The Life (12 page)

“Oh my God, will you shut up?” he growled. “Chill out with the sensitivity. Why would you assume that I’m going to find the closest pair of tits or pussy that I can and take the girl to bed?”

“Maybe because I’m pregnant, bitchy, and horrible right now?”

Anton was goddamned gorgeous. Six feet tall, built like a brick house, and looks any woman would die over. It wasn’t that Viviana thought girls didn’t notice her husband, but she didn’t like to think about him noticing them.

“We’ve had the worst week together—the hardest since we married. Would it be so crazy for me to think you’re sick and tired of this if you can’t even be bothered to open your mouth and speak to me? You wonder why, Anton?
Really
?”

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, because he crossed the space between them in three long strides. His hand fisted into the sweater she wore, tugging her into his chest as a sob caught in her throat.

“Just … stop it. That’s not what it was. I love
you
. I only want
you
.” The words were spoken into her hair so strong and sure. When Viviana didn’t say anything, Anton squeezed her tighter. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”

“It’s ten at night.”

“I know, but I need to do something. I’d really like it if my wife was there with me.”

Viviana didn’t even hesitate. “Okay. Let’s go.”

“Pack a bag.”

“A bag?” she asked, feeling his smile curve against her hair.

“Yeah. Whatever we need for a few days.”

Viviana could have argued that he had work to do, that people here needed them, not to mention her classes. They couldn’t simply upheave everything and forget about it just so they could take a minor vacation away from stress and life. Or, could they? She could have just as easily denied the request, but she didn’t want to. Anton hadn’t been hers all week, not like he usually was. If he was offering to give that back to her, however it was that he wanted to do so, she wouldn’t refuse it.

Releasing his hold on her, Anton said, “I have to make a couple of calls, but I’ll meet you downstairs.”

“Where are we going?”

Anton shrugged before tugging her closer once more. “Somewhere quiet.”

*

“Anton?”

“Ma, hey.”
Anton’s throat felt sore, like someone was tugging an invisible noose tighter and tighter around his windpipe. He barely noticed the cars he passed on the highway, but the sleeping form beside him in the passenger seat had every damned bit of his attention. “Is Daniil awake?”

“Not really,” Sasha said. “He’s in and out mostly. They just administered more of his pain medication an hour ago.”

“Will he talk, though?”

“For you, always.
You know that. But I don’t want to wake him, he had a rough day.”

“Dial the meds back. Please, you know I wouldn’t ask otherwise.
Just enough for him to get on the phone. I need to talk to him for a minute.”

Sasha seemed like she was going to argue but then agreed instead. Maybe the desperation Anton was feeling had been manifesting in his voice. The quieter things grew around him, the louder he could hear his thoughts beginning to scream. He had too much time to think about the things happening in his life on this drive. Viviana had fallen asleep within thirty minutes of pulling out of their driveway, so he didn’t have her to distract him.

The only person he figured he could talk to was his father. Daniil would understand; he always had.

“I’ll call you back,” Sasha said. “I don’t know what’s wrong, but don’t make him fret, Anton. I know you think he doesn’t worry, but right now, that’s all he ever does.”

His mother hung up without another word. Overwhelmed, Anton tugged the Bluetooth out of his ear and dropped it to his lap. Without his mother’s voice in his ear, the car had turned silent again except for Rocco’s gentle huffs from the back seat and Viviana’s occasional mumble. There was another three hours of driving before he reached his destination, so Anton could wait for his father to get up and around.

He also didn’t know why he chose the lodge in Vermont, but it had been the first thing that popped into his head when he asked his wife to leave with him. It was always a safe place for his family. They had made some of the best memories there, especially when he was growing up.

Maybe that’s what he was chasing, or it could have just been what he needed.

Forty silent minutes later, the cell and Bluetooth in Anton’s lap began vibrating with a call. Placing the earphone back in his ear, he switched the call on but couldn’t bring himself to speak as he listened to the shallow, painful breaths of his father on the other end of the receiver.

Anton didn’t have to say a thing, anyway. Daniil just seemed to know. “Ant, whatever it is, it’ll be okay.”

The tears in his eyes made the road in front of him bleed together in the shine of the headlights. “Papa …”

“Jesus, you haven’t called me that in years,” Daniil coughed out.

“I know. I’m sorry I stopped. I just—”

“Grew up,” his father interrupted with a stronger voice than before. “You grew up, Anton, like every boy does. It just so happened you grew up a little quicker than others. I didn’t mind; it was amazing to watch you do it. My son became a great man—strong inside and out. Would I have given up who you are now to have you see me as your daddy for a few more years? No. Your mother always thought we made you like this, but we didn’t. You did it all by your own choice, and I just
let
you while the rest of us watched. It’s okay, son. Everything is
fine
.”

No, no it isn’t
, Anton thought anxiously.

“I think someone is planning to come in on me.” Anton’s gaze slid to the sleeping girl beside him. The last thing he needed was for Viviana to hear him confessing his worries that someone was going to make an attempt on his life.
“Someone close to me. That’s how it always is, Dad. It has to be somebody close, I just can’t figure out who. Or maybe I don’t want to. It’s probably staring me right in the face but I’m too fucking close to these guys so I can’t see it objectively.”

“Whoa, slow down,”
Daniil whispered.

Even the words felt painful and Anton immediately felt guilty for waking his father up for this. The cancer his father was suffering from was constantly eating away at his body and strength. Anton didn’t want to take any more from his father than what the sickness already had.

“Someone’s going to make a move on me. I know it. They’re screwing around with my wife but only in ways that I see it so that it bothers me because it’s personal shit. Slashed her tires, Dad. Taking pictures of her when she’s at home. Tatiana has been around, but I think she’s just playing her old tricks. Even those fucking Italian scum heard things might be changing in the brotherhood soon. It’s messing with my head.”

For a long while,
Daniil was silent. “What did Nicoli always tell you about this?”

“I don’t know. I can’t even think right now.”

“Goddamn it, Anton, yes you do.”

“It’s always somebody close,” Anton replied, forcing himself to say it. He didn’t want to think what that meant, honestly. His spies were the closest anyone was ever going to get to him, next to his own wife, of course. “That’s what
Nicoli would have said. To look at your sides first and then go outward. I was with them today, Daniil. Ivan and Erik … I can’t see it. It’s because I’m too close to them, isn’t it?”

“No. That’s not it at all. You’re not seeing it because it isn’t there.”

“It is!”

Viviana mumbled unhappily in her sleep, and Anton cursed himself silently. When his wife was settled, he sighed in both relief and
worry and went back to his call.

“It’s there, Dad. I can feel it. Something is coming.”

“I’m not saying it’s not happening at all, I’m just saying it’s not there with your spies, boy.”

Now, Anton was just confused. “But—”

“Erik is a complacent fucker,” Daniil said sharply. “He likes access to the money and he works the cash well. What he doesn’t want is the responsibility of making it, Anton. He’s also loyal to a damned fault, ask anybody. You just happen to be the one he’s loyal to. There isn’t enough money in this world to make him bite the hand that feeds him, not when he likes that hand.”

“And Ivan?”

Daniil barked a sour laugh. “Really, Ant? You have to think about that at all? My God, that man is only in the Bratva for
you
. Saved his fucking life when you were just fourteen. I would have blown his brains out the night he screwed up my guys’ steal on that truck had you not been there. He owed you then and he owes you now. Give him the chance to save your life too someday, huh?”

That much was true. It was also the exact reason why Anton couldn’t see the possibility of his two spies being the ones who were planning to off him.

“Am I making a big deal out of this?” Anton asked. “Am I just paranoid because Vine’s pregnant and life is changing for me, or what?”

“No,”
Daniil said softly. “Absolutely not. You don’t get paranoid. Nicoli practically culled all of that nonsense right out of you growing up. If you worry, you have a reason to. He taught you to think logically first. Made you look around and consider everything before you chose your path. This isn’t any different. He gave you Ivan and Erik because they were the best for you. Look outward from your sides, Anton, that’s what you have to do now. It’s not them, I’m sure of it.”

Anton’s mind was already starting to drift to the next possibilities.
His brigadiers, their issues, if there were any, and why. After all, that was the next valid choice to who was the closest, who had access, means, and mode. There weren’t a whole lot to consider as they were all on a pretty tight leash and there hadn’t been any problems. Well, except for Viktor, the brigadier who had his fingers and jaw broken for hurting Viviana when Anton sent for her the year before. But even that seemed unlikely as Viktor was another one, complacent in his place, unfit for the job of Pakhan, and happy to stay where he was.

“It really messed me up today,” Anton said as his grasp on the steering wheel tightened. “I was dealing with crap from Viviana but on the side, I couldn’t get this out of my head. I was sitting there with Ivan and Erik, just laughing like we do, and I couldn’t help but wonder, Dad. What if they were coming in on me and I didn’t know it? What if, right? I
couldn’t
…”

“Stop looking at them.”

“I am. I just needed you to tell me to do it, too.”

Daniil
wheezed into the phone before asking, “What are you doing right now?”

“Driving out to the lodge,” Anton said with a chuckle. “It was the only place I could think to find some peace from this crap. Take a week to think, maybe.”

“Take a week,” Daniil repeated. “Don’t be Pakhan, Ant. You said you were dealing with Vine, too, so …”

“This husband job is something else. Ten times more stressful than being a mob boss. Sometimes I swear she’s just being difficult because she can, or because she wants to push my buttons. She hid stuff from me and I couldn’t believe it.
Ate at me all damned week.”

Anton swore he could see his father smiling as
Daniil laughed. “The diabetes?”

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

“Your mother mentioned something about it. You know she’s chatty when she’s bored. And about Vine … She’s a woman—yours, actually—so did you think it was going to always be easy? Marriage is tough, son. Take this week and work on loving your wife like she needs you to right now. It’ll clear your head a little more about the rest if you focus on her for a while, trust me. Nicoli taught you about being a boss. I taught you how to be a man. Vine is teaching you how to be hers. Everything else in your life has worked out, why wouldn’t this, too? Have a little faith.”

Faith wasn’t going to save his father.

“What am I going to do without you, huh?” Anton asked brokenly.

“You’ll go on with your life.”
Daniil’s words held that confident knowing he always seemed to have. “You’ll raise that boy of yours like I did you because that’s how you’ll remember me and our life. You’ll smile a little less for a while, but it’ll get better. I’m not leaving you, Ant, I’m just leaving here.”

“But—”

“But nothing. Don’t be afraid of losing me, Anton.”

“How can I not?”

“Because you’ll always have me, somewhere. That’s life. It’s how we continue beyond beating hearts and breathing lungs. Things live, they die, and then memories take over.”

“He’s never going to know you, though. My son, I mean. Not like I do.”

Once more, Daniil laughed, but it was more distant than before. “I’ll see him once, I have to. After that, you’ll tell him the rest. I have no worries there.”

“Promise?”

“Yeah, son. I promise.”

*

A breeze of air skimmed Viviana’s naked shoulder. From the curve of her neck down to her arm, the draft followed the softest touch trailing her skin. In the background of her hazy senses, bleary from just beginning to wake up, she could hear a throaty hum building with desire.