The Lights of Tenth Street (36 page)

“Don’t worry. The blip will be minimal on the downside, and the upside is enormous.”

Doug snorted. How many times had he heard
that
one?

“Don’t mock me, Doug.” His colleague rose to his feet and his eyes were darts. “I see no reason to mention the reason why I’m expecting your agreement. But it’s there, nevertheless. It’s always there.”

“You don’t need to remind me.”

“Good. Then we understand each other. You should be expecting a call from one of Gil’s people today. Because it’s a satellite deal, it’ll probably be Jill who calls you.”

Doug stiffened, and the COO turned his head, leveling an intent stare. “What?”

“Nothing. I’m really busy today, and I don’t need the headache.”

“Well, you’ll be avoiding a worse headache by cooperating, my friend.” He walked out without a backward glance.

Doug wanted to spit in his direction. “I’m not your friend, you arrogant—”

A fragment of Scripture floated into his mind.
Pray for those who persecute you
 …

Doug turned away from the door, muttering, “Forgive me Lord, but I’m having a hard time with that idea.”

He tried to resume his work, but the Scripture kept bothering him. Finally, he sighed and rested his forehead on his desk.

Lord, forgive me. He may be crooked, but he’s also a lost soul. He has far more to fear—for all eternity—than I do. I pray that You would reach him before it’s too late. Turn his heart. And, Lord … protect me and my family from his plotting. Help me know what to do
.

He stayed there for a moment, his head against the polished wood of his desk. When he finally looked up, his cares had not left, but he was at peace. It was in God’s hands.

He reached for his phone and dialed an extension.

“Alice, I’m swamped this week, and I need to pass along a project to you. We may be adding a piece to the Silicon Valley deal, and I need you to shepherd it along. Just give me reports as you go, and I’ll sign off at the end. I need you to call Silicon Valley today and introduce yourself to the head of their satellites program. Her name is Jill …”

Doug crossed the threshold, his stomach in a knot. The kids came charging up to knock him over, all talking at once about their day. Sherry was cutting vegetables
over by the sink. She didn’t look around.

He gave each of the kids a turn and then patted them on their bottoms, shooing them out of the room. He stood his briefcase by the door and took a tentative step toward his wife.

“Hey, hon.” He held his arms out slightly.

“Hey.” Sherry glanced over her shoulder and kept chopping. “Sorry I can’t give you a hug, but my hands are all gross.”

Doug nodded as if he understood. The night before, when they’d gone to Eric and Lisa’s for their second discussion, she didn’t want to smudge her wet nail polish. The night before that she’d had arms full of laundry. He allowed himself a much-needed glimmer of mirth at what the excuse would be tomorrow.

He stepped up beside her and gave her cheek a peck. She accepted the kiss, but her eyes stayed fastened on the vegetables.

“Did you have a good day?”

“It was fine.” Chop. Chop. Chop.

“What did you all do?”

“I helped out at school, then we went to the park.”

Doug stood silent beside her, waiting to see if she’d say anything else. Her face was blank. Chop. Chop. Chop.

“Uh—what’re we having for dinner?”

“Stir-fry.”

“Can I help?”

“I’d rather just do it myself.”

He studied her profile, the wisps of glossy dark hair escaping a simple clasp at her neck. He longed to hold her and stroke her hair and say again how sorry he was for her pain. He longed for her even to cry on his shoulder. But she was so distant, so tense.

Yesterday, at their second meeting with Eric and Lisa, he had reached out to caress her bare arm. She had cringed from his touch.

That one incident, more than anything else, showed Doug how far they had to go, showed him the depth of the consequences of his sin. That night he had waited until she headed for the guest bedroom, and he had cried himself to sleep.

“I guess I’ll go change, then?”

She gave him a polite smile. “Do whatever you’d like. Ten minutes till dinner.”

Doug hesitated. “When are we going to—”

“I made a list, based on our talk with Eric and Lisa. You can look it over after dinner and we can make some final decisions once the kids are in bed.”

Lisa looked at Sherry over a cup of tea, listening to the raucous cries of the kids on the trampoline outside.

“So what did you all decide?”

Sherry stirred her teacup, not looking up. “Well, a few things I guess.” She gave a sad smile. “Doug was so eager to agree to all of my conditions. He agreed that I can look through his belongings at any time, and he won’t keep any locked cabinets. He’d already bought software for the computer so he can’t easily access those sites, and if he does I’ll know about it. For the next few months, he’s promised to let me know where he is whenever he’s not at the office or at home, and he’ll answer his cell phone at all times. I’ll make his hotel reservations and specify that he must have no access to the movie channels. It was all hard on his pride, but he agreed.”

“Anything else?”

“Well, the accountability partners. I can ask them anything without going through him. He agreed to marriage counseling with Pastor Steven. I’d love to find a Christian support group for women, but we obviously can’t ask around at church so I’ll probably have to wait. There’s a few other things …” Sherry sighed. “I know I should be happy and supportive, but I’m still just so … raw. I can’t show him much love or affection. I can’t stand to sleep in the same bed. I know he’s worried that I’ll leave.”

“Will you?” Lisa’s voice was calm. There was a long pause.

“No. No, of course not. How could I? He’s doing everything he can to make things right. I feel betrayed and hurt, and I may have a hard time trusting him. But … despite all of that … I
know
him. I know his heart is good, even if his behavior is bad. And … I’ve made so many mistakes in my life, too. The Lord gently reminded me of that in my prayer time this morning.”

She went to the window. Lisa was silent behind her. She watched Genna try to stand on the trampoline and fall, giggling, as the older kids bounced around her. She got up again, only to collapse in a heap. Time after time, never tiring of the game.

“I fell so many times, Lisa. Over and over again. Willful disobedience, pursuing momentary pleasure over what my conscience was telling me was right. How can I condemn my husband? I wasn’t a Christian then, and he is, but still … temptation is temptation. Satan attacks in many guises, with many traps that are hard to resist. And we’re sinful creatures. I know Doug has asked for and received God’s forgiveness. And if God could change me when I was a wreck spiritually, how much more can He heal and change a committed believer—a believer who desperately
wants
to
change? I guess I just have to believe that God can give us our marriage back.”

“Have you told Doug this? Told him what you’ve just told me?”

Sherry shook her head.

“Why not?”

“Because … because I want to punish him.” Sherry balled her hands into fists and turned back to her friend. She could feel the wetness on her cheeks. “He betrayed my trust, betrayed everything I thought we had together. I may have to let him off the hook, but I want him to suffer first. At least to suffer some tiny amount of the pain he’s caused me!”

Lisa came to the window and hugged her. “You do what you think is best, and what you need to do. I may think that you’re only hurting yourself, holding on to this pain so tightly, but it’s only been a few days since you found out, and I don’t know how I’d react if I found myself in your shoes. I will only say one thing. You must pray for Doug, even if you have to force it. He needs your prayers, even if he doesn’t yet have your affection. That will help all the way around—it’ll help you heal, and it’ll cover him during a difficult time.”

“I know. I have been. Even when I don’t feel like it.” She gave Lisa a wan smile. “I bet God had you challenge me to an hour of prayer every day, just so I’d be able to walk through this.”

“Could be. I wonder, too, if it wouldn’t help for you and Doug to share with our home group something about your struggles. Otherwise, you’ll just have a wall up that everyone will sense, and you won’t feel free to talk about the most important thing going on in your lives at the moment. Something for both of you to think and pray about.”

“I don’t know. For me, I think it would help. But Doug … well … I know he’d worry about how it made him look.”

“Then perhaps he needs to stop worrying about his image so much and let the Lord protect that. He needs true, honest fellowship—you both need it—and the prayers of more than just two friends. It’d be nice to show folks that we’re not all perfect little robots out there; that Christians have secret problems and hurts and needs just like anybody else. If you could bring yourself to be open, I think it would be a blessing not only to you but to the whole group.”

Sherry hesitated, surprised that her primary concern was for Doug’s feelings. She nodded. “I’ll ask Doug what he thinks.”

“You said that God could give you your marriage back. Well, I believe He’ll do better than that. This is an awful time, but He wastes no lessons, and He takes what the enemy meant for evil and turns it to great good. I bet in a few years you’ll both look back and thank God for all He did in your lives, for all the healing and
intimacy. I believe you’ll end up with a stronger marriage than before.”

Sherry glanced out the window, watching Genna again rise and fall. “May it be so.”

A strange look came over Lisa’s face, and she grasped Sherry’s hand. “Can we pray for a minute? Pray for you and Doug? I also feel this need to pray for the church right now.”

Sherry followed Lisa back to the table and sat with bowed head, waiting for her to begin.

Lisa waited a moment. “Lord, I feel like You have a purpose here that’s greater than just restoring Sherry and Doug’s marriage. That You have something for the church. Father, I don’t even know how to pray, but I ask that Your will would be done on earth as it is in heaven, and that everything You have purposed will come to pass. I ask, Lord, that You give Pastor Steven wisdom and strength to guide our church.” She paused. “And now, Lord, about Sherry and Doug …”

O
God, what do I do?”

Pastor Steven sat on a quiet bench in a distant garden, his head in his hands. A leafy green wall shielded him from a nearby paved pathway, where people occasionally strolled arm-in-arm, or bicycled by without a glance. In this little enclave, even the distant hum of the few cars did not intrude. This spot—his spot—was quiet.

And today, he needed it more than ever. He sat with his Bible in his lap, but his eyes stared unseeing. He wasn’t struggling with God’s words, but his own obedience.

He had told his secretary to reschedule all his appointments for that day, had not explained to his staff what was burning within him. Only his wife knew. His dear wife, his best friend. The one whom the Lord had given back to him despite his years of addictive sin. She was at home that day. Was fasting and praying for him, while he struggled—like Jesus—in a garden.

What would he do? Did he have the courage to follow his Lord? To be crucified with Christ, if that was what his King required? Today, the nails were not made of iron, but of spiteful words, of whispered slander, of public offense and back-stabbing.

Today, he would have to decide whether he would stand before the people and bare his soul, knowing that it might again be ripped to shreds.

He felt his soul was about to shatter under the weight of such obedience, such desperate pain. He grabbed his head, crying out aloud. “How can your people be so cruel, Lord?”

A brilliant light flashed before him, radiant and terrible, a consuming holy fire.

“Because they do not see the log in their eye.”

Dazzled, Steven looked up … and fell prostrate on the grass. A great shining being was standing before him, his brilliance enfolding Steven like a cloak. His voice was deep and laced with the sadness of the Ageless One.

“They do not see their own sin, their own great and desperate need. They judge others because they do not first judge themselves. And they judge those outside the body of Christ, rather than challenging those who have already been redeemed.
They cannot unconditionally love the unlovable because they have not yet been broken. They have not yet seen and repented of their judgments, of their selfishness.”

Steven warred between awe and terror, his mind groping to remember everything the great messenger said. He tried to open his mouth, to ask the only question that mattered.

“What does the Lord desire of me?”

“The Lord wants His church to be broken before Him. There are many secret hurts, secret sins, and the saints of God will never fully minister until those are revealed and healed. Until then, much ministry to this lost and hurting world will not look like that of the Lamb of God. The people of God must look like Jesus; must share His unconditional love with the world. Each precious saint must confront his or her own condition. Until then, they will be secretly judgmental of the very sheep they are trying to bring into the fold.”