The Price of Falling (18 page)

I nodded again. I imagined anyone would, in that situation.

‘And you know what I did?’ Blake asked me.

I looked up at him then, into his lined, honest face. ‘No?’

‘I forgave him, son. I told him, only God can judge us, boy. But we have to abide by the law. I told him to keep his head down and pray until his release. I go see him on visiting days, but I would never turn him away.’

I looked down, my eyes suddenly filled with water again. Blake knelt in front of me, and put a hand on my shoulder.

‘Whatever you done, son, I'm sure your Father will forgive you in time.’

I nodded my head. I couldn't speak, I was afraid I would cry. Blake patted my shoulder then left me in peace. I appreciated his words, and I desperately wanted to believe Dad would forgive me, or even look at me again.

Even Kelvin Lewis had his Father behind him and he'd been put away for killing someone.

Apparently it had been organized for me to go to work at the Harlan based MLN offices. MLN was my Dad's business. The M was for Miller, the L was Lewis. I couldn't remember who the N was, he was the other guy based in California. I knew it was some sort of pharmaceutical company. I didn't know much else.

Blake drove us to the office each day, as I didn't have my own car any more. I got up earlier than I had done to go to school, Blake liked to go in real early. I was terrified on my first day when I was taken in and shown to a dingy desk in the corner. The receptionist who worked for Blake showed me how to use a computer, and how to check and file documents.

That's all I did, very menial jobs. Checking, filing. Copying long reports onto the computer with my incredibly slow typing. I'd barely touched a computer before. I tried not to stare out of the window at the blue sky too much, it just made me more depressed.

The office was quiet; it was only me, the receptionist Maxine, and another guy who wouldn't speak to me on the other side of the room. Blake's own office was in the next room. You could often hear him talking loudly or guffawing on the telephone. Sometimes he would burst through his door so quickly and bark an order at Maxine it would make me jump.

Every day was the same. Or possibly even more boring than the day before. Weekends I just hung around. I offered to do chores but the Lewis's cleaning lady had everything under control. Their young daughter, Tatum, liked me a lot. She was almost Courtney's age, about six. On Sundays we went to Church. Blake had suggested I go with them, and I agreed. I thought maybe he would tell my Dad and he would be pleased. It was only a couple of hours every Sunday morning. I didn't really listen to the preacher much, I simply went along with whatever Blake wanted.

After a couple of weeks I started to feel real home-sick. I got a letter from Alicia. She said she wanted to come see me but Dad insisted she didn't. She wrote me letters and called me instead. I felt bad hogging Blake's phone line but I missed her, missed my home so much.

I thought if I did as I was told my Dad would calm down and I could go home soon.

Over two months passed and Dad still hadn't spoken to me.

My classmates would've graduated. Alicia posted me a copy of what should have been my year book. I poured over it each night, alone in my room. There were a couple of photos of me in there at various pool parties with Johnny and Allen. I remembered them being taken but they seemed like a life time ago. Alicia had gotten some of my friends to write in the book. There were some nice little good luck messages, even a 'get well soon' of all things. But my old group of friends didn't keep in touch. I couldn't blame them, I'd drifted away from them over the last few months.

None of my new friends kept in touch either, but then they probably didn't know where I was.

In the portraits section there was no picture of Jason. In fact, a lot of that crowd were missing, especially the guys. They obviously didn't bother going to the school hall to have their picture taken that day. I studied the pictures of Cat and Bex, hair tied back, clean shirts smoothed down at the collars. They must have done that to appease their parents.

I had nothing of my friends with me. I had nothing of Jason's, except the few cassette tapes he had left in my room. I'd hidden those in my bag and brought them with me. I didn't play them, just kept them in a drawer. I tried not to think about anything that reminded me of Jason. I kept hearing my Dad's harsh words repeated over in my mind. I didn't want to repulse him, I was so ashamed of myself.

I had trouble sleeping. I kept having these dreams that started out with me and Jason doing what seemed so natural and so right to me, then suddenly my Dad would be there watching us, shouting at me. I had to re-live the experience all over again, it was horrible.

At least Alicia was still talking to me. Her letters and phone calls kept me sane as I waited in Harlan, going through the motions of life day after day. She sent me a birthday card in September. I noticed she had written it all out, and only Courtney had signed her own name.

The Lewis's took me out for dinner. They gave me birthday cards, and a leather bound copy of the Bible. It looked expensive. Inside, Blake had written in pen some chapters for me to read. When I looked at them later they were about forgiveness, prodigal sons and stuff.

I knew it was his way of comforting me but it didn't really help. I understood some people believed in it all, however it didn't connect to me.

Winter took its time to come to Harlan, the weather was so temperate there. Thanksgiving had come and gone. Now when winter settled and the shops in the town were full of Christmas lights and exciting toys I felt empty. I'd hoped I could go home at Christmas, but I never got an invitation. I called my Mom and asked her when I could come home, but she just said she was sorry and asked me to hang on there 'a little longer'.

My heart sank but all I said was ‘OK,’ and carried on going through the motions.

After almost a year in Harlan I had given up hoping I was going to be invited back. I spoke to Alicia the most, sometimes my Mom spoke to me on the phone but Dad never spoke to me. Sometimes he passed on short messages through Mom, or so she said. I wasn't so sure.

Alicia had come to stay with us on her summer vacation. She'd just completed her Sophomore year. Blake's family took us camping in the hills, probably for Alicia's benefit. They liked her a lot, everyone did.

Blake was still welcoming, he was a real fatherly figure. But as nice as they all were, I was miserable. Alicia's visit was only for a week. She had summer projects to do, a life to lead. I appreciated her coming out to see me so far away, especially when the rest of the family ignored me. After Alicia left I went back into my daily drudgery, feeling worse than before. I gave up all hope that Dad would ever talk to me again.

Blake must have noticed how down I was. He mentioned a couple of times how he didn't agree with my Dad's actions. But I already knew that. Blake was a real nice guy. He was the one who took me into town to open up a proper bank account once I was eighteen. I'd always thought my Dad would do this with me, and it was kinda sad.

‘Son...’ Blake said, one day over breakfast.

Blake always called me son. I used to call him Sir, but he insisted I use his first name.

‘I got a proposition for you.’

‘What's that?’ I asked, perplexed. Blake never usually discussed business this early.

‘My friend has a position open in his company for a good, young man. And I've put you forward for it.’

I was anxious and excited at the same time. I had no idea what it was, but worried I'd offended him too.

‘You...you want me to leave?’

‘Hell, son,’ Blake waved his knife about as he buttered his toast. ‘You're welcome here, you know that. But I know this is boring for a kid. Well, not even a kid, you're a man now!’

I didn't know how to reply in a polite way. I listened as he carried on. ‘Look,’ he said. ‘This is my company, it's my baby. My family's here now. But you're young, you need to live a life! My friend Dwayne has a company in New York. They need a young, hard-working guy to help them start a new department. I recommended you.’

‘You did?’

‘Of course, son!’ Blake crunched on his toast, chewed a moment then carried on talking. Crumbs blew out of his mouth with excitement. ‘I told him all about you, we agreed you'd be perfect. The job's yours if you want it.’

I was dumb-struck. ‘But...’ I panicked, ‘But I won't know how to do the job?’

‘No-one will, son! It's a new department. Just go with the flow. Make a few executive decisions, act like you know what's going on. And always kiss ass to the big bosses!’

‘But...New York?’

‘You'll love it!’

My heart started to flutter.

New York.

Me.
In New York.

‘Where will I live?’ I asked, coming round to the idea.

‘We'll sort it out. I'll come up with you and we'll pick a place. You gotta rent, but your new salary will more than cover it.’

‘Oh,’ I said, completely bowled over. ‘I don't know what to say.’

‘Yeah, you do, son.’ he grinned at me.

‘Thank you,’ I smiled back.

Chapter 8

Blake and I took a plane over to New York. I was so excited, actually bordering on happy. I hadn't felt anything like this for almost a year.

The way Blake was talking it up made me even more excited, and only a little nervous. On the plane over he showed me print outs of different apartments from rental agents. He pointed at one and said it was new and big, and in a neat area apparently.

‘But what about the job?’ I kept asking.

‘Just make it up as you go, son,’ he said. ‘It's a new department, no-one's gonna know shit. And you're in charge!’

I smiled as we touched down.

New York City was amazing. We caught one of the many bright yellow cabs from the airport and drove over the most jaw-dropping bridge and river I'd ever seen, the Hudson. I gaped out of the window at the skyline, the famous Statue of Liberty holding her torch aloft.

I loved her instantly, she gave me a feeling of new hope. Later on, whenever I felt down I'd get myself over to the river, catch a ferry and just stare at her silhouette against the sky.

When we first arrived I couldn't get over the almighty scale of the city. The sky scrapers were enormous, towering over the main streets in blocks of concrete and glass. For a small town boy like me it was a little over-whelming. Blake didn't bother with a map, whenever we wanted to go anywhere he just hailed a cab, as he said he hated the subway. He chatted to the different drivers as we went to apartment viewings.

We picked up a guy from the rental agent's along the way, who would let us into the apartments. He tried to explain to me how the city was laid out but it went in one ear and out the other.

Blake laughed at my confused expression. ‘Might be worth getting cabs at first before you start driving to work! I don't want you taking the subway until you understand where you're going.’

‘Where will I be working?’

‘Ah, good point,’ Blake turned to the agent, looking at one of the sheets of paper. ‘The office is on Almont and fifth, where's that?’

‘That's uptown,’ the agent replied. ‘Beautiful area, very popular with-’

‘Yeah and very expensive too, I'm sure!’ Blake interrupted him, laughing his in big Texan drawl.

I smiled at him. I was glad Blake was here to look after me.

We saw four apartments in total, then went for lunch to decide on the best option. I would be moving up here in a couple of weeks, so I had to make a quick decision. All the apartments were available and ready to move in, so it was only a matter of deciding on the journey to work, and the area.