The Scarlet Thread (31 page)

house and car makes everything
right?”

“I think I’m being more than fair.”

“Fair?” Her throat closed. “I never realized you thought adultery and desertion were fair.”

“As soon as you get an attorney, we can get all the details of the

divorce settled. The quicker it’s done, the easier it’ll be on all of

us.”

She had no intention of making it easy for him. Trembling, she

put her hand over her eyes. “I won’t give you a divorce, Alex. I

already told you that.”

He swore in Spanish. “I’m not coming back, Sierra. You’d

better understand that here and now. I want
out!”

“You’re already out. You just don’t have the legal documents

to prove it. And you never will.” She slammed the phone down.

She was shaking violently, her heart hammering. Clenching

her fists, she pressed the heels against her eyes and tried to push

the emotions down deep inside her.

“Are you all right?” Ron said from the doorway.

She didn’t answer. Breathing slowly, she stuffed the feelings

deeper and deeper, until she felt cold and still inside. She

couldn’t even feel her heart beating. “Yes,” she said and turned

away, finding her place on the schedule she’d been typing for the

next week.

Ron came over to her desk and pressed the intercom button.

“Hold all calls until I tell you otherwise, Arlene. Sierra and I

need to have a conference.” Releasing the button, he put his

hands on the back of Sierra’s chair and rolled it two feet back

from her desk. “Let’s talk about what’s going on.”

She didn’t move; it was better if she kept her back to him. “I’d

rather not.”

“If you keep any more stuffed inside you, you’re going to

explode.”

2 3 4

“I talk about it.”

“With Marcia,” he said simply. “I don’t think she’s helping

much.”

“And a few others.”

“Meredith?”

“I’ve talked the situation over with her attorney,” Sierra

admitted. “Alex can’t get a divorce, not without my help, and

I’m not going to give it to him.”

“You’ve lost weight in the last month, Sierra. You look like

you aren’t sleeping.”

“Thanks, Ron. I needed to hear that,” she said and looked

away. Carolyn had come into her bedroom again last night. It

seemed she came in every night, crying over another nightmare.

She felt his hand on her shoulder. “I care about you, Sierra. I

hate to see you hurting like this.”

The gentleness in his voice was almost her undoing. “I don’t

think there’s any way around it.”

“I want to help.”

Maybe she did need to talk to someone other than Marcia. She

was always so full of ideas on how to force Alex into coming

home and taking up his proper responsibilities as husband and

father—ideas that Sierra knew would be a waste of time. Manipulation wouldn’t work with Alex.

It wasn’t the first time Ron had offered his shoulder to cry on.

She had hesitated to take up the offer, not wanting to bring her

problems into work. But wasn’t she doing that already? Ron

cared about her. God knew, she needed someone to care. Alex

certainly didn’t.

“Come on,” Ron said.

Letting out her breath, she rose and followed him into his

office. He closed the door behind her.

“Didn’t someone from the school call you this morning?” Ron

poured a mug of coffee and held it out to her.

2 3 5

the wing chair in front of his desk.

Ron poured himself a mug of coffee and leaned on the desk in

front of her. “That’s two fights this week, isn’t it?”

“The school counselor knows what’s been going on. She says

he’s ‘acting out his anger.’”

_

“Has Alex spoken to him?”

She gave a bleak laugh. “Even if Alex tried, Clanton wouldn’t

talk to him.”

“Why not?”

She shook her head. “I told the children why Alex left. The

first time he called, Clanton answered and said he hated him and

never wanted to see him again. Alex asked to speak with Carolyn, but she was crying too hard to even talk to him.” She held

the coffee cup between both hands, wishing the warmth would

seep through enough to stop her shaking. “Alex blamed me, of

course.” She took a slow breath, trying to control her voice. “He

said I’d turned his children against him.”

“What’d you say?”

“He didn’t give me a chance to say anything. After he said his

piece, he hung up.” Alex had cursed her in Spanish before doing

so. “All I did was tell them the truth. What else could I say when

they asked why their father hadn’t come home for three days? I

told them their father had decided to live with another woman.

Those are the facts. I told them it wasn’t because he didn’t love

them
anymore. It’s because he doesn’t love
me.
I’d like to know

how else I could’ve broken the news.”

“Take it easy,” Ron said with a sympathetic smile. “I’m not

criticizing you.”

“I’m sorry, but I’m just sick and tired of having Alex blame me

for everything. He says all the problems the children are having

now are my fault.
He’s
the one having the affair.
He’s
the one who

deserted his family. And yet everything is my fault.”

2 3 6

“It’s human nature to want to blame someone else.”

Just as she was blaming Alex for everything? Was that what

he was saying? She pressed her lips together. Well, wasn’t it

Alex’s fault? If he hadn’t left her and the children and moved in

with his mistress, everything would be fine.

Speak the truth, Sierra.

Her face burned at the remembered admonition. Whenever

she or Mike had tried to justify something they’d done as children, Mom would always look them right in the eye and say

those quiet words.

Speak the truth. . . .

The truth. Things hadn’t been right between her and Alex in a

long, long time. She knew it, but she also knew she wasn’t ready

to face it. She quickly averted her thoughts from that path and

focused on the children instead. “I’m not sure what to do about

Clanton. He’s been in the principal’s office four times over the

last two weeks, and his report card is a disaster. He quit baseball

without even telling me. When I asked him why, he said he didn’t

care about it anymore. He used to love it, Ron. Now, all he does

is sit in his room and play video games.”

“What about Carolyn?”

“She’s the exact opposite. Clanton tells me every afternoon

that he has no homework, whereas she works on assignments for

hours. She was devastated the other day when she missed one

word on a spelling test.”

“Is she still having the nightmares?”

Sierra nodded. “She had another last night. She came into my

room at one in the morning, crying and saying she’d dreamed I’d

died in a car accident.”

“Poor kid.”

“Marcia says it’s fear of losing both parents. With Alex gone,

she’s afraid something will happen to me, too.”

“Marcia’s spent enough time in counseling to be an expert,”

2 3 7

Why don’t you and the kids go with me to Catalina on Saturday?”

Startled by the invitation, she looked up at him. “Catalina?”

“We’re having great sailing weather.”

“Sailing?”

“Yes, sailing. Don’t look so doubtful. I’m good at it. I sailed to

Fiji by myself when I was twenty-three.”

“I had no idea,” she said for the sake of conversation. Her mind

was whirring. She felt vaguely uncomfortable, but she couldn’t

pinpoint why. Her cheeks grew warm as he continued to study

her.

“I wasn’t suggesting anything inappropriate,” he said, his tone

sincere.

Her face went hot. “Oh, I know that!” she said quickly, “but

. . .”

“But what?”

“You’re my boss.”

His mouth tipped. “I’m also your friend.” He straightened and

went around his desk, sitting in his swivel chair. She wondered if

he sensed she needed distance between them to feel at ease with

him again. “I’ll ask Marcia and Tom and their children to come

along,” he said. “They’ve been to Catalina with me several times.

Pamela and Reed are good little sailors. They can teach Clanton

and Carolyn how to man the ropes.”

Sierra smiled bleakly. “It’d be a relief not to sit around the

house all weekend obsessing about Alex and Elizabeth Longford.” As soon as she said it, she wished she hadn’t. Somehow,

pairing their names aloud brought up all the pain and humiliation. Feeling the warning prick of oncoming tears, she looked

away briefly. “I think the children would enjoy it, too,” she said

when she’d regained her self-control.

“Good. I’ll pick you up at five on Saturday.”

2 3 8

“Isn’t that sort of late?” she said, rising and taking his empty

coffee cup. She’d rinse them out in the kitchenette down the hall.

“It’ll only give us a couple of hours before dark.”

He laughed. “Five in the
morning,
Sierra.”

“You’ve got to be kidding!”

“I’m being kind to you. I usually like to get an earlier start. I’ll

tell Marcia to give you a call. She can tell you what to wear.”

It rained all day.

Aphie McKenzie had a baby boy as we were

traveling. The road was mud and hard pulling.

The jouncing made it even harder on poor

Aphie. She is not a strong girl, and it was a

Difficult Birth and she is in a Very Bad Way.

Rain was blowing in on us as we helped her.

Doc Murphy did what he could to make her

comfortable. Oren gave the baby to Winifred

Holtz to nurse.

Nellie is praying hard for Aphie but I don’t

think it will do much good.

We have had a week of good weather. I never

imagined the prairie to be so boundless and beautiful. It stretches as far as I can see and not a tree

in sight. Green grass waves and flows and wild

flowers are growing everywhere and making

splashes of every color of the rainbow clear to the

horizon. The great distance scares me. There

seems no end to it.

2 3 9

this great river that runs like a line from east to

west. It looks to be running bottom side up it is so

brown. The islands in the middle have willows and

cottonwoods. We are in need of firewood. James

and some of the other men have gone across to get

some. Others are making do with what they have.

Werner Hoffman burned his wife’s Gothic bookcase yesterday. She is still grieving over it. It did

not comfort her that Cal Chaffey broke up a

mahogany secretary that has been in his family for

over a hundred years. His grandfather brought it

over by ship from England.

Binger Siddons found a piano that had been

dumped along the trail. Athena Hendershott

asked to play it before the men put axes to it. She

made it sound pure heaven. Cal Chaffey joined in

on his mouth organ. I sang The Orphan Girl and

Sweet Charlotte. James asked if she could play

Are You Still Mad at Me, Darling, and she did.

I did not think it funny. Athena played until the

sunset and then left the men to break it up. Kaiser

Vandervert cried when he put his ax to it.

We are camped at new Fort Childs. It is named in

honor of Colonel Thomas Childs. Some think the

fort should be named Fort Kearny to honor General Stephen Watts Kearny and after the other

fort that was on Table Creek. I do not much care

2 4 0

who it is named after or where it was before. I am

glad the old Fort Kearny was moved here from

Table Creek and we have some sight of Civilization before we head out over the Great American

Desert to face God knows what.

There are Grand Islands in the center of the

Platte and more than 170 military men Working

Diligently on the fort. A few sod shelters are finished. Prices at the trading post are High. The

soldiers are making adobe bricks and there is

much cutting and sawing going on.

Indians are here in large number. Kavanaugh

said they have come to trade. They have conical

houses of poles and hides. Kavanaugh said they

can take down the “tipis” and be on the move

quicker than James can harness the teams of

oxen. He said the Indians live this way because

they follow the buffalo. I said there are no buffalo here and he said there will be plenty soon

enough.

Joshua was very interested in the Indians.

Kavanaugh said we are crossing their land and

eating their game and leaving nothing in return. A

day will come when they will not be so hospitable.

James found a carved bed and chopped it up

for fuel. I could not help but wonder who slept

in it. It was such a grand headboard with leaves

and vines. What a shame to burn such a costly

2 4 1