Tipping the Velvet (15 page)

fool with a daisy-stalk, endlessly exclaiming over the same

'I'm not sure,' she answered; then she sighed. 'I didn't like to last browning petal.

think of it.'

The next morning we were shy together, at first - and Kitty,

'Why not?'

I think, was the shyest of all.

She shrugged. 'It seemed easier to be your friend

'How much we drank, last night!' she said, not gazing at

'But Kitty, that's just what I thought! And oh! wasn't it me; and for a terrible second I thought it might really have terribly hard! But I thought, that if you knew I liked you as been only the champagne that made her cling to me, and a, as a sweetheart - well, I never heard of such a thing say that she loved me, so very very much . . . But as she before, did you?'

spoke she blushed. I said, before I could stop myself: 'If you She moved to the glass to work again at the pins in her unsay all those things you said last night, oh Kitty, I'll die!'

plait, and now, without turning, she said, 'It's true I never and that made her raise her eyes to mine, and I saw that she cared for any other girl, like I care for you . . .' As she said 121

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it I saw her neck and ears grow pink, and felt myself grow sick from the champagne and the excitements of the night. I weak and warm and silly in response; but I caught a said, 'Must we really get up?' and Kitty nodded.

glimpse of something, too, behind her words.

'We must - for it's almost eleven, and Walter will be here

'It has happened before, then,' I said flatly, 'with you . . .'

soon. Had you forgotten?'

She grew redder than ever, but would make me no reply; It was a Sunday, and Walter was coming, as usual, to take and I fell silent. But the fact was, I loved her too much to us driving. I had not forgotten - but had had no time and no want to fret for very long about the other girls she might desire, yet, to think of ordinary things. Now, at the mention have kissed before me. 'When was it,' I asked next, 'that you of Walter's name, I grew thoughtful. It would be rather hard began to think of me like . . . When did you begin to think on him, now that this had happened.

that you might learn to - to love me?'

As if Kitty knew what I was thinking, she said, 'You will be Now she did turn, and smiled. 'I remember a hundred little sensible with Walter, won't you, Nan?' Then she repeated times,' she said. 'I remember how you made my dressing-what she had said the night before upon the bridge: 'You room so nice and neat; I remember your blushes as I kissed won't let on, will you, to anyone? You will be careful -

you good-night. I remember how you opened an oyster for won't you?'

me at your father's table -but then, I think I loved you then, I silently cursed her for being so prudent; but took her hand already. Indeed, I'm ashamed to say, that it must have been and kissed it. 'I have been being careful since the first that moment, at the Canterbury Palace, when I first smelled minute I saw you. I am the Queen of Carefulness. I shall go the oyster-liquor on your fingers, that I began to think of on being careful for ever, if you like - so long as I might be you as -as I shouldn't have.'

a bit reckless, sometimes, when we are quite alone.'

'Oh!'

Her smile, when she gave it, was a little distracted. 'After

'And I'm even more ashamed to say,' she went on in a all,' she said, 'things have not changed, so very much.' But I slightly different tone, 'that it wasn't until last night - when I knew that everything had changed - everything.

saw you larking with that boy, and was so jealous - that I At length I rose too, and washed and dressed and used the learned how much, how much ..."

chamber-pot, while Kitty went downstairs. She came back

'Oh, Kitty ..." I swallowed. 'I'm glad you learned it, at last.'

with a tray of tea and toast - 'I could hardly look Ma Dendy She looked away, then came to me and took my fag, and in the eye!' she said, all shy and red again - and we had our gave me one brisk kiss.

breakfast in our own parlour, before the fire, kissing the

'So am I.'

crumbs and butter from one another's lips.

After that she bent to rub with a cloth at the leather of her There was a hamper of suits beneath the window, that we boots, and I found myself yawning: I was weary, and rather had had sent over from a costumier's and not yet properly examined; and now, as we waited for Walter, Kitty began 123

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rather idly to sort through it. She pulled out a black tail-I wouldn't exchange the girl I love,

coat, very fine. 'Look at this!' she said. She slipped it on There's bliss in every look.

over her dress, and did a stiff little dance; then she began, To see her dance the polka,

very lightly, to sing.

I could faint with radiant love,

'In a house, in a square, in a quadrant,' she sang, 'In a street, May the Monument a hornpipe dance,

in a lane, in a road; Turn to the left, on the right hand, You If ever I cease to love!

see there my true love's abode.'

May we never have to pay the Income Tax, I smiled. This was an old song of George Leybourne's: If ever I cease to love!'

everyone had used to whistle it in the 'seventies, and I had We finished with a flourish, and I attempted a twirl - then even once seen it sung by Leybourne himself, at the froze. Kitty had left the door ajar, and Walter stood at it Canterbury Palace. It was a silly, nonsensical, but rather watching us, his eyes as wide as if he had had some sort of infectious kind of song, and Kitty sang it all the sweeter for fright. I felt Kitty's gaze follow mine; she gripped my arm, singing it so softly and carelessly.

then dropped it sharply. I thought wildly of what he might

'I go there a courting and cooing,

have seen. The words of the song were foolish but, To my love, like a dove.

unmistakably, we had sung them to one another, and meant And swearing on my bended knee,

them. Had we also kissed? Had I touched Kitty where I If ever I cease to love,

shouldn't have?

May sheep's heads grow on apple trees,

While I still wondered, Walter spoke. 'My God,' he said. I If ever I cease to love.'

bit my lip - but he didn't frown, or curse, as I expected.

I listened for a while, then raised my voice with hers for the Instead he broke into a great beaming smile, and slapped chorus:

his hands together, and stepped into the room to seize us

'If ever I cease to love,

both excitedly by the shoulders.

If ever I cease to love,

'My God - that's it! That's it! Why, oh why, didn't I see it May the moon be turned into green cheese, before! That is what we have been looking for. This, Kitty'

If ever I cease to love.'

– he gestured to our jackets, our hats, our gentlemanly We laughed, then sang louder. I found a hat in the hamper, poses - 'this will make us famous!'

and tossed it to Kitty, then pulled out a jacket and a boater And so the day that I became Kitty's sweetheart was also for myself, and a walking-cane. I linked my arm with hers, the day that I joined her act, and began my career - my and imitated her dance. The song grew sillier.

brief, unlooked-for, rather wonderful career — on the

'For all the money that's in the bank,

music-hall stage.

For the title of lord or duke,

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A; first, the prospect of joining Kitty upon the stage, in a She didn't answer at first, but continued to chew profession for which I had never been trained, never distractedly at her fingertip. She looked from me to Walter, yearned, and had - as I thought - no special talent, filled me then back to me again, and narrowed her eyes.

with dismay.

'It might work,' she said.

'No,' I said to Walter that afternoon, when at last I I stamped my foot. 'Now you have both lost your minds, understood him. 'Absolutely not. I cannot. You, of all entirely! Think what you're saying. You come from families people, should know what a fool I would make of myself -

where everybody is an actor. You live all your lives in and of Kitty!'

houses like this, where even the dam' dog is a dancing one.

But Walter wouldn't listen.

Four months ago I was an oyster-girl in Whitstable!'

'Don't you see?' he said. 'How long have we been looking

'Four months before Bessie Bellwood made her debut,'

for something that will lift the act above the ordinary, and Walter replied, .'she was a rabbit-skinner in the New Cut!1

make it really memorable? This is it! A double act! A He put his hand upon my arm. 'Nan,' he said kindly, 'I am soldier - and his comrade! A swell - together with his not pressing you, but let us see if this thing will work, at chum! Above all: two lovely girls in trousers, instead of least. Will you just go and take a suit of Kitty's, and try it one! When did you ever see the like of it before? It will be on properly? And Kitty, you go and get fitted up, too. And a sensation!'

then we'll see what the two of you look like, side by side.'

'It might be a sensation,' I said, 'with two Kitty Butlers in it.

I turned to Kitty. She gave a shrug. 'Why not?' she said.

But Kitty Butler and Nancy Astley, her dresser, who never It seems strange to think that, in all my weeks of handling sang a song in her life -'

so many lovely costumes, I had never thought to try one on

'We have all heard you sing,' said Walter, 'a thousand times myself; but I had not. The piece of sport with the jacket and

- and very prettily, too.'

the boater had been a novel one, born of the gaiety of that

'Who never danced -' I went on.

marvellous morning; until then Kitty's suits had seemed too

'Pooh, dancing! A bit of shuffling about the stage. Any fool handsome, too special - above all, too peculiarly hers, too with half a leg can do it.'

fundamental to her own particular magic and swank - for

'Who never raised her voice before a crowd -'

me to fool with. I had cared for them and kept them neat;

'Patter!' he said carelessly. 'Kitty can take care of the patter!'

but I had never so much as held one up in front of me, I laughed, in sheer exasperation, then turned to Kitty before the glass. Now I found myself half-naked in our herself. So far she had taken no part in the exchange, only chilly bedroom, with Kitty beside me with a costume in her stood at my side, biting at the edge of one of her nails, and hand, and our roles quite reversed. I had removed my dress frowning. 'Kitty,' I said now, 'for goodness' sake, tell him and petticoats, and buttoned a shirt over my stays. Kitty had what madness he is talking!'

found a morning-suit of black and grey for me to wear, and 127

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had a similar costume ready for herself. She looked me Kitty, I don't think I should be able to keep from kissing over.

you!'

'You must take your drawers off,' she said quietly - the door She put a finger to her lips; then pushed at the fringe of her was shut fast, but Walter was audibly pacing the little hair. She said, 'You will have to get used to it, for Walter's parlour beyond it - 'or else they'll bunch, beneath the plan to work. Otherwise - well, what a show that would be!; trousers.'

I laughed; but the words Walter's plan had made my I blushed, then slid the drawers down my thighs and kicked stomach lurch in sudden panic, and the laughter sounded them off, so that I stood clad only in the shirt and a pair of rather hollow. I gazed down at my own two legs. The stockings, gartered at the knee. I had once, as a girl, worn a trousers, after all, were far too short for me, and showed my suit of my brother's to a masquerade at a party. That, stockings at the ankle. I said, 'It won't do, will it, Kitty? He however, had been many years before; it was quite won't really think that it will do - will he?'

different, now, to pull Kitty's handsome trousers up my He did. 'Oh yes!' he cried when we emerged at last together, naked hips, and button them over that delicate place that all dressed up. 'Oh yes, but what a team you make!' He was Kitty herself had so recently set smarting. I took a step, and more excited than I had ever seen him. He had us stand blushed still harder. I felt as though I had never had legs together, with our arms linked; then he made us turn, and before - or, rather, that I had never known, quite, what it do again the little stiff-legged dance that he had caught us at really felt like to have two legs, joined at the top.

before. And all the time he walked about us with narrowed I reached for Kitty, and pulled her to me. 'I wish Walter eyes, stroking his chin and nodding.

were not waiting for us,' I whispered - though, in truth,

'We shall need a suit for you, of course,' he said to me. 'A there was something rather thrilling about embracing her, in number of suits, indeed, to match Kitty's. But that we can such a costume, with Walter so near and so unknowing.

easily arrange.' He took my hat from my head, and my plait That thought - and the soundless kiss which followed it -

fell down upon my shoulder. 'Something must he done made the trousers feel still stranger. When Kitty stepped about your hair; but the colour, at least, is perfect - a away to see to her own suit, I looked at her a little wonderful contrast with Kitty's, so the folk in the gallery wonderingly. I said, 'How can you dress like this, before a will have no trouble telling you apart.' He winked, then hall of strangers, every night, and not feel queer?'

stood surveying me a little longer with his hands behind his She fastened the clip of her braces, and shrugged. 'I have head. He had removed his jacket. He wore a shirt of green worn sillier costumes.'

with a deep white collar - he was always a fancy dresser -

'I didn't mean that it was silly. I meant - well, if I were to be and the armpits of the shirt were dark with sweat. I said, beside you, in these' - I took another couple of steps - 'oh

'You really mean it, Walter?' and he nodded: 'Nancy, I do.'

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He kept us busy, that day, all through the afternoon. The me dull with him: I believe he thought he had overworked outing we had planned, the Sunday stroll, was all forgotten, me. So very soon he did leave; and when the door was the driver who was waiting he paid off and sent away. The closed on him I rose and went to Kitty, and put my arms house being empty, we worked at Mrs Dendy's piano, quite about her. She wouldn't let me kiss her in the parlour; but as hard as if it were a weekday morning - except that now I after a moment she led me up through the darkening house, sang too, and not to save Kitty's voice, as I had sometimes back to our bedroom. Here the suit - which I had, indeed, done before, but to try out my own alongside it. We sang grown rather used to while strolling in it for Walter - began again the song that Walter had caught us singing, 'If Ever I to feel strange again. When Kitty undressed I pulled her to Cease to Love' - but, of course, we were self-conscious me; and it was lewd to feel her naked hip come pressing in now, and it sounded terribly lame. Then we tried some of between my trousered legs. She ran her hand once, very Kitty's songs, that I had heard her sing at Canterbury and lightly, over my buttons, until I began to shake with the knew by heart; and they went a little better. And finally we wanting of her. Then she drew the suit from me entirely and tried a new song, one of the West End songs that were we lay together, naked as shadows beneath the counterpane; fashionable then - the one about strolling through Piccadilly and then she touched me again.