The Upside of Being Let Down (new adult romance - 1) (21 page)

(23)

The date.

The date.

That
’
s
how my mind played it over and over. Like it was some kind of a big deal. In
reality, I was more inclined to hang out with Jon just to see how he acted
outside the caf
é
and to get
a feel for what I
’
d be
working with. He was bold, rude, funny, smart, and sexy the entire time. For
any girl that has gone out with him and would go out him, I could easily see
how they could end up waking the next morning in shock that they were in his
bed. I could see them hurrying to find their clothing and get out of his place
before it all started again.

But that was just the charm of Jon.

And if someone could resist his
constant need for attention, they could really get to know a decent guy. A
decent guy to deal with at work on the weekends and nothing more.

And that
’
s exactly how I put it to Winnie as I sat across
from her at her dining room table, drinking a glass of iced tea. She had the
day and night off and when the date had ended I couldn
’
t go back to Bryan
’
s
apartment. It just felt... wrong. I wasn
’
t
sure if he
’
d be there and I
didn
’
t feel like being in
there alone or with him. Not after a date.

“
Nothing
more then?
”
Winnie asked.

She was in a black hoodie and jean
shorts and managed to look beautiful in just that. I almost hated her for it,
seriously. The woman could wear anything - or nothing, obviously - and still be
beautiful. Whatever genes were being saved up were all given to Winnie. I got
the rotten leftovers, even though Winnie insisted I looked just like her.

“
No
need,
”
I said.
“
He
’
s
an okay guy, to deal with on the weekends.
”

“
What
did you two do?
”

“
I
showed up in front of the caf
é
and he pulled up on a motorcycle. Yeah, of all things, trying to be super cool.
Some kind of neon blue crotch rocket too. He got off and took off his helmet.
He told me he was going to get me flowers but he didn
’
t want to rush things. He smiled and then told me
if things went well I could get two rides... one on his bike and one on him.
”

Winnie laughed.
“
Are you serious?
”

“
Yup.
But that
’
s his personality.
He thinks he
’
s sexy. Which
he is. I just didn
’
t find
anything exciting about him. My mind was...
”

Winnie squinted at me.

“
Shut
up,
”
I said.
“
We went out to dinner. I drove
because I refused to get on his bike. I wasn
’
t
going to sit bitch with my arms around some guy so he could get a free feel
from me. It
’
s like, dude, I
need to hold onto you so I don
’
t
fall and die, right?
”

“
Oh,
AJ, I love you,
”
Winnie
said.

“
What?
I
’
m not some dumb chick.
”

“
I
know you
’
re not. That
’
s why I love you.
”

“
So
we went out to eat and just kind of talked. Every third sentence was about sex,
which didn
’
t bother me. But
it didn
’
t mean he
’
d get any from me either. I
learned a lot about his family and his Aunt Hope, who owns the caf
é
. I mean, it wasn
’
t a waste of a night because it
was nice to get to know him and Hope. I really like the job and the place. From
what I gathered, Hope wants to expand and open more caf
é
s.
But she needs the help.
”

“
And
you
’
re there, huh?
”
Winnie asked.

“
Well,
sort of there,
”
I said.
“
I
’
d
feel like an idiot if I didn
’
t
finish school though. Whether it matters in life or not, I hate the idea of not
going back.
”

Winnie pushed back in chair.
“
Is this the same AJ sitting
across from me?
”

“
What?
I never...
”

“
Yes
you did,
”
Winnie cut me
off.
“
Little Miss
I-got-kicked-out-of-school. You were such a tough chick not too long ago about
it.
”

“
I
’
m still tough,
”
I said.
“
But it would be nice to go to school and have a job
that matters. Kind of makes everything feel connected and with purpose.
”

“
You
sound so grown up now,
”
Winnie
said.

“
Yeah?
”
I curled my lip and then let
out a long burp. I opened my mouth with a big
ahhh
sound and then
smiled.
“
How
’
s that?
”

“
Sexy,
”
Winnie said.
“
It
’
s
a mystery that you
’
re
single.
”

Winnie stood from the table and
walked to the kitchen.

“
Wait
a second,
”
I called out.
“
I choose to be single. I could
have slept with Jon last night. But I didn
’
t.
He kissed my cheek when the date ended and then lingered, seeing if I
’
d let him kiss my lips. So I
fucked with him.
”

“
You
fucked with him?
”

“
Yeah,
”
I said.
“
I mean, if you
’
re
going to make a move, make it...
”
My mind trailed for a few seconds, thinking of how Bryan came into the shower
after me. How his hands touched me, pushed me against the tile. How he kissed
me. How he...

“
Lose
your thought?
”
Winnie
asked.

“
What?
No. I mean, he
’
s the kind
of guy that he expects everything I guess. So I just waited. When he tried to
kiss me again, on my lips, I stopped him. I turned and walked away.
”

“
Ouch,
”
Winnie said.
“
You
’
d make a great stripper.
”

“
Yeah,
sure. As long as I didn
’
t
have to take my clothes off.
”

“
That
would be a bit of a problem,
”
Winnie said.

“
Well
then, I
’
ll leave all the
stripping up to you then.
”

“
Sounds
like a plan.
”

Winnie checked her phone and I
glanced at mine sitting next to me at the table. I thought about Bryan again. I
hadn
’
t text him or called
him. I hadn
’
t seen him
since I left yesterday. We had our moments on Friday night - more than once -
and that was about it. I figured at some point I
’
d
call him or text him or just show back up to the apartment. I braced for the
awkwardness knowing he
’
d
want to know about the date. I feared if I told him it didn
’
t go over so well he
’
d expect something more from me.
I didn
’
t want to give him
more if I was going to just let him down. After seeing the passion in his eyes
and feeling the passion of his body I knew he deserved someone who could give
him the same back.

What did I have to show for myself?

My family
’
s a mess.

My sister
’
s a stripper.

I had been kicked out of college.

I waited tables at a caf
é
with the dreams of, what,
becoming a caf
é
manager or
something?

Sure, I was on a path better than
some but it wasn
’
t the kind
of path that Bryan needed to be dragged on or reminded of. Plus, with sex like
we had, so wild, hot, and with emotion, someone would only end up getting hurt.

Or at least that
’
s what I tried to convince
myself of as I started to spin my cell phone in circles.

“
What
’
s on your mind now?
”
Winnie asked.

“
Nothing,
”
I lied.

Winnie reached out and took my
phone. She unlocked it and smiled.

“
What?
”
I asked.

She turned it around and I rolled
my eyes. The last screen I had open was a conversation with Bryan through text.
It was an old conversation but I had kept checking for a text from Bryan and
must have locked my phone with the messages still open.

“
Is
that why your date didn
’
t
go well?
”
Winnie asked.

“
No.
Bryan is just a friend.
”

“
A
friend, huh? A friend you live with.
”

“
He
’
s a nice guy, that
’
s all. I
’
m moving out.
”

“
Yeah?
When? You said you were staying a night or two.
”

“
I
had to get a job first. I had to get settled, you know? It
’
s not easy finding a roommate.
”

“
How
many people did you call?
”

“
Nobody
yet,
”
I said.
“
You can
’
t just...
”

I had nothing. Winnie
’
s smile took it all away. I
grabbed the phone out of her hand.

“
What
is it then?
”
she asked me.
“
Why did you go out with that guy
from work?
”

“
Why?
Because I wanted to. He asked me. He seemed cool. We went out.
”

“
But
nothing happened, huh?
”

“
No.
Can
’
t someone have a bad
date... well, not even a bad date, but just no connection?
”

“
Sure,
”
Winnie said.
“
Happens all the time. I
’
m just wondering if you weren
’
t really there for a connection
to happen.
”

“
What
the fuck are you talking about?
”

“
You
like Bryan, don
’
t you? And
you
’
re afraid that
something good can happen.
”

“
Or
bad,
”
I said.
“
Did you think about that?
”

Winnie nodded.
“
Sure. Bad things happen.
”

“
All
the time,
”
I said.
“
So I have a nice guy that
’
s letting me stay with him. He
actually looks at me like a person. He talks to me, we have things in common,
we can... get along...
”

“
You
’
re sleeping with him?
”
Winnie asked, her mouth falling
open.

“
How
did you get that from... yeah, I fooled around with him a few times.
”

“
You
crash a guy
’
s apartment and
have sex with him,
”
Winnie
said.
“
You
’
re really something, AJ.
”

“
As
are you, sister,
”
I said
and raised an eyebrow.

“
As
you were saying.
”

“
Nothing.
Just that we can talk. He understands me. I understand him. We both have these
kind of shitty pasts and it
’
s
nice to have that connection. I don
’
t
want to fuck that up.
”

“
And
dating other guys will make that easier?
”
Winnie asked.

“
I
don
’
t know, okay?
”

“
Is
that why you slept here last night?
”

“
Shut
up.
”

“
You
’
re too afraid to face him
because you
’
re worried you
hurt him.
”

“
Is
that so wrong?
”
I asked.

“
No.
You have feelings... I
’
m
shocked.
”

“
You
’
re a bitch,
”
I teased.

“
Leave
it to you to finally fall for a guy... only you
’
re
living with him, sleeping with him, but too afraid to say a thing.
”