The Old Brown Suitcase (15 page)

I handed in the essay to Miss Bird without any great hopes of winning. The results were to be announced in May.

One day, Mother came home from her salon with a parcel.

“Here is your reward for working so hard,” she said, handing me the parcel. I opened it and found a plain navy-blue dress made of heavy cotton. It was long and had a full skirt, short sleeves and a collar. I didn’t think much of it. It was too “elegant” and didn’t have the flash of my orange one.

“Thanks, Mama, it’s lovely,” I lied, and kissed her, not wanting to appear ungrateful.

The date of Joshua’s visit was approaching. Miriam and Mark talked non-stop about the party they were having afterwards. I was becoming nervous. This visit was going to be different because it was the first time Joshua had asked me for a date. It meant something more than just being old friends.

One day Miriam phoned and told me something that made me feel ill. She and Mark had gone to a party thrown by one of Mark’s friends. The friend’s date at the party was Ina Rosenberg.

“You’re kidding,” I said half in tears. “Does that mean that she is coming to our party for the Rockville team?”

“She might,” replied Miriam. “She certainly behaves the way you’ve described. She climbs all over Tom, and makes goo-goo eyes at all the other fellows. But when she speaks to a girl, she is as snooty as they come. And the way she dresses!” Miriam’s voice seemed to be equal parts envy and outrage. “She was wearing a bright red silk dress with a plunging neckline that must have cost a pretty penny. Your orange outfit would wither and die next to it.”

I couldn’t sleep all night. I kept imagining horrible things. Ina the snake, Ina the vampire. During the day I couldn’t concentrate on school work. I was afraid that I would lose Joshua to Ina.

Easter exams were trials of unspeakable hardship. I studied till morning, cramming, reading over my notes in the washroom just before the tests. Then, with the exams finally over, I had nothing to do but wait till after the Easter break for results. I started working for Mr. Yankelman at the deli again, but Joshua’s visit occupied my thoughts constantly. I spent a lot of time with Miriam, who liked Mother’s dress better than the one I had picked.

“It has more class, even if it isn’t sexy,” she said.

“I don’t know whether I want to be boringly classy or just look sexy,” I replied. But secretly, I wanted to outdo Ina.

We decided that I would start out in Mother’s dress, and if I absolutely didn’t like myself in it, I would change to the orange. Miriam was going to wear a slinky royal-blue dress, which went well with her red hair. I felt so mousy. What could I do to be different, and to make Joshua really admire me?

The day of Joshua’s visit arrived. The game was scheduled for Sunday afternoon, and afterwards there was the party. I asked for Sunday off from the deli, but Mr. Yankelman came down with the flu, and there was no one to take over since Miriam still worked only on weekday afternoons. I was so disappointed but there was nothing I could do. When we talked about it on the phone, Joshua said he would pick me up at the deli after the game.

Never was the work at the deli as irksome as that Sunday. It seemed as if the whole Jewish Quarter came in for salami. People wanted sandwiches and placed orders for Passover. They pushed and shouted. I felt like just hanging up my apron and leaving them, but when I looked at the impatient grimaces that distorted their faces, I laughed to myself. That got me through the crisis.

When five minutes to six arrived, the deli was still full. I was a mess. How could I go to a party smelling of herring and smoked meat? At six o’clock sharp I went to close the door.

“The deli is now closed,” I said firmly to a couple of disappointed people at the door and went back to serve the remaining customers. After they left, I tidied up quickly, not really doing a very good job. Then I ran to the washroom to get myself ready before Joshua came. In fact he was fifteen minutes late and that helped. I turned off the lights, locked the door, and waited impatiently outside in the doorway of the deli. It was dark and chilly.

Six thirty arrived and still no Joshua. Again I started imagining all sorts of things. Ina snaking up to Joshua and charming him into forgetting all about me. Joshua must have got hurt during the game! What else could have happened? I was tired of waiting and started to leave for home, when Joshua suddenly appeared around the corner.

He was all smiles, his eyes were bright. He wore grey pants, a white shirt with a navy tie and a maroon sweater. His open jacket had a crest that said “The Rockville Lions.” He looked terrific.

“We won, we won!” he said excitedly, giving me a hug. “That’s why I am late. They wouldn’t let me leave.” He paused and looked at me closely. “Is something wrong?”

“Oh nothing,” I said. “Just a hard day at the deli.” I felt deflated, even though I was happy that Joshua’s team had won.

We walked to my place, catching up on the latest news. At home Joshua talked with Mother and played with Pyza, while I dressed. I put on the dress Mother gave me, with my new black shoes and the gold earrings I borrowed from Miriam. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt neither pretty nor ugly. I dabbed some mascara on and lipstick. My hair wouldn’t stay in place. I decided to make the best of things, though I couldn’t help feeling nervous. At the back of my mind lurked the possibility that Ina might show up at the party.

“You look lovely,” said Joshua. “I’ve never seen you really dressed up before.”

We took a streetcar to the party at Miriam’s house. It took us only fifteen minutes to get there; all the while we talked about old times at Rockville.

It wasn’t until we walked into the house filled with people that it really struck me. This was our first official date. When they saw Joshua, everyone shouted and raised their glasses of Coke.

“Twenty baskets!” someone yelled.

“A genius,” shouted another.

Joshua was immediately surrounded by a group of fellows. Not really knowing what to do with myself, I started helping Miriam with the food.

“You look swell, Polachka. Are you going to change into your orange dress?” asked Miriam.

“I don’t know. Wouldn’t Joshua think it silly?”

Miriam shrugged her shoulders. “Do what pleases you, but if I were you I’d stay the way you are.”

I decided to take Miriam’s advice, wondering if I might have felt more sparkly in the orange dress.

“Do you think Ina might show up?” I asked Miriam.

“So what if she does. You look better. And anyhow, Joshua is not about to go after Ina,” said Miriam in a decisive tone of voice.

I began to feel better about things. It was exciting to be with someone as popular as Joshua. I was proud of him, even if he was busy talking to the guys and seemed to have forgotten that I existed.

The place was becoming more crowded. People were coming and going. The music blared. Miriam said that I should go and stand with Joshua since I was his date. Awkwardly, I made my way through the crowd.

“Where have you been?” asked Joshua when I walked up. He put his arm around me and enthusiastically introduced me to his friends. I’d had no idea he had noticed that I wasn’t there. I felt warm all over, standing next to him, and became aware of the girls’ admiring glances cast in our direction.

More people came in the door. There was a commotion, and laughter, and Ina walked into the room as if she owned it. Everyone turned to look at her.

She was wearing a tight black strapless dress, and a white stole carelessly thrown over one shoulder. Her black hair was held up with rhinestone combs, and long rhinestone earrings dangled from her ears. She looked sensational.

When she saw me next to Joshua her eyes narrowed like a snake’s. I looked quickly at him. Like those of every other boy in the room, his eyes were drawn to Ina.

She glided across the room and looked down at me, her spiky red heels giving her the extra height. “Oh,” she said haughtily, “it’s you.”

Then she pointedly turned away from me towards Joshua. The tone of her voice changed to sugary. “Joshua, I saw the game. You’re a real hero. Isn’t he, everyone?”

A cheer swept the room. Now that she had won them over, she hooked her arm through Joshua’s.

“Can we get me something to eat?” she asked in the same sweet tone of voice. “I am simply famished.”

Joshua appeared stunned as she led him away into the dining room. People obligingly moved aside to make room for them.

Through a fog, I saw Miriam’s shocked face staring at me with concern. I wanted to die. Like a curled-up autumn leaf, I drifted towards the front door, opened it, and ran out into the street.

It was dark and windy. I ran, my mind full of all the other times I had run away: from the lineup in the Ghetto; from the sirens and the thunder of bombs; from the taunting of the kids in Rockville; and now from Ina and Joshua.

I stumbled and fell next to a bench in a park. I picked myself up, holding onto the iron railing of the bench, and sat down. My palms and knees smarted from scratches, and the hem of my dress was torn. It started to rain. I shivered in the cold. I was ruined, I thought. My life might as well have come to an end.

Suddenly I heard running footsteps and someone dropped next to me onto the bench. It was Joshua. He was out of breath. Automatically, I moved away, wanting no part of him now. Silence engulfed us as the wind whined through the trees. Rain fell on our faces. He made a move to wipe a raindrop off my cheek. I flinched.

“Get away from me,” I choked out. “Just go away and leave me alone.”

“Liz, stop all this,” he said, taking hold of my shoulders and turning me to face him. “I know why you’re mad. I couldn’t help what happened; she took me by surprise. I shouldn’t have let her embarrass you. But by the time I figured out what she was up to, you had left. Miriam told me which direction you’d gone, so I ran after you.”

I still couldn’t bring myself to look at him, so he gently placed his hand against my cheek and turned my face to meet his eyes.

“Liz, I don’t want someone like Ina. I despise the way she dresses and flaunts herself. It’s you I love, Lizzie. I love the way you talk and the way you dress — everything. You didn’t have to run from her. You don’t have to run from anyone or anything. When will you feel that you have the same rights as everyone else in this world?”

Had I really heard him say that he loved me? I was still stiff when he moved closer. Slowly, he put his arms around me and I let him kiss me. We kissed for a long time, my tears and the rain all mixed into one.

“I love you too, Joshua,” I said, still uncertain. Could he really mean it? All these emotions still scared me. Yet I knew I had loved Joshua ever since we were together at Chanukah.

“In a year’s time I will be at school here in Montreal. Will you wait for me?” he asked. I nodded, unsure of my voice. He smiled and pulled his signet ring off his finger and slipped it onto mine.

As he walked me home with his arm around me, all I could see was Joshua’s gold ring shining on my finger.

Miriam telephoned when I got home, and I told her about our talk in the park and the ring.

“I am so happy for you, Polachka,” replied Miriam quietly, with much feeling. Then she added, “You should have seen the look on Ina’s face when Joshua left her to run after you.”

The next day Joshua told me that Eva Schmidt was in town for a girl’s basketball game. The YMCA was having a get-together of all the basketball players from the four teams, and he asked me to come with him. At first I said no. But then I remembered what he had said in the park about not having to run away, and decided to go.

When we reached the YMCA, I saw Eva talking to several of the girls from Rockville. Some of them had been in the group that chased me to my hiding place.

Joshua guided me into the crowd, and Eva saw me as we approached. She faced me from where she was standing and inched her way over.

“Hi, Elizabeth,” she said. “I am sorry about your father. Joshua told me about him.”

She seemed friendly enough. I remembered what Joshua had said about Eva having suffered during the war as a German-Canadian. It must have been difficult to be singled out as an enemy. I didn’t think we could ever be good friends, but I felt secure enough to bury past resentments. Still, I had doubts. Eva’s being nice to me didn’t mean that she had changed her opinion about the Jews.

I smiled at her and said, “Thanks and congratulations on making the basketball team. I remember how hard you worked for it.”

She smiled back. We chatted for a short while, then said goodbye.

“Do come and visit us,” she said, and sounded as though she meant it. We parted on friendly terms.

The week went by as in a fairy tale. Joshua and I saw each other every day. And then the week was over and Joshua left.

(MONTREAL, 1949)

SCHOOL STARTED AGAIN.

When the exam results came in, I found that I had merely passed the subjects I had previously failed. That was encouraging, but I knew I’d have to get at least a B if I wanted to skip a grade and get back to the same class as Miriam. I’ll do it somehow, I promised myself.

In English class Miss Bird said she would announce the winner of the prize for the best composition at awards night. I felt pretty pessimistic, despite what Joshua had said about my story.

The awards night took place in the school auditorium where all the parents and relatives had gathered. Both

Mother and Pyza were there as well.

Miss Bird began by saying that everyone had written a good story. “I am really proud of all the grade nine and ten students,” she said. “Choosing the winner was a most difficult task. There is, however, one story that stands out for its human content, on a subject that touches all our hearts, and that subject is the fate of innocent children. The first prize, I am happy to announce, goes to a girl who has lived through the war in Poland.”

Heat rushed to my head, and I began to tremble. It must be me. Who else here has been in the war? I looked around the room. No one. I knew that.

“The story is called ‘The Gardener of Children,’ written by Elizabeth Lenski in grade nine,” said Miss Bird. “Elizabeth, please come up on the stage and claim your prize.” Everyone clapped. Somehow I made my way up the stairs onto the stage. Miss Bird handed me a book tied with a red ribbon. It was a copy of
Anne of Green Gables.
I was so overcome with emotion that I almost thanked everyone in Polish. For a moment I remembered myself in my sunflower costume back in Warsaw, on the stage — a little girl dancing with her back to the audience. But this time I wasn’t going to do things backwards. I corrected myself in time and managed to say a few words of gratitude — in English. Everyone clapped again, and I walked off the stage.

I was overcome with happiness. If only Father had been here to see me.

The day after the awards was Pyza’s fourth birthday. We had a party with a cake that Miriam baked. Pyza had just blown out her candles when the phone rang.

I ran to answer it and heard the familiar, “Hi Liz!”

“Hi, Joshua!” I answered, happy to hear his voice. “I won the composition contest!”

“I knew you would,” replied Joshua, as if he had never had the slightest doubt. “Congratulations!”

We talked for a few moments longer, making plans for our next meeting.

“I miss you, Joshua,” I said at the end of our conversation, no longer afraid to show my feelings.

“I miss you too, Liz,” he replied.

After I hung up I went slowly back to the birthday party. Everyone was chatting and eating, but Pyza was nowhere to be seen. I went to look for her and found her in my room. There she was sitting inside my old brown suitcase, tangled in the netting of my sunflower costume.

“Play dress up with Pyza?” she asked, her little chubby hands trying to put on the hat. I dressed her up, pinning the costume with safety pins as it was a bit too big.

“Guess what, little one?” I said. “When Halloween comes, you can wear it, to go trick-or-treating. O.K.?”

Pyza squealed with delight and ran out of the room to show her costume to the guests.

The only things left in the suitcase now were my blond braids, the folder with the stories and two books.

I placed the Polish version of
Anne of Green Gables
on the shelf alongside the Canadian one I had won. Next to it I put the
Princess Dzavaha
, vowing that one day I would translate it into English. Finally, I took my own stories from the suitcase and placed them on my desk. Tomorrow, I said to myself, I’ll look through them again, and think about rewriting them.

Now there were only the braids left in the suitcase. As I looked at them I could hear my father’s words on that night long ago in Poland when he gave me the suitcase: “You’re getting to be a big girl, Slava. Who knows where this suitcase might take you someday.”

I locked the suitcase, and went back to the party.