Michael held on.

“Janey was just having a cry,” Michael told his brother-inlaw. “We got to talking about Phillip and we both got kind of melancholy.”

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The lie slid off his tongue as smooth as glass. Easy peasy, as Sammi would say. And Michael supposed that was just about right.

“I could have picked you up after I took Oscar to the vet.”

Alan opened the rear door on the driver’s side and grabbed Oscar by the collar before he could bolt across the parking area.

“That wouldn’t have been very convenient for you.” Michael closed the passenger door and circled around the trunk of the car. “Besides, I don’t mind coming along.”

“Yeah, except he’s crazy.” Alan clipped the leash to Oscar’s collar. “Oscar, no. Heel.”

“Who? Your vet?” Michael took the elbow Alan stuck out for him.

“No, Oscar.” Alan chuckled. “The vet I don’t know about since I’ve never met him. Guy says he’s good though.”

“Guy is the one who trains the dogs?”