The Remains of Love (47 page)

Was she jealous of his clients, of his wholehearted commitment to them, of a kind she never enjoyed, did she envy the satisfaction and success that had been his lot for a number of years? She always suspected him, ridiculed his motives, until he stopped telling, and his work, Daddy’s work, became in the eyes of all the household a kind of hostile agency, although they were all nourished by it, and he didn’t protest, but now, facing his son, who is moving his square jaws in a mechanical and dejected sort of way, he lets the words roll out, and to his surprise they flow so naturally, they could have been waiting years for this moment, the moment he would sit facing his firstborn son and say to him, I’m really sorry I was late, Tomer, I forgot to look at my watch, a woman was with me who really needs my help, they want to expel her from the country.

Why do they want to expel her, what has she done? his son asks, putting the pizza down, and he unfolds the whole story for his benefit, in the process drawing attention to other cases he has handled, other people he has succeeded in helping, and his son interrupts him now and then to ask pertinent questions, full of compassion and empathy, and his interest enlivens Avner’s inclination to go on talking, and as he talks he is overwhelmed by a surge of pride such as he never felt in the past, setting out his world before his son. Yes, Tomer, it’s true I put on a sour face and argued with your mother, it’s true I wasn’t always tolerant and attentive, it’s true I couldn’t give you everything you asked for, not even the most important thing of all, and yet I have succeeded now and then in doing the right thing, opposing injustice, and for this I’m entitled to feel some satisfaction.

Eat up, he says finally, the pizza’s going cold, but his ever-hungry son has lost interest in it, it’s his father’s words he wants to eat and drink, and in the end he looks at him thoughtfully, running his hand through slightly greasy hair, if I were the judge, he announces in a grown-up tone, I’d ask her to swear not to meet her brother again, not ever, if she meets him, that could perhaps be really dangerous, but if she promises I would let her stay here, and only then does he take a slow and contented sip of his juice, and lost in admiration Avner says, you really could be a judge, Tomer, it’s great that you’re capable of seeing both sides, and his son smiles awkwardly, I got used to that at home, with you and Mum, seeing both sides so I could carry on loving both of you, and Avner rises from his seat and pulls him into a tight embrace, my boy, my dear boy, he can’t find any other words, and again and again he kisses the sticky quiff and savours the smells wafting from it, the supper-time omelettes, the morning toast, Yotam’s nappies, the liquid soap scented with mandarins, fabric conditioner, home in other words, home for better and for worse, here is home, in this embrace of theirs, without walls and furniture, my boy, my dear boy, I’m proud to be your father, he mutters.

Perhaps you can take me with you to the trial, Tomer suggests, and sure enough three weeks later he picks him up at the front door of the house in the morning, seeing to his surprise that he’s wearing a white shirt under his coat and blue trousers as if he’s on his way to a memorial ceremony, and he’s calm and solemn, excited to be meeting face to face the heroes of the story that fired his imagination and awakened his sense of justice. Does Mum know you’re coming with me? he asks and Tomer replies, oh yes, I told her, and she said I should dress up smartly for the court, and Avner is pleasantly surprised by the unobtrusive cooperation, and he puts on his gown and strides confidently down the corridor, his excited son beside him. Nasreen comes running to meet them, her hair gathered up neatly and her face tense, introduces them to her husband, a short and rotund young man, and their firstborn son, who peers curiously at his son, and because he no longer has an intern he sits Tomer at his side, signalling to him to stand when the judge comes in, a new judge whom he doesn’t recognise, young and sensitive-looking. Do it for the sake of the kids, he mumbles, his eyes roving from his son to Nasreen’s son, as if he’s strayed into a house of prayer rather than a courthouse, the presence of the children gives him a forgotten sense of power, and when the state attorney announces that the woman’s brother is an active member of a terrorist cell, implicated in acts of violence, and therefore her presence here threatens the security of the state, he rises to his feet immediately and says it is inconceivable that rational judgment will not be exercised here, for more than ten years she has held a residential permit and throughout that time she has had no contact with her brother, and there is no security risk involved in granting an extension of this permit, furthermore the decision to expel is unfair and disproportionate and a violation of the legal right of the husband and the children to maintain a family life in the state of which they are citizens. My clients are people of peace and integrity, he proclaims with heartfelt passion, let them refute the suspicions raised against them.

To his satisfaction, the judge is giving the state attorney a hard time too, is there any evidence that she has actually met her brother? And what precisely is the extent of his involvement? And Avner glances at the small, silent group of spectators, at Nasreen’s son standing close to his father. It seems everything is happening over the heads of those involved, as if the officers of the court were surgeons presiding over the anaesthetised and ventilated body in the operating theatre, where the patient has no hand in his fate, and they are even removed from the courtroom while the state attorney briefs the judge on the classified material, and when counsel for the security services arrives, looking strangely similar to the husband, Nasreen clutches her son and wails, what’s going to happen, the judge doesn’t believe us, I have nothing to do with my brother, nothing, he was a gambler and a thief, he stole money from me, he stole from all the family, no one wants any connection with him.

Don’t expect the verdict to be given today, he reminds his son, who is looking with concern at the distraught woman, they’ll fix a date for another session, and Tomer says, this really is a tough problem, Dad, I believe her when she says she hasn’t been in touch with her brother, but if he turns up in the middle of the night and asks for help, won’t she help him? If your sister asks for your help, you’ll give it, won’t you? And he sighs, I prefer not to ask, Tomer, I know the answer, but I still wouldn’t expel her on those grounds, there are risks that have to be taken. But it’s obvious this isn’t a simple problem and that’s why the case is liable to drag on for months, he says, and how surprised is he when immediately after the recess the judge delivers the verdict in a resolute tone and instructs the Ministry of the Interior to restore to the claimant the status of temporary resident, with a provisional permit which may be extended to allow permanent habitation, since the security risk represented by the brother isn’t an exclusive consideration but one of several which the security services are entitled to probe, and furthermore the classified evidence has confirmed that she did indeed sever all contact with him as stated in the petition, and it is therefore appropriate to continue giving the claimant temporary residence rights, unless a new body of evidence comes to light, and when they all rise he looks on with admiration as the judge leaves the courtroom, it’s been a long time since he stood up at the end of a case feeling so fulfilled, so steady on his feet. Perhaps there is still hope, not only for this family but for the state as well, if the people who grow up here are capable of seeing the totality of considerations, and recognising that the security consideration isn’t the only one, and Nasreen hugs him in gratitude, I’ll tell Ali he was absolutely right about you, she cries joyfully, you know he wanted to be here today but he was held up at the checkpoint.

Dad, I’m really happy for them but a bit worried too, just imagine if her brother succeeds in carrying out a terrorist attack, his son says to him as they walk out into the rainy day, and Avner replies, I’m not comfortable about this either and believe me, if that happened there’s no way I’d ever defend him, unlike some members of my profession, but I want to believe that in the end legal processes like this one move danger further away rather than bringing it closer.

The very next morning he goes to a letting agency near his office. I’m looking for a three-room apartment on a long lease, with a garden or a large balcony, he announces, and he specifies the neighbourhood he wants and the rent he’s prepared to pay; following his recent success he feels confident enough to offer a little more, and the heavily made-up agent wrinkles her brow as she stares at the computer screen, at the moment I have nothing in that locality, she says, would you consider compromising on the area, the further out you go from the centre the more choice there is, and he shakes his head, no, not under any circumstances, being close to his children is critical, he wants them to be within walking distance, so Tomer can get there easily, without a lot of tiresome advance planning, sorting out clothes and school-bags ahead of time.

Tell me if anything turns up he says, disappointed, and turns to the door, it really is urgent, and she stops him, wait a moment, I was offered an apartment in that area just this morning, but I haven’t seen it yet, three rooms with a garden, fully furnished. And he asks, which street? and she says, we can’t disclose precise details at this stage, once I’ve seen it I’ll update you.

Perhaps I could come with you, he suggests, and she says no, that isn’t the way it’s done, we don’t show apartments before we’ve seen them ourselves, but he insists, I’m free this morning and that doesn’t happen very often, I need to find an apartment urgently, I’ve nowhere to take my kids, and immediately it turns out she too is a divorcee with children, and his predicament touches her heart and she relents, locking the office door and offering him a seat in her car. The owners of the property are academics, she says derisively, smoothing down her hair, dyed a dazzling peroxide blonde, they’re off to New York for two years at least, term starts soon and they’re in a real hurry, I hope they’ll be flexible on the price, and having exhausted the topic of the apartment they haven’t yet seen, she tells him about her divorce, I pleaded with my husband to live close to us, it’s so important for the kids, but he’s always thought only about himself, and he bought an apartment in a military compound, the children can only go there at weekends and even that isn’t a lot of fun for them, they’re missing out on so much, and well done to you, putting their needs first, she adds in an admiring tone, I’ll do everything I can to find you an apartment close to them, where did you say they live? He names the street again, just as she’s parking her car not far from his former home.

From the point of view of location it’s perfect, she says, I just hope the apartment itself is suitable, sometimes people describe a palace and when I get there it turns out to be a ruin, unfit for human habitation, you have no idea how cheeky people can be, and that’s why I always check first. I never bring a client in until I’ve seen it for myself, but he’s no longer listening to her words because her quick footsteps, her stiletto heels drilling into the tarmac, are turning now towards a narrow and chilly alleyway that’s so familiar to him he could have constructed it himself between the cramped buildings and he wonders, is it just for a short cut she’s brought him this way, or is the apartment somewhere round here, and if so this is something he can’t possibly accept, resigning himself to living so close to her, to see her coming and going, opening the gate and closing it at once, he doesn’t need this niggling torment and his throat is dry when he tries to put a question to the agent, who’s talking incessantly, and just as they pass the closed gate she takes a note from the pocket of her coat, concealing it from him and following the house numbers.

I left the documents behind in the office, she says, you can sign for me later, and he whispers, if it’s in this alleyway it really doesn’t suit me, but she isn’t listening and already she’s moved ahead and her sharp red-varnished fingernails are pressing the familiar bell-push, and before he has time to retreat the door opens and he sees her, so pale by comparison with the flamboyant agent, a blurred image of herself in black and white, wearing a long and dark golf sweater, her close-cropped hair damp and sticking to her skull, giving her the appearance of a miserable and neglected urchin, and the agent says hastily, I’d like you to meet my client who is genuinely interested in renting this property, and this lady is the householder, coaxing them as if they were shy children who need to be pushed into making friends.

Should we go inside? she suggests, since both of them are rooted to the spot, hurt and embarrassed and unable to move, as if they’ve collided with each other and the force of the impact has paralysed them, and there’s no one to be angry with because it’s no one’s fault, and yet anger fills the air between them and the agent is already hurrying inside, invading the little garden and leaving them there, facing each other, until a faint smile rises to Talia’s lips, why didn’t I think of you, she says, what a pity, we could have saved the middleman’s fee.

Those are the words that accompany him all that day and the days to come, when he paces the familiar rooms, when he signs the contract without even reading it, jolted for a moment on seeing his name beside hers, as if it’s a marriage contract that has been drawn up, we could have saved the middleman’s fee. It all happened so suddenly, she said, just a week ago she received the offer, and overnight she took the decision to go, she needed to get far away from here, and he packs his few possessions which migrated with him to his mother’s house, what a pity, we could have saved the middleman’s fee, that’s what she said to me, he tells Dina who’s carefully folding his clothes and putting them into bags, again you’re leaving before me, she smiles, again you’re leaving me alone with Mum, I thought we were going to live like this for ever, the three of us, and he says, but then I left too early, and now I’m leaving too late, and she looks at him thoughtfully, I’m not sure, Avni, it seems to me this timing is exactly right for you.