The Middle Child (26 page)

     Alex was next to receive a gift which was the entire work of Charles Dickens.

     "This isn’t like the others," Beth said, reaching for the last present underneath the tree.  It was a large envelope that looked like a card.  Catherine was intrigued.  She opened the envelope and saw a beautifully crafted card with ribbon and glitter.  She began to read the verse which was so heartfelt that she knew that Beth had pored over the inscribed words for hours until she’d found the right ones.  As the verse continued into the card she opened it up and something fell onto her lap but she continued to read.  Beneath the printed verse, Beth’s sure hand had written

     To my darling sister, Catherine, you were the angel of my dreams and the saviour of my day.  You guarded me always.

     Catherine’s eyes glazed over, the words on the card blurring into obscurity like a windscreen with no wipers on a rainy day.  She wiped at her eyes, and her gaze rested on the item that had fallen out of the card.  Her eyes narrowed as she recognised the Christmas card given to her mother many years ago.  She read the words in childish handwriting on the front of the card.  She locked gaze with the snowman in the top right hand corner, his nose obscured by a mark on the sellotape.

    
"You kept it?" Catherine asked, shaking her head in disbelief.

     Beth nodded and Catherine could see the emotion in her eyes. 
"I remember the day you brought it home from school.  You were so proud and full of hope that she would like it.  You were devastated when she ripped it up and threw it in the bin.  You cried for hours.  Later that night I took it out of the bin and put it back together.  It was so beautiful.  I didn’t give it back to you at the time because in anger you would have ripped it up a second time."

    
"I can’t believe that you kept it," Catherine said, handling it as though it were a precious scrap of papyrus bearing the earliest hieroglyphics. 

    
"I kept it in the back of a book to protect it.  I always knew it was there and always intended to give it back to you.  When the bitterness was gone.  Now it’s time."

     Catherine struggled to hold back the tears.  There was no better present that she could have received from her sister.  It was like being handed back her life.  She could look at the card now and feel no anger for her mother but only the joy she had taken in creating the object at school.

     With the card clutched in her hand Catherine stepped across her daughters and hugged Beth tightly, imparting within that embrace exactly how much the gesture meant to her.

     Within minutes gifts seemed to be travelling across the room from all directions and Catherine almost lost track of which present was from who but the red card, repaired and held together with sellotape was never far from her grip.

     Every gift was so thoughtfully chosen.  Her heart had gone into these presents for every single one of them, even Tim and Nikki who she had never met before this day.  Catherine was overwhelmed with a feeling of love and devotion to her sister.

     Beth slipped silently from the room to tend to dinner.  The girls were happily playing with their presents whilst Nikki and Alex were inspecting the contents of Nikki’s art box.  Tim was pressing buttons on his watch.  Catherine followed her sister.

     She passed through the inner room and noted the transformation there also.  Beth had kept a similar colour scheme throughout the lower level of the house and the walls looked clean and fresh, giving the room an airy, cool feel.  The room was dominated by a round dining table already laid with care and precision.  Stylish silver crackers were meticulously set beside exquisitely folded napkins.

    
"How long did it take you to do all this?" Catherine asked, as she entered the kitchen.  It too had been worked on and without the encumbrance of an eating area had gained in space.  The counter tops and cupboard fronts had all been replaced and a gleaming new cooker busily roasted and boiled like an orchestra, producing a cacophony of delicious smells. 

    
"It’s nothing.  I just wanted my family here for one good Christmas."

     Catherine placed an arm around her sister’s shoulders, feeling her bony frame beneath the chunky jumper.  She opened her mouth but decided against it.  Beth looked so content that Catherine didn’t want to spoil it by nagging her.

     "And there’ll be many more like it.  Seriously, though, Beth, this is wonderful.  Everyone is really enjoying themselves and it’s all thanks to you."

     Beth’s face lit up with gratitude and then turned mildly serious. 
"Alex seems much calmer."

     Catherine chuckled as she tore a tiny amount of bronzed  skin from the enormous turkey that was resting on the side. 
"She’s getting there.  It’s hard for her, not drinking, but with Nikki and us behind her, she’ll make it."

    
"You must support her," Beth said, narrowing her eyes at Catherine.  "Every day is a battle for her and she needs to know that you’re close by.  Promise me, Catherine?"

    
"Hey, of course, I promise."  There was real fear in Beth’s eyes.  "We’ll both be there for her.  We’re her family and she knows that."

     Catherine would have liked to say more but an eruption sounded.  They both looked to see the source.  Jess and Lucy had commandeered two horses in the name of Nikki and Alex and were riding them bareback in a race.  Both teams had reached the doorway at the same time and were tussling to get through first.  Jess and Lucy were crying with laughter and it warmed Catherine’s heart to see her oldest daughter enjoying such a childish game.  Pure light shone from her eyes.

     "Get back, you cheat," Nikki shouted as Alex tried to barge her way through.  "Reach over Jess and tickle her feet, she hates that."

     Jess did as she was bid and reached for Alex’s feet and although she had no chance of reaching them from atop Nikki’s back the mere threat forced Alex to squirm around giving Nikki the opportunity to force herself and her jockey through.

     "I declare Jess and Nikki the winners," Catherine cried from the kitchen doorway.

    
"And I reckon they did it in nineteen point seven seconds," Tim said, looking very pleased with himself for mastering his gift.

     Beth ushered them out of the kitchen and instructed them to sit.  Catherine took charge of the seating arrangements and placed Jess between Alex and Tim and Lucy between herself and Nikki, with Beth at the head of the table.

     Beth produced a feast of festivity that was devoured amongst laughter, cracker-pulling and joy.  The playful banter between herself and Alex lasted throughout the meal and was particularly enjoyed by Beth who was the quietest of them all but contented.

     After a delicious dessert of Christmas pudding and cream they returned back to the front room and settled in the places they had been previously, still wearing their cracker hats with Beth refusing any assistance with the clearing up.

     It was with disappointment that Catherine realised the time and despite her enjoyment of the day with her family felt it was only fair to arrive at Tim’s parents on time.

     Catherine packed up the presents while Beth retrieved the jackets.  They bid farewell to Alex and Nikki who had already taken possession of the sofa.

     "Thank you for a wonderful day, Beth.  It’s been lovely."

     Beth nodded and swallowed.  A sad and distant look in her eyes.  Catherine felt that she was already somewhere else.

     Catherine reached out and hugged her sister tightly, almost too tightly.    

     During the drive to Tim’s parents, Catherine allowed the contentment of the day to wash over her.  Jess and Lucy were busily comparing bracelets in the back seats.  Tim hummed some festive tunes and she stared out of the window imagining the ties they would forge over the coming years.

Chapter 20 – Alex

    
"No, no, no, no, no.  I don’t want to get up."

    
"Alex, it’s almost ten.  Get out of bed, you lazy lump."

     Alex threw a pillow that missed Nikki by inches but then had a marvellous idea. 
"Why don’t you join me?"

     Nikki laughed. 
"Yeah, right and we won't see daylight until tomorrow.  Forget it, pal.  We’re taking that walk, remember?"

     Alex groaned and rolled over.  It was Monday 27
th
and still a Bank Holiday because of Christmas falling at the weekend.  The previous day had been dull and rainy and they had spent the most part snacking on festive treats and watching Christmas films curled up on the sofa.  At the end of the day Nikki had stated that, weather permitting, they would work off their indulgence with a brisk walk around the park.

    
"Come on, lazy bones," Nikki said, pulling the covers from Alex’s grip.  "There’s something in the kitchen to prepare you for the arduous journey."

    
"A taxi?"

    
"Use your nose and smell the love."

     Alex tentatively stuck her nose out from beneath the pillow and caught her favourite smell.

     "Is there brown sauce?"

     Nikki answered the affirmative with her eyes only. 
"But it’s going in the bin if you’re not out of bed in five minutes."

     Alex made noises as she forced herself out of bed.  Nikki surely knew how to use her own passions against her.  Nothing started her day like a bacon sandwich with brown sauce.  She dressed quickly, drawn by the inviting aroma of her favourite meat.  

     Secretly she had hoped for a day like yesterday, grey with rain and mist, so that their activities of the previous day could be repeated.  Maybe it would rain later, she hoped, glancing out of the window.  The air looked cold and fresh but no clouds cluttered the clear blue sky. 
Damn
.

     The sandwich was hovering above the bin as she closed the bathroom door behind her. 

     "Just in time."

    
"Give it here."

    
"You haven’t forgotten about tonight, have you?"

     Alex’s blank look said that she had.

     "Jay and Nicolas?"

    
"Oh yeah."  She had recalled that they were coming over some time but she’d been wrapped in a blanket of contentment that had precluded everything and everyone else.

    
"Must we let the real world back in?" she whined.

     Nikki came up behind her and put her arms around Alex’s waist. 
"I’m afraid so, sweetie, but always remember that they have to go sometime and you don’t.  You’re here, inside your home and the day we had yesterday can happen any time you want.  Including this," Nikki said, biting suggestively on Alex’s ear.

     Alex dropped her bacon sandwich. 
"Now?"

     Nikki roared with laughter. 
"You’re insatiable.  What time did we get to sleep last night, or rather this morning?"

     Alex shrugged. 
"Five, I think."

     Nikki moved away. 
"After a walk in the cold, bright air I always fancy a nice hot shower, shared, of course," Nikki teased.

     Alex finished off the bacon sandwich. 
"Hang on, I’ll have my trainers on in ten seconds."

     Alex turned and stood and walked straight into the waiting embrace of Nikki.  She returned it hungrily, savouring the feel of the woman she loved in her arms as though it might be lost to her any minute.  Occasionally she caught her own surprise at how easily they had fallen back into the best time of their relationship. 

     There were shared glances and looks that only they could translate.  They could barely pass each other without touching, just a shoulder, arm, hand.  Alex knew that it was better than it had been, no longer clouded by self-doubt.  She now knew that she deserved to be happy, just as Nikki deserved it too.  And she was going to make sure that they both got what they deserved.

    
"I love you more than anything," Nikki whispered.

    
"And I love you more than that."

     Their embrace was disturbed by the doorbell. 

     "Jeez, Jay wouldn’t be this early, surely?"

     Nikki answered the intercom as Alex headed to the bedroom to change for their walk.  The temptation of the shower was just too much to argue with.  She stopped in her tracks when she heard Catherine’s voice.

     Nikki pressed the button to let her in and within seconds she was knocking on the door.

     Alex saw immediately that Catherine’s face, devoid of make-up was troubled and drawn.

     "I’ve just had a call from Alan, Beth’s doctor.  He’s asked if we can go to Beth straight away.  He wouldn’t say why."

     Alex’s heart caught in her throat.  She looked to Catherine for reassurance but her eyes danced with fear.  She looked to Nikki.

     "Hurry, go get dressed.  Beth needs you."

     Alex sprang into action and was dressed in record time.  She hugged Nikki and then followed her sister down the stairs taking them two at a time.

     "Didn’t he say anything?"

     Catherine shook her head as she pulled the car away from the kerb. 
"He just said that Beth needed us to come straight away."

      The roads were almost empty, families taking advantage of the extended festive period.  They talked of their activities since Christmas day when they had last been together but both barely listened to the other, each aware that the sound of their voices were only filling the distance between themselves and Beth.

     The street was quiet as Catherine parked the car.  As she stepped out Alex felt a spot of rain on her hand.  She looked up to find that the clouds had gathered and in their whiteness had blocked out any promise of a bright, fresh day.

    
"Alan, what’s going on?" Catherine said, finding the doctor sitting in the front room, awaiting their arrival.  The room looked unchanged from two days earlier yet the house held a quiet, eerie quality.  No noise from the television or radio lifted the atmosphere.  "Is Beth ill?"

     He stood and Catherine tried to see around him, to find Beth.

     "Please sit down."

    
"Where is she?" Alex demanded.

    
"If you’d just…"

    
"We don’t want to sit down, for god’s sake.  Just tell us what’s wrong," Alex barked, her eyes flashing.

     He nodded his solemn understanding and remained standing despite his whole demeanour shouting that he needed to sit. 
"Beth called me last night.  It was a surprise.  I hadn’t heard from her for weeks.  Not since she turned me down."

    
"Turned down what?"

     He removed his glasses and wiped at his eyes. 
"I asked her to marry me."

     Alex’s gaze met with Catherine and it was communicated between them by a look that Beth had not mentioned this to either of them.

     "She told me that she needed some space and that she didn’t want me to contact her anymore.  I tried to reason with her but eventually I did what she wanted in the hope that she would realise that I truly loved her and could make her happy."

     Alex was in no doubt that this man she barely knew could make her sister happy.  She made a note to try and talk Beth into re-thinking her decision.  It was clear that the doctor loved Beth very much.

     Catherine urged him to carry on. 

    
"Last night she called and asked me to come over for breakfast.  She said she wanted to talk to me about something.  I hoped that finally she had changed her mind…"

    
"And?"  Alex felt sorry for the man standing before her.  He was obviously in great pain but she wanted to know about Beth.

    
"I arrived at nine thirty as she’d asked me to and there was no answer.  I knocked for a while and then remembered I had a key from when I used to treat your mother.  I let myself in." 

     He looked to them for approval of this decision.  Alex nodded when all she wanted to do was shake him.  Her heart was beating wildly in her chest and she could see that Catherine wanted to lay him down to cut him open and surgically extract the information from him.

     "The house was so quiet.  I called to her but there was no answer."  He rubbed his forehead, confused.  "I couldn’t understand it.  She’d invited me over so she couldn’t have gone out.  I mean, why would she…"

     Alex moved forward but Catherine held her back. 
"And what did you do?" Catherine asked.  Her voice was gentle but covering a hard edge of impatience and fear.

     Alan shook himself back to the present and realised who he was talking to. 
"I went looking for her."

    
"And did you find her?" Alex asked, fearfully.  The house was eerily quiet around her.

     Alan nodded slowly and raised his eyes upwards. 
"I found her in the bedroom."  His eyes widened, physical pain accompanying his next words.  "She’s dead."

     Alex barely heard the last two words as she tore past Alan almost knocking him to the ground.  She heard Catherine one pace behind as she mounted the stairs three at a time.  She pushed open the door to their old bedroom which now housed one single bed, Beth’s old bunk.

     The scene that greeted her was a vision that imprinted itself on her memory via her mind’s eye and would stay with her for the rest of her life.  A second later Catherine came to a halt behind her and made a noise of surprise mixed with pain.  Alex approached the bed softly, not daring to believe the validity of what she could see with her own eyes.

     Beth’s hair was fanned out across the pillow framing her face like a warm mist.  Her eyes were closed with a finality that Alex found hard to understand.  Her face appeared soft and smooth, and Alex had the strange feeling that she could see a half smile playing on her features. 

     Alex stayed still as Catherine moved around her.  Catherine reached out and gently touched the bare skin of Beth’s arm.  Alex guessed that her sister needed no further proof that Beth was gone.

    
"Why?" Alex murmured, before the rising tears arrived at her throat and strangled her.

     Catherine stood beside her, tears streaming over her cheeks, shaking her head silently.

     Alex fell into her sisters arms and cried hot, bitter tears for the sister they couldn’t save.

***

     The sun came out for Beth as she was laid to rest in the place she had requested, beside her mother.

     Catherine felt it was because it was where she had always felt comfortable but Alex had other ideas.  She sensed that Beth wished to haunt their mother for all eternity and never leave her alone until she understood what they had done wrong.  Alex hoped that there was an afterlife and that Beth would find there what she had never found in life.

     The service was beautiful and attended by them all, Alan and a few well-wishing neighbours.  At twenty minutes to four only Alex and Catherine remained by the graveside.

    
"I don’t want to leave her," Catherine said, her voice thick with emotion.

    
"She’s no longer there.  Remember what Father Stevens said, the body is just a jacket that you throw off when you no longer need it."

    
"Are you ready?" Catherine asked, reaching into her handbag.

     Alex nodded.  Two letters had been found beside Beth’s bed.  The first one had been to Alan giving instructions for her burial and, they hoped, words that would comfort the man who had loved her.  The second one had been addressed to them both but neither had felt strong enough to read their sister’s words and by silent agreement they had both known they would read it on this day.

     Catherine opened the envelope and moved closer to Alex.  They each held a top corner of the single page and read,

     "To you both,

     Please don’t blame yourselves for what has happened.  There is nothing you could have done to stop it.  Your actions at no time have contributed to my decision to leave this world.  I have felt warmed by your love my whole life. 

     Catherine, you protected me with your big heart and your fierce loyalty to the bonds that held us together.  You shielded me from as much evil as you could and absorbed it yourself.  You made my childhood bearable. 

     Alex, you would have fought lions to protect me.  Your fierceness and spirit was a daily inspiration to me.  Even when you were no longer there I felt your love reaching out to me and always knew that we would be together again.

     Since remembering the horrors that we lived through I have understood that I do not fit into this life and will never be able to adjust myself to the world around me.  I do not view it as you do.  My place is no longer here and I have grown comfortable with that.  I am not frightened and welcome the next stage of my existence.  Please do not be sad for me.  I believe I will be happy with the choice that I have made.