The Songwriter (6 page)

Once upon a time

I questioned if I was good enough,

pretty enough, smart enough

Those days are gone!

I’ve spent so much time

trying
to deny what you are to me

I finally realize

you will never see me for who I am

I’m breaking out!

I’m moving on,

living
my life the way I want without you

I don’t need you and I’m not looking back

I’m breaking out of this cage,

I’m breaking out!

Barbie and Cassie
squealed and fist pumped as Gwen marched across the stage like she owned it. This was Natasha’s latest hit and while Trey had a small part in the song, it was a chance to let Gwen take center stage. Up until now, he hadn’t been sure whether he was going to use the song because Natasha’s fans would crucify Gwen if she couldn’t bring the attitude. He smiled as he watched Gwen now. He knew she had it in her somewhere to be this way- fierce, proud and confident. Even Angie was smiling as she watched Gwen and he couldn’t remember the last time he saw that. What the hell did Natasha say that ticked Gwen off to the point where she was now dead set on giving the performance of her life? He shrugged. It didn’t really matter. He just hoped she was like this during the show. If she brought the Gwen he was seeing now, the one that looked capable of kicking Natasha’s ass, she would be immortalized.

“
I get my own bus?” Gwen screamed.

Everybody
laughed when she jumped up and hugged Trey. She’d been on enough tours to know life on the road wasn’t glamorous. She’d been on eighteen month tours where she lived on a bus with five people and the only place you could go for privacy was a bunk bed with a curtain. Having her own bus made all of this a whole lot easier on her and Trey knew that.

Gwen released Trey and rushed onto her bus
which was done in ivory and lavender with hardwood floors and gleaming walls. Gwen went to the master bedroom and sighed in ecstasy when she saw the huge bed and private connecting master bathroom. She fell onto the bed and sank into the plush mattress. Trey lay beside her as she moaned in ecstasy and rubbed the bed sheets.

“
You like it?” he asked.

“
I love it.”

“
It’s the least I could do. I know you like your space. I’d share my bus but I don’t think you’d be satisfied with that.”

She patted his scruffy cheek.
“I knew you were smart.”

He grinned.
“Are you ready?”

She blew out a breath.
“As ready as I can be. I know the songs; I know how to sing them. I know where to go onstage but the crowd… Singing in front of the crew is different from thousands of fans.”

“
I don’t know what happened between you and Natasha,” he began and saw anger spark in her eyes like lightning, “but I want you to know that no one could replace Natasha better than you.”

Gwen grimaced.
“I just hope her fans don’t kill me.”

“
They won’t,” he said firmly. “I want to show you something.”

He grabbed her hand and pulled her off the bus. It was madness in the parking lot. People rushed around,
doing last minute checks on all the equipment. Angie was in her element. She had a clipboard and yelled orders at people as they passed. Trey pulled Gwen onto another bus and led her to the back and stopped in the entrance. They were in a recording studio complete with a glass sound booth.

“
Oh my God,” she whispered.

“
This way you can send demos when we’re on the road and you can write. I really meant it when I said I’d do everything I can to make this work.”

She didn’t want to know how much money he spent to get this bus. She knew the room was soundproof and there was a skylight at the top that let in bright light. There was a large couch against the wall and she knew this would be her second sanctuary on the road. She waved her hands in front of her face so she wouldn’t cry.

“It’s beautiful,” she whispered.

Trey laughed and engulfed her in a hug.
“I’ll do whatever it takes. This is a new beginning for me. That’s what you’re giving me. This is the least I could do.”

She pulled away and took it all in. She was Trey Phoenix’s lead singer on his
Freedom
tour. Having Trey pull out all the stops for her made her realize how far he’d go to ensure that she was comfortable. It touched her deeply and thanking him didn’t feel like enough. Training with him for two weeks had changed something in her and brought out the singer she buried long ago.

“
Thank you, Trey.”

He kissed her on the lips, a quick, chaste kiss she was becoming familiar with. Their act
onstage was leaking into their private lives and he didn’t seem to notice the difference but she did.

“
Get comfortable. The show is tomorrow.”

Trey
left her alone in the recording studio and she spread her hand over her quivering belly. She sat on the couch, grabbed a notepad nearby and began to write. It was the only way she could cope with the stress.

Gwen stood on the stage and looked out over more than sixteen thousand seats in the Amway Arena where the kickoff began in Orlando. This was it. She
trembled as she looked out over the empty arena. Tonight people would sit in these seats and listen to her sing with Trey. She attended countless concerts in her time over the years but never quite seen things from this view. To think that every single stop on the tour was sold out was insane.

“
Gwen!”

Grateful for the interruption she blinked in surprise when she saw Trey being followed by Oliver
Crum, a twenty one year old breakout star. He had on Ray Ban’s, ripped jeans, a hat on backwards and a huge wad of gum in his mouth.

“
This is Gwen. She’s replacing Natasha,” Trey began. “Gwen, this is Oliver. He’s my opening act while we’re on tour.”

She sa
w Oliver’s brows rise over his sunglasses and gave him a tight smile. Looks aren’t everything, buddy, she thought. Oliver was obviously surprised that Trey couldn’t get someone just as beautiful as Natasha which showed what he valued. Beauty before voice.

Trey stepped
up to the edge of the stage and surveyed the crew and arena before he turned to Gwen. His eyes were sparkling with excitement and she wished she didn’t have panic and anxiety rocking through her. He thrived on this stuff but then again he had twenty years of experience. Trey came over to her and cupped her face.

“
You’re ready for this,” he said firmly.

She tried to smile but didn’t quite succeed.

“Tonight’s the night. Barbie and Cassie are in your bus, ready for hair and makeup. I’ll see you in a few hours,” he said and kissed her.

She walked past Oliver and dodged the stage crew who worked like a well-oiled army. When she walked into the bus
, Cassie and Barbie pounced on her and gossiped about potential bed mates now that they got a look at the men on the tour for the next six months. While Barbie and Cassie called dibs on whoever passed their standards, Gwen checked her phone.

Natasha:
If you embarrass Trey he’ll never forgive you. He loves his career more than he loved me.

Natasha:
How can you perform when you can’t be in front of crowds?

Natasha:
Don’t choke, baby.

Gwen turned off her phone and took deep breaths as Barbie and Cassie worked their magic and helped her into her first dress. It fit like a glove
. It was a simple, classic gown all in white. If she put on a veil, it would be considered a wedding gown which she and Angie agreed on because of
The Better Man
. The woman in the song accepted a proposal from one man when she was in love with someone else. This dress conveyed a type of vulnerability that complimented the first two songs and it would make her second dress that much more shocking. Silver heels peeked out as she walked to the arena. Her heart was pounding a million miles a minute and she felt as if she was having an out of body experience as Angie appeared out of nowhere and directed her backstage.

She ran into Trey as he stripped out of a shirt soaked with sweat.
Gwen was temporarily distracted by his naked upper torso as someone produced a towel and briskly wiped him down as some kind of video entertained the crowd while he changed. Her nausea receded the tiniest bit as she watched him shrug into another shirt. The crowd roared for Trey’s return as he buttoned his shirt and grabbed his guitar. Gwen opened her mouth because she had something important to say but nothing came out.

“
See you in a bit,” Trey said with a feral smile before he walked back onstage.

She watched him walk to the middle of the stage and the noise from the crowd
knocked her back two steps. How could she have forgotten how crazy his fans were? The cheers from the crowd were deafening and the ground shook as they stomped and jumped when their idol appeared on the stage where he belonged. Trey was on fire. She’d forgotten how much he loved touring and connecting with his fans this way. This wasn’t a job for Trey. This was his reward for making music. There was no better high than being surrounded by thousands of people that loved the best of you.

Angie pulled
Gwen beneath the stage to an elevator that had her mic and stand all set for her. Gwen was trembling so badly she had to sit down. Stage hands grabbed her so she didn’t keel over. They yelled to be heard over the band and Trey’s voice but it didn’t make a difference because her ears were ringing and she was drenched in cold sweat. She was supposed to go up in the elevator and appear onstage in less than five minutes and she was having a panic attack. She gasped for breath and Angie eyed her disgustedly.

“
You can’t do this to Trey! You agreed. There’s a contract!” When that had no effect on her, Angie shoved a cold Sprite into Gwen’s trembling hand. “Drink this.”

Gwen obediently took a few sips and was surprised when the shakiness faded slightly.
Angie talked nonstop as she popped mints in Gwen’s mouth, repaired her makeup, toweled her down and straightened her dress.

“
I remember when you were eighteen, running behind Natasha like a puppy on a leash,” Angie said.

Gwen
’s head snapped up. Angie shook her head and sighed dramatically.

“
She treated you like crap, talked down to you and you just smiled and did everything like a good girl. You’re lucky she went through your stuff and found that notebook or you’d still be her assistant. I can’t believe Trey was stupid enough to think you could do this. Natasha’s gonna laugh herself silly when she finds out you choked.”

Gwen
knew what Angie was trying to do and it was working. She thought of Natasha’s texts and took another gulp of Sprite, shoved everyone out of her way and stepped onto the small platform. She clutched the mic stand for dear life. The stage crew hissed around her but she cut it all out and listened to Trey.

“
As you all know, Natasha left me high and dry.”

The crowd booed and Gwen felt her heart lift a little. The fans were on Trey’s side which was good, right?
The platform lurched into motion and she took deep breaths as she rose in the narrow shaft.

“
One of my best friends is filling in. Give a warm welcome to the woman behind my hits, Gwen Harper!”

When she appeared
at the highest point on the stage the auditorium was pitch black except for flashes of light from glow sticks and phones in the audience. Gwen closed her eyes, bowed her head and tried to block out everything. Her eyelids burst with light as the spotlight fell on her and she couldn’t hear anything over the sound of her own heartbeat. There was a hushed quiet from the crowd and she grasped the mic stand with a shaking hand. She heard Trey begin the intro of
The Better Man
and could hear his voice in her mind;
it’s just you and me. Sing to me.
She took a deep breath and when she raised her head she was blinded by the spotlight. She thought of Natasha and opened her mouth and began to sing.

I have a man that loves me,

that
holds me at night

He tells me he loves me everyday

He wants what I do,

a
stable home, children

Why am I thinking of you?

Fear made her sing for all she was worth
. As Trey came up the steps to her, playing his guitar her anxiety lessened a bit. She was onstage singing. Trey came towards her and when he crooned to her, Gwen heard the women go berserk.

I can’t give you what you need

The man who put tha
t ring

on
your finger loves you

I can’t give you
more,

I’m not the man you think I am

Marry the better man

When she had to leave the mic stand and walk down the stairs with Trey, she wasn’t sure her legs would hold her. She didn’t take her eyes off of Trey as they sang and she saw the pride in his eyes, the reassurance that she was doing great. When they finished
The Better Man
,
Trey backed away from her and did a mock bow while the crowd laughed and cheered. Gwen responded with a curtsy and finally looked out over the sold out arena and saw the flash from cameras, glow sticks and phones held up to record her and she beamed. Her first performance was probably uploading on YouTube at this moment. Eat your heart out, Natasha, she thought.

“
You know, two weeks ago I caught Gwen singing in my recording studio. She normally doesn’t sing in public but I convinced her to go on tour with me and I’m glad I did. What do you guys think of Gwen’s voice?” Trey yelled.

The crowd stomped their feet and Gwen
felt their energy electrify her until all nerves disappeared. It was incredible. In that moment she felt invincible. Adrenaline sizzled through her veins as Trey began to play
Touch Me
and he grinned as if he sensed she was okay now. She sang the way they rehearsed, reaching her hand out to him and even at times singing from the same mic. Nothing mattered except their voices harmonizing together perfectly. Trey brushed his hand along her cheekbone and she could almost believe he was actually contrite as the man in the song apologized for not being able to return her love.

A
s the lights went out at the end of the song, Trey reached out and squeezed her hand before she rushed off the stage. While Trey talked to the crowd, it seemed like ten people ripped off her white dress and redressed her in the shimmy number that made her want to strut. Someone swept her hair into a different style within two songs and shoved her back onstage as Trey started
Release the Dream
. She walked on singing and the crowd roared in approval, not jeers. Gwen felt like a million dollars as she sauntered over to Trey. They sang
Release the Dream
in a blur of light, noise and his eyes grounding her when she was so lightheaded she thought she might faint from the adrenaline high.

When the song ended
, he raised a brow and she knew this was her moment.
Breaking Out
was practically a solo. Trey had a small part in it but the stage was hers. She walked to center stage and thrust her fist in the air on the first line.

Once upon a time I questioned if I was good enough, pretty enough, smart enough

Those days are gone!

The women cheered and Gwen sang her ass off.
Trey came up beside her to sing his lines and when he held his hand out to her, she slapped it away. The women hooted and Gwen tore across the stage, using every inch of it as they rehearsed. When her moment came to close the song, she stood center stage and let her voice go. It soared, filling the arena. When she dropped the last note she received deafening applause. Trey bent his head in defeat upon ‘losing’ his girl and Gwen strutted off the stage. Her stage persona lasted until the moment the light moved off of her. She collapsed on numb legs in Angie’s arms but she was too busy gushing to notice.

“
We’ll make a superstar out of you yet, Harper!” Angie crowed. “I wouldn’t believe it if I didn’t see it with my own eyes. You’re sensational!”

“
Get me out of here,” Gwen wheezed.

Angie chattered all the way to the tour
bus where she dumped Gwen in her bedroom. She frowned when she noticed Gwen was still trembling.

“
The performance is over. You should be ecstatic!” Angie chided.

“
I need a moment,” Gwen said.

Angie rolled her eyes and sprinted back to the arena. She was as much of an adrenaline junkie as Trey. Gwen
pulled off her dress and stepped into the shower. The quiet after being in the arena was deafening. After her shower, she crawled into bed and pulled the covers over her head. When her phone rang, Gwen groaned. She stared at the screen and knew she couldn’t ignore it.

“
Hey Ma.”

“
Gwen, I haven’t heard from you in a while so I thought I’d call. How are you?” 

Hearing her mom’s steady, caring voice made tears fill her eyes.
“I don’t know.”

“
What does that mean? Are you crying?”

Her mom’s voice went from soothing and cool to screechy and panicked in
two seconds flat. Gwen laughed, sat up in bed and wrapped the covers around her.

“
I’m on tour with Trey Phoenix.”

A pause.
“He wants to write music while he’s touring? Why doesn’t he call you once he’s done?”

Gwen took a deep breath.
“No, Ma, I’m not writing songs with him. I’m singing on his tour.”

The ecstatic scream on the other end of the phone made Gwen smile and she turned it on speaker and tossed it onto the bed beside her.