Authors: Larry McMurtry
“No boat immediately at hand,” Omar admitted.
“You don't have a boat, so you can't take us to the Statue of Liberty,” Eddie said. “Besides, you scared Sheba and now she's hiding.”
At that moment, Sheba came out of hiding. She looked a little less frightened.
“Omar, you seen Otis?” she asked.
“Otis is asleep in Dumpster,” Omar said.
“Yeah, he always asleep in Dumpster,” Sheba said. “That's why I ain't got no roof over my head. Did he say anything?”
“His heart is broken into a thousand bits,” Salah said.
“Million bits,” he added, after some thought.
“Yeah, but did he
say
anything?” Sheba asked.
“You his woman, he loves you, he is very broke, please loan fifty dollars,” Abdul said.
“Not till he gets out of my Dumpster,” Sheba said. “I ain't sharing no Dumpster with that man till he do a lot of apologizing.”
“Sheba, do you work for this Otis or what?” Harmony asked.
“Work for himâI'm
married
to him!” Sheba said. “Only he stole all my stuff and sold it and now he wants me to come back to the Dumpster and live with him.”
“Otis sounds like a typical male,” Pat said.
“I feel like I took the subway and got off at the Comedy Channel,” Laurie said.
At the mention of the Comedy Channel, Eddie brightened.
“Do you like the Kids in the Hall?” he asked.
“I like them very much and besides that, one of them's my cousin,” Laurie said. “Your sister and I were even in a skit onceâwe sat at a table and smoked. I happened to be visiting my cousin and they put us in.”
“If I'd known my sister was in it I would have watched harder,” Eddie said, at which point Laurie's face fell and she looked very sad.
“You mean Pepper was on TV?” Harmony asked.
“We were just extras,” Laurie said. “Just in one scene. We visited the set, and we were dressed sort of funky and the director
just decided to stick us in. I have a tape of the skit. I could give it to you.”
“I'd like to watch it, I think,” Neddie said.
“Want to go to Laurie's and watch it, Mom?” Eddie asked.
Harmony didn't answer, for a bit.
“Eddie, I think we better just go to the Statue of Liberty,” Harmony said.
“Is this Otis a big bruiser?” Neddie asked Sheba, a little apprehensively. They had decided to go as a group and confront Otis, in the Dumpster behind the Shop and Sack, where he was staying. For Pat, Neddie, and Harmony, it was their first walk on the streets of New Jersey. Eddie walked between Laurie and Sheba, holding hands with each of them.
“No, he ain't big, he just has fits,” Sheba said. “If he can find some glue to sniff he's apt to have a fit anytime. People need to stop throwing away glue. It gets in Dumpsters and Otis finds it and pretty soon he's having a fit. I get scared he'll bite me with them bat teeth of his.”
“Oh,” Neddie said. She and Pat were both walking carefully, cheerfully, taking tiny, cautious steps. Both of them seemed to feel that the streets of New Jersey might swallow them up, if they didn't exercise caution. Eddie kept looking back at his aunts, puzzled by their inhibited way of walking.
“Maybe they think this is an Indiana Jones movie,” he suggested. “Maybe they think a trapdoor is going to open and let them fall into a pit of boiling oil.”
“It could happen, Eddie,” Pat said. “Trapdoors can be anywhere.”
“If the streets of Las Vegas were this dirty no one would ever come there and the casinos would all close,” Harmony said. She was rather enjoying the walkâshe liked seeing her little boy walk along with Laurie and Sheba; she liked it that Eddie was so welcomingâit was a good trait for a little boy to have, Harmony thought.
It had to be admitted, though, that the streets of New Jersey were filthy streets, at least in the part of town where the No-Tel Motel was. Most of the garbage cans had been knocked over and their contents raked onto the sidewalks or into the streets. A small gray Yugo with its doors open and its windshields smashed
out, its hood up, and three of its four tires missing, was parked right on the sidewalk. The fourth tire was flat. Around it on the sidewalk were empty wine bottles, empty whiskey bottles, syringes, cotton swabs, condoms, pools of vomit, and several squashed tomatoes. The sky was the same color as the Yugo, gray. It was the opposite of all Harmony had been used to; in Las Vegas they made a point of keeping the streets real cleanâthey didn't want some tourist or junketeer to step out of the casino and be revolted by condoms or squashed tomatoes or little torn-up cars.
Still, Harmony didn't feel too bad. Having Laurie and Sheba and Omar and Abdul and Salah sort of made things less lonely.
“Yuk, you can get AIDS just from walking down this sidewalk,” Pat said.
“You cannot, it's just a few syringes, just watch where you step,” Harmony said.
“Otis ain't been himself latelyâhe might have another woman,” Sheba said. “It wouldn't surprise me.”
“What does it mean that he has bat teeth?” Eddie asked. “Does he suck people's blood like a vampire?”
“You'll see when you see him, Bright,” Sheba said. “I'm glad there's a bunch of us coming. I ain't up to having Otis throw no fits this morning.”
“Mom, we have to remember to recycle glue,” Eddie said. “It will help Sheba if we do.”
“Help Otis too,” Sheba said. “He's the one sniffing up his brain. Otis got a good brain when it ain't filled up with them glue fumes.”
“Would be more pleasant to be going to Statue of Liberty,” Omar reminded them. “Is not pleasant to see brokenhearted man.”
“Too much weeping,” Abdul said.
“I am homesick, I don't like New Jersey,” Salah said.
“What about us?” Pat said. “You think we don't miss Oklahoma?”
“There's my Dumpster,” Sheba said. “That's Otis's motor scooter. I guess the man at home.”
A small yellow motor scooter was chained by the Dumpster. The Dumpster itself was green.
“He might have his new woman in there, if he's got one,” Sheba said.
“What kind of woman would want to live in a Dumpster?” Pat asked without thinking.
“The kind that ain't got nowhere else to live, like me,” Sheba said.
Sheba stopped, suddenly. They were in the parking lot of the Shop and Sack, only about twenty yards from the Dumpster Sheba claimed as her own.
“He's doin' it!” Sheba said. “I can tell.”
“Doing what?” Neddie asked.
“Doin' it!” Sheba said.
“I think she means making love,” Eddie said, in his clear, cheerful voice.
“Oh, Eddie, you're just five, you don't know what making love means,” Harmony said, hoping she was right. She was embarrassed by the turn the conversation had taken.
“Isn't it when the daddy puts his penis in the momma's vagina?” Eddie asked.
“Well, that's close,” Pat said.
“At Eli's house they call it sexual intercourse but at Maggie's house they just call it âit,'” Eddie said.
“He's a bright little boy, active soon,” Omar said.
“Don't rush him,” Laurie said.
“Yeah, who asked you?” Neddie asked.
“Omar only talks about sexâhe is too old to perform,” Salah volunteered.
“Can we go to the Statue of Liberty now?” Harmony asked. “Sheba can visit Otis when we get back.”
“No, I ain't going till I see my man,” Sheba said.
“Then go see him,” Laurie said. “The Dumpster's right there.”
“I see the Dumpster, it's what's going on in the Dumpster that's got me worried,” Sheba said.
“Maybe he's just taking a nap,” Laurie said. “I have a friend who naps in Dumpsters. It's not that unusual.”
“Go look, Harmony,” Pat said. “If the man's busy we can come back some other time.”
“Why me? I don't even know Otis,” Harmony said.
“Yeah, but you live in Las Vegas,” Pat said, as if that were reason enough as to why Harmony should be the one to find out if Sheba's husband was committing adultery in a Dumpster behind the Shop and Sack.
“Pat, I don't live anywhere,” Harmony reminded her.
“That's okay, Mom, I'll go see if he's doing sexual intercourse,” Eddie said. Before anyone could stop him he raced toward the Dumpster. The minute he got there he climbed up on the motor scooter in order to be able to peek in.
“Oh no,” Harmony said. “Why is this happening?”
“Well, when he gets to the farm he's apt to see the bull doing it with the cow, anyway,” Neddie said. “Or the boar doing it with the sow. Or the rooster doing it with the hen.”
“Neddie, shut up,” Harmony said.
“Yeah, we're not talking about Noah's ark here,” Pat said.
“Hey, look at that,” Sheba said. “Look at him climb. If they're doin' it, Bright's seeing it.”
Eddie stood on tiptoe on the motor scooter and peeked into the Dumpster.
“Oh my God,” Harmony said. “I just hope nobody's completely naked.”
“They could cover up with sacks, if they're naked,” Laurie said. “Usually there's lots of sacks in a Dumpster that size.”
Eddie, unconcerned, seemed to be holding a pleasant conversation with the people in the Dumpster.
“That kid will talk to anybody,” Neddie observed. “I've never seen it fail.”
“No, but male organ can fail,” Salah said, looking at Omar.
“Shut up about the male organ, it's all you talk about, Salah,” Pat said.
After a moment more on the motor scooter, Eddie jumped down and came racing back across the parking lot. Several black men standing around the pay phones looked at him with amazement, and then amusementâa small white boy with golden curls racing across their parking lot was a sight that seemed to amuse them. There was a flash of white teeth.
“Eddie takes the world with him, doesn't he?” Laurie said. “He just sort of makes things his own.”
“He's just a little boy,” Harmony said. “He shouldn't have to worry about things that older people worry about.” The thought of Eddie having to concern himself with the uncertainties and turmoil of the sexual life made her heart ache.
Eddie himself was untroubled by whatever he had seen. He raced up to Sheba and leapt into her arms.
“They're not doing it,” he announced.
“Who
they?
” Sheba inquired.
“Rosie and Otis,” Eddie said. “Rosie's just changing her clothes.”
“Otis is a small,” he added. “He's not very big at all, but he does have bat teeth.”
“You think he's small now, wait till you see how small he is when I rip his little squirrelly head off,” Sheba said.
She handed Eddie to Laurie, who gave him a kiss. Sheba started off across the parking lot. When she was nearly to the Dumpster a large black girl in a blond wig climbed out and ran off behind the Shop and Sack at the fastest clip she could manage. Sheba yelled something at her but the black girl kept running.
“I think they may have been doing it just before Eddie arrived,” Pat said.
“No they weren't
doing it!
” Eddie said, with emphasis. “Rosie was just changing her clothes. Don't say stupid words to me!”
“He gets mad if people contradict him,” Harmony said, to Laurie.
“I can tell he has firm opinions,” Laurie said. “That's good, though. People who have firm opinions don't get pushed around as much as people who don't.
“I don't have firm opinions, I'm a jellyfish,” she added.
“I'm a sponge, myself,” Neddie said. “Everybody I know pushes me around.”
“Neddie, it's not attractive to feel sorry for yourself,” Harmony told her sister. “It makes people feel guilty.”
“People
are
guilty, Harmony,” Neddie said. “Looks like you'd have figured that out by this point in life.”
“If people aren't guilty, who is?” Pat asked.
“Mom, I don't want Sheba to tear Otis's head off,” Eddie said. “She shouldn't tear his head off just because he has bat teeth. He could go to the dentist and get his bat teeth fixed.”
“I think there were other problems, Eddie,” Harmony said.
Just as Sheba reached the Dumpster, Otis started to crawl out. When he saw how close Sheba was he decided he had no chance for a getaway and dropped back into the Dumpster, out of sight.
“It's true he's not very big,” Harmony said. “I hope she doesn't hurt him.”
“Why are you always on the man's side?” Neddie asked. “He was doing it in a Dumpster with a fat girl in a blond wigâwhy wouldn't she rip his head off?”
“You are wrong!” Eddie said, indignantly. “You are saying stupid words! I don't want to hear those words! Otis is nice.”
“The war of the sexes,” Laurie said, smiling. “I guess it starts at birth.”
“Otis is my new friend,” Eddie said. “I now have Laurie and Sheba and Otis, and Rosie and Omar and Salah and Abdul. That's almost as many friends as I had in Las Vegas. Now I won't be lonely.”
Everyone was silenced by this passionate outburst, except Sheba, who was screaming into the Dumpster. When she got through screaming she went to the back of the Dumpster and managed to push the heavy lid closed. It closed with a loud
clang. Several of the black men at the pay phones jumped when the lid clanged.
“It's a good thing Otis didn't have his head sticking over the edge when that lid dropped,” Pat said. “Sheba wouldn't have had to rip it off. She could have Dumpstered it off.”
“Why doesn't anybody like Otis?” Eddie asked. “You haven't even met him. It's prejudiced to not like people you don't even know.”
“Well, he's certainly got a point there,” Laurie said.