Authors: J. Adams
The
day
before
the
wedding,
there
is
a
flurry
of
excitement throughout the house. Everyone is busy preparing
for the big day. While I help the women do the baking for the
wedding brunch, the men wash and wax the cars and take care
of the children. Everything seems to be going smoothly.
Occasionally, Ingo seeks me out and we disappear for a
few moments alone. Each time we return, we are kidded by
everyone about not being able to survive for five minutes
without seeing each other. I'm completely all right with that and
I am sure Ingo is too.
I am overwhelmed by the love and kindness of the
women attending. I receive so many beautiful things, it is like
Christmas, or at least how I imagine Christmas is for some
people. Smiling, I consider how some of the gifts will please
Ingo more than others.
I thank
everyone
for
their
thoughtfulness.
After
the
shower, Jessica helps me take all the presents up to my room.
We pile them in the corner until I can put them away. Ingo and
I have decided to use my room as our permanent bedroom,
and now most of his personal belongings are in the closet with
mine, as well as on the dresser. I briefly look around the room
and imagine sharing it with him. My eyes move to the bed and
my face warms.
“A dollar for your thoughts,” Jessica says, a knowing
smile curving her lips. Though she has never married, I'm sure
she isn't ignorant of things pertaining to the wedding night.
Sighing, I sit on the bed. “I know it was never right in the
past, but this is different, very different. I've never longed to
share this kind of closeness with anyone.” I silently mull that
fact over for a moment. “It was never love before. It was
always induced by drugs and alcohol, and it was dirty and
cheap.”
Jessica sits next to me. “But it’s not this time.”
“No,” I say. “Not this time.”
“You deserve the best life has to offer, Cisely. And Ingo
At midnight Ingo softly knocks on my door and quietly
opens it. He tiptoes over and kneels by my bed. Feeling his
caress on my cheek, I smile.
“Yes. I can’t sleep either. I don’t think I’ve ever been so
excited or nervous in my life.”
“Neither have I. I just had to see you.”
“I’m glad you came. I hope no one saw you, though. I
would hate to create a scandal the night before our wedding.”
Thanks to the moonlight shining through the curtains, I
can clearly make out the wide grin splitting his face. He leans
over and kisses me. “I can’t wait until you are totally mine,” he
whispers.
“And I can’t wait to be yours.”
Kissing me a moment longer, he clears his throat abruptly
before pulling away. “I guess I had better get back to my room
before I really do cause a scandal.”
I chuckle. “I guess you’d better.”
“I love you, Cisely.”
“I love you too. And I'm looking forward to beginning
our new life together.”
“So am I, and it will be a wonderful life.”
“I think that's the name of a movie.”
“I think you're right. Look at me. I'm turning cheesy all of
a sudden. Don't tell anyone, okay?”
“Your secret is safe with me.”
Kissing my brow, he finally stands. “So, I guess I’ll see
you in about seven hours.”
“You mean six hours, forty-five minutes,” I correct him,
smiling dreamily.
“Good night, love. Sleep well.”
“You, too.”
The tears in Jessica’s eyes mirror mine as we stand in
the
spacious
dressing
room of
the
church,
gazing
at
my
reflection
in
the
large
mirror.
My
beaded white
gown
is
beautiful and I feel radiant.
“Thank you.” Fingering the lovely strand of pearls Jessica
gave me yesterday, I continue to examine my reflection, and for
the first time in my life, I really do feel beautiful.
“Believe it,” Jessica says, wiping a tear away. “Oh, just
look at me, starting with the waterworks already.”
“I chuckle, wiping my own cheek. “I’m so glad you’re
here with me. I can’t think of anyone else I would rather have
standing in my mother's place.”
Jessica's smile fades slightly. She pulls an envelope from
her
pocket,
holding
it
out
to
me.
“This
came
for
you
yesterday.”
Taking the envelope, I read the front, raising my eyes in
surprise. “It’s from my cousin, Velma.”
“I would have given it to you yesterday, but for some
reason it slipped my mind until this morning. Maybe you were
supposed to have it today.”
I open it. Along with the letter from Velma is a smaller
envelope addressed to me. Stunned, I look up at Jessica. “It’s
from my mother.”
“Would you like me to leave and let you read it in
private?”
“No, please stay.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. You are my family and I want to share this with
you.” I can’t believe I am actually holding a letter from my
mother. I gaze at her handwriting on the front of the envelope.
Mama always had beautiful handwriting. First, I read the letter
from Velma.
Dear Cisely,
I just wanted to say how sorry I am for the way things were when
you came back. Our family could never win a prize for niceness, but they
were just plain cruel to you and I am truly sorry for that.
I admire you very much for the way you have changed your life. You are
such a good person and I am trying to be just as brave. After you left, I
made the decision to move out. I have been sharing an apartment for the
past few weeks with two other roommates. It feels so good to be on my own.
Thank you for setting the example for me to follow. Enclosed is a
letter from your mother. I found it while I was helping Mama clean out her
apartment and thought you should have it. I guess she never got the chance
to mail it.
Thank you again for the example you have set. Maybe one day I
too, might finally get away from this place. I will write you again soon.
Take care.
Velma
Blinking tears onto my cheeks, I refold the letter.
How
amazing is that? It's hard to believe I have actually been a good
example for someone, especially someone in my own family.
My heart swells with joy at the thought of my cousin finally
breaking free and choosing a new course for her life. I will keep
in touch with her from now on.
“I’ve always known you were pretty special,” Jessica says.
“That's because you are completely biased.”
“Of course I am, but it's still true.”
Refolding the letter, I take a deep breath and open the
one from my mother, and struggle to contain my emotions as I
read her final words to me.
Dearest Cisely,
I know you’re probably shocked to be receiving a letter from me, and
I must admit that I don’t blame you. I’ve never been there for you when
you needed me in the past. For that, I am truly sorry.
I guess the first thing I should tell you, which I’m sure you already
know, is that I am an alcoholic. Can you believe it? I’m finally admitting
it. It has taken me far too long to realize this fact. I've been sober now for
a month, which isn’t long, but for me it’s a good start. It’s been very hard
to stay that way, but I’m not about to give in if I can help it. I’m only
sorry it has taken me so long to get to this point.
Cisely, more than anything I just want to let you know how proud I
am of you for getting away from here and making a better life for yourself. I
know life has never been easy for you, and again I am sorry for my part in
all of it. I wish I could change the past, but I can’t. Anyway, I just wanted
you to know these things.
Have a good life, Cisely. You deserve all the good this old world has
to offer. I only hope you can forgive me for the past and let me be a part of
your life now. Thank you for being such a wonderful daughter, despite my
poor parenting.
I love you very much,
Mama
Pressing a hand to my mouth, I futilely fight a growing
sob. Wrapping her arms around me, Jessica cries with me. I
can’t believe I have finally been given the peace I've prayed so
hard for. To know my mother really did love me, that she really
cared, and my life truly did matter to her is all I could have
hoped for and more. And to read her final words on my
wedding day! It is definitely the best wedding gift I could ever
receive.
“Are you going to be all right?” Jessica asks, pressing a
hand to my cheek.
I nod, still too emotional to speak. She dries my tears
with a tissue. “Well, you had better fix your makeup.”
“I do look a sight, don’t I? Studying my reflection, I dry
my face.
“You always look beautiful no matter what. As for me, I
don’t have anyone to impress, but you do.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t be too sure. I’ve noticed Seth Walker
checking you out lately. He’s quite a catch, you know.”
Jessica laughs softly. “I’m too old to go fishing now. I’m
not sure I even have the bait anymore.”
I giggle, feeling giddy. “You’ve still got it. If you don’t
believe me, just ask Seth.”
“I just might do that. We do still have an afternoon of
dancing ahead of us.” I arch a brow and she laughs. We quickly
touch up our makeup, finishing just as the reverend's wife tells
us it is time.
The wedding ceremony is more wonderful than mere
words can express. As Ingo takes my hand and we face one
another, the reality of our union takes my breath away. We
speak our vows, exchange rings and are pronounced husband
and wife.
Ingo reverently places a hand on my cheek and I touch
his in return. My happiness is indescribable. When we share our
first kiss as husband and wife, there isn’t a dry eye in the
church.