The Rampage of Haruhi Suzumiya (11 page)
“That won’t be necessary.”
She didn’t know about the ordeals I’d experienced and how I’d managed to survive them. I’d had to win a baseball game, end summer vacation, restore the distortions to reality that had come from the movie, go back and forth between past and present, and establish the fact that I will need to return to the past again in the future. The choice had been my own, so I couldn’t blame anybody else, but I was ridiculously busy this time of year for somebody who wasn’t planning on becoming a teacher.
Well, not that I could say any of this to Haruhi.
“We’ll have time to party after we get to that mountain lodge.”
I brushed aside Haruhi’s extended chopsticks as I plucked some cabbage from the hot pot. It wasn’t every day you got a chance to have some of Haruhi’s special hot pot. I needed to fill my stomach before the females of the group (excluding Asahina) with their voracious appetites devoured all the food. Didn’t know when I’d get another chance to enjoy such a feast.
“I guess.”
Haruhi was in a good humor as she heaped beef tripe onto her own plate.
“We need to light up the place with our partying. Got it? New Year’s Eve only happens once a year. Just think about it. We only get to experience a certain day of a certain year once in our lifetime. The same goes for today. Today will never come back once it’s gone. That’s why you’re obligated to live every day to the fullest so you have no regrets. I’m determined to make every single day of my life unforgettable.”
Haruhi’s idealistic sermon drew a quick response from the adjacent Tsuruya, who was sinking her teeth into some half-cooked chicken.
“Wow. Harls, you can remember everything that happened 365 days a year? Wowzers. Mikuru, give me some tea!”
“Ah, right away!”
Asahina held the teapot in one hand as she carefully poured green tea into the guest teacup Tsuruya was holding up, looking rather happy as she performed the task. Haruhi was having fun arbitrarily administering the hot pot, Koizumi had a rather elegant smile on his face as the steam emitted from the hot pot, and Nagato simply dug in without making a sound. Tsuruya, the honorary advisor, was here as a temporary brigade member, but for the most part this was your typical SOS Brigade atmosphere.
I now understood the true value of these brief moments we shared. Having chosen this world, I was more or less guaranteed to encounter more bizarre happenings that involved Haruhi. At the very least, I’d expect to run into a couple more of these before everything was said and done.
Besides, we haven’t come across any sliders yet.
“If you plan on making an appearance, just bring it.”
I accidentally said that out loud, but apparently nobody could hear me over the ruckus of Haruhi and Tsuruya fighting over mushrooms.
However, I have a feeling that Nagato’s eyelashes twitched ever so slightly.
I glanced over at the window to see that snow was trickling down slowly, as if against the sky’s will. Koizumi must have followed my gaze.
“Once you reach our destination, you’ll have enough snow to play with until you’re sick of it. Incidentally, do you prefer skiing or snowboarding? I happen to be in charge of arranging for the implements we will use.”
“Never snowboarded before.”
I tossed him a halfhearted reply as I looked away from the winter sky. Koizumi still had that neutral smile on his face, though it seemed a bit forced.
“Now then, are you staring at the falling snow or thinking of a certain girl whose name happens to mean ‘snow’ in another language…”
It was clear that there was nothing to gain from exchanging glances with Koizumi. I shrugged and joined the battle for mushrooms.
We got away with the forbidden gas stove without being discovered by any teachers or tattletale students, though it was possible they noticed and chose to ignore us. Either way, we ate until we were stuffed, cleaned up the pot, utensils, and trash, and left the clubroom. By the time we exited the school building the light snow had stopped.
After bidding farewell to Tsuruya, who had to attend a party at her home, the SOS Brigade members headed to the bakery. Once we picked up the extra-large cake Haruhi had ordered, we set off to Nagato’s apartment.
Not because we felt bad about Nagato spending Christmas Eve all by herself, but because Nagato, who lived alone, had offered the ideal place for eating cake and going wild. I couldn’t be sure if Koizumi, tasked with bringing Twister, or I, carrying the cake box, got the better deal, but Haruhi was clearly in a joyous mood as she skipped ahead of our little group. Her cheer had apparently spread to Asahina, whom Haruhi would swing around from time to time, and Nagato, who silently shuffled along.
It seemed that we wouldn’t have to worry about a blizzard of Santa Clauses instead of snow. Haruhi certainly appeared to be satisfied as she enjoyed this very ordinary Christmas Eve. She was in the same mental state as my sister. Just for today though, probably.
I shouldn’t need to explain the reason I was feeling so tolerant this time of year. Haruhi could suddenly propose that we go Santa hunting and roam the night streets, and I would simply join her with a mocking smile on my face.
It was undeniably true that every one of us appeared to be having fun as we played the various games Koizumi had brought to Nagato’s soundproof room. Two laptops were hooked up for a
And that was essentially how our Christmas Eve went.
* * *
The period between Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve flew by so fast that I had to wonder if Haruhi was pushing time along. During that time we did a massive cleanup of the clubroom and I received a puzzling phone call from a former middle school classmate that resulted in my going to watch a football game. When all was said and done, the new year was knocking on our door.
A new year, huh? I wonder what’s going to happen. Personally, I need to do something about my grades or I’ll be in serious trouble.
My mother wasn’t being very subtle about her desire to send me to a cram school, so this would be the perfect opportunity to use my participation on a healthy sports team or in an official club of some sort as an excuse, but since I was a member of an unofficial and incomprehensible association that basically lounged around—at least, that was how it looked to other people—I could understand why someone would question the presence of a student with poor grades but planned on going to college.
For some reason Haruhi had ridiculously good grades, and based on the finals we just took Koizumi would also be considered smart. Asahina was also a diligent student, though it was possible that she was interested in studying ancient practices. And I shouldn’t need to say anything about Nagato’s grades.
“Well, I’ll deal with it later.”
First, I needed to make sure this winter trip was a success. That would be my only focus for now. I could do my studying in the next year. Since our mountain lodge countdown party had to start in this one.
And so, on that note—
“Off we go!”
Haruhi was yelling at the top of her lungs.
“Yahoo!”
Tsuruya was just as hyper.
“The weather at our destination is ideal for skiing at the moment.”
Koizumi delivered an update on the forecast.
“So we’re going skiing? As in the skiing where you glide on snow?”
Asahina lifted her chin, which was tightly secured by a scarf.
“…”
Nagato stood perfectly still with a small bag in one hand.
“Yay!”
My sister was jumping around.
We were in front of the station early this morning. We would be taking a train from here and switching to a connecting train before reaching the snowy mountain that was our destination at a little past noon. Which was fine, but why was my sister here when she wasn’t supposed to be…?
“Who cares? Can’t do anything about her tagging along. The easiest solution would be to bring her with us. She probably won’t get in our way.”
Haruhi hunched down and smiled at my sister.
“If it were somebody I didn’t care about, I’d just chase them away, but your sister’s a sweet girl, unlike you, so I’m perfectly fine with this. She also helped us out with the movie, and Shamisen will have someone to play with this way.”
Yes, our family calico cat was a member of this trip. I shall refer you to the SOS Brigade’s travel planner for an explanation.
“We will need a cat for the gimmick used in this particular mystery.”
Something along the lines of The Cat Who…, I’m guessing.
Koizumi had taken a seat on his own luggage.
“A random cat would have sufficed, but Shamisen did an admirable job of acting when we were filming the movie. I was hoping for an encore performance.”
The present Shamisen is just your typical domesticated cat that can’t speak. You probably shouldn’t expect much from him. I looked over at Haruhi, whose nose was practically touching my sister’s.
“And as a result, she spotted me leaving.”
Our departure was early in the morning and I had already told my mother to keep mum about the trip, so I wasn’t very worried at the time. Since I figured that my sister didn’t realize I was going on a trip with Haruhi and everybody else. But a surprising pitfall awaited me. I was in my room, stowing the slumbering Shamisen in a cat carrier, when my sister walked in for some inexplicable reason. She must have gone to the bathroom and, being half-asleep, stumbled into my room by mistake on her way back.
Things took off from there. My sister’s eyes suddenly opened wide.
“Where are you taking Shami? Why are you dressed like that? Why are you packing?”
Wow, she’s annoying. And after my eleven-year-old sister threw a fit that was exponentially worse than the one last summer, she latched onto my bag with both arms and legs like an oddly colored shellfish adhered to a rock.
“We can manage to accommodate another person,” Koizumi said with a smile. “One additional child isn’t going to put us over budget. I would agree with Suzumiya. There is no point in sending her home after she’s come all the way out here.”
My sister had finished jostling with Haruhi and proceeded to bury her face in Asahina’s ample bosom and hug Nagato’s perfectly still legs and shake, before she finally started squealing with laughter as Tsuruya swung her around.
Good thing I have a sister. If she were my brother, I’d have to take her to the back alley this very second.
* * *
My sister didn’t slow down at all as she spent the duration of the express train ride to the snowy mountain jumping around us with glee and wasting energy. If she’s too hyper now, she’ll be tired out by the time we reach our destination, which means that I’ll have to carry my sleeping sister once again, not that I would be able to accomplish anything by telling her this. Haruhi and Tsuruya were just as excited as she was and even the normally reserved Asahina seemed to be uncharacteristically enthusiastic about this trip. And Nagato of all people had given up on reading the paperback that she soon stuffed back into her bag, and she stared at my sister in silence.
I had my cheek against the window as I watched the scenery race by. Koizumi sat in the aisle seat next to me while Haruhi and the other girls sat in the seats before us. They turned the front row around so they would be facing one another and the five of them were now playing Uno. Don’t make too much noise. You’ll disturb the other passengers.
Koizumi and I were the odd ones out, left to play two-person old maid, but we soon gave up because it was too pointless. Why should a couple of guys have to entertain each other in this situation?
It would be more constructive to satiate my mental palate by fantasizing about how Asahina will look in ski gear. And then I proceeded to consider how I might manipulate the situation so the two of us could hit the ski slopes alone.
“Meow.”
There was a sound coming from the pet carrier as a whisker poked through an opening.
After the movie mess was over with, Shamisen transformed into a cat that was so well-behaved you had to question if he actually was a former stray. He would sit and wait for us to bring him food, and he didn’t pester us to play with him constantly. I would say that sleep was his top priority. He’d actually been asleep the whole time since I put him in this pet carrier, but the laziest of cats would still grow bored eventually. He was scratching at the door to signal that sentiment. Naturally I couldn’t let him out while we were still on the train.
“Hang in there a little longer.”
I directed those words toward the carrier at my feet.
“I’ll give you something to munch on once we’re there.”
“Meow.”
That was all it took for him to understand, apparently, as Shamisen once again fell quiet. Koizumi seemed to be impressed.
“I was considerably disturbed when he first started talking, but this cat was clearly the correct choice. And no, I don’t mean that a male calico is particularly lucky. I’m referring to how he’s an understanding and disciplined cat.”
Haruhi was the one who randomly selected him from a swarm of stray cats. And since that managed to result in an extremely rare case, I was tempted to tell her to go buy a lottery ticket. It might help pay for SOS Brigade expenses. I was starting to have second thoughts about mooching off the literary club budget.
“A lottery ticket? Knowing Suzumiya, that would almost certainly complicate matters. Do you realize what could happen if she acquired a million dollars?”
I’d rather not think about it, but I can definitely see her buying a secondhand fighter jet from the American military. I could live with her possessing a single-seat aircraft, but if she managed to get her hands on a two-seater, well, it was pretty obvious who would get stuck in the back.
Or she might splurge on publicity. You’d be sitting back watching some prime-time show when the message
THIS SHOW WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE SOS BRIGADE
would pop up on the screen. I felt a shiver run down my spine when I pictured a commercial that featured us airing on national television right when families typically gathered around the TV. Nothing good could ever happen with Haruhi in a producer position. That was more apparent than the concept of a kindergartner’s failing at the stock market.
