Too Many Curses (2 page)

Margle repeated the question. "Would you die for me?"

"Yes, master." But only because she had no choice. She looked up at Margle. He was ready to smash the seed on the ground.

"I canna take it any longer." Sir Thedeus hurled himself at Margle's throat. Despite the thinness of the wizard's neck, the small fruit bat merely nipped ineffectively. Unimpressed but startled, Margle backed away. His foot slipped on slick, polished stone, and he tumbled. The nurgax seed broke open and a giant purple monster sprang forth. It had one eye and one horn, tiny wings, and a body that was just a giant snout on two heavy legs.

Nessy scrambled behind a table out of sight.

The nurgax growled curiously.

"No. Stay away!" All the confident malice was gone from Margle's voice. "Stay where you—"

Then came a crunch. And a second crunch. And a slurp. Then a contented purr.

Nessy poked her head out. The nurgax stomped over to her. It licked her once, drenching her fur in its slimy drool.

She laughed. It laughed.

"What did I miss?" asked Echo, her sudden wheezing breath beside Nessy.

Sir Thedeus swooped around in circles. "Nothing much, lass. I just killed the bastard!"

There was nothing left of Margle. Not so much as a scrap of cloth. The nurgax wasn't much bigger than Nessy, and it didn't seem large enough to hold a whole man in its belly unless its body was all stomach. A possibility she didn't dismiss. Even then, there should've been bits of wizard, an arm or a leg, dangling from its lips.

Nessy wasn't sad to see the wizard gone but she was now an unemployed kobold. This wasn't the first time she'd lost a master. Wizardry was a dangerous occupation, almost as dangerous as wizardry assistance.

"If he's dead, why don't I have a body?" said Echo. "And why are you still a bat?"

Sir Thedeus landed and examined his wings. "I'm sure it will just be another moment or two before the spells are undone."

A jar filled with eyes, teeth, some brain, and a tongue began to bubble. Everyone was too distracted to notice.
Thirty seconds passed, and the bat stayed a bat, the voice remained without a body.

"Any minute now," said Sir Thedeus impatiently.

Nessy went to Margle's chair. She'd always wanted to sit on it, wondered what its cushioned seat would feel like. More comfortable than the smoothed stone she normally used. She grabbed hold of the armrest to pull her delicate three-foot frame into the chair but changed her mind. Margle was dead, but wizards weren't always permanently so. If he rose from the nurgax's throat, he would certainly be upset. Finding a lowly kobold sitting in his favorite chair would only enrage him further. She sat on her stone. Uncomfortable, but she'd grown accustomed. The nurgax stayed by her side. Its thick tail swung with wild abandon, occasionally thumping the ground.

It whined. Nessy rubbed its snout, and it immediately started purring.

"We're not changing," said Echo.

Sir Thedeus squinted at his furry little body. "Do ye think I dinna notice?"

"He is dead, isn't he?"

"Aye, being digested as we speak."

The nurgax hiccupped.

"Shouldn't we be changing back then?" Echo said.

"That's the way it usually works, lass. Slay the wizard, and all his magic is undone."

"How do you know?"

"I've killed wizards before."

The jar of eyes boiled to attract someone's attention and failed.

Nessy considered her next job. She could go back to her tribal caves, find a husband, begin a life of moss farming, and birth a litter or three. That wasn't a bad life, and she wasn't wholly against it. But it was boring. Working for wizards was a sure road to a grisly death, but it was a stimulating career with all the ducking and groveling and gargoyle polishing and other such requirements. She'd seen things that most could only imagine. She couldn't go back to the caves.

Finding a new position wouldn't be difficult. She had experience, a bonded nurgax, and a grand surplus of wizardly books and equipment that any arcane scholar would dearly love to get their hands on.

"Nessy, why aren't we changing?" asked Echo.

The kobold shrugged.

"Ye mean ye dunna know?" Sir Thedeus flew in anxious circles. "Weren't ye the unholy bastard's apprentice?"

"Assistant," she corrected. "I assisted. He didn't teach me magic."

"But you've looked through his books," said Echo. "And I've seen you do magic."

"Nothing more than trifles."

The jar trembled hard enough to rattle the shelf. The eyes tapped rhythmically against its glass sides.

"What's he want?" Sir Thedeus grunted.

"Isn't that Margle's brother?" Echo said.

"Aye, or what's left of him."

"He was a wizard, wasn't he?"

"Not a very good one, judging from what Margle did to him."

"Still, he has to know something."

The jar hopped twice.

"Quick, Nessy. Get the jar."

Nessy hesitated. Margle had told her never to touch that jar.

Echo's voice grew soft. "We'd do it ourselves, but we need your help. Please."

Nessy glanced at the nurgax. She gently put a small hand on its enormous lips and opened them. The beast complied obediently. She gazed deep into the black chasm of its throat.

"Master, are you in there?"

No reply. Still unsatisfied, Nessy performed a final test.

"Margle?"

She flinched instinctively. Margle would never allow her to use his name if he were still alive. She was quite certain he was dead. For now.

The nurgax licked her with its wet tongue and laughed. Its laugh was a lot like a kobold's, half bark and half chuckle. Was that because of the bond, she wondered, or just coincidence?

She set her fears aside, and using the cooperative nurgax as a ladder, retrieved the jar from its high shelf. It boiled furiously, shaking in her arms. She walked down the nurgax's tail, set the jar on the floor, and unscrewed the lid.
The yellow fluid calmed. The eyes, teeth and tongue rose to the surface in the arrangement of a vague face.

"Thank you. Ah, I've missed the fresh air." The eyes bobbed, and the teeth floated into a smile. "Yazpib the Magnificent, finest wizard of a thousand kingdoms, at your service."

Sir Thedeus was less concerned with introductions. "Why haven't we changed back?"

"Only works that way with inexperienced wizards. New wizards build their spell matrices around themselves, tying them to their own life because it is a relatively easy technique. Now Margle was an old hand at the magic arts. He'd learned to create self-sustaining arcane webs, thus allowing his spells to exist independent of his well-being." Yazpib sensed he was losing his audience. "So killing Margle doesn't necessarily end his curses."

Echo sighed. "We're stuck like this."

"That largely depends on how well Margle crafted his spell construction. Generally, the magic begins to fracture without the periodic reinforcement of will, the glue to shore up the leaks. So to speak. How long this might take varies with the metaphysical solidity of these spells and the applicable thaumaturgical pressures."

Though Nessy had looked in Margle's books, she hadn't ventured into advanced magical theory. But she got the gist of it. Margle was a great wizard, and while his spells would probably crumble eventually, it could be a very long wait.

Yazpib continued. "However, any spell can be countered. I was never as talented as my brother, but with his death, I might be able to break your curses. But I'm a touch indisposed."

"Yer worthless to us then, lad?" said Sir Thedeus.

"I know magic. I just can't do it anymore."

Sir Thedeus gnashed his fangs. "Useless wanker. If ye were any good as a wizard, Margle would be in that jar."

Yazpib's floating teeth clicked against each other. "Thirty years ago, I'd have turned you into a worm for that."

"Ach, screw his lid back on."

"Will you two stop bickering?" asked Echo.

"I was just trying to help," said Yazpib.

"If I have any eggs to pickle, I'll let ye know," snapped Sir Thedeus.

Yazpib literally boiled. "Oh, go eat a cockroach."

"I'm a fruit bat, ye git."

"Will you two shut up and let me think?" said Echo.

They kept shouting over each other. The nurgax glanced at each. It mimicked the snarls and sneers with its wide mouth. Nessy couldn't take the noise any longer. She dropped to all fours and strolled from the chamber. Kobolds were equally comfortable upright or prostrate. It was mostly a matter of personal preference. She'd grown up a quadruped, but assisting wizards required a lot of carrying. While she could use her mouth, there were a lot of things Margle asked her to carry that she'd rather not have tasted.
She mostly went bipedal now, only going back to her childhood when she needed to run or contemplate.

The nurgax followed without prompting. Nessy started down the stairs in no particular rush. A ghastly transparent corpse of moldering flesh, tattered clothing, and clinking chains appeared before her. He wailed, and the temperature dropped.

"I said not now, Richard."

The apparition frowned. "Oh come on, now. I was rather proud of that one."

"It was very good, but I'm distracted at the moment."

Richard descended the steps with her. He could only go as far as the bottom. For reasons only Margle might understand, Richard was consigned to haunt the castle's many staircases. Why he bothered trying to be frightening, Nessy didn't know. Boredom, she supposed. She usually humored him, but was too distracted right now.

The nurgax snapped at Richard's dangling chains. It alternately growled and purred at him.

"So what happened up there? I heard quite a commotion."

"Margle is dead."

"Dead?" Richard stopped and wiggled his immaterial fingers. "Why am I still here?"

"Something to do with spell matrices," said Nessy. "Ask the jar."

He disappeared. Perhaps back to the top of the stairs or to another staircase entirely.

Oddly, Nessy felt saddened. She hadn't exactly liked Margle, but she would miss him and her castle, her home. And her friends. Bodiless, transmogrified, or staircase-bound as they might be.

Echo's panting voice bounced suddenly beside Nessy. "We figured it out."

The nurgax jerked around for the voice's source. It snorted cautiously, and Echo chuckled. "Stop it. That tickles."

Nessy stood. She snapped her fingers. "Sit."

Whatever bond they shared, it responded immediately.

"We need your help, Nessy. You have to help us break our curses."

"I told you, I don't know any true magic."

"But Yazpib does. He just needs an able body."

Nessy's ears tilted forward. They always did when she was considering things. Then they flattened. "It won't work. Kobolds don't have a talent for magic. And even if I did, Margle is dead. It will only be a matter of time before his rivals arrive to claim his castle."

"They don't know that yet."

"They will. Wizards smell death like vultures. They'll pick this place clean."

"We can't do this without you. Please?"

This was a bad idea. Nessy couldn't possibly match Margle's wizardry. She would most likely die experimenting with magic as most apprentice wizards did. Or Margle's rivals would descend on the castle and kill her. But she'd long ago accepted her unpleasant death when embarking on her
career. And Margle was usually gone anyway, so it wouldn't be very different. And he might even come back. Until she was certain he wouldn't, it was her duty to care for his castle and his collections.

"Very well."

"You won't regret it. I'll go tell the others."

Nessy rarely regretted. As long as things proceeded on an interesting course, she didn't care where tomorrow might lead. In any case, she could always change her mind when the other wizards finally came for their plunder.

The nurgax licked its lips and belched. Nessy could still smell the wizard on its breath.

Word of Margle's death spread quickly through the castle. There were no secrets where every tapestry talked, where a witness lived in every flowerpot, where the spiders, rats, and serpents peeking from behind the shadows were known to gossip among themselves and walls bled with rumor. Actually, it was only one wall, but that was more than enough, since Nessy had to clean up after it.

Is he really dead?
the glistening red letters asked.

Nessy rung out a rag she kept nearby along with a bucket of fresh water for convenience. "Yes, Walter." She wiped away the gray brick.

Why am I still a wall?
The question mark at the end of the question was twice as large as the rest of the letters.

"It's complicated."

Complicated? He's dead! I should be a man again! Oh damn! Oh no! I'm going to be like this forever!

"Calm down, Walter."

But it was too late. When a bleeding wall rambled, it was sure to be a mess. Letters ran together into a flowing crimson stream to puddle on the floor. Nessy grabbed some towels she kept folded nearby and put them down to stem the tide. Loath as she was to have an untidy castle, the Thing That Devours needed to be fed. And the key to maintaining the castle was prioritizing. She made a mental note to come back later with her three best mops.

The last time she was late with the monthly meal for the Thing That Devours, it'd shrieked for a solid week, loud enough to rattle the castle's lower depths. The Beast Which Annoys, in an effort to not be outdone, howled for another eight days after that. That affected all the various ghosts haunting the nearby rooms, causing them to grow ill and vomit gallons of ectoplasmic residue. Nessy spent hours scouring the slime and still found bits in the cracks on occasion. She never forgot to feed the Thing That Devours after that.

She made her way to the vaults, where Margle had stockpiled a seemingly endless supply of meat. Not every beast in the castle ate flesh. The unicorns lived on the purest morning dew and lightest dandelion wisps, and the mind worms sustained themselves on memories of food, thriving on Nessy's recollections of rabbit stew and peach cobbler. But most every other magical beast in Margle's menagerie enjoyed more unsavory appetites.