The Right Time (46 page)

Liz shook her head. ‘Just observing. I want to be with her when they put her under.'

Andrew nodded thoughtfully, staring down at her.

‘I should go in,' said Liz.

He stirred. ‘Of course. Can I see you after, when it's over?'

‘I don't know,' she said. ‘Things are so crazy at the moment. Michelle is doing her best to move my appointments around, but I'll probably have to go into work later.'

He was still staring at her, she could almost see his mind ticking over.

‘Andrew, I really have to go.'

‘Of course, but Liz,' he said, ‘we should find some time to talk.'

‘I know,' she said. ‘I'll be in touch.'

Ellen found a space in the hospital carpark and made her way up to the same room where she had waited with Evie and Liz only two days ago. But it felt like a lot longer. At times like these, everything seemed to take on momentous proportions, as though whole lifetimes were being played out in a single day. Her mother was standing over by the window, gazing out.

‘Hi Mum,' Ellen said, coming towards her.

‘Oh hello, darling,' she said, turning to give her a kiss and a hug. ‘Liz said to look out for you. Shouldn't you be at work?'

‘I decided to take special leave this week. What's happening with Emma?'

‘She's in surgery. They're probably finished by now.' Evelyn looked up at the clock on the wall. ‘Liz said she'd come up and tell us when they've taken her to recovery. But we still won't be able to see her until she's back in her room.'

They wandered over to the row of hospital-issue green vinyl chairs and took a seat next to each other.

‘It was good of you and Dad to come back,' said Ellen. ‘I know it must mean a lot to Emma.'

‘We'd do it for any of you,' she dismissed. ‘Though Emma seemed to think we wouldn't do it for her.'

Ellen looked at her mother, surprised. ‘She said that to you?'

‘Oh, she said a lot of things. But she's going through a difficult time. It's good for her to get things off her chest. It just breaks my heart that she felt I didn't love her as much . . . I love every one of my children equally, but differently, because you're all different people.'

‘I think we're all a little guilty of making Emma feel sidelined,' said Ellen. ‘We didn't really get her, so we tended to dismiss her.'

‘But I'm her mother,' said Evelyn. ‘I should never have let her feel that way.'

‘Don't be too hard on yourself, Mum. You're here for her now, and that's what matters.'

Evelyn turned in her seat. ‘What about you, darling? How are you coping with everything?'

‘Well, I'm worried about her –'

‘We're all worried about Emma,' she said. ‘That's a given. I'm talking about you. How are things at home? Are you getting by all right? Are you and Tim sorting things out?'

Ellen frowned. ‘What do you mean, Mum? You do realise we're not planning on getting back together?'

‘I know that, darling. I meant are you sorting out . . . being separated?' She shook her head. ‘I can't imagine how hard it must be. You were together for so long.'

‘Were you very disappointed, Mum?' Ellen asked. ‘You know, that we didn't find a way through?'

‘Oh, you did your best, I'm sure,' she said, patting Ellen's arm. ‘You were very young when you married, after all.'

‘So were you and Dad,' Ellen pointed out. ‘You were a lot like us, in fact. You met at uni, started having babies straight away. But you're going stronger than ever.'

Evelyn was shaking her head. ‘It's funny you say that, because I've never thought Dad and I were anything like you and Tim. Your father and I were absolutely besotted, we couldn't get enough of each other. Still can't,' she smiled wistfully. ‘But I never got that impression with you and Tim. Oh, you seemed happy enough as boyfriend and girlfriend, but when you found out you were pregnant . . . Do you remember me saying you didn't have to marry him?'

Ellen shrugged. ‘I remember you saying you'd be totally supportive of whatever we decided to do.'

‘I probably should have been more straightforward,' she sighed. ‘Truth is, I was desperately worried about you, Ellen. You hadn't had the chance to work out who you were and suddenly you were getting married with a baby on the way. You're right, Dad and I were young too, but somehow I knew that whoever I was going to be I'd find it with him by my side. But Tim . . .' She paused. ‘Now don't get me wrong, he's a very nice man, and he's been a good father, but I couldn't help feeling that you weren't going to be really fulfilled in the marriage.'

‘Wow,' Ellen said thoughtfully. ‘Why didn't you ever say any of that to me?'

‘You wouldn't have listened.' Her mother looked at her sideways. ‘Think about it, could you imagine saying something like that to Kate now, if she was in a similar predicament?'

Ellen saw her point.

‘Your dad and I would have loved to insist that you delay the wedding, have the baby, see how you felt then,' Evelyn continued. ‘But that wasn't our style, and besides, you were very determined.'

‘Was I?'

She grinned at her. ‘Bull-headedness comes with being an eldest child.'

‘I never realised you were so against the marriage,' Ellen mused.

‘Oh, but we weren't, exactly. Like I said, Tim's a good man. Once you made your decision, we were one hundred percent behind you, naturally. And you made it work. Those children are a credit to you, Ellen.'

‘Thanks, Mum.'

‘But I can't say I was altogether surprised that you decided to separate.'

‘You were the only one then,' said Ellen. ‘No one else saw it coming.'

‘Maybe I didn't put that right,' Evelyn reconsidered. ‘I should have said that I'm not surprised your marriage didn't work out, but I was surprised that you actually did something about it. And I have to say, just a little bit relieved. I'm glad that you didn't stick
at it for the rest of your life out of some sense of duty. Now you might have a chance of finding happiness for yourself.'

Ellen glanced sideways at her. ‘I am happy, Mum.'

Evelyn patted her arm. ‘Oh, you know what I'm saying. I want you to find someone special.'

Not her mother as well. Ellen groaned. ‘You know, everyone keeps pushing this on me, as though the only way I can be happy is on the arm of a man. It's a little insulting, you know, Mum.'

‘I don't think it's the only way you can be happy,' said Evelyn. ‘But I think the right man could bring you happiness you haven't experienced before, Ellen. That's all I want for you.'

She shrugged. ‘I'm not thinking about that right now.'

‘Why not?'

‘The kids need me.'

‘The “kids” are almost grown. What about your needs?' she said with a knowing wink.

Ellen frowned. ‘Mum, you're not going to start talking about sex, are you?'

‘I'm just saying, the best years of our sex life have been since you kids grew up.'

‘Oh God, I don't want to know.'

The double doors swung open and Liz walked into the waiting room.

‘Thank God you're here.' Ellen almost leapt off the chair towards her.

‘Hey, settle down,' said Liz. ‘It's a fairly routine procedure, you didn't have to get so worried.'

‘No, Mum was starting to tell me about her and Dad's sex life.'

‘Eew, Mum!' said Liz.

Evelyn shook her head, ignoring them. ‘Will you tell me how my daughter is, please?'

‘She's fine, she's in recovery,' said Liz. ‘The biopsy was straightforward, as we thought, and she just has a tiny nick under her arm. As for the excision, Rob decided to go pretty aggressive, not take any chances.'

‘That's good, isn't it?' said Ellen.

‘Absolutely, but he took a pretty big chunk out of her back.'

‘Oh,' Evelyn said, her face dropping.

‘But, because of where the primary tumour was situated, he was able to follow the curve of her shoulder blade, and I reckon it should heal up quite naturally. However, plastic surgery is always an option down the track if Emma's not happy with it.'

‘When can we see her?' asked Evelyn.

‘You can go down and wait in her room right now if you like, she shouldn't be long.'

‘Then let's do that,' Evelyn said to Ellen. ‘Are you coming with us, Liz?'

‘Sure, I'll follow you down soon, I just have a call to make.'

Emma was still groggy when she was brought back to her room, and she kept slipping in and out of consciousness. Their dad arrived at the hospital around noon, and as both parents insisted they were going to stay with her for the rest of the day, Ellen decided she might as well leave them to it.

‘But Evie and I will be here for the whole day tomorrow,' she told them. ‘You two really need to take some time out to get over your jet lag,' she insisted.

As she left the building, Ellen turned on her phone to check her messages. But there weren't any. She'd expected some word from Finn. She'd felt a bit uneasy about the way she'd shooed him off yesterday, though she was sure he would understand under the circumstances. So she'd sent him a text this morning, briefly outlining the procedure Emma was going through today, and thanking him again for his concern. But he hadn't replied. Maybe he was busy. Ellen looked at the time, it was getting close to lunch. She could drop around to the garage on her way home, see if he could take a break.

When she drove into the parking bay, Finn was outside the workshop, talking to a delivery man whose ute was pulled up at an angle right next to where they were standing. Finn glanced across at her briefly and went back to his conversation. Ellen cut the engine and climbed out of the car; she stood leaning against the boot until the man shook Finn's hand, jumped into the ute and drove past her and out onto the street. She expected Finn to wave her over then, but he was already walking off towards the
office, without acknowledging her at all. That was odd, she was sure he had seen her.

Ellen strolled up to the office and knocked lightly on the door frame to announce herself as she stepped inside. Finn was sitting at his desk behind the counter.

‘Hi,' she said, coming closer.

He glanced up briefly. ‘What are you doing here?' He sounded a bit gruff.

‘Did you get my message earlier?' she asked tentatively.

‘I did.'

‘Oh, okay then . . .' She pushed on. ‘Well, Emma's out of surgery, and Mum and Dad were going to stay with her, so I didn't need to hang around. I thought I'd see if you were taking a break for lunch.'

She noticed his shoulders heave with a sigh. ‘I don't have time today.'

‘Oh.' Ellen just stood there at the counter, while he shuffled papers around on his desk. This was getting awkward. ‘Are you angry with me, Finn?'

‘What would I have to be angry about?' he said, not looking at her. ‘I'm just your mechanic.'

Ellen sighed then. ‘Don't you think this is a bit childish?'

He shook his head and swivelled his chair around to face her. ‘That's rich.'

‘All right, so you are angry about yesterday,' she said, keeping her voice level. ‘I'm sorry, but the kids were right there, what did you expect me to do?'

‘Oh, I dunno, maybe treat me in a civilised manner instead of brushing me off like the hired help.'

‘But you know the kids don't know about you.'

‘So it was the perfect opportunity, don't you reckon?' he said. ‘You could have introduced me as a friend, invited me in for a chat, a cup of coffee maybe. All very innocent, non-threatening . . . normal.'

Ellen didn't know what to say.

‘But you don't even know whether you want to introduce me to your kids, do you?' he said squarely.

‘I just haven't thought that far . . .'

He shook his head. ‘So what are we doing, Ellen?'

‘I don't know,' she shrugged.

‘Well, perhaps I can paraphrase it for you – you want me to be available for sex whenever it suits you, and to stay out of your life the rest of the time.'

‘Finn!' she protested.

‘That's the truth, isn't it?' he said, getting up off his chair and coming over to place his hands on the counter. ‘Why don't you just go on the internet, Ellen. I'm sure you'd find plenty of blokes who would love that arrangement. Seriously.'

She dropped her voice. ‘It's not only about the sex. I thought we were having a good time, that we enjoyed each other's company.'

‘Hm,' he grunted. ‘As long as no one else is around, and I don't get in the way, and I always come running whenever you click your fingers. You're calling all the shots here, Ellen.'

She was getting her back up now. ‘Oh, okay, now I see what this is about. You're threatened by that. You think it should be the other way around, I suppose?'

‘Oh don't start that crap with me.' He shook his head. ‘This isn't about who has the power. I don't give a shit, Ellen, but it can't all be on your terms. I've gone along with it for a while because of your situation, but I have my limits.'

‘So what exactly do you want from me?' she said, folding her arms.

‘I don't know.' He sighed deeply. ‘I just . . . I like you, Ellen, I like being with you . . . most of the time,' he muttered. ‘I don't understand why it has to be so complicated. Why can't you just let things . . . unfold?'

‘Because I have kids, I have responsibilities.'

‘So? I have responsibilities too, and do you really think I would do anything to impose on your relationship with your kids?'

‘But you will,' she said plainly. ‘Any relationship I have is going to impact on the kids, no matter what.'