The Woman He Married (29 page)

That’s not who I am! Some pathetic woman, depressed
, pining
for her husband’s love, his respect!

Josie breathed deliberately when her anger began to seethe, pushing against her tender ribcage as she thought about how much she’d sacrificed. How little she’d gotten back in return. Her hands curled into fists. She relaxed them when her wounds started to burn.

I’ve already given too much,
she thought.
I will
not
be used anymore! This ends today.

“Hey, you.”

John’s voice caught her attention.

Josie looked up to see John standing in the doorway. Only, this time, she knew she wasn’t dreaming. She was wide awake.

Wearing his jeans, with the top two buttons undone, John stood with his fingers shoved down into his pockets. His bare muscular chest and arms glistened in the early morning light. His blond hair was tousled about. He wore a wry smile on his lips as he gazed wantonly in her direction.

Josie regarded him a few seconds before speaking. He looked different to her now. But he was the same man. Except today, for the first time since the day she saw him standing awkwardly in her father’s entryway, she felt nothing.

“It’s still early. Why don’t you come on back to bed?” John said, motioning with his head that she follow him back inside.

“Tempting.”
Josie smiled disingenuously then said, “Why don’t you come out here? We need to talk.” With her toe, she scooted the chair next to hers out from under the table.

“Talking isn’t exactly what I had in mind,” John said with a smirk and raised brows.

“Right—but talking’s what
I
have in mind.” Josie marveled at how calm and in control she felt. “Why don’t you grab a cup of coffee and take a seat?”

The smile disappeared from John’s face as he regarded Josie a moment longer. He shrugged.
“All right.”
After disappearing into the room, he re-emerged with a steaming cup and sat down.

“So, you got me out here, what do you want to talk about?” John took a sip from his coffee, and then setting it down on the table, he reclined back into the chair casually.
Waiting.

Josie swallowed hard and then began, “Well, you know how Brian’s been after me to start working full-time—”

John shook his head.
“Out of the question!”
Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on his knees. “I don’t even know if I
want
you working with
him
anymore.”

Josie hesitated after John interrupted, thinking before she spoke again.

John’s dissolute smile returned as he reached forward and separated the fabric of her robe, letting it fall open, exposing her bare legs. Leaning toward her, he held her gaze while he slid his hands over her thighs and up her crossed legs.

The coffee in her empty stomach started to churn with the advancement of John’s fingers. Josie placed her hands firmly on top of his, stopping his progress just short of his goal.

“I wasn’t
asking
for your permission,” Josie said. “I already took the job. I was just letting you know. That’s all.”

John’s smile hovered on his face as he slid his hands back down her legs. Leaning back into his chair, he regarded her as if waiting for the punch line of a joke.

She reached down and wrapped her robe securely back around her legs.

John’s smile disappeared completely.

“Is this some kind of joke? Cause I
gotta
to tell ya, I’m not finding it very funny.”

“No, it’s not a joke. I
am
going full-time.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Jocelyn. You can’t work full-time,” John said matter-of-factly. “We’re right in the middle of a campaign. I need you…the kids need you. Have you given any thought to who’s going to care for your children, our home?”

“I thought the campaign wasn’t ‘any of my concern.’” She watched him wince as she threw his words back in his face, and then said, “Let me worry about the kids and the house. Plenty of women do it. I don’t see why I can’t.”

“You don’t
need
 
to
.” John sounded exasperated. “It’s not like we need the money. I think I’ve provided nicely for you all these years.”

“You’re right,
we
don’t need the money.” Josie paused, while John agreed with a nod of his head. “But,
I
need the money.”

“Oh, for the love of God.”
He threw his hands up. “What do
you
need with more money?” And, just like that, the charming John turned into the patronizing John.

Josie held quiet until she was sure she had his full attention. “I want a divorce.” She tried to hide the sigh of relief that escaped when she finally uttered those few, all-important, words.

John sat unmoving for a moment. Josie didn’t even think that he was breathing. “What did you say?” He paused,
then
laughed cynically. “It sounded like you said you want a divorce?”

“That’s because I did.”

“This is crazy.” He shook his head. “I think that concussion has done something to your brain ’cause you’re not thinking right.”

“My head’s just fine, and this has nothing to do with the accident.”

“Well, whatever’s going on with you I’m not letting this
happen.
We are
not
getting a divorce—not now—not ever.” His narrowed eyes locked gazes with hers. His tone was final.

“If it’s the election you’re worried about, I’ll wait until it’s over before I file.”

His words became increasingly harsh. “So, you’ve put some thought into this insanity.”

“I have, and it’s for the best, for everyone.”

“Well, I don’t know what to tell ya,
darlin
, ’cause we
ain’t
gettin
’
no
divorce.” Josie noticed the hick in John emerge when she refused to back down. He got up out of his chair. “So you can just get that idea out of your pretty little head.
The sooner, the better.
I tell you what—you’re the craziest damn woman I’ve ever known.”

“Okay, and now the bullying begins.” Josie used a flat sarcastic tone. “What’s next, scare tactics like your bogus TV ad?”

He looked at her like she was being totally ridiculous.
“What?”

“‘A vote for John Bearden is a vote for justice and security in an insecure world’?” Josie made quotation marks with her fingers.
“Scaring folks so they’ll be afraid
not
to vote for you.
Well, just so you know,
I
 
don’t
scare that easy.”

He gaped at her.

Josie stood and faced him. “Again, I’m not
asking
, I’m
telling
.” She paused, gathering strength for the next part. “When we get back, I want you to pack your stuff and move out.”

“Why are you doing this?” He shook his head. “I am
not
leaving my home. I worked hard for it.” Pointing a finger at himself, he said, “I pay the mortgage every month, for heaven’s sake.”

“Come on, John. We both know that you never really loved me.” Saying what she knew everyone had been thinking all these years had Josie’s emotions emerging at last. “How long do you expect me to keep living like this?” Tears burned her eyes. “I can’t be the person you want me to be anymore—that’s not who I am.”

“Just who do you think it is
I
want you to be?” John’s tone softened, and he looked genuinely confused.

“I don’t know.” Josie took a moment to think. “This proper little house wife…happy just to serve her husband…never thinking for herself, with no dreams of her own. Who goes to church every Sunday even though she doesn’t know why…who drives a damn mini-
van.
”

“Good Lord, Jocelyn, not again with the mini-van.” He pushed past her and headed inside. “If this is about what you drive, I can buy you a new car.”

“This isn’t about the van, John.” Josie followed him inside. She couldn’t let him avoid this discussion like he had every other time.

“Then, what?” he said, still with his back to her.

“I’ve sacrificed everything for you. My hopes, my dreams,
who
I
am.”

“Yeah—well I’ve made sacrifices too.”

“Really.
What
exactly?”
Josie positioned herself in front of him again, looking him in the eye.
“Your career?
Your
sanity
?”

“I’ve made my share.” His tone turned pensive and he averted his gaze.

She could see the culpability in his expression. “Trisha?” Josie said just the one word,
then
paused, waiting for a reaction. John flinched and she continued. “Because technically, you haven’t had to make many sacrifices in that respect either, have you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about
my
bracelet that you gave to
her,
the late nights, the mornings that you come home in the same clothes from the night before, the fact that you haven’t touched me in months.” Josie stopped, choking back her tears.
“The other night on the beach.
How could you?”

John’s face turned morose. “Jocelyn.” He said her name weakly.

Josie refused to let up. She wanted answers. “Why? Why didn’t you just marry her in the first place?”

“It’s not that simple—there are so many things you don’t understand.”

His words sliced her to the core. Instead of telling her that she was the one he’d chosen, that he’d loved her all along, but got lost, or confused somewhere along the way, he talked about how complicated things were.

He mumbled out some more useless words. “I never meant for you to find out, to get hurt.”

There it was. Josie finally had confirmation straight from “the horse’s mouth.” John was having an affair. Her husband was sleeping with another woman. No more avoidance. No more denial. Josie’s heart started to burn as it ripped apart in her chest.

“Oh, I think I understand.” Josie’s anger surfaced amid her tears. “I’m an idiot! Yeah that’s it…isn’t it?” Yelling now, she continued, “She
wouldn’t
marry you, would she, so you had to settle for second best?”

“Stop it, Jocelyn!”

“Why wouldn’t she marry you, John?” Josie got up next to his face, daring him to fight back. “You weren’t good enough?”

“I said, ‘stop!’”

“But, you’re good enough now, aren’t you?” Josie shouted.
“Successful lawyer and soon to be a judge.”

“Just stop. I said that’s enough!” John grabbed Josie firmly by the shoulders.

“It’s enough all right. When we get home, I want you to pack your things and get the
hell
out!” Josie jerked away from him, her ribs throbbing from the sudden movement, and backed toward the bathroom. “If you don’t, I’ll have Brian serve you with divorce papers first thing tomorrow morning. We’ll see if
Trisha
can spin that one in your favor.” Her tears had stopped and only the anger remained. “And
don’t think I won’t.
”

Tears rimmed John’s eyes. “What about last night, Jocelyn?”

Josie hesitated for a moment before delivering the final blow. “I have no idea what happened last night, but I
can
tell you if I’d had half a mind, I would have slit my own wrists before letting you touch me.” Her words whipped from her lips like a slap to John’s crestfallen face.