The Vampire Club (14 page)

“
Well, Dial,” said the professor. He seemed to have regained what crooked posture he had, evidently resigned to the fact that we’d somehow avoided imminent but well-crafted death. “There might be a way to see if Juan would ever forgive you.”

“
I know. But that would mean quitting the organization. That would mean defecting. There would be a price on my head, and I would never be able to sleep in peace again.”

“
Then you must ask yourself what’s more important.”

There was a silence, except for the babble of voices and running of engines coming from the mansion.

“
I have worked hard to enter this organization,” Dial said. “I had to pass many psychological exams. It was as tough getting into this organization as the Navy SEALs. I will get a promotion for my work tonight. But I can honestly say that it’s not worth it if I don’t have Juan in my life.”

A shudder ran down my spine. It was most unexpected and unrehearsed. Having to choose between career and love? It sounded like something that could be exploited, if you asked me.

“
Will you help us, Dial?” I asked, all innocence and helpfulness. “We really don’t stand a chance against the VVV on our own.”

“
So you knew?”

“
Yes,” said the professor. “The legendary VVV is not a legend.”

Dial smiled. It was a sharp type of smile, and I knew if I saw this man coming at me in a dark street with that smile, I would crap my shorts. “Yeah, I’ll help.”

“
Then I have one question for you, friend Dial: Is there a vampire in that mansion?”

Somehow that smile sharpened even more. “Yeah, he’s in there.”

Chapter Thirty

A tingling surge of blood rushed through my body. “We have to save him!” I said.

“
You can’t save him,” said Dial. “He’s comatose, as good as dead.”

“
No,” I said, pacing in quick circles, mind buzzing. “It’s the silver bullet. He can’t move because of it.”

“
That’s not what they told me.”

“
What exactly did they tell you, Dial?” asked L.

“
Certainly not the things we discussed the week before the trip. I was almost laughing listening to you guys go on about this silver bullet crap—”

“
What did they tell you, Dial?”

“
That the vampire had lost its blood, that it’ll never be able to rise again. That it was kept as a memorial shrine to our final victory.”

Somebody crunched on some leaves a dozen feet away. We fell silent and soon found ourselves listening to the steady splashing of someone relieving themselves. Five minutes later, the splashing stopped. At any other occasion, I would have paused in silent homage at such a urinary feat. But I had vampire on the mind.

Come to think of it, when didn’t I have vampire on the mind? Only Janice could distract me, but I knew vampires would be the foundation of our long and beautiful marriage.

When the feet pounded away, I turned to Dial. “If he’ll never rise again, then why do you guys go through all this effort to protect him?”

“
Because ours is the organization that has halted and ended the vampire population. We are a secret organization. There are still a half dozen vampires out there, and so we must remain a secret and keep those vampires we have dealt with a secret. For vampires, once they’re onto you, can wipe out a whole organization. They have done it to the VVV in the past. One minute you have a thriving headquarters, and the next death and ruin. For vampires strike quickly and with such ferocity that it scares the shit out of all of us.”

“
Like my VVV ancestor, Ed Royce,” Professor L said. “He died by violent means.”

“
That is why our society is so secret. We literally cannot have leaks, for vampires will catch on to us. They know we’re out there, that’s not the problem. The problem is letting them catch on to us. Big problem. The VVV can only have the upper hand when it’s undercover. Everything we do must remain a secret.

“
All vampires that are comatose are kept at one of our many headquarters throughout the world. We cannot chance the fact that somehow and in some way they are unwittingly revived. For organizations like the Vampire Club know their secrets.”

“
Dial,” I asked, for he’d sounded like he was still very much part of the VVV, “are you going to help us free this vampire and make Juan a happy man?”

“
There are armed guards,” said Dial. “Especially tonight with you two on the loose. I can’t let you guys go at this alone. Of course I’m with you.”

“
How could a human being be so misguided, Professor?” I managed to ask, enduring a mixture of anger and surprise. “To value the living over vampires?”

The old man was quiet for a moment. “Propaganda,” he said quietly. He turned back to Dial. “What did the VVV tell you?”

“
They gave us courses during basic training, enlightening us to the wicked ways of the vampire, showing us how and why they must all be dealt with and silenced or else our kind would be wiped out.”

“
Surely,” I gasped, “you have realized this is false.”

“
I admit, I’ve never seen a vampire in the flesh,” Dial said.

“
Neither have we,” said the professor, mumbling a little to himself. “But that just may work.”

“
What?” I was glad the professor had a plan, because all I had was grabbing Dial’s stick and fighting our way into the mansion. And I’d already exhibited my lack of stick prowess.

“
So we don’t know anything,” Dial said. “We’re doomed.”

“
No,” the professor said. “They do not know you have defected to the other side.”

“
Ooh. That makes me sound like a rat fink. But I suppose it’s true. I did defect.”

“
Since they don’t know it, you are still in their good graces, the hero of the hour. And heroes usually can get away with a few favors.”

“
So what you’re saying is that I should somehow use my newfound glory and stature to sway the guards and let me pass through the golden arches into the tomb of the vampire?”

“
Right out of my mouth.”

“
But I see holes in this plan. Firstly, they probably won’t let me in, for I am still a peon. Nextly, I’m still pretty much paranoid of vampires. Nextly after that, how am I supposed to reanimate this vampire?”

“
Plus,” I added. “You would be having all the fun. But why are you, and I quote, ‘pretty much paranoid of vampires’?”

“
They’re evil and vile.”

The words were like poison shot straight into my bloodstream. I jerked and convulsed. I controlled my shaking body. “Bram Stoker is rolling over in his grave,” I managed to say.

“
I know my views have been biased by the VVV, but they are now as much a part of me as my ample manhood. I cannot change them, at least not yet, anyway. I think what I think, and if we free this vampire, I might be willing to change my philosophy. Until then, I have this hatred for them as great as my lust for Juan—”

“
There’s a saying,” I said. “It goes ‘A man cannot serve two masters.’”

“
Very good, Andy,” the professor said.

“
These two desires oppose each other, leaving me feeling empty and void,” Dial continued. “I fear what Juan loves the most. I think now that I need to free this vampire and see for myself what they’re really like, and if they are all they’re cracked up to be, then my need for Juan will overcome my fear and hate and I can live again!” He lifted his massive head to the sky. “
I can live
!”

“
Shhhhh,” hissed the professor. He looked through the bushes for a moment then turned back to us. “You must deal with your mental anguish when the proper time comes. Until then, we have to find a way to free this vampire, and then do something about Buddy, Janice, and Juan.”

“
Janice,” I whispered. My love was rotting away.

“
Juan,” I heard next to me. No doubt the same thought crossed Dial’s mind.

Professor L asked, “Dial, is the cellar door the only entrance into the cellar?”

“
There have been rumors of a secret entrance. I suspect more than a few of my VVV brethren have been curious themselves, for only the Inner Circle is allowed access. So most have never seen them.”

“
We’ve got to find a way to outsmart these vampire-slaying assholes,” I said.

And right on cue, the professor said, “Guys, I think I see our chance.”

Chapter Thirty-one

“
Okay, guys, here they come,” the professor said. “Lay still.”

My cheek pressed against cold dirt, or rather, what used to be dirt, which was now in fact mud thanks to the sweat slipping and sliding along my cheeks. I gripped the handle of my satchel, wishing it held a gun. This isn’t going to work, I thought. There were two of them coming and only one of Dial. All three were expert fighters. The odds were against Dial.

I didn’t even begin to take the professor and myself into consideration. We would not even be a factor in whatever struggle was about to take place. Sadly, Dial was on his own.

Dial went out to meet his fellow vampire hunters. They talked excitedly just out of earshot. I lay in silence, in fear, and in mud. The professor next to me was equally mute, though maybe not as sweaty.

“
They’re over here,” Dial was saying.

“
I can’t believe these civilians tried to jump you.”

“
Believe me, Granite, I didn’t allow them to realize their misjudgment. They’re out cold, no doubt for a very long time.”

And then a third voice murmured, “Goddamned vampire lovers. Hope Grandmaster doesn’t even bother with the local police. Should just get rid of the nuisance right here, right now.”

“
No shit.” That was Granite. “No doubt he will.”

The footfalls stopped, and I felt the disheartening presence of them standing over me. Then cold fingers suddenly closed around my neck. I almost jumped up to run, but realized then that the fingers didn’t close with any sort of fatal grip.

“
Pulse is kinda quick to be unconscious,” said the one who wasn’t Granite.

“
Er, the vampire lovers were always tripping out on drugs,” Dial said. “Why else would they be into vampires?”

“
By the way,” said Granite. “Great work. We’re all really proud of you, the way you double-crossed those vile heathens.”

“
Gee, thanks,” Dial said. “That really does make me feel warm inside. Now do you think we should kill them here or go get Grandmaster?”

“
There’s a DDD out on them,” said the one who wasn’t Granite.

“
But Grandmaster might have other plans for them, unfortunately,” Granite said. “Slow torture is fun, but sometimes you just want the head rush of a good, brutal deathblow.”

“
Well, guys, I’ve had kind of a long night,” Dial said. “Would you mind carrying them for me?”

“
You’re the hero. Whatever you say.”

And with that, strong hands gripped the back of my collar and the top of my pants. And, as if an unwilling participant in a David Copperfield act, I rose quickly off the ground. I was then thrown over a shoulder. My eyes bounced open from the jar, and I saw the huge form of Dial behind them. He looked like a very pissed-off grizzly. He raised his two paws high in the air, and, silent as a lamb, threw his paws down hard, the left one landing on the man holding me. There was skull-crushing sound just inches from my ear and suddenly I was falling.

Luckily, I thought, I was going to land on the hulk holding me. Unluckily, I landed with a burst of air from my lungs, because the hulk was harder than the rocky ground itself.

I looked over at the professor and saw him rising from the beast below him. Apparently Dial’s right fist had connected as well as his left. I was glad this goon was on our side, at least for the moment.

“
So how long will they be out?” asked the professor, dusting his long limbs.

“
Two hours and...eight minutes. When they do awake they won’t be able to move their heads for at least another day. I have crushed their timulars, which is in the neck, a possibly fatal blow if I had allowed ten more pounds of pressure into my swing.”

Minutes later I was one of them, the professor and I having switched clothes with the two freaks. The trouble, of course, was that the clothes did not even remotely fit. The professor, taller than me by about four inches, had less trouble than I, but we still spent several minutes tucking camouflage here and folding there.

Finally, Dial gave us the once-over. He nodded slowly. “Yes. We’re going to die.”

I couldn’t have agreed more.

But I wanted a look at that vampire first.

Chapter Thirty-two

“
So what’s the plan now?” I asked, pushing the big hat back from over my eyes.

“
We kick ass,” said Dial.

“
No, I mean what’s really the plan?”

“
That’s it.”

“
You’re kidding.”