The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (212 page)

A salesman.

A French war hero, a Muslim pacifist and the Loch Ness Monster are sitting in a bar. Who is the odd one out?

The Loch Ness Monster – because there is a chance that he actually exists.

What do you call a bunch of sheep tied to a tree in Wales?

The local leisure centre.

What do you call a Welshman with several girlfriends?

A shepherd.

How does a Welshman find sheep in long grass?

Irresistible.

What do you call a Welshman who owns sheep and goats?

Bisexual.

Why does a Welshman fuck a sheep next to a cliff edge?

To make sure that the sheep pushes back.

Why do Welsh farmers wear Velcro on their trousers?

Because sheep have learned to detect the sound of a zipper a mile away.

Why can’t Welsh people count sheep to help them get to sleep?

Because when they get to three they have to stop and have a wank.

Have you heard about the festival celebrated by Welsh Muslims?

It’s called Ramalamb.

What do you call a Welsh farmer with a sheep under each arm?

A pimp.

A Welshman goes to the local livestock auctions and says, “I’d like to bid for a female sheep, please.”

The auctioneer says, “Certainly sir. Are you looking for a ewe, or a lamb?”

The Welshman replies, “A ewe, obviously! What do you think I am, some kind of a nonce?”

Wales. Where else can you get a shag, a nice warm coat and a casserole all from the same date?